


In Need of Sunshine

by Hwanglee (MyraChance)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Alternate Universe, Bang Chan & Lee Felix are Best Friends, Bang Chan is a Good Friend, Drinking & Talking, Eventual Smut, Felix is a shy baby, Felix likes to bake, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hyunjin is messy, Jeongin is an editing genius, Kinda Wholesome, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Minho is a coffee addict, Minor Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, No idea what I'm doing, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Praise Kink, Sharing a Room, Sleeping in the same bed, The Smut is Here!, but not really, head tilting is sexy, probably slow burn, small mention of drug/alcohol abuse, small mention of prostitution, this is not a drill!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:08:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 44
Words: 150,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28367415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyraChance/pseuds/Hwanglee
Summary: After dropping out of school and being thrown out of his parents' house, Felix doesn't know what to do, except reach out to his old friend Chan. Appearing on Chan's doorstep, out of nowhere, Felix meets not only his childhood friend, but also his six roommates and members of his band. It doesn't take long for Chan to decide Felix is going to stay and live with them all. But is Felix going to be able to adapt in a group that's already so tight? Will he get along with everyone? And, more than anything, how on earth is he going to hide how beautiful he thinks his new roommate - Hyunjin - is, when he has to share a room with him every night?aka: Felix starts to live with seven other men, including his childhood friend Chan. But on top of trying to fit in and searching what he wants to do with his life, he's desperately trying to hide that he has the hots for the guy he shares a room with, Hyunjin.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Comments: 1112
Kudos: 934





	1. Welcome Home

**Author's Note:**

> Heya there! This is my first official fic here, and also my first Stray Kids AND Hyunlix fic so... please be nice! Also, English isn't my native language and I had no beta-reader for all of this, so if there's errors, don't hesitate to point them out but also try to be lenient, please? ♥
> 
> I have NO IDEA where this plot is gonna go, I just had an idea and rolled with it so, really it could go any kind of direction from this point on. So be warned!

Now that he was actually here, Felix wasn’t sure it was such a good idea anymore. But he could hardly back out now, so he raised his hand, softly banging his knuckles against the door he had been facing for the last few minutes.

Chris had been Felix’s best friend for years, since they were teenagers, both living in Australia. But contrary to Felix, Chris had decided to follow his dreams and moved from Australia to Korea to do exactly that. The two men had seen each other only a few times since, when Felix came to Korea on vacations. But Felix himself was stuck in Australia for the last few years, studying a subject he had no interest in, only to please his parents. At least it had been the case until a few days ago… When he decided to drop out of school, his parents hadn’t been supportive at all and threw him out. On a whim he had jumped in a plane for Korea and was now standing in front of Chris’ last known address.

Felix had sent presents to Chris for Christmas and his birthday and for the last 2 years this had been the address he gave him. But he wasn’t actually sure that the other boy was still here or not. They kept in contact as much as possible but both were busy and hadn’t talked a lot lately. So waiting for the door to open, Felix was feeling more and more anxious. What if Chris wasn’t here anymore? What if he didn’t want to see him or couldn’t help him out? Maybe he should’ve thought about all that before just dropping by.

But the door suddenly opened in front of him before he could worry more about it. It wasn’t Chris but another man, just a little bit taller than Felix, with brown hair and an eyebrow raised in his direction.

“You’re not the delivery guy.” he stated rather abruptly.

Felix was taken aback. For some reason he never even thought about what to say if anyone other than Chris opened the door. But he knew Chris had been living with other members of his band for quite some time now, so it was possible the brown boy was one of those.

“Sorry…” Felix said, scratching the back of his head while looking down, apologetic and shy. “Is.. Chris still living here?” 

The brown boy raised his second eyebrow, looking confused for a second. Felix wondered if it was because Chris wasn’t there anymore and so the boy didn’t know who he was talking about. But that’s when the realization hit him. To him, Chris was Chris, but he changed his name when he moved to Korea and even though Felix wasn’t used to calling him by this name, it was probably the only one his bandmates knew here.

“I mean Chan. Bang Chan?” he rectified himself, nervously playing with his fingers in front of him.

The stranger looked him up and down for a second more. And then, instead of directly answering him, he looked over his shoulder, yelling.

“Chan, someone’s here for you!” 

He gestured to Felix to enter and then simply went back inside and disappeared from Felix’s view as quickly has he had appeared a few seconds earlier. Unsure of what to do, and still extremely nervous, Felix took a few steps inside, closing the door behind him and then simply stood motionless in the entrance, not daring to go further.

Farther inside, he could hear voices talking to each other and the sound of a TV in the background. There was shuffling and steps coming down a flight of stairs, accompanied by a voice Felix knew all too well.

“Who is it? I swear to god if it’s a…”

Chris - Chan, Felix had to remind himself in his head - appeared from a door to the side and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Felix. For a few seconds, that seemed to stretch on forever, the two boys simply stared at each other in disbelief and shock. Chan had changed tremendously since the last time Felix had seen him, a few years back. His hair was shorter, with some sort of grey-ish purple color to them and he was definitely more muscular than Felix remembered. He didn’t have time to dwell on that fact too long though since Chan finally opened his mouth, his eyes still as big and surprised as before.

“Lixie!?” he almost yelled, an enormous smile stretching across his features.

“ _Surprise…_ ” Felix said softly in English with a little giggle, feeling a bit of his nervousness going away just from seeing Chan’s face. 

And before he knew it, Felix was engulfed into Chan’s arms. The two boys were the same height but Chan was massive compared to Felix. Even when they were younger it was already the case. And it made Chan’s embrace feel so nostalgic but so comforting to Felix for some reason. He wrapped his arms around his friend and unconsciously grabbed the back of his shirt with his little hands, holding on to him tightly. 

Unbeknownst to Felix, a few curious heads popped out from the door leading to the living room while Chan was hugging him. But Felix’s head was buried in Chan’s neck, his eyes closed as he felt his own smile grow on his lips. It felt good seeing him again. It felt like home. And it had been a very long time since Felix had truly felt this way.

Soon - too soon in Felix’s opinion - Chan took a step back, letting go of Felix, his smile still radiating across his face as he looked at the smaller boy up and down.

“ _I can’t believe it…_ " Chan laughed, talking in their mother tongue, shaking softly his head. “ _How the.. What the.. How come you’re here!?_ ”. 

Felix could see in Chan’s eyes that he was analyzing him. Not only taking notes of all the ways Felix had changed in the last few years but also making sure everything was alright with him. After all Chan had always had this protective behavior with him and years apart didn’t seem to change that. And after his inspection of Felix’s face, Chan didn’t seem happy with what he found.

“ _You look like hell, what happened?_ ” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

Felix tried not to wince at the comment. Sure he had had a rough time this past few days but he didn’t think he “looked like hell”. He actually spent quite a great deal of time making sure he looked his best before going to Chan’s door. 

“ _And you look tired._ ” Felix simply responded, poking Chan’s chest with his index finger. “ _You’re still not sleeping enough, are you?_ ”

The corner of Chan’s lips twitched up and he shook his head once more. Chan wasn’t the only one feeling protective over Felix, the feeling was mutual. Chan was always saying that Felix was like a little brother to him, however saying that the feeling had always been mutual for Felix would be a lie. After all, Chan had been his first crush. He had always idolized him. To Felix, Chan was a god amongst men. And yes, even though his feelings were now more brotherly towards his old friend, it didn’t mean that it changed the way the younger man was seeing the older one. Maybe his little crush never completely died. Or maybe it was just because their relationship and their bond was just that special. 

“ _Don’t change the subject Lix. Why are you here really?_ ” Chan asked, crossing his arms on his chest like he always did when he was ready to scold his ‘little brother’. 

Felix started to play nervously with his fingers again, picking at the skin of his bottom lip with his teeth and looking away from Chan.

“ _Well… You told me to come find you if I ever needed you so…_ ” he shrugged, trying to not make it feel like it was a big deal. “ _Here I am._ ” he added with a little giggle. He knew Chan would ask for more, but he didn’t want to ruin their reunion with his family drama right off the bat.

“ _So.. What happened?_ ” he asked, just like Felix thought he would. The look of worry on his face was breaking Felix’s heart, just a little. 

Behind them, at the door leading to the living room, three heads were still looking at them, whispering between them. They thought they were discreet and at first they were. But as time passed and they started to argue about who was the intruder and what Chan and the stranger were talking about in English, they started to get more and more noticeable. Until one of them actually shoved another who tripped and hit himself against the doorframe, loudly. 

Felix looked up behind Chan’s shoulder and finally noticed they weren’t alone. Chan just sighed like he was totally used to this kind of things.

“ _Can we.. talk about it later?_ ” Felix asked, way more self-conscious now that other people were around. 

Finally, Chan looked over his shoulder and a simple look from him had the three other guys running away, back into the living room, where Felix could now hear people laughing. Chan chuckled and nodded as he turned his head back to Felix. 

“ _Sure.. Let me introduce you to the kids then!_ ” he announced, casually slipping an arm around Felix’s shoulder. 

‘the kids’, uh? Felix couldn’t help but feel just a tinge of jealousy hearing Chan call his friends that. He knew that was just the way his friend was, always taking care of everyone, taking the role of big brother, of father. That was something Felix always loved. But he selfishly believed that he might be the only one Chan was treating that way and realizing he wasn’t stung a bit. But Felix wasn’t a kid anymore. He wasn’t naturally a jealous person and so he got over this feeling quickly. And just as quickly, it was replaced by pure anxiety at the idea of meeting all those new people.

Felix could be pretty shy. Once he knew people, he was usually comfortable, but meeting people and being in a situation where he knew nobody was always really nerve-wracking for him. Maybe that was why Chan squeezed his shoulder for a second before leading him toward the closest door, the one leading to the living room.

“Guys!” Chan called as they entered the new room, switching back to Korean now that it wasn’t only Felix and him anymore.

The room was spacious but most of it was taken by a huge corner couch were most of the others were already sitting. A tv was mounted on the wall in front of the couch and a little table under it was stacked with a couple of game consoles and a few DVDs. Farther in the room was a big table with chairs all around it and even farther Felix could make out a small kitchen. 

All eyes landed on them as soon as they entered the room, making Felix panic slightly. He never liked being the centre of attention. The comforting presence of Chan beside him was the only thing keeping him from shaking like a leaf because of the nervousness.

“Guys, I wanna introduce you to someone!” Chan said excitedly. “This is Felix, my bro from Australia!” he then announced, gesturing towards Felix who was playing with his fingers in front of him. 

After that, Chan quickly started to introduce every single person in the room without leaving time for anyone to say anything. First he pointed at the boy who seemed to be the youngest of the bunch. He was blond, bangs falling over his eyes as he was looking down at the computer on his lap before looking back up at Chan, offering a gentle smile to Felix when he made eye contact with him.

“This is Jeongin. But you can call him I.N, we all do.” at that Jeongin nodded, like to say it was okay to call him that. “He’s our maknae.” Chan then explained to Felix. But seeing the look of confusion on Felix’s face, he rectified himself. “ _He’s the baby of the group._ ” he said in English.

Chan moved his finger to point at the man next to I.N, sitting on the back of the couch instead of down with the rest. He seemed almost as massive as Chan if his arms, shown by his sleeveless tank top, were anything to go by. He was wearing a cap but Felix could see a mass of brown hair under that. He had to say, the face of this new stranger was a little intimidating. But still, the man made a quick sign in his direction to say hi. 

“This is Changbin. He looks like a killer but don’t be fooled, he’s actually more like a fluffy rabbit.” At that Changbin raised his middle finger to Chan who softly laughed. “ _Seriously, he’s harmless._ ” he added in English, giving Felix a wink. 

Felix couldn’t help but smile at that. A little, discreet smile but still. He was grateful to Chan for taking the time to add those little notes in English for him, since Felix still had some difficulties with the Korean language here and there. And honestly, Chan seemed so enthusiastic about those introductions that it started to rub off on Felix, despite the anxiety.

Next, Chan pointed at a guy with dark brown hair and a friendly smile already on his face. He waved his hand at Felix. This was a completely different vibe from Changbin, who Felix found to be mysterious and intimidating at first glance. This other man seemed nice and easy to talk to, which made Felix feel a little more relaxed.

“This is Seungmin. As smart as a dog, as cute as a dog. Deadly combination.”. The comment made Seungmin laugh and roll his eyes at Chan softly. “ _Way too often he’s the voice of reason around here, so if I’m not around, you can count on him._ ”. Chan added in English with a nod in Felix’s direction, who nodded back.

The next man Chan pointed at was the same man that had opened the door to Felix earlier. He looked unbothered, maybe even bored or slightly annoyed by the whole situation. He seemed cute enough, but Felix had the nagging feeling that he wasn’t the type of person you wanted to mess with. Or even the type of person you could easily bond with. 

“You already met Minho, kinda. As long as you like cats, you two should be fine!” Minho shook his head like Chan had said something stupid but Felix noticed the corner of his lips slightly twitching up, if only for a second. “ _He can be a bit of a bitch sometimes, but he’s a really good guy._ ” Chan noted, in English, like he did with the other members before that. 

Chan then pointed to another man, one that, instead of sitting like the others, was completely sprawled on Minho and Seungmin’s lap. Without hesitation, he winked at Felix with a confident smile.

“Wassup?” he even said, with a nod which only made him receive a slap at the back of the head from Minho.

“This is Mister Jisung in all of his glory…” Chan continued with a chuckle. “What more can I say. What you see is what you get!” he added, Jisung offering one more wink at that. “ _A real mood-maker, always ready to make you laugh._ ” Chan explained in English. 

“And…” Chan started once more looking around the room like he was searching for someone else. But it was pretty clear he already introduced everyone in the room. “Wait.. Where’s Jinnie?” 

“Still at the dance studio.” Minho said, his focus already gone from Felix as he was now playing with Jisung’s hair, apparently trying to make knots in it. 

This made Chan sigh. But it also made Felix’s ears perk up. Back in the day he had been an avid dancer. Not that he would admit it today, or even talk about it. Years of having his parents tell him those kinds of dreams were foolish and a waste of time made him stop completely and even bury the memories of it deep inside. But still, he couldn’t help but be interested every time someone mentioned dancing. 

“This kid never listens to anything I say, does he..?” Chan sighed again. 

“He should be back soon, he’ll be fine.” Seungmin answered with a comforting tone and a reassuring smile.

Chan nodded at that. And Felix realized that all the others were nodding too. It seemed to Felix like this whole bunch was a well-oiled machine and that they all knew one another very well. 

“Anyway! I’ll show Felix around and then we can all watch a movie together or something, so you can get to know one another, how does that sound?” Chan smiled to the group. 

Most of them nodded or smiled, Jisung showed his thumbs up and Minho completely ignored the question altogether. It seemed to be sufficient for Chan who squeezed Felix shoulder and dragged him out of the room as quickly as he dragged him in earlier.

“ _You okay?_ ” Chan asked once they were out of the room, probably knowing how anxious Felix was when it came to meeting new people. He switched back to English naturally as soon as it was only the two of them.

“ _Yeah._ ” Felix smiled genuinely. “ _When you told me you were in a band, I thought there was like.. 3 or 4 of you. But you’re.. Six?_ ”

“ _Seven actually. You haven’t met Hyunjin yet._ ” he rectified, taking Felix towards a flight of stairs and signalling him to follow him upstairs. “ _It’s a lot. But at least we’re never bored, that’s for sure._ ” he chuckled. 

They arrived in the landing, with a corridor going left and one going right. 

“ _Since we’re so many, we have to share rooms. Back there, at the end of the corridor on the left is my room, that I share with Seungmin. Then there’s Minho and Jinsung’s room, and on the right there’s I.N and Changbin’s room and the one at the end of the corridor is Hyunjin’s room._ ” Chan explained, pointing at each door while telling who occupied which room. “ _He’s the only one with a solo room. He used to share it with a former member but now it’s just him. Everyone kinda hates him for it, not gonna lie.._ ” he chuckled, already leading Felix towards his own room, on the left. 

The room was simple, with two beds, one on each side of the room. Two nightstands and two desks. Each side of the room had posters, pictures or other miscellaneous things on the walls, showing the personality of the people using the room. Chan sat on a bed, that was probably his, and patted the spot beside him. So Felix sat next to him.

“ _So.. You ready to tell me what’s going on?_ ” Chan asked cautiously, watching Felix with this worried glance the young man was so accustomed to.

The blond sighed. Where to begin? It was such a mess. Felix knew he had made the right decision in this situation. Or at least he hoped he did. Maybe if he left earlier, like Chan did, things would’ve been different. Maybe his parents wouldn’t be half as mad. But as thing were right now, he would be lucky to ever speak to either of them ever again. And still Felix couldn’t feel bad for dropping out of college, because the life he had back there was slowly smothering him and he wasn’t sure he would’ve been able to continue like that for much longer anyway. But now he was left with nothing more than what was in his backpack. He didn’t even truly know what he wanted to do with his life now that his parents’ dream of him becoming a lawyer were thrown out of the window.

Felix realized he had been silent for a while, but instead of pressuring him, Chan simply waited for an answer, in silence.

“ _My folks threw me out._ ” Felix simply stated, looking down at his hands on his lap. 

“ _What!? Why?_ ” 

“ _The university, the expectations… I couldn’t take it anymore.._ ” Felix shrugged. “ _I dropped out and told them I wanted to do something I love with my life. They didn’t like that very much…_ ” he continued, his eyes glued to his hands.

He felt Chan pressing a hand on his back, his warmth spreading through his palm and into Felix’s body. It was stupid that such a single, small gesture, could have such an effect on him. But Felix was a very tactile person, skinship had always made him feel better. And Chan had probably always been the best person to cheer him up, even without saying a word. 

“ _I didn’t know what to do so I..._ “ Felix looked up at Chan and sighed, realizing how stupid and impulsive he had been, travelling across the world with no plan. “ _So I came here.._ ” he finished, feeling foolish. 

Chan’s hand travelled from Felix’s back to his head, and with his fingers he ruffled slightly his hair before patting his head softly, offering him one of those smiles, that could make you believe that everything was going to be okay. 

“ _You did good._ ” Chan’s voice was soft and comforting. “ _And it may not be the same but.. If you need it, I can be your family._ ” he said, genuinely. “ _We can be your family._ ” 

Felix couldn’t help it. He felt his eyes burning and before he could stop it, a tear was rolling down his cheek. He didn’t even realize how much he needed to hear something like that, to simply hear that he didn’t have to be alone from today forward, even though his biological family had abandoned him. He didn’t know any of the guys here, he didn’t know if they could get along, hell he didn’t even want to intrude in their group. But hearing that Chan would be there. That Chan would be his family.. That was enough. 

With a sweet smile, Chan lifted his hand and softly brushed away the tear on Felix’s cheek, tilting his head to look at him in the eyes.

“ _We’re chaotic and loud, but we never leave anyone behind._ ” he said, and Felix believed every single word. “ _You can even bunk with Hyunjin from now on!_ ” he added, with more excitement. 

“ _Are you… You’re sure? You’re already so many here and I don’t want to intrude.._ ” Felix stuttered. He really didn’t feel comfortable intruding on their space and their home out of nowhere like that. But then again, he had nowhere else to go. 

“ _Of course I’m sure! If there’s enough space for seven of us, there’s enough space for eight!_ ” he smiled brightly. “ _And we could all use a little bit of sunshine in our life…_ ” he added with a cheeky wink.

‘Sunshine’. Chan used to say that was what Felix reminded him of when they were younger. The memory, and the nickname, made Felix smile once again, the tears already just a distant memory. Finally, he felt like, maybe, things were really going to be okay.

Chan ruffled Felix’s blond strands once again, his bright smile never leaving his lips and all his affection shown, clear as day, in his eyes.

“ _Welcome home kiddo._ ”


	2. I'm Keeping This One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the love you've given to the first chapter! I hope you like what comes next too!   
> Never hesitate to comment or even send me a little message to talk about the fic, about Stray Kids in general or about anything really! I don't bite and I wanna be friends ♥

The two old friends spent some more time talking, just the two of them, after that. But after maybe fifteen minutes Chan decided it was finally time to go back to the others and watch that movie. Felix was still pretty stressed about being around everyone, but he thought that the sooner he would try to get to know them, the better if he was going to live with them like Chan wanted him to. Still, before going down, he asked where the bathroom was, wanting to check if his eyes weren’t too red from the crying he did earlier. 

Chan pointed him in the direction of the bathroom and made his way back to the living room, trusting that Felix could find his way back on his own after that, since he only had to go down the stairs and turn right. 

After a quick trip to the bathroom, where he checked his eyes, splashed water onto his face, brushed quickly his hair with his fingers and took a deep breath, Felix felt ready to join the others and try to fit in as best as possible, as quickly as possible. With this new found determination, he left the bathroom and took the stairs down, two at a time. He was already seeing himself taking a right when he reached the entrance but unfortunately, luck didn’t seem to be on his side tonight and instead of doing a bee-line for the living room like he was planning to, when he arrived in the entrance he crashed straight into someone.

“ _Shit. I’m sorry._ ” Felix blurted out, talking in English out of habit before correcting himself quickly. “I’m sorry”. He repeated, in Korean this time.

The tall figure in front of him had boxes of pizza stacked in his arms and two of them were threatening to fall as he staggered back from the collision with Felix. As a reflex, Felix grabbed the boxes to save them from the fall. Only then did he actually look up to see who he crashed into. And what he saw made him question, for a second, if he didn’t actually fall asleep in Chan’s bed and was now in a dream. 

The stranger facing him was absolutely stunning. Maybe the prettiest man Felix had ever laid eyes on. He was towering over Felix and long blond hair were peaking out of a black beanie on his head. His skin looked flawless and smooth and his lips were as red as an apple. Surely no man like this could exist in real life. But still, Felix was pretty sure he was awake and the beautiful stranger was staring at him in return. 

“Sorry” Felix repeated once again, no more than a whisper.

“Are you a burglar?” the stranger suddenly asked, tilting his head to the side.

Felix was quite surprised by the question. He stared at the tall blond for a second too long, trying to process not only his gorgeous face, but the weird question also.

“Um.. No.. I don’t think I am..” Felix answered, confused, with a little frown of his eyebrows.

“Oh. Good!” the stranger simply answered, kicking his shoes off to the side, where a pile of other shoes was already residing. “Then would you mind helping me with bringing the pizza over there?” he then asked, offering Felix a smile.

“Uh.. Sure?” 

Unsure of what happened exactly, Felix simply followed the stranger to the living room. Their arrival was met with cheering and clapping. Whether it was for the pizza or for the new arrival in the group, Felix wasn’t sure. 

“I met the delivery guy when I arrived.” the stranger explained, putting his two boxes of pizza in the middle of the group, all hurdled on the couch. 

Still confused, Felix simply followed his example, putting his boxes with the others before searching for Chan with his eyes.

“And you found Felix, good job!” exclaimed Chan.

He was sitting on the back of the couch next to everyone else and gestured to Felix to come closer, muttering “I saved you a seat” under his breath. The blond didn’t need to be told twice. He much prefered being close to Chan in this new environment. So he sat on the couch, Chan straight behind him on the back of the couch. Chan’s big hands quickly found Felix’s small shoulder, making him relax instantly.

“Felix?” the stranger asked, looking at the small blond.

“Yup. Felix, Hyunjin. Hyunjin, Felix. Now everyone knows everybody!” Chan announced with a big smile.

“Hi..” Felix said, shyly, waving a little.

Hyunjin looked at him with big eyes, tilting his head once again, like he did in the entrance earlier. Felix wasn’t sure what that reaction was all about and he felt a little embarrassed being watched so intently by someone. 

“Like, THE Felix?” he then asked, looking up at Chan.

“The Felix?” Felix couldn't help but ask.

“Oh yeah, Channie never shuts up about you!” Jisung laughed. And both Minho and Changbin nodded their agreement with that statement.

“Really?” 

Felix was surprised to hear that. He slowly threw his head back to watch Chan behind him, watching him upside down for a second, feeling his cheeks getting a little flushed at the idea of his friend talking about him to other people. Chan only winked at him before ruffling Felix’s blond hair with a little chuckle.

When he looked back down, Felix was afraid of having all eyes on him, especially since he knew that his cheeks must have been a little pink now. But Jisung and Minho were bickering silently, Changbin was checking his phone, I.N was already trying to steal a slice of pizza and Seungmin was busy slapping I.N’s hand away from the pizza boxes. Hyunjin ‘s eyes, however, were still on him. At least Felix had the impression that the boy was looking at him but when he looked back, Hyunjin looked away so maybe Felix simply imagined it.

“Hyunjin, go take a shower, you’re gross!” Chan exclaimed, taking a pillow from the couch and throwing it in Hyunjin’s direction. 

The tall blond grabbed the pillow easily and laughed, making a sign of surrender with his arms before starting to leave the room to do exactly what Chan asked him to.

“And make it quick, I have an announcement to make!” Chan yelled behind him.

“An announcement?” Seungmin asked.

It seemed like Chan managed to get the attention of everyone with that statement, except for Hyunjin of course, who already left to take his shower. Chan nodded.

“Yeah, it’s nothing big, I just want everyone to be here to hear it.”

Seungmin nodded in response. By the smile he gave Felix after that, it felt like maybe Seungmin had already caught on what was going on. And if it was the case, he didn’t seem to mind, which eased the tension in Felix’s body just a little bit. He still didn’t know how the others would react. 

After that, everyone started to simply do their own thing, playing on their phones or bickering and joking between one another, complaining about having to wait on Hyunjin to start eating or debating about what movie to watch. At first Felix was a little apprehensive about leaning into Chan behind him. His tactile nature screamed at him to do it, but he didn’t know how people would react to that. But in the few minutes he had been in the living room, he had seen Jisung basically lay entirely on Minho, I.N put his legs up on Changbin’s lap and Seungmin drop his head on I.N’s shoulder. Apparently, skinship was the norm in this group and that made Felix feel a little better about it. 

He let his body fall against the back of the couch, between Chan’s legs and instantly his friend wrapped his arms around Felix’s neck from behind, putting his chin on the top of his head. Felix reached for one of Chan’s hand, playing unconsciously with his fingers. Having that kind of touch always made him feel better, safer, happier. Rarely was there any kind of ulterior motive behind it. It was just something he craved and something he would spontaneously do without really thinking about it. 

Felix was deep in conversation with Chan when Hyunjin came back into the room. His friend had made a joke about their teenage years, talking excitedly in English while letting Felix play with his fingers. The smaller boy laughed brightly and shot back a comment to Chan with that deep voice of his, that was often so at odds with his cute baby face. He only realized Hyunjin was back when he felt something rubbing against his calf. When he looked down, Hyunjin was sitted on the floor, since the whole couch was already occupied. His shoulder was occasionally brushing against Felix’s knee. His hair was still wet from his shower and a towel was hanging around his neck.

“Prince Jinnie is finally here! You took your sweet time!” I.N complained, throwing a pillow at Hyunjin.

Just like before, Hyunjin grabbed the pillow easily and slipped it behind his back, his arm brushing against Felix’s leg at the movement. Changbin pushed a pizza in their direction so that Chan, Felix and Hyunjin could all have access to some food, since they were on the far side of the couch, farther than the others from the food. 

“You should dry your hair or you’ll catch a cold.” Chan said, matter-of-factly.

Felix didn’t dare say anything since he didn’t know Hyunjin and had no business telling him what to do, but he was siding with Chan on this one. Actually, being who he was, touch-starved and also wanting to take care and spoil people around him, Felix’s hand was itching to grab the towel around Hyunjin’s neck to scrub his head and dry his hair for him. Of course he didn’t, keeping his hand busy playing with Chan’s fingers. 

“Yes, mom.” Hyunjin teased, grabbing the box of pizza and opening it to take a slice.

He turned slightly to offer the box to Felix. He gave him a small smile, only the corner of his mouth lifting but still Felix found it fascinating. He offered a shy little smile in return, taking the box and lifting it for Chan to grab himself a slice before taking one for himself too, the box resting on his lap. Next to them all the other guys already dug in other boxes, way too happy to finally be allowed to eat now that everyone was here.

“So, what was it you wanted to tell us Chan?” Changbin asked with a mouthful of pizza.

“Don’t tell me you wrote another song overnight, ‘cause I’m not ready for that!” I.N exclaimed, making Changbin and Jisung laugh and nod in understanding. 

“It’s a new concert, isn’t it? The world needs more Sexy Jisung on stage!” Jisung suddenly threw his hair back in a dramatic manner, probably trying to act like the ‘Sexy Jisung’ he was talking about. 

Minho slapped him behind the head, making him wince and making every other member chuckle. Even Felix had an amused smile on the corner of his lips. He was too anxious from being an outsider to completely let himself go with the others, but he had to admit that the interactions between all of them were funny and heartwarming. Chan wasn’t lying. They did look like a family. 

Chan took the time to chew the pizza in his mouth before finally answering his members who were all watching him intently now, all seeming interested by what he had to say. Even Minho, who still had this unbothered and uninterested demeanor, was looking at Chan from the corner of his eye while taking little bites of his pizza.

“Nothing like that.” Chan chuckled softly. He put one brotherly hand on Felix’s head before continuing his big announcement.” From now on, Felix is going to live with us!” he smiled brightly.

Felix thought that Chan was going to ask everyone for their opinion, ask them if it was okay with them and, maybe, if they weren’t up for it, try to convince them. Instead, he simply stated that Felix was moving in, point blank, without a hint of hesitation. That made Felix very anxious, he was afraid that the others wouldn’t be as excited as Chan was, that they would even be angry that his friend was making that kind of rash decision all on his own. 

“What, that’s your announcement?” I.N poutted.

“Well, yeah. Obviously.” Jisung rolled his eyes.

“Shocker.” Changbin shrugged.

They all said that at the same time, while Seungmin was simply smiling, amused, shaking his head softly from side to side. Felix was really confused by the whole thing. He was prepared for a lot of things coming from them, but definitely not that. They all acted like they already knew that Felix was going to stay with them, for some reason.

“What?. How did you guess that?” Chan asked, a pout forming on his lips like a kid disappointed that his surprise had been ruined. 

“The kid arrived with a backpack.” Changbin pointed out.

“It was pretty obvious…” Seungmin nodded, still his amused smile on his lips.

“Taking in strays is your thing after all, Chan.” Minho announced, probably speaking up for the first time since the start of the conversation.

Felix wasn’t sure if he was supposed to feel attacked by this comment. Being called a ‘stray’ wasn’t exactly enjoyable and Minho hadn’t been really warm with Felix since he arrived here. So maybe the comment was made to be mean, but Chan seemed to find it quite funny instead. 

“Fair enough.” he laughed gingerly, throwing his head back a bit, his arm going back around Felix’s neck. 

Hyunjin was the only silent one during all this, eating his pizza like he had no clue what was happening around him. Once he was done with his slice though, his head suddenly snapped up, like he just noticed or remembered something.

“Wait, but where is he gonna sleep though?” he asked.

Every head turned his way and every member was either looking at him like he was stupid because the answer was obvious, or with a knowing smirk like they were taking too much pleasure in the situation.

“You’re the only one with a solo room Jinnie, you do the math.” Chan simply stated, the same amused smirk on his lips. 

“What!? But…” 

Hyunjin turned his head to watch Chan, even though Felix was probably obstructing most of his view. His mouth was opened dramatically big, as were his eyes, like he was facing the worst betrayal of his life and was dumbfounded by it. It made Felix feel a little bad for the other boy who was used to living on his own and was forced to share his room with a stranger just because Felix had popped out of nowhere. He mouthed a little “sorry” without actually making a sound, a guilty pout on his lips. 

Hyunjin’s answer wasn’t what Felix expected, once again. The tall blond turned his eyes to Felix and he winked. Actually winked at him, before turning his attention back to Chan like nothing happened. Felix's eyes were glued to him a few seconds more, bewildered. He wasn’t sure why, but this simple gesture got him flustered and he was pretty sure his cheeks were already taking a pink hue. Quickly he averted his eyes, burying himself further in the back of the couch, in Chan’s arms, like he was his personal armor against embarrassment. 

“Do you hate me Channie..? Is that it?” Hyunjin continued, still playing the dramatic part.

“Karma.” Minho coughed next to them.

“Good riddance!” Changbin laughed.

“It could be worse.” Chan shrugged. “You could be stuck with Jisung as your roommate…” he added.

“Hey!” 

Jisung freed his arm from Minho’s grasp to punch Chan’s shoulder, not hard enough to hurt him but powerful enough to show his mecontentement at the comment. To add insult to injury, Hyunjin shuddered at the thought, as dramatic as ever, even making a weird face that got I.N laughing.

“No way. I’m keeping this one. Thank you very much.” Hyunjin announced, putting his hand casually on Felix’s knee. 

Felix’s body tensed at the contact. On one hand, he didn’t hate it. Of course he didn’t. But on the other hand, he was used to touching only people he was tight with, like Chan. And Hyunjin was still more or less a stranger. An absolutely gorgeous stranger. Felix’s eye fell on Hyunjin’s hand on his knee. Even his hands were beautiful, how was that possible? And how was that fair? 

“Then it’s a done deal!” Chan exclaimed happily, shaking Felix between his arms slightly to convey his excitement for the whole thing.

Chan’s interruption helped Felix pry his eyes away from the hand on his knee and turn his head to focus back on his friend’s face behind him. Just a second after he felt Hyunjin’s hand disappear too. 

“ _Are you sure that’s okay though?_ ” Felix asked his friend in English, his voice low.

Chan ruffled Felix’s hair for what felt like the umpteenth time since he got here. In response Felix scrunched up his nose but couldn’t help a bright smile to take over his features soon after, mimicking the smile that Chan was offering him. His old friend seemed so genuinely happy to have him here with him and the feeling was mutual.

“ _Of course it is. Stop worrying your little head with it._ ” Chan answered in their native tongue.

“Some of us don’t speak English, you know?” I.N called from the other side of the couch, still stuffing his face with his second or even third slice of pizza.

Felix turned himself to see everyone once more, instead of just watching Chan only. His smile became small and shy once again. First his eyes were drawn to Hyunjin and he could swear, for a second, that the boy was actually looking at him but once Felix’s eyes fell on him, Hyunjin was already looking somewhere else, like before. Felix was starting to believe that his mind was just imagining things. Not dwelling on it, he turned his eyes towards the others on the couch. 

“Sorry.” he said in a small voice before bowing a little, as much as Chan’s arms around his neck could permit him. “Thank you for welcoming me. I’m sorry for the trouble I’m causing all of you.” he announced very politely, earning him a pat on the head from Chan who seemed to mean ‘Good boy’. 

I.N, with his mouth full of pizza, made an ‘OK’ sign with his fingers, Changbin simply nodded with a small smile and Jisung gave him two thumbs up.

“Don’t worry about it and let’s all get along.” Seungmin smiled, nice, comforting and genuine.

“You better pull your weight, newbie.” Minho said with his bored tone, barely turning his eyes towards Felix.

The comment made everyone go silent, their eyes drawn to Minho. There was no misunderstanding possible now, Minho clearly wasn’t a fan of Felix, which, of course, made him feel a bit uneasy. But maybe he just didn’t like strangers much. Felix could relate to that after all. And he wasn’t bold enough to start any kind of argument over this kind of comment anyway. Nobody else seemed to come forth to say anything. Minho was actually the one speaking again only a few seconds later.

“So, we’re watching that movie or what?” 

“Right!” Chan jumped on the chance to change the subject. “So, what do you guys wanna watch?” 

This question was followed by a twenty minute debate during which each person was trying to convince the others that said or said movie was better. There was a lot of arguing, a bit of yelling and a fair share of pillow throwing. During all that, Felix was staying silent, watching it all unfold and processing everything that had happened today. He couldn’t help but wonder what his life was going to be here, what was in stock for him from now on. 

Was he going to be alright? Amongst the yelling and chaos, and despite some hiccups here and there, he felt like the answer was pretty clear: he most definitely would.


	3. Stars, So Pretty...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the love! ♥ I swear things are going to happen sooner or later, so bear with me, please!

Felix wasn’t sure how, but the guys had managed to agree on a movie at some point. By then though, the pizza was already all gone and the sun had disappeared from the sky. It didn’t seem to matter much since most of them continued to talk between themselves on top of the movie anyway.

Some of the guys, like Seungmin and I.N asked him a few questions to make him feel included. Nothing too profond, like where he was from in Australia or when was the last time he came to Korea, for example. But for the most part Felix focused on the movie, relaxing in Chan’s arms, still playing mindlessely with his friend’s fingers.

As the minutes passed, he started to feel the weight of everything that happened today and those past few days fall on him, he was getting more tired by the second. Yawning discreetly, he took a peek around and realized he wasn’t the only one in that state. The movie was only 45 minutes in and I.N was sleeping on Changbin’s shoulder, Jisung was struggling to keep his eyes open, his head on Minho’s lap and his legs sprawled on Seungmin’s knees. Even Chan’s arms felt heavy on Felix’s shoulders, like he had no strength left and was letting his weight press onto Felix while he was slowly falling asleep. 

That’s when Felix witnessed once more how tight of a group they were when, without saying anything to each other, almost like they communicated telepathically, everyone decided it was time for bed.

Changbin carrefuly slided from under I.N before putting his arms around the younger boy, who looked even younger asleep, and proceeded to lift him up in the air without waking him up. He nodded briefly at the others before leaving the room, his footsteps echoing in the staircase a few seconds later.

Minho tilted his head to whisper in Jisung’s ear, stroking his back, trying to wake him up with a tenderness that took Felix aback for a second because of how cold the young man had seemed all evening. All the while, Seungmin managed to take Jisung’s legs away from him and got up. He glanced towards Felix and softly chuckled at what he saw.

“Do you need help?” he asked, his voice low, while in the background, Jisung and Minho got up and left the room together to rejoin their room. 

Felix then realized two things. Chan was most definitely asleep behind him, his forehead now pressed on Felix’s shoulder, his arms still firmly locked around him. But he wasn’t the only one who decided to use the small blond as a pillow. Looking down, following Seungmin’s gaze, Felix saw Hyunjin, fast asleep, his head propped up against Felix’s knee. His legs had been numb from sitting in that position for so long so he never even felt the other boy falling asleep on him. Now that he had though, he had a hard time keeping his cheek from flushing again.

He tilted his head back up to answer Seungmin.

“I got it, thanks. ” he said with his signature small, shy smile. “Goodnight.” he added, genuinely. 

Seungmin’s smile was warm and comforting. He was really good at making Felix feel like he was welcome here since the very first second and still now. He grabbed the remote on the ground and turned off the TV.

“Goodnight Felix.” he simply answered before giving a quick glance at the two sleeping figures, a tender look in his eyes and then leaving the living room like the others.

And, just like that, Felix ended up alone with Chan and Hyunjin both asleep, leaning on him in one way or another. And between them, Felix was at a loss for what to do, his cheeks pink. He couldn’t see Chan who was behind him so, naturally, his eyes drifted to Hyunjin.

He couldn’t see the other boy’s face either, just the back of his head, a little bit of his profile peeking from between his blonds strands. His hair had dried on their own since Hyunjin never listened to Chan’s advice, and now they looked so long and soft. Felix felt his fingers tingle from wanting to touch them, just to see if Hyunjin’s hair were really as nice as they looked. 

Instead, he raised his hand to stroke Chan’s arm that was resting around him, turning his head as much as he could to talk softly to his sleeping friend.

“Channie..” he spoke quietly, using the nickname he heard the others call him. When he was speaking in hushed tones like that, his voice always seemed even deeper. “ _Wakey, wakey._ ”.

He heard Chan grunt a little next to his ear before feeling him holding him closer and tighter instead of letting go. Felix chuckled softly, carressing his friends arm to try and wake him up as gently as possible.

“ _You’re gonna be sore in the morning. You should sleep in your bed._ ” he continued in a low voice, in English.

“ _But you’re so comfortable…_ ” he heard Chan reply. Low and raspy. His voice was muffled by the fact that his face was pressed on Felix’s shoulder, almost burried in his neck.

“ _That’s no excuse.._ ” Felix pointed out, but it was clear in his voice that he was amused. He couldn’t help but found Chan absolutely cute at this moment. And his friend didn’t move in the slightest. “ _If I let you take a nap on me tomorrow, will you go to bed?_ ” he finally asked after a second, feigning a sigh. 

Chan thought about it, a low “ummm” coming out of his throat, still unmoving. Finally he nodded in Felix’s neck, lifting one of his hands to rub his sleepy eyes.

“ _Then go ahead. I’ll wake up Hyunjin._ ” he smiled to his friend.

“Uh?” Chan asked, confused. He opened one eye and looked towards the floor, where Hyunjin was still sitted, his head on Felix’s knee. A raspy chuckle escaped him at the sight. “ _See… Comfy._ ”

Felix rolled his eyes but an amused smile danced on his lips. Slowly he felt Chan move from behind him and get up from the couch, finally facing him instead of being behind him.

“ _Jinnie is impossible to wake up. You should just leave him here._ ” Chan said, keeping is tone pretty quiet nonetheless, as he stretched his arms above his head, a yawn escaping his lips once again. “ _If he wakes up he’ll go to bed, otherwise he’ll spend the night here. Wouldn’t be the first time._ ” he sighed, looking at the blond on the floor with equal part worry and tenderness. 

“ _Oh.. Okay then._ ” Felix nodded, looking down at the sleeping Hyunjin.

It didn’t feel good to just leave him on the floor like that, but Chan knew his band member better than Felix and so he probably was right if he said this was the best thing to do. Even though Chan had said that the boy was a heavy sleeper, Felix didn’t want to be too rough. Carefully, he slipped his hand between his knee and Hyunjin’s head. He took a pillow on the couch and swapped it with his knee before very slowly lowering his blond head onto it. His hair was definitely as soft as it looked, to Felix’s dismay who forced himself to take his hand away.

Quietly, without any abrupt movement, he got up from the couch too. Chan wrapped his arm around his shoulder and after a last glance to Hyunjin, Felix let his friend drag him out of the living room and up the stairs.

In the corridor, Felix and Chan needed to part ways, both of their rooms being on opposite sides. But before that, Chan pulled Felix into yet another embrace. Felix eagerly responded to it by wrapping his arms around him.

“ _I’m happy to have you here with me Lix._ ” Chan said after a long silence.

Felix took a long breath in, Chan’s scent filling his nostrils. He was trying not to get too emotional. He was known to be a little sensitive sometimes and the last few days had been rough. Having Chan with him was the best thing that happened to him in a long time and he couldn’t even realize yet the fact that he was allowed to stay by his side every day from now on. It still seemed like a dream that he would wake up from in the morning.

“ _Me too.._ ” he said, knowing that if he tried to say more, he would probably start crying again.

Chan hugged him tighter. He too, was probably feeling the emotion in this situation. The two stayed like that for a moment. But Felix could feel Chan’s body become heavier and heavier as the seconds passed by. His friend was starting to fall asleep on him again. Standing, in the middle of the corridor. 

“ _Anyway, to bed you go now.._ ” he announced, taking a reluctant step back. 

Chan’s eyes were barely open anymore and he looked absolutely exhausted so he didn’t even try to argue and simply nodded.

“ _If you need anything…_ ” he started, but simply gestured his hand randomly in the air in the direction of his room instead of actually finishing his sentence.

Felix understood nonetheless and nodded with a tender smile. Chan waved his hand at him, rubbing his eyes with his free hand, and Felix wave back before taking a few seconds to watch the older walk back to his room. Only when he was alone in the corridor did he decide to make his way to the door Chan had pointed out to him earlier as being Hyunjin’s - and now his - room. 

The room was plunged into darkness but when Felix switched on the light, he wished it had stayed this way. It looked exactly the same as Chan’s room, when it came to the size and the furnitures. The big difference was the mess. 

Clothes everywhere. On the floor, on the back of chairs, on the spare bed that was supposed to be his. Sticky notes with weird little stick figures and a bunch of arrows scribbled on them were sprawled on both the desks and even the night stand on Hyunjin’s side. And on the corner of said night stand was a big pile of books that was threatening to topple over at any time. Hyunjin’s bed wasn’t made, the blanket was thrown on the mattress, probably the way he left it when he got up in the morning and at the foot of the bed was a computer, half closed but definitely out of battery since it wasn’t plugged anywhere that Felix could see. 

The walls were decorated tastefully though, color coordinated just the right way. Felix had the sense that had the room been clean, it probably would be a really pretty and relaxing space with that kind of decor. He glanced at the other bed in the room, the one that was going to become his. Neatly folded on top of it, amongst some clothes that were definitely there before, was a pile of anything he would need to make his bed. Even a fresh and fluffy pillow. Since Chan had said the bed hadn’t been used in a while, all this had probably been brought here just for him.

He wondered when Chan had the time to prepare this for him. Or maybe was it Seungmin, before he went to bed, that had done it. It seemed like the kind of sweet gesture he was capable of. The thoughtfulness brought a smile to Felix’s lip, butterfly fluttering in his heart. 

He sat on his unmade bed, taking all this in, his eyes wandering around the room once again, not focusing on anything specific. Until his eyes fell on Hyunjin’s bed for the second time. He still felt pretty bad about leaving the other boy on the floor in the living room. Not only was he going to be sore from sleeping there, but the nights were starting to get pretty chilly and he would feel responsible if Hyunjin ended up catching a cold. Before he could think better of it, he was up from the bed, the blanket from Hyunjin’s bed bundled up in his arms and he was making his way out of the room as quietly as possible.

Going down the stairs with a big blanket in his arms, without tripping was a challenge, but Felix took his time and made it in one piece into the entrance. The house was completely silent. It wasn’t eerie, but Felix had the feeling that it wasn’t something that often happened here, which made it feel especially relaxing. With the same quiet walk as before, Felix made his way back to the living room. 

Hyunjin hadn’t moved a muscle. When Felix came closer and kneeled in front of the boy, his head was still on the couch, a pillow stuck between the two, his arms falling on each side of him, one of his long leg stretched out completely while the other was folded under the first one. Slowly, delicately, Felix slid the blanket on top of the sleeping figure as best he could. 

Hyunjin moved, just a little and Felix stopped everything, afraid to wake him up. For some reason he felt a little embrassed of what he was doing. Not that it was anything to be ashamed of or that he had any ulterior motive, but he didn’t know Hyunjin at all and most people would think that Felix’s caring gesture towards a stranger was, at best, weird, at worst, creepy. But no matter who it was, Felix always cared. Sometimes he cared too much, but at least he cared. 

Once he was sure that he hadn’t accidentally woke up Hyunjin, Felix moved the blanket a little more to cover his body as much as possible. He finally decided it was good enough after a few seconds. Instead of immediately getting up and going back to his room like he knew he should’ve, he tentatively let his eyes wander towards Hyunjin’s face. This beautiful, unreal face.

It took his breath away once more. If angels were real, if they decided to walk on earth, this was the face Felix imagined they’d have. He couldn’t say he was attracted to Hyunjin because to Felix, beauty wasn’t enough, the personality was the biggest thing of all, and he didn’t know the other man at all. But he was sure of one thing: never in his life had he laid eyes on anyone, man or woman, as effortlessly beautiful as the blond in front of him. And saying that this sight didn’t make him feel anything would’ve been a lie, of course. Otherwise his cheeks wouldn’t have turned a light shade of pink just from watching him.

Hyunjin’s full lips were slightly parted, his hot breath sliding between them slowly and regularly. After he moved, a few tiny strands of hair had fallen accross his face, tickling him and making him scrunch up his nose every few seconds. Felix raised his hand instinctively and with the very tip of his fingers, pushed away the long blond strands, tucking them delicately behind Hyunjin’s ear.

“...stars….so pretty…” 

Felix almost jumped out of his skin hearing the words coming out of Hyunjin’s mouth. The sound was almost inaudible, low and raspy. The words didn’t make much sense. And most of all, it didn’t seem like Hyunjin actually woke up and said those things of his own free will. So, was he sleep talking? The thought made Felix smile genuinely once the shock of hearing him so suddenly wore off. It was unexpectedely cute.

After that Felix couldn’t help but look at Hyunjin’s face for a few more seconds, almost entranced by every tiny movement, by the tiny mole under his eyes or the way tiny strands of hair would continuesly dangle in front of his face. But he knew how voyeuristic it was of him and pried his eyes away from the other man quickly enough, getting back on his feet a little too fast, a deeper shade of pink coating his cheeks now.

Back in the room, Felix couldn’t find sleep. Maybe it was because he was in an unknown environment, maybe it was because of the excitement of the day or maybe it was because the sleeping face of Hyunjin was still dancing behind his eyelids. No matter what was the case, the boy knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep any time soon. And the state of the room didn’t help.

Felix had always liked structure, cleanliness and organization. Not at an obssesive level, but he liked things to be where they belonged and to have a space that felt fresh at all times. And living with parents as strict as his had definitely enforced that in his mind some more. So, since he was already awake anyway, he decided that a little cleaning was long overdue.

First he tackled the clothes everywhere. To his surprise, he found an empty basket in a corner of the room, that was supposed to contain dirty clothing. He dumped most of the clothes that were lying around in there. The few that didn’t seem to have been used he folded on the back of the chair at Hyunjin’s desk.

Secondly, the few trash he found here and there, particularly crumbled papers around the desk or a wrapper from a chocolate bar near the night stand, he threw in the little black bin he spotted between the two desks.

Finally he gathered the ridiculously large pile of books from Hyunjin’s nightstand and neatly put them in a row on the desk between two pen holders that were already there.

The only thing Felix didn’t touch were the sticky notes. He wasn’t sure what the scrribles on them were supposed to mean but in case there was any kind of order or organization to them that only Hyunjin could understand, he didn’t want to mess it up. So even though both desks and one nightstands were covered in them, he decided to let them be. 

When all that was done, Felix had the confirmation that his first supspicion had been right. Once more or less clean, the space was pretty, beautiful even. Really, it suited what he had seen of Hyunjin so far. And already Felix could feel himself more at ease and his body relax. So it wasn’t completely a surprise when, as soon as his head hit the pillow, the boy fell in a deep, dreamless sleep this time around.


	4. Let's Dance!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you enough for the love, once more!! ♥
> 
> I know not a lot has happened so far, and not a lot is happening is this chapter either, so I hope you're not bored and you're gonna stick with me! There will be more action soon, I promise, I just want to take my time with it. And, to be honest, I really like writing about the little things, the daily life, I dunno why, it makes me happy so.. Yeah, I just hope it doesn't put you off too much..! 
> 
> Little note too : every time a dialogue is written _in italic_ it means that it's spoken in English. For the most part I do specify it during the chapter, but not every single time, so I just wanted to make that clear so people wouldn't be confused! 
> 
> Thanks again for reading and sticking with me! I hope you like this chapter too ♥♥

A slight panic took over Felix when he awoke. In his sleepy daze, he couldn’t remember where he was. It took only a few seconds for his brain to switch back on, memories of the night before flooding in, making him relax. A quick look at his phone told him that it was not even 6am yet. 

Felix had followed the same strict routine for so long that his body seemed unable to switch to a more laid back schedule. So he knew all too well that despite wanting to sleep in, just because he could, he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. He dared to take a peek at Hyunjin’s bed only to find out that the boy either never came back to the room or was already up. The former was more probable this early in the morning.

His backpack, filled with the only things he had left, was laying at the end of his bed and Felix rummaged through it for a second, grabbing clothes for the day as well as a toothbrush. Slowly, his body still heavy from sleep, he slipped in a simple white t-shirt tucked in black jeans before throwing a red oversized sweater on top of it all. He rubbed his eyes with one hand, grabbing his toothbrush with the other as he made his way to the door.

The house was still and silent, just like the night before, proof enough that nobody was awake yet except him. Trying his best not to make any sound Felix walked in the bathroom. He couldn’t help but sigh at seeing his sight in the mirror. His eyes were still puffy from the night before, it didn’t look good. Then again, Felix had never really thought he looked good no matter what. Not that he hated himself, but he wasn’t someone who had a lot of confidence in his looks. His freckles for example, were all over his face, visible to everyone but Felix himself always thought they looked weird, like his face was constantly dirty or something like that. 

He sighed again. Mopping about his appearance wasn’t going to change anything. Quickly he shoved his toothbrush coated in toothpaste in his mouth. He was trying to tame his bed hair with his free hand, stroking the strands back between his fingers until they seemed a little smoother around his head. When he was done, he splashed cold water on his face, hoping it would rid it of some of its puffiness, to no avail.

Felix was out of the bathroom as quickly as he had come in and it took him only a couple of seconds to go down the stairs and enter the living room, silent as a cat. Instinctively, the first thing the boy did while entering the room was to tilt his head to the side, to where the couch was. As expected, Hyunjin was still there. However his position had changed.

The tall blond was completely wrapped in his blanket, laying on the carpet with only his head peeking out from his cover. The pillow that was previously between Hyunjin’s head and the couch had been moved under his head on the floor too now. The corner of Felix’s lips slightly quirked up at the sight but quickly the image of last night, of himself tucking Hyunjin’s hair behind his ear and admiring him while the other boy had no clue, made him feel embarrassed. With his cheeks slightly flushed, he took his eyes away and started to walk towards the kitchen. 

The kitchen was attached to the living room, farther in the room, past the couch, the TV and the dining table. It was a very small kitchen for so many people, but it was quaint and didn’t look out of place with the rest. A big window was taking most of the space on the small wall of the kitchen. But the sun had yet to show itself at this time of the day, so all Felix could see through the glass were shadows and figures of the outside world. 

Usually Felix wouldn’t be as forward as to make himself at home this quick, using the kitchen to do whatever he pleased. In a normal setting he would probably wait in his room to hear someone else wake up before even going down himself. But he couldn’t pry Minho’s comment from his head, about him pulling his own weight. And for this reason he wanted to prove not only that he wouldn’t be a burden, but that he could also be a valuable addition to the household. 

It took a little bit of snooping around but after a few minutes Felix was successfully able to pinpoint where everything was stored. He found coffee in a cupboard under the microwave and took it upon himself to start a fresh pot of coffee with it. He then proceeded to wash whatever dishes were left in the sink, probably from the day before. During his exploration of the cupboards, he had realized that the boys already had everything needed to make brownies and so this was next thing on his list. 

Once the dishes were left to dry and the coffee pot was brewing, he started to put every ingredient he would need on the dining table. He spent the next half hour just baking as silently as possible, losing himself in the task. A soft smile floating gently on his lips all the while. Felix had always loved baking, he found it so relaxing and fun. But that was one of those hobbies that his parents found useless and since baking was a waste of time in their eyes, that too was something he mostly had to stop doing. Like dancing. Despite the lack of practice, Felix got back into the rhythm pretty quickly and enjoyed every second of it. 

He put back the dishes in their rightful place while the brownies were in the oven and when the familiar ‘ding’ echoed, followed by the delicious scent of perfectly cooked chocolate, he took the pastry to the table, cutting it in little bite-size cubes, careful not to touch the still burning hot plate. When he looked up from the table, he almost dropped the knife, jumping in surprise.

“ _Shit!_ ” Felix gasped, his native language slipping right out, putting his small hand on his heart that was beating fast from the shock.

Hyunjin was standing right there, at the entrance of the kitchen. His long hair slightly ruffled around his face. His eyes were still half closed and he was scratching the back of his head, his face slightly tilted to the side. He didn’t seem to be completely awake yet. Felix found it unfair how good he looked straight out of bed when himself was still looking worse for wear even though he had been awake for an hour now. 

“Mornin’...” the other said, his voice so hoarse that the word was more of a growl than anything. 

He tried to walk to the table while rubbing his eyes and collided straight into a chair. He groaned with a pout before pulling said chair and letting himself fall on it. The gesture was meant to be done without grace, but it seemed like everything Hyunjin did was inherently smooth and graceful. Immediately the boy let his head fall between his arms on the table, like he was ready to go back to sleep, right here, right now. Felix couldn’t help the little chuckle that escaped his lips, a tender smile forming on his mouth. 

“Coffee?” he asked.

Hyunjin nodded in his arms, a low ‘umm’ coming out of his throat as a response. So Felix obliged, grabbing a mug and filling it with the warm coffee he just made. Hyunjin only lifted his head back up once the mug was placed in front of him on the table. He took the cup in both hands, appreciating the warmth radiating from it and closed his eyes as he brought the liquid to his lips. It took Felix all the strength he had to not stare. And it took even more strength not to whimper when Hyunjin made a sound of appreciation, close to a moan, as the coffee slid down his throat. No matter how innocent the reason was, that sound, in that mouth, was lewd.

Felix quickly retreated to the kitchen to get his blushing under control before Hyunjin could see how red he had become and wonder what was wrong with him. When he came back after a few deep breaths, Hyunjin still had the nose in his mug. Felix now understood what Chan meant when he said the boy was hard to wake up. Apparently he also had a hard time staying awake once he was up.

“Did I wake you?” Felix softly asked, a guilty pout on his lips. He had been in the kitchen a long time doing various things. Maybe he had made too much noise despite how careful he had been.

“Um?” Hyunjin looked up at Felix, his eyes finally open for the first time since he sat down. “Oh..” he shook his head to answer the question. “I smelled cake. That woke me up.” he then explained. 

“Oh, yeah, must be this..” Felix said, gesturing to the chocolate sweets. “Sorry if that woke you up..” he added, feeling genuinely bad to have forced the other to wake up so early.

With a spatula, Felix started to transfer each little brownie cube into an empty plate in the middle of the table, to make it easier for it to cool down, but also so that everyone could take a bite once the cake wasn’t burning hot. He could hear Hyunjin slowly sipping on his coffee and Felix was way too aware of the fact that it was only the two of them there. 

The fact that he didn’t know Hyunjin was making him nervous. He was always nervous around strangers, especially people he wanted or needed to know better. But to be honest, something made him extra nervous around Hyunjin in particular. Maybe because he looked so untouchable, unattainable. Or maybe because Felix’s mind was reacting a little too much to Hyunjin’s beauty every time he was in front of him. 

While he was putting the spatula back on the table, from the corner of his eye Felix noticed Hyunjin’s hand reaching towards the plate full of brownies. His instinct reacted before his brain and he slapped the hand away with a little frown between his eyebrows

“It’s still too hot, you’ll burn yourself.” he scolded him. 

Hyunjin looked up at him, his lips slightly parted like he was shocked but Felix could swear he saw the corner of his mouth twitch like he was trying not to smile and there was a glint of something in his eyes. Or was he imagining this too? 

“But it looks so yummy..” Hyunjin complained, tilting his head to the side. It seemed to be a habit of his. His full lips were slightly pouting. 

Except Hyunjin was still looking straight at him while saying that. Felix wasn’t one to usually turn everything dirty in his mind but in this case, he couldn’t help himself. He was reaching, he knew it. There was no way the other man meant anything by it but this beautiful face made Felix’s mind run to weird places ever since last night. He needed to get a grip on himself. 

Felix cleared his throat, averting his gaze and focusing on the brownies instead because he felt like his face was going to turn bright red for the umpteenth time if he continued to look at Hyunjin. 

“Later..” he said more shyly.

“That’s a promise..” Hyunjin answered with a smile in his voice. Felix tentatively looked up again to see Hyunjin looking down at his mug, a smile on the corner of his lips. “Is there more coffee?” he then asked, looking from his cup to Felix.

“Oh sure!” 

Felix went to grab Hyunjin’s mug. His long hands were still wrapped around it and as he was releasing it, Hyunjin and Felix’s fingers brushed. Felix’s eyes were glued to those long fingers and he could feel that Hyunjin was looking too. But he knew that there was nothing behind it. So he grabbed the mug and went to get a coffee refill, his heart beating a little too fast for comfort. 

As he was walking back, he took a second to look at Hyunjin who was looking at his hands, playing with his fingers. His tongue passed repeatedly on his bottom lip before he took it between his teeth for a second, letting it go and repeating the process once more. Was there anything this man did that didn’t make him look either ethereal or totally indecent? Felix started to believe that the answer was a hard no. 

He put the cup on the table, sliding it towards Hyunjin when he saw the other stroke his arm with his hand, goosebumps forming on his flesh.

“Are you cold?” he asked with that shy smile of his.

Hyunjin looked up and smiled back.

“I’m fine.” 

“Go put something on!” a strong voice echoed from the living room.

Felix had time to see Hyunjin slightly rolling his eyes before he himself looked up, a bright smile illuminating his face even before Chan entered his field of vision. He walked towards them with as much confidence as he always did. It had always impressed Felix how Chan seemed to own every room he was standing in. He briefly patted Hyunjin on the head before looking up at Felix, smiling.

“ _Is this brownie I smell?_ ”

“ _It is, indeed._ ” Felix gestured towards the plate. “ _It’s not…_ ” he started, but already Chan had walked around the table, grabbed a brownie cube and plopped it in his mouth. 

He regretted it immediately, opening his mouth to say “hot hot hot” over and over again while fanning his tongue with his hand. Since Chan was now next to him Felix slapped him softly behind the head for his stupidity.

“ _You deserved that!_ ” he scolded in English. He then decided to switch to Korean. It was weird talking to Chan in anything other than English but he didn’t want Hyunjin to feel left out. “I was gonna say it’s not cooled down yet, you big idiot.” 

“Worth it though!” Chan exclaimed, pulling Felix in a side hug. “Brownies for breakfast… I love you sunshine!” he added, dramatically pressing a big kiss on Felix’s cheek.

Felix scrunched up his nose, his eyes half closed and the bright smile still ever present on his face as a giggle escaped his lips from Chan’s behavior. He could feel Hyunjin’s eyes on them, but with the kind of spectacle Chan was making it wasn’t weird. 

“Yeah, yeah.. I know.” Felix laughed pushing Chan’s head away.

He used his fingers to quickly brush through Chan’s hair, putting them back in their place while shaking his head, amused by his friend’s behavior. The sound of a chair scraping the floor echoed in the room, quickly followed by Hyunjin’s voice.

“I’m gonna go change.” he stated, finishing his coffee in one gulp before putting the cup down and disappearing from the room without saying anything else.

Chan didn’t take notice, going to get himself a cup of coffee. Hyunjin’s presence in the room was replaced by someone else before Chan’s cup was even full. Minho appeared in the kitchen, making a bee-line for the coffee pot. Like he did with Hyunjin, Chan patted Minho’s head when he passed next to him. The other boy didn’t even acknowledge him, grabbing a mug and filling his cup in silence.

“Minho can’t function without caffeine in the morning..” Chan explained in a whisper to Felix, sitting down at the table.

“Who made the coffee?” Minho suddenly asked behind them.

Felix looked at him over his shoulder. He was looking back at them with a serious face.

“I did. Is it okay..?” Felix asked shyly. He was afraid to do something that would displease Minho, especially since he seemed to be the least happy about him moving in.

Minho watched him in silence for a second. Felix had never found the topic of coffee so nerve wracking before. The boy facing him took another sip of his cup before talking.

“... It’s good.” he stated. 

He didn’t add anything, just drank some more, silently going to the table to sit in front of Chan who was chuckling discreetly at the whole exchange. Felix decided to take this as a win and sat next to Chan without trying to say anything more about it.

The three stayed in a comfortable silence for a while, both Chan and Minho drinking their coffee. Once his cup was empty, Chan finally spoke up.

“So, what’s the plan for today?” he asked nobody in particular.

“Jisung and I.N are going to the hairdresser and I need to help Changbin practice his part in the last song.” Minho answered, looking at his mug. “I don’t know about Hyunjin.” he then shrugged. 

“What about you?” Chan asked, turning his head towards Felix.

“Um.. I didn’t think about it. Looking for a job or something, probably?” he answered, unsure. 

Felix had just arrived in Korea, he had no experience working anywhere since his whole life had been dedicated to studying and extracurricular activities and he didn’t really know what he wanted to do with his life from now on. He didn’t even know where to start looking.

“I was thinking about hitting the dance studio, I’ve neglected my dance practice lately. Wanna come with?” Chan suddenly offered, lifting an eyebrow.

“Oh, I’m coming too!” a voice exclaimed from the living room. 

Hyunjin arrived at the table, wearing black sweatpants, paired with a white hoodie, a black cap on his head. Looking up at him, Felix could see that he was eyeing the plate of brownies. With a shy but amused smile, Felix slid the plate towards him. Hyunjin looked at him like he was asking for permission and Felix nodded. The tall one didn’t need to be told twice, he quickly grabbed a brownie cube and plopped it in his mouth. He chewed for a second and.. there it was again. That appreciative moan. The one that had too much of an effect on Felix. 

As soon as he swallowed he took a second one and repeated the process, mouthing “too good…” under his breath after the second moan. Felix knew he was probably staring and if his mouth wasn’t agape it was a miracle. But he couldn’t help it.

“So… are you coming?” Chan’s voice brought him back to reality and he turned to watch him, finding it safer than laying eyes on Hyunjin.

“Oh.. No. I don’t… I don’t dance..” he answered, nervously playing with his fingers.

He loved to dance, but he hadn’t done it seriously in years at this point and, to be honest, hearing his parents say that he wasn’t any good and that there wasn’t any point in him continuing, over and over, had made him believe they were right. So no matter how much he wanted to go, he would only end up embarrassing himself, not only in front of Chan but Hyunjin too. 

“Wha…” Chan started, looking him with big surprised eyes that quickly turned into a frown. 

He seemed to have an inner monologue for a second and must’ve come to a realization because soon his eyes became softer. Chan knew Felix and, most of all, he knew his parents, his situation. He had met Felix’s parents a lot when they were younger, at a time where Felix still tried to rebel, to do what he liked despite his parents' interdictions. He used to go dance and write music with Chan or even dye his hair and pierce his ear, teenager stuff. 

Chan was well aware of Felix’s love of dancing, he used to practice as much as he physically could, creating choreographies from scratch in his basement at every time of the day or the night when they were younger. So Felix wouldn’t be surprised if Chan had understood that the reason Felix didn’t dance anymore was because of his family. 

“Bullshit, you’re coming.” he stated. It wasn’t a question or even a suggestion, just a statement.

Minho and Hyunjin were both watching the exchange between the two friends. Minho’s expression was as unbothered as always, but one of his eyebrows was slightly up, betraying the interest he had in the situation. Hyunjin’s head was tilted to the side, his eyes darting from Felix to Chan and back, slowly.

“ _Chris, I don’t think…_ ” he started in English, even using Chan’s birth name to emphasize his point. But Chan didn’t even let him finish his sentence.

“You are coming.” he said, his big brother mode on. 

What followed was a staring contest between the two old friends, neither of them wanting to move from their position. The scene must’ve been weird to witness for both Minho and Hyunjin since Chan and Felix were staring in each other’s eyes, their arms crossed on their chests, both of them frowning and unblinking. That is, until Felix broke first, blinking once to relieve his burning eyes. Chan clapped his hands together with a big triumphant smile.

“Fine..” Felix sighed, shaking his head. 

“Perfect! Go get ready and we’ll meet at the door in 15 minutes.” 

And with that Chan got up, put his empty mug in the sink and left the room to go get ready himself. Minho did the same not long after, taking a brownie cube on his way out. He was acting like he was trying to be discreet and subtle about it, so Felix averted his eyes, acting like he didn’t see anything even though Minho definitely wasn’t as discreet as he thought he was. 

After another sigh, Felix got up too. He walked past Hyunjin, but before he could leave, he felt long fingers wrap around his arm, stopping him. He was startled by it. He looked up at Hyunjin. 

“Hey…” he said, looking at Felix, tilting his stupidly beautiful head to the side. He seemed to think about what to say before opening his mouth. “You didn’t have to clean the room.”

“Is it a problem?” Felix asked, already feeling guilty again for doing something without asking for permission beforehand. Sure, technically it was his room too now, but he just arrived and decided to change how things worked right off the bat, surely it wasn’t pleasant for Hyunjin.

“No, no!” Hyunjin quickly rectified. He must have seen the change on Felix’s face. “It was.. really sweet.” he smiled. A smile as soft as his lips seemed to be. “I just mean… You could’ve asked me to do it. It was my mess.” he added, finally letting go of Felix’s arm.

“I don’t mind.” Felix shrugged. 

Because he really didn’t. He liked cleaning and if it could make life easier for other people, he would gladly do the work himself. He knew that if he stayed here looking at Hyunjin’s face for longer, he would start thinking about stupid and useless things again so he offered him his signature smile, small and shy.

“I’m gonna go change now.” he said with a little voice.

Hyunjin nodded, his eyes were still trained on the boy but his soft smile was not on his lips anymore. Felix didn’t think much about it, leaving the room and regaining his bedroom to rummage through his backpack and find a pair of sweatpants. He had enough to worry about with the fact that he was heading straight to a dance studio after years with no practice. That alone was enough to make him extremely nervous. 

The change was quick since most of Felix’s outfit was already pretty good for dancing and he only had to change his pants. Still, he ended up being the last one arriving at the entrance. He put on his shoes under the gaze of Chan and Hyunjin and looked at his friend once he was ready to go.

Chan smiled, that bright, excited smile that Felix usually loved but now only made him more anxious, and he opened the door.

“Let’s dance!” he exclaimed.


	5. She Looks Like You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is a little short. I'm not sure I'm completely happy with it but I hope you like it nonetheless! ♥
> 
> Hopefully next chapter will have a lot of good Hyunlix moments, I may even make a whole chapter with just the two of them... who knows? Look forward to it! 
> 
> And OMG, we went past 500 kudos and straight to 600. I can't believe it. I didn't expect that kind of response at ALL. Thank you so much for the love! ♥

According to Chan, the studio wasn’t that far by car, so they decided to drive there. Chan was behind the wheel, Hyunjin next to him and Felix had taken a spot at the back. He was still sulking and stressing about the whole thing, silently. A part of him was excited, just the idea of being able to dance was exhilarating, but this small part was drowned under the pressure he was putting on himself to do well, the fear of embarrassing himself, and the memories of every comment he ever received from his parents about his dancing. 

Hyunjin and Chan were having a very lively conversation in front but Felix had no idea what they were even talking about, too lost in his own thoughts. He didn’t get much chance to continue to sulk though as his phone started to go crazy in his pocket, vibrating non-stop. Since Chan and Hyunjin were busy he didn’t feel bad taking a call discreetly in the back. He took his phone out and looked at the caller ID. The name that popped up on screen didn’t surprise him. It was only a matter of time after all.

He picked up, pressing the device to his ear.

“ _It’s a joke, right!?_ ” the strong Australian accent resonated through the phone before Felix could even say ‘Hello’. 

Felix grunted, passing a lazy hand through his hair. He knew he wouldn’t be able to say anything so he didn’t even try to answer that question, instead pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. Still a little smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“ _I came home from boarding school tonight and you were nowhere to be found! I mean, you’re a real pain in the ass but getting thrown out? What did you do? And where are you anyway? Are you eating enough? Lucas says you probably left to see Christopher. Are you really?_ ” the voice went on and on, not taking a second to take a break or let Felix answer any of the questions.

“ _Oli, slow down.._ ” Felix finally chuckled, looking out the window. “ _It’s the middle of the night back home, why are you up?_ ”

“ _Don’t you dare play the big brother with me, Lee Felix!_ ” Oli scolded through the phone. “ _I have questions and they need answers!_ ”.

“ _I am your brother though.._ ” he pointed out, amused.

“ _I don’t want to hear it. Spill the tea._ ”

“ _Alright, alright. I’m sorry I had to leave before saying goodbye…_ he started, biting his lower lip. But he didn’t want to get sappy about it so he continued onto a topic he knew would grab his sister’s attention. “ _And yes, I am with Christopher._ ” 

On the other side of the phone, Fleix could hear a muffled shriek and he bit the inside of his cheek not to laugh. Olivia, Felix’s little sister, had always had the hugest crush on Chan growing up. She was probably as infatuated with him as Felix was back then, if not more, since she was only a really young girl when Chan was around. What Felix didn’t notice was that both Chan and Hyunjin stopped their conversation, now listening to whatever was happening in the back, to Felix talking to whoever was on the line. Chan’s ears perked up at the mention of his name.

“ _You’re lying! Is he here with you!? Turn on facetime if you’re not a liar!_ ” she almost screamed excitedly through the phone.

Felix could easily see her, standing in her room; her arms flailing around, jumping on the spot. His baby sister was a very passionate, excitable person. She had been a very energetic toddler and now, at 15, she didn’t show any sign of calming any time soon.

“ _Is that Livie?_ ” Chan asked over his shoulder.

His voice must’ve reached the phone because another shriek almost destroyed Felix’s ear drum. He laughed softly and placed his phone in front of his face, pressing the button that turned on his camera to indulge his sister, knowing he wouldn’t see the end of it otherwise. 

Soon, Olivia’s small round face filled his screen. Her long black hair was falling around her pale, freckled face. Her cheeks were flushed and she was slightly out of breath, proof that she had been jumping around from the excitement. Chuckling, Felix moved himself on the backseat and leaned enough to be almost between the two seats at the front, extending his arm in front of him so his camera could pick up Chan. The older, turned his eyes briefly to the phone and smiled brightly at Olivia before watching the road once more.

“ _You’re really here!_ ” she exclaimed, pressing a hand on her mouth. She acted like she was seeing her favorite idol every time Chan was around. “ _Ugh, I owe Lucas 10 bucks then…_ ”

Chan and Felix exchange a little look from the corner of their eye, a knowing smile on both their lips. Lucas was Chan’s little brother. He was roughly the same age as Olivia and as Felix used to spend most of his free time with Chan, Olivia was around Lucas a lot too growing up. For the longest time she would act disgusted and shocked every time the idea of them being an item was even approached. But lately Felix noticed she was mentioning him a lot and spending more time with him than she usually would. 

“ _I can’t believe you’re here! I hope my brother isn’t a pain. You can kick him if he is, that’s okay. I give you permission! Plus Lucas says you’re super busy and all so don’t let Felix bother you. He always bothers me so I know what it’s like, you know?..._ ” Olivia was going on and on, in her own world, letting no time for either Chan or him to actually participate in her monologue. 

Hyunjin, probably curious about what was going on, tilted his head to the side to see the phone, and Olivia, too. In this position, the tip of his long hair was brushing against Felix’s arm and even against his cheek a bit and Hyunjin’s head was so close that he could’ve easily put it on Felix’s shoulder. But by putting himself in that position, he now appeared on Felix’s screen with Chan and Felix, instead of being invisible, to the side, like he was before.

Felix watched him from the corner of his eye and felt his breath itch when he noticed how close the other actually was. He licked his dry lips, turning his attention back to the phone, trying not to notice the warmth of Hyunjin next to him. As soon as Olivia looked at her screen and noticed the new addition to the trio, she stopped dead in her speech. She was watching Hyunjin with big eyes, her lips parted for a second before finally speaking again.

“ _Who is that? He’s so beautiful..._ she started almost to herself before pulling her camera closer to her face. “ _Hey, you look like a prince. Do you wanna be my future husband?_ ” she asked, not a hint of hesitation in her voice.

No, Olivia wasn’t as shy as her big brother was. But Felix, hearing that, was mortified and could already feel his cheeks flush. Next to him Chan, opened his mouth with a shocked expression, placing one hand on his heart like he was hurt. He knew about Olivia’s crush on him but the girl was now completely ignoring him and switching his interest to Hyunjin. 

“Olivia!” Felix whined, feeling more embarrassed about it than she did. 

“What did she say?” Hyunjin asked, turning his head to Felix, probably curious about the reaction both him and Chan had to whatever Olivia had said, in English.

“She said..” Felix started, looking towards Chan hoping he would be the one answering this question. But his friend was now silently laughing, his shoulders shaking while he was focusing on the road. “She said that you… you’re as beautiful as a prince. And she wants to marry you.” he finally explained in Korean, shyly, looking away. 

Felix could feel Hyunjin’s eyes on him but he refused to look back, too embarrassed to have said something like that to him, even though he was only relaying his sister’s words. The fact that he, himself, had thought about how beautiful Hyunjin was multiple time made it even worse. After a second, the tall boy turned back towards the screen. He smiled and waved.

“ _Hello, I’m Hyunjin. You very cute also!_ ” he said in broken English, his thick Korean accent was way too cute to Felix who couldn’t help but look at him through the screen. 

He formed a little heart with his fingers and showed it to Olivia who was now as red as Felix usually was, and giggling like a schoolgirl. Chan was almost crying in laughter next to them at this point. Still he managed to gesture to Felix that they were arriving soon. 

“ _Listen Oli, we need to go, but I’ll call you soon to explain everything alright? Now go to bed, will you?_ Felix said, taking back his big brother role for a second.

“ _You’re not my mom!_ Olivia pouted.” _Bye bye Chris!_ ” she then announced, waving at the screen.

“ _Go to bed soon Olivia. Bye!_ ” he answered.

“ _Yes! I will!_ ” she smiled brightly. “ _Hyunjin I love you! Bye bye!_ ” she then almost screamed at the screen.

Hyunjin waved with a smile and the screen went black. With a long heavy sigh, Felix let himself fall back in his seat, putting his phone back in his pocket.

“Well, she hasn’t changed a bit.” Chan laughed softly, turning the wheel and maneuvering to park the car. 

They all waited for the car to come to a stop and went out. A big building was towering over them with the logo of a dance studio on the glass doors. Felix looked up at the building with a sense of nervousness and anticipation. Thanks to his sister’s phone call, he hadn’t been anxious at all during the car ride and now that he was actually here, the excitation was starting to overtake the fear. 

“That was your sister?” he heard Hyunjin ask next to him. He turned his head and nodded as a response. Hyunjin tilted his head, looking intently at Felix’s face and offered him a smile Felix wasn’t sure how to interpret. “She looks a lot like you.”

And with that said, Hyunjin simply walked away and disappeared inside the building letting Felix with his thoughts. He couldn’t help but think about the fact that, only a few minutes before, Hyunjin had called Olivia “cute”. Did that mean he was thinking the same thing about Felix? No, he said that to be nice and saying that his sister looked like him was a simple observation. Nothing to decode behind that.

Fortunately, Felix was saved from his spiraling thoughts by Chan who wrapped an arm around his frail shoulders and smiled brightly at him. Without a word, his friend then dragged him towards the dance studio. 

On their small walk inside the building, up a flight of stairs and to a door down a corridor, Chan had explained to Felix that he and the boys were renting a space here so they could use it whenever they wanted. The news surprised Felix. He knew Chan liked to dance and so did Hyunjin from what he heard, but he had no idea the other members danced too. Felix was aware of the fact that, according to Chan, all the roommates were part of a band together but Felix never knew what it was that they actually did. He didn’t even hear any of their songs yet. And he especially didn’t think that dancing was part of it too. 

Chan pushed the door and inside, the lights were on and Hyunjin was already stretching. He had discarded his hoodie in a corner of the room and, with his eyes closed, he was stretching his arms above his head, loosely relaxing his neck by turning it to the right and to the left in slow movements. As always, Felix’s eyes were drawn to the boy.

“...way too much.” Chan’s voice finally registered to his ear. Felix realized his friend had been saying something but he had been too absorbed in each slow movement Hyunjin was making to focus on anything else.

“Uh?” he asked, blinking and turning his head towards Chan.

His friend had one eyebrow up and a little smile on the corner of his mouth. Felix wasn’t sure what this expression meant but Chan looked vaguely amused by something. Chan shook his head, still smiling.

“ _I was just saying, let’s have fun._ ” he winked, giving Felix a firm tap in the back before getting inside the room himself and joining Hyunjin.

Felix followed suit but stayed close to the wall, whereas Hyunjin and Chan were now chatting in the middle of the room, in front of a wall of mirrors.

“What did you want to practice anyway?” Hyunjin asked, his arms finally falling back on each side of his body.

“Um.. What about the Back Door one. Minho told me you added a new part to it?” Chan answered after a second, receiving an enthusiastic nod from Hyunjin. 

For a while, the two seemed to forget about Felix, which was perfectly fine by him. He sat in the corner of the room, on the floor and was more than happy to simply observe. And he wasn’t disappointed.

Hyunjin put on some music and started by showing to Chan what the new part in the choreography was. If Felix didn’t already find Hyunjin insanely attractive, there was no way around it now. As soon as the music was on, Hyunjin’s body seemed to vibe in sync with it, like the rhythm was flowing straight into his veins. It was a beautiful thing to witness. Before he even made a move, he seemed to breathe music. But then he actually started to dance and Felix’s world exploded.

Every move seemed so loose, so free and still so precise, so sharp. Every inch of his long body was used to perfection from start to finish. He knew the choreography like the back of his hand and there was no denying that he was insanely talented. Maybe the most talented dancer Felix had encountered. But what floored Felix more than anything, was how much Hyunjin seemed to love every single second of what he was doing. It was so powerful that Felix could feel it, just watching him. 

His face changed when he danced too. Hyunjin’s face was gorgeous, Felix didn’t even try to lie to himself about it anymore. But he had this sort of cuteness to him in a normal setting. Not anymore. His expression was powerful, dangerous. Intense was the best word to describe it. When some lyrics came on, he mouthed them, doing all sorts of expressions with his face, that had Felix’s head spinning every single time. The duality was almost impossible to comprehend. 

Felix found himself sweating just because of the roller coaster that watching Hyunjin dance made him go through. And still his eyes were glued to him. He had a presence, a charisma that Felix couldn’t pry away from. He was pretty sure his mouth was hanging open too and he would’ve been embarrassed about it, had he not been so entranced by Hyunjin’s body moving to the beat. 

Fortunately for the sake of Felix’s heart, the music stopped and Hyunjin, still slightly out of breath, started to chat with Chan once more, explaining some of the moves and then showing them one by one, as slowly as possible until Chan was able to reproduce them. Felix then realized that not only was Hyunjin an incredible dancer, but he also seemed to be a really competent teacher. 

Minutes flew by during which Chan was following Hyunjin’s lead, sometimes picking up new moves quickly, other times struggling on some parts. They were both so focused on their practice that Chan didn’t notice his phone buzzing for a full minute. Only when the phone buzzed in his pocket a second time did he finally stop his dancing, gesturing to Hyunjin to stop the music before picking up the call. 

“Um um… Really? That’s weird… Yeah sure.. On my way.” Chan said, nodding at each response he heard through his phone. 

He then hung up and sighed, passing one hand through his hair with slight concern showing on his face.

“There’s an issue with the upload for the SKZ channel so Seungmin is panicking. I need to go fix that before this afternoon.” he announced. 

Felix had absolutely no idea what any of that meant but Hyunjin seemed to understand since he bit his lip, nodding at Chan. 

“Do we need to get back then?” Felix asked, getting up from the floor. 

Chan walked to him, smiling softly and shaking his head.

“I do. But you can stay.” he said. Felix was about to argue but Chan spoke first, putting his hands on Felix’s shoulders. “Stay and dance a bit… Please?”

The look in his eyes was so tender. There was no doubt that Chan knew how much Felix was missing dancing. And even though he wasn’t too comfortable being without Chan he couldn’t say no; Not when Chan was looking out for him that way, and giving him that kind of look, that kind of smile. So Felix didn’t say anything to argue and just nodded. 

Chan seemed relieved by Felix’s obedience. He was probably worried that he had forced Felix into coming here and that the other boy wasn’t comfortable with it. And in a way he had, but simply because Felix was too stubborn to admit that he really, really wanted to dance despite everything. And Chan always knew that, sometimes, Felix simply needed a little push in the right direction.

Without saying anything else, Chan hugged him quickly, gave him a pat on the head and gestured to Hyunjin before simply leaving the room. And once more, Felix was left alone in a room, with only Hyunjin for company.


	6. Can You Teach Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back.. Back again! With some Hyunlix vibes, no less! 
> 
> I felt like y'all deserved two chapters today, since it's New Year's Eve and all! Plus I was pretty inspired and wanted to write, so might as well share! And I wanted to thank you for all the love too! ♥
> 
> Anyway, I hope you're all having a really good New Year's Eve. And I wish for you to have an amazing year to come. I hope you beautiful people know that you deserve all the best! And if I could give you all a Chan-hug, then I would! ♥

“Do you want to?” Hyunjin’s voice asked from behind Felix, who was watching the door through which Chan just disappeared. 

He had no idea why he was so nervous to be one on one with Hyunjin. But he was. He turned to watch the other nonetheless, trying not to show his anxiety. He could put it all on the fact that he was simply not comfortable with people he didn’t know well enough, and in a sense that was true. But there was something more, something he felt only when it was Hyunjin that was facing him.

Felix didn’t have a crush. Because it was impossible to form these kinds of feelings in less than two days, especially with how little the two had actually talked. But Hyunjin was totally different from anyone he had ever met before. He was more beautiful, more passionate, more talented, than almost anyone that had ever crossed his path. So, obviously, this left an imprint on Felix’s brain. Surely it was all it was. 

“Want to what?” he asked, slightly confused as to what Hyunjin was referring to. 

“Dance?” the tall one gestured towards the rest of the room. “You don’t have to though..” he quickly added.

He couldn’t blame Hyunjin for thinking that he might not be into the idea. After all, Chan had to fight him only to bring him here at first, since he had refused the offer in the first place. But he was here now and Chan’s plea for him to try and dance a little bit, to loosen up, made him want to make an effort, to shut his brain for a second and just do what his guts told him for once. 

“No, no.. I want to.” he said. “Just don’t make fun of me, okay?” his shy smile was back on.

Hyunjin shook his head softly, a pout on his lips, hiding a small smile as he gestured towards the room once more. It was his way of saying ‘the floor is all yours’. Felix nodded a thanks. He took off his sweater, knowing he would probably be too hot after the first few movements. After putting it in the corner, where Hyunjin’s hoodie was already laying, he went to face the mirrors, slightly stretching his arms on each side. 

His heart was hammering in his chest from the anticipation of dancing again as well as the pressure of not making a fool of himself in front of Hyunjin. After he saw what the other man was capable of, he knew he was on a totally different level and so it made Felix want to do as good as possible. But he also knew that he needed to do it now or he would chicken out, because the nerves were already starting to get to him.

“Is there any song you want in particular?” Hyunjin asked. Felix noticed that he sat in front of the wall of mirrors and had his phone in his hand, ready to pick a song.

“What you had on before is good.” 

The blond raised an eyebrow, probably surprised and intrigued by this choice but he didn’t say anything. Felix had watched Hyunjin teaching Chan the moves for around 30 minutes earlier. He hadn’t tried them himself but Felix was a real sponge when it came to this kind of things. Even though he wasn’t confident about his skills, thinking he might be more than rusty after all this time, he was at least confident about the fact that he had memorized everything that he had seen the other two doing since they got here. He wanted to try his hand at it. 

The music started to echo in the room and Felix closed his eyes, trying to put himself in the right space of mind and to feel the music like he used to. He let the rhythm flow through his body and soon he felt tingles in his belly, like an itch, an urge to express himself through the music. It had been a long time since he let himself satisfy this urge. But today was a good day to start doing it again.

He opened his eyes on beat, just as the first movement started. He wasn’t watching Hyunjin in front of him, he wasn’t even looking at himself in the mirror. He was staring inside his own little world. And to his great pleasure, his body slid, turned and moved smoothly, every new move feeling like a new lock shattering in his mind. Every new beat like a nasty comment disappearing from his memory, every step like a doubt or a fear finally letting go of the hold they had on him. 

He had been told in the past, by Chan especially, that he looked like a totally different person when he danced. He had never noticed it himself because he was always too busy giving it his all, feeling the music, living the moment. But even though Felix was blissfully unaware of it, Chan was right. Naturally Felix was a bubbly, bright person. Cuddly, cute, extremely loving and attentive. Obviously shy around everyone that wasn’t a close friend of his. He was like a really sensitive and clingy kid. When he was dancing though.. He was something else. 

The look on his eyes was determined, hypnotizing. An aura of intensity was surrounding him in every move he made. His face was as expressive as ever, but instead of serving cheeky smiles, he was giving glares, snears, anything that suited the music, the song and the overall feel of the choreography. He looked somewhat dangerous, somewhat sexy. He looked intense. It was exactly what he had admired in Hyunjin minutes earlier and he had no idea he was radiating the same thing. 

Step after step, beat after beat, Felix reproduced the moves he had seen Hyunjin make, in his own way, adding his own flare to it. And it felt good, so good, better than anything Felix felt in a really long time. So much so that when the music stopped, he felt almost sad about it. He hadn’t seen the seconds fly by and he wanted more. But he was already panting. He was definitely not used to dancing anymore, even though nobody would’ve guessed with the performance he just gave. 

Finally, with the music off and the choreography finished, he came back to reality, daring to glance towards Hyunjin, scared to see a disappointed expression on his face. Or worse, a mocking one. Hyunjin’s face showed neither however. 

He was staring at Felix without even trying to hide it. His lips were parted. Felix didn’t know if his expression was surprised, or something else. He was playing with his bottom lip with the tip of his thumb, rubbing it over the pink skin of his plump lips again and again. But he didn’t seem to be doing it consciously. It took him a second to realize Felix had stopped moving and was now looking back at him. And when he noticed, he blinked a few times before clearing his throat, taking his cap off his head to pass a hand through his long strands before putting the hat back on.

“You…” he cleared his throat once more. “You said you didn’t dance..” he seemed dumbfounded.

“Well technically I don’t… anymore.” Felix said, a shy giggle escaping his lips as he scratched the back of his head. “It probably looked pretty bad, I’m sorry.” he added.

He made his way to the wall against which Hyunjin was sitting and lowered himself to the floor too, sitting next to the other man, his back against the wall, waiting for his breathing to get back under control. 

“Bad?” Hyunjin asked, watching Felix walk towards him. And when he was finally seated, a laugh escaped his throat. “That wasn’t bad at all, far from it!” he exclaimed, shaking his head.

Hearing that warmed Felix from the inside. He was used to hearing that his dancing was no good, that he was wasting his time, that putting all this effort in dancing was useless. So this simple compliment was more impactful to him than anything else. And the fact that it came from Hyunjin made it even more special, since the man was an amazing dancer himself.

“Really?” Felix asked, biting his lower lip, having a hard time simply accepting a compliment. He didn’t have enough self-confidence for it. 

Hyunjin nodded and the look in his eyes made Felix believe that he was being genuine and wasn’t simply saying that to be polite or not to hurt his feelings. So, suddenly, the small blond felt his cheeks burn furiously and he had no doubt that his face probably was a deep shade of pink now instead of it’s natural hue. He looked away, embarrassed and shy. 

“You are amazing too Hyunjin..” Felix stated bashfully, under his breath, finding a sudden interest in the floor, not wanting to look back up. “I was really surprised.”

“You think so?” he could hear a smile in Hyunjin’s voice and he simply nodded in response, still not looking his way, his face hot. “Thanks.”

After that a long silence ensued. It was a little awkward, Felix knew it, and his mind was running to find something, anything to talk about. He really wanted to learn to know the other one, he was just really bad at those things. Fortunately Hyunjin was quicker than him to come up with something to say.

“Hey, sorry again for the room..” he said softly. 

“I already said I didn’t mind.” Felix finally turned back his eyes towards Hyunjin who was looking at his hands, playing with his long fingers.

“I know but.. “ Hyunjin shrugged. “When Chan said we were gonna be bunkmates, I wanted to help you get situated. At least lend you sheets and all that. But… I fell asleep” he pouted, he seemed really bothered by that fact. He let out a little chuckle anyways. “Fortunately Minho beat me to it.” he shrugged again.

“What do you mean?” Felix frowned, confused. 

“The sheets, on your bed..” the tall blond turned his head towards Felix, tilting it to the side as he always did. “They’re Minho’s.” 

“Uh..” Now Felix was even more confused. He was sure either Chan or maybe Seungmin had brought the sheets to his room. And if he had to exclude one person he was sure didn’t do it, it would’ve been Minho. After all, the boy had been pretty cold to him ever since he showed up, which was understandable given the fact that he was invading their home, but still. “You’re sure..?” he still asked, having a hard time believing it. 

“Yeah.” Hyunjin laughed softly, nodding his head. “I’ve been living with the guy for 2 years, I should know.” he added, amused. “It’s typical Lino, he’s such a softy.” 

The look on Felix’s face must have betrayed the fact that he found this very hard to believe because Hyunjin burst out in laughter again. ‘Soft’ and ‘Minho’ weren’t two terms he would’ve associated right off the bat. Fair enough, he didn’t really know Minho, but the boy gave him cold, unbothered vibes more than soft, tender ones if he had to be honest. 

“You’ll see.” he declared, still laughter in his voice. “It’s not my place to say, but Minho had it rough. So it takes time for him to let people in.” he explained without being asked anything, a tender look in his eyes. It was clearer and clearer by the day that all those boys really cared for one another deeply. “He was the last stray to join us too. At first he was really standoff-ish with all of us. Jisung managed to break his shell but for the longest time he was the only one Minho showed any kind of affection to, really.” he chuckled lovingly at the memory. “That didn’t change much honestly. But this idiot always does things his way. He may bully you in your face and then do something super sweet for you without ever telling you it came from him.” he shrugged, a smile on his lips. “So, judging by the sheets… I’d say he likes you.”

It was weird to hear all of that about Minho when his brief experience with the other boy was completely different to what Hyunjin was telling him. Or was it? Felix was replaying his interactions with Minho in his head and suddenly, he could picture it. The way Minho had complimented the coffee despite his annoyed face, and how he tried to discreetly take a brownie without being seen. Maybe Hyunjin was right and Minho was a softy after all. It made Felix slightly smile for some reason. But something else in Hyunjin’s speech had bothered him. It was something he heard Minho say before too and he was intrigued by it.

“Why are you calling him a stray? Isn’t it a bit… mean?” he asked, nervously biting his lower lip for being so forward and asking what was on his mind.

“Well.. that’s what we are.” Hyunjin shrugged but that tender smile he had when talking about his friends was still firmly on his lips. “All of us.. We’re the strays Chan picked up along the way.” he snorted “Stray Kids. Fitting, isn’t it?”

Felix still wasn’t understanding. To him calling someone a ‘stray’ was usually done with a negative connotation but judging by the way Hyunjin was talking about it, there was no malice behind it and Felix wasn’t sure he could really get the meaning behind his words. But he wanted to understand.

“Stray Kids?”

“Yeah, that’s the name of our band.. You didn’t know?” Felix shook his head. But it made a lot more sense now. He still didn’t understand why Hyunjin said they were all ‘strays that Chan picked up along the way’ but at least the fact that he used the term so lovingly made sense to him. “I thought Chan would’ve told you.” Hyunjin continued, raising an eyebrow. “You two seem… close.”

He had paused before the last word, tilting his head some more to the side, a little pout on his lips instead of the smile he was arborring a second ago. But Felix didn’t find the hesitation weird. He was aware that not all friends were as tactile and affectionate with each other as Chan and him were. That was weird for some people.

“I guess we are..” he smiled, looking down at his small fingers. “We’ve known each other for years and… I guess that shows when we’re together.” he chuckled shyly. “And.. Well, I’m a very… touchy person.” he admitted, blushing once more just by saying it out loud. “So hugging people like that all the time is pretty normal to me..” he still continued, despite his embarrassment.

“It seems like you’re only that way with Channie though.” Hyunjin stated. Felix could feel his eyes boring into him and he looked up to meet his dark pupils. 

“Not really… It’s just that I only met all of you so I don’t think it’s very appropriate for me to do that sort of thing with anyone else.. For now.” he nodded, still torturing his bottom lip with his teeth once he was done speaking. 

“I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you. We’re all like that in the house.” he said with a little shrug. “Me, especially.” he added, the corner of his lips slightly tilting up.

There was something in his eyes, like a message he wanted Felix to decode, but Felix didn’t want his mind to play tricks on him again. He had the feeling Hyunjin was hinting at the fact that it was okay for him to be tactile with him. 

On one hand, Felix would love that. Not only because he was who he was, and was craving physical contact with anyone and everyone. But also because Hyunjin’s skin appeared to be so smooth, his hair looked so soft and his arms, finely toned, seemed perfect for cuddles. Felix felt ashamed for having such thoughts about the other boy once more, but those were facts he couldn’t deny. Then again, he didn’t want to get ahead of himself. Maybe Hyunjin wasn’t actually asking for his affection, no matter how nice it would be if he did. 

So Felix simply nodded to the tall boy’s words. He would have all the time in the world later to ponder over the meaning behind them. 

“Anyway.. Should we dance?” Hyunjin asked, suddenly getting up from his spot and dusting off his pants. 

Felix looked up at him. In this position, with him on the floor and the other blond up in front of him, he was really towering over him. At his question, he felt the need to see Hyunjin dance again, just to feel all those emotions that he was able to convey through his dancing, to be able to admire that duality that fascinated him. 

“Show me something.” he said, giving him his small signature smile. 

Hyunjin answered with a radiant smile and grabbed his phone, putting on a new song before jogging to the middle of the room. 

The choreography was slower than the one before. More sensual and meticulous, but still as powerful. Hyunjin embodied everything about this song and about this dance. He was graceful, intense and, Felix felt hot just thinking about it, but Hyunjin was also sexy. The choreography was masterfully created, using all the space in the practice room, every movement hitting right on each beat of the song. Hyunjin’s face was sereine, he was deep in his own world and it was beautiful, ethereal. 

Felix was hypnotized, following every tiny move eagerly, all the emotions of the choreography washing over him. The dancer was even more skilled, more impressive that Felix had first thought, if it was even possible. And this choreography in particular, was perfect to show the diversity he was capable of, to show how perfectly the boy could use and master his own body. In Felix’s eye, this was a true masterpiece.

When the music stopped, he had goosebumps all over his arms and couldn’t help but clap for the performance he had witnessed. Hyunjin laughed softly, doing a little bow in front of him.

“Did you like it?” Hyunjin still asked, despite how obvious the answer was.

Felix nodded immediately, no reflection needed. 

“Can you teach me?” he heard himself ask before he could even think about it.

Felix bit his lip, a little self-conscious about seeming so eager. But it seemed to please Hyunjin who raised his hand towards him and gestured to him to come closer by waving two fingers. Getting up, Felix obediently obliged.


	7. Come Here, Baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there wasn't an upload yesterday, I was a little down so I didn't manage to get a whole chapter written, but I hope this one was worth the wait though! 
> 
> And OMG, we hit 1000 hits and 100 kudos, are you people INSANE? Thank you so much!! ♥

Quickly, Felix started to rethink whether having Hyunjin teach him that kind of choreography was really a good idea. After showing him a few moves and having Felix mimic them, the tall boy was now behind Felix, wanting to fix his posture for a certain step in the routine. 

He started with Felix’s small shoulders, tilting them slightly to the side before running his hands down. The tip of his fingers was always brushing against Felix's body one way or another until he reached his narrow hips. Hyunjin’s hands were so big, his fingers so long that he could easily clutch Felix’s sides. His grip was tight, so tight that Felix could feel it through his clothes, the sensation being the only thing his mind could focus on. Slowly, Hyunjin made Felix shift his hips slightly to the side.

He was so close, his chest was almost pressed against Felix’s back, and the blond could feel his hot breath on his neck, making him almost shiver. 

“How does it feel? Better?” Hyunjin asked. 

His voice seemed different, strange, his pitch lower. But Felix couldn’t make sure since he couldn’t see the other’s face in that position. That tone, so close to his ear, almost forced him to close his eyes and enjoy it. It took a lot of inner strength not to actually do it. 

Felix knew he was talking about the position, asking if he could feel the difference with the changes he just made. But for a second this fact went over his head because all he could feel right now was Hyunjin’s hands on him and how close his body was to his and, he had to admit, it felt really good. Maybe too good. Felix didn’t want to let himself think about those kinds of things about Hyunjin. Not when he barely knew him. Not when they were living together. Especially not when the two of them would share a room for who knows how long. 

He nodded his answer, having a hard time finding his voice. He looked up and caught their reflection in the mirrors. He had completely forgotten that those were here, but apparently Hyunjin hadn’t because when Felix looked up, he caught Hyunjin’s eyes staring at the reflective surface. There was nothing that Felix could do but to stare back. Because seeing them together, the position they were in, Hyunjin’s hands on him, the look on the tall blond’s eyes and his lips slightly parted.. For some reason it looked nothing short of sinful to Felix. 

“Good.” Hyunjin almost whispered, the corner of his lips tilting up in a smirk that Felix would’ve described as sensual if he wasn’t forbidding himself to think about it this way. The boy was looking straight into Felix’s eyes through the glass. “Try again then.” he added.

And, in a blink, his hands, his warmth was gone and he backed up a few steps to give Felix the space to practice what Hyunjin just showed him. It took a second for Felix to actually oblige, still taken aback by the whole thing. But surely once again his mind had spun and spun for nothing because Hyunjin didn’t seem bothered or affected in any way now that he was looking at him, waiting for him to repeat the moves, his hands in his pockets. 

It shouldn’t have but, for a second, it made Felix feel a pinch in his heart. He suddenly felt stupid for everything he had felt, everything that ran through his mind when Hyunjin’s hands were on him. But he mentally put all of that on the fact that he was touched deprived and that his body was simply responding in a natural, biological way to his needs. Those were words he was always saying to himself during the time when he was desperately infatuated with Chan in their younger years. And this situation was no different, at the exception that he didn’t spend months or years alongside Hyunjin, simply hours at most. 

Dancing helped him bury his useless thoughts in the back of his mind and forget about the whole situation altogether. It had always been a way for him to exteriorize his mental struggles after all. So he gave it his all, going 100%. And Hyunjin was matching his energy. The two were going so hard that they didn’t utter a single word to each other for the longest time, barely taking any break to catch their breath or to drink some water. Felix knew why he was pushing himself so hard but he didn’t understand why Hyunjin was just as determined as he was to continue dancing until he couldn’t go on anymore. And he didn’t care. Felix needed this and that was all that mattered at this second.

When they finally both dropped to the floor, they were absolutely drenched in sweat and were having a hard time breathing, their gasps for air the only sound in the practice room for a few minutes. What they didn’t realize, so absorbed in dancing, like their life depended on it, was how much time had passed. When Felix’s stomach rumbled, he wondered if it was maybe close to lunch time. Grabbing his phone in his pocket, he was assaulted by dozens of notifications as soon as he looked at it. All of them coming from Chan. And when he glanced at the time, he understood why his friend had sent so many messages.

“It’s 3pm!” he exclaimed loudly. 

They arrived at the dance studio at around 9am. Felix couldn’t believe how he didn’t realize that half the day had gone by while he was dancing with Hyunjin. 

“Uhoh… Channie blew up my phone..” Hyunjin answered after grabbing his own phone to confirm what Felix had just told him.

“Yeah mine too.. We’re so dead..” Felix sighed, letting his back and head fall back on the floor. 

“Should we go then?” Hyunjin chuckled.

There was rustling behind Felix, probably from Hyunjin getting up from the floor and walking towards him since soon enough, he appeared above Felix, who was lying on the floor, watching the ceiling. Hyunjin extended his hand to the other boy, slightly wiggling his fingers to gesture Felix to take his hand. 

“You’re probably starving.” he stated, looking down at him. And, like to emphasize his words, Hyunjin’s stomach growled too. 

Felix giggled softly and accepted the hand he was offered. But he was careful to look away as Hyunjin pulled him up and to take a quick step back once he was on his feet, to not stand too close to the tall blond. He let go of his hand as quickly as possible too. He was over what had happened earlier, but he didn’t want a repeat of it. He felt stupid enough, he didn’t want to put himself through that again, to let his mind wander uselessly because Hyunjin was touching him. 

“Let’s go.” he simply stated, looking at the door. 

Hyunjin only answered with a low “umm”. Felix could feel his eyes on him for a second and went to grab his hoodie from the corner of the room to escape it. Hyunjin did the same and they left the room in an awkward silence. Maybe Felix wasn’t over what had happened in the end. 

Since Chan had taken the car to go back to the house this morning, Felix and Hyunjin had to take a cab. And in the car, the awkwardness was ever present. Felix was struggling not to glance towards Hyunjin who was alternating between staring at Felix’s side profile from the corner of his eye and intently watching the scenery through the window with a slight frown between his eyebrows. 

It was during one of those times that Felix finally broke down and looked at him. He was staring through the glass, his tongue sliding on his bottom lip every other minute. He looked annoyed, or maybe bored, Felix couldn’t tell. But he felt bad, sensing that it had something to do with him, one way or another. Maybe he hadn’t been really fair with him, avoiding to even talk to him. 

“So..” Felix started, feeling the need to break the silence. “Does everyone at the house dance like you?” he asked, feigning to watch outside instead of looking at Hyunjin.

Hyunjin shifted in his seat to look at Felix and even though his eyes were averted Felix could tell that Hyunjin was running his eyes up and down his face. He could even imagine his head being tilted just a bit, like he always does. 

“Not “like me” no. But we all dance. “ he shrugged. “Minho is the only one who is as obsessed with it as I am though. He really is the most talented of us all.” he nodded to himself. “Way better than me. I’m a little jealous, honestly.” he then chuckled, crossing his arms on his chest.

“I have a hard time believing that..” Felix mumbled without thinking, his eyes still glued to the scenery.

“What do you mean?”

“Well..” Felix cursed himself for not being able to control that stupid mouth of his. “I’ve never seen anyone dance like you before.” he tried to explain. “Everything you do seems effortless. And when you dance you’re really… intense.” he finished, feeling his cheeks burn.

“Intense, uh?” Hyunjin asked. There was a pause before Hyunjin spoke again. “You haven’t seen anything yet then, baby.” 

‘baby’? The simple word sent shivers through Felix’s whole body. He could hear the smirk in Hyunjin’s voice as he said it and understood that the boy was probably trying to mess with him and make fun of him. He knew Felix was shy and maybe he had picked up on the way he reacted to him and decided to tease him a little bit about it; Or maybe he was just calling everyone that and Felix shouldn’t see anything into it. Hyunjin laughed softly next to him and Felix’s face turned absolutely bright red as he pressed his forehead to the cool glass, wishing to simply disappear. 

The conversation died for the rest of the cab ride, but Hyunjin seemed in a way better mood than before, softly humming whatever was on the radio. Fortunately it took the cab only 10 minutes to drop them off at the house. As soon as possible, Felix jumped out of the car and followed Hyunjin to the door. 

“I’m gonna take a shower first. Go get some food in you.” Hyunjin announced as they were both entering the house. 

Felix simply nodded but before he could walk away, Hyunjin’s voice echoed again in the entrance.

“Hey.. Don’t be so nervous around me.” he said, tilting his head. Felix had to look up to be able to see his face. “You can treat me like you do Channie. So, relax, okay?” 

At that, he winked and disappeared in the staircase. Once he was away Felix sighed loudly, rubbing his hand on his face. What was wrong with him? Clearly Hyunjin had sensed how nervous and standoff-ish Felix had been on the way back and Felix didn’t want to make him feel that way; He wanted to be close to Hyunjin. The problem was that he was starting to want it a little too much and a little too quickly. And he didn’t want to get the wrong idea. 

He sighed again before his stomach growled once more and he decided to make his way to the kitchen. In the living room he found only Jisung and Minho on the couch. A horror movie was playing on the TV. Jisung was pointing a camera at his own face, talking to it excitedly while Minho was trying to focus on the TV, rolling his eyes at whatever Jisung was saying. But there still was a smirk on his lips. Jisung even managed to get a giggle out of him as Felix was walking across the room, trying not to bother them.

“Brownie boy, brownie boy!” Jisung’s voice suddenly exclaimed.

Felix turned his head towards him and smiled shyly, giving both men a little wave. Jisung’s camera was still focused on himself, but he was now looking towards Felix with a big friendly smile. That’s when Felix noticed that Jisung’s hair went from the deep brown it was before, to a very light brown, almost dirty blond. He remembered Minho saying that both Jisung and I.N had an appointment to the hairdresser today. He mentally noted that this color looked good on him. Minho was feigning to stay focused on the movie but Felix could see him watching him from the corner of his eye too.

“Thanks for the cake, bro. You’re the man!” Jisung put his thumb up in Felix’s direction.

Felix softly laughed, shaking his head.

“You’re welcome.” 

And then Jisung quickly went back to talk to his camera for a reason that totally escaped Felix. He didn’t stick around to try and understand it though, making his way to the kitchen and rummaging through the fridge to fix himself some much needed food. 

He took out enough ingredients to make two sandwiches and ate one in silence, sitting at the dining table. The only sounds were coming from the TV and Jisung and Minho periodically bickering. He could hear Minho trying to convince Jisung to go get him a cup of coffee, the other refusing to move. This whole interaction made Felix smile as he thought about what Hyunjin had told him about Minho earlier in the day.

He finished his sandwich quickly, too hungry to take his time. Getting up, he took two cups out of the cupboard, filling one with coffee from the pot. In the second one he poured some cocoa and milk, adding a dash of vanilla flavored sugar to create the perfect cup of hot chocolate. Expertly, he grabbed both mugs as well as the plate with still one sandwich on it and made his way back to the living room. 

Hyunjin was done with his shower, sitting on the other side of the couch. He was wearing a white shirt, the three top buttons undone, and a pair of black skinny jeans. His feet were bare and he was stroking his head with a fluffy towel while being in the middle of a conversation with Jisung who was pointing his camera at him.

Silently, Felix walked to the couch. He dropped the coffee cup on the coffee table in front of Minho and laid the rest - the sandwich and the hot cocoa - in front of Hyunjin. 

“I’ll go take my shower now.” he said to nobody in particular before leaving the room. 

The hot water sliding on his body was a blessing. Felix was already starting to feel his whole body getting sore from pushing it so hard. So he stayed under the water a little longer than he would’ve normally, to let his body relax a bit. But he felt bad using too much water or occupying the only bathroom for too long, so he didn’t dwell too much either. 

He lazily slid on a pair of pale blue jeans and white shirt, his body heavy. His towel was around his neck, his hair damp and slightly dripping on it as he walked downstairs once more. 

In the living room, Jisung had disappeared, leaving only Minho and Hyunjin who were talking to one another.

“Well I wasn’t there, so I don’t know.” Minho said with an unbothered shrug.

“Yeah but I’m telling you, he was freaking amazing!” Hyunjin exclaimed.

Felix walked in and Hyunjin looked up, noticing him. He tilted his head to the side with a soft smile. He changed his position on the couch, pressing his back to the back of the couch and spreading his thighs to create a gap between them. A gap that he then patted with his hand.

“Come here, baby.” he said, looking at him.

This word again. It had the same effect on Felix the second time around. But seeing as Hyunjin was saying it so easily and casually, without even being flustered by it, Felix was now pretty sure he was simply used to calling people that way. Felix was hesitant but Hyunjin was looking at him expectantly, the softest smile on his full lips. He had asked him to treat him like Chan. Maybe he could do it. Maybe if he was thinking about Hyunjin the same way he was thinking about Chan, then he wouldn’t start having useless thoughts every time the boy was around. At least he hoped it would be the case.

So he obeyed and walked towards the couch, towards Hyunjin whose smile grew. He sat between Hyunjin’s long legs a little awkwardly, trying very hard to control the fire he was sensing in his cheeks. As soon as he was seated, he felt Hyunjin grab the towel around his neck. Soon said towel was placed on his wet hair. With his long, slender fingers, Hyunjin started to softly rub the towel on Felix’s head, drying his hair little by little. Felix couldn’t help but be reminded that he wanted to do exactly the same thing for Hyunjin the night before, making his cheeks flush once more.

It felt good having someone take care of him. It always felt good to him, to be coddled but now especially, with his heavy and sore body, it was really nice. Hyunjin was applying just the right amount of pressure, making it feel more like a scalp massage than simply him drying his hair. His thighs pressed closer against Felix’s own legs, warmth seeping from them, easing the soreness in Felix’s thighs just a little bit. He felt himself relax immediately, forgetting the nervousness of being so close to Hyunjin completely. That was why he always loved being touched and cuddled. 

On the other side of the couch, Minho was watching them with a little frown, intrigued. But he quickly turned his attention back to the screen when Hyunjin talked to him.

“Man, why are you always watching this stuff, it’s so creepy.” he said.

He stopped rubbing the towel on Felix’s hair, which was now as dry as it would get, and put the towel aside. Soon his large hands found their way back on Felix’s shoulders though. But Felix was relaxed enough now that he didn’t mind, didn’t freak out about it like he had done in the dance studio. All he wanted was the warmth and the affection the other boy would give him. Chan wasn’t around to cuddle him right now and Felix was craving it badly. 

“It’s educational.” Minho answered briefly.

“How is this educational? It’s a psycho running after teenagers with a machete, not National Geographic!” 

Hyunjin’s thumb slightly moved. He was now pressing it on the bare skin of Felix’s neck instead of on the fabric of his t-shirt where the rest of his hand laid. Slowly, he started to make little circles, stroking Felix’s skin with his thumb. It seemed unconscious on his part since he was still busy talking with Minho. It was distracting, wonderfully so, and Felix closed his eyes for a second, enjoying the touch, tilting his head ever so slightly to the side, exposing his neck some more. A sound resembling a purr escaped his lips, so softly that even Felix himself didn’t notice it.

“Because I’m learning how to kill all of you the day you piss me off.” Minho answered Hyunjin, his eyes not budging from the TV. He sounded so serious about it, but Felix had a feeling this simply was the type of humor Minho enjoyed.

Felix could swear he heard Hyunjin’s breath hitched behind him, but he couldn’t tell if it was because of Minho’s comment. Or was it because of Felix’s reaction to his touch? His body always reacted this way with touch and affection, always craving more once he had a little bit. The fact that the hand touching him belonged to Hyunjin was irrelevant. Or so Felix was telling himself. And he hadn’t done anything sinful or weird either, he just exposed his neck to Hyunjin leaning ever so slightly back into his embrace, not even enough for it to be noticed by the other boy. So surely, his reaction was due to Minho.

“You’re so…” Hyunjin started to retort after a second.

But he never finished his sentence. He shut his mouth because someone new entered the living room. It was Chan. His arms were crossed on his chest, his hair were slightly ruffled and he didn’t look very happy with them. Instinctively, like to protect himself from Chan’s wrath or to try to disappear from his view, Felix leaned back against Hyunjin. Hyunjin’s arms slid around his neck in a position not too different from the one Chan and Felix were in, on the couch the night before. 

Minho sighed and quickly got up, shutting off the TV.

“I’m outta here.” he announced before glancing towards Felix and Hyunjin “Good luck.” he said.

He gave Chan a tap on the shoulder before walking out of the living room altogether, leaving the two boys alone with a displeased Chan staring at them. He looked like a pissed off father getting ready to give the lecture of his kids’ life. They would, indeed, need all the luck they could get.


	8. Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you SO MUCH for the love, I really wasn't expecting as big a response to my story ♥
> 
> I'm now so obsessed with this, that I have a Spotify Playlist for In Need of Sunshine. It's still a work in progress and it's just random songs that make me think of this story and these characters, in no particular order. But if any of you are interested in that kind of thing, just ask! ;)

“Hey there Channie!” Hyunjin exclaimed, a little too excitedly to be genuine.

Felix shoved Hyunjin in the chest with his elbow slightly. Now was not the time. In response, the other boy ever so slightly tightened his embrace around Felix. 

“When I left you at the studio this morning, I didn’t mean for you to spend the whole day there.” Chan started, staring them down.

“Well technically it wasn’t all…” Hyunjin started.

Felix shoved him again with his elbow and the blond stopped before finishing his sentence. But even if Felix hadn’t intervened, the look Chan gave him probably would’ve shut him up anyway. 

“I always tell you not to overwork yourself!” Chan warned, pointing at Hyunjin. “Do you listen to me? No. I bet you didn’t even take a lunch break, did you?” he sighed loudly. “I’m already worried enough with you doing it, but now you’re having Felix follow your example…” 

“Chan, stop it, it was my fault.” Felix quickly cut off Chan, not wanting to see him lecture Hyunjin.

“Felix, it’s not…” he tried to start arguing again, but Felix wasn’t having it.

“ _I wanted to dance._ ” he blurted out, using their native language. 

This seemed to soften Chan right up. It wasn’t completely obvious because he was still staring at them from the middle of the room with his arms crossed on his chest and a frown on his face. But Felix knew Chan and his eyes could never lie. Felix tried to get up to go towards Chan, but as soon as he initiated the movement he felt some resistance coming from Hyunjin’s arms around him. He didn’t seem to want to let the other boy walk away. Felix got to his feet nonetheless, forcing Hyunjin to let him go. He felt slightly cold now that the taller boy’s body wasn’t against his anymore.

“ _I’m sorry.._ ” Felix softly said, taking a few steps towards Chan who finally uncrossed his arms, another sign that he was softening up.

“ _You should…_ ” he sighed, rubbing a big and on his face. “ _You could’ve at least answered your texts.._ ” he finished, giving a scolding look to Felix. It was clear how much he constantly worried for them, Felix and all the others.

“ _I know.. I’m sorry._ ” Felix repeated. “ _But, listen. We’re fine.. I’m fine.._ ” he smiled softly.

“ _You’re always making me worry…_ ” he mumbled under his breath looking away before sighing once more and looking back at Felix. “ _Did you at least have fun?_ ”

To that question, Felix’s bright smile, the one he seemed to reserve only for Chan, took over his lips. He wrinkled his little nose in that cute way of his, with a genuinely happy giggle, nodding his head ever so slightly.

“ _I really did._ ”

This reaction finally broke down Chan’s last barrier and he offered him a smile in return. His hand landed on Felix's head, stroking his hair gently, in that brotherly way of his.

“ _That’s good…_ ” he said, and sounded genuinely relieved to hear that. 

Behind Felix, Hyunjin was simply watching the exchange in silence. Felix couldn’t see it, but he was attacking his lower lip with his teeth repeatedly, staring at Chan and Felix talking in the language that was foreign to him. 

Now that Chan was in a better mood, Felix didn’t want to dwell on the subject any longer. He always wanted people around him to be happy and relaxed and always prided himself on being good at creating this sort of atmosphere for everybody. That was exactly why Chan had chosen the nickname of “sunshine” for him all those years ago. So, true to himself, he asked :

“ _Hot chocolate?_ ” he looked up at Chan before turning his head towards Hyunjin. “Hot chocolate?” he asked again, switching to Korean this time. “Hot chocolate!” he then decided without waiting for an answer from either of them.

Because a good cup of hot chocolate always made people happy. So he disappeared into the kitchen as soon as he had made up his mind on the subject, hearing Chan chuckle behind him. 

After fixing up three new cups in the kitchen, Felix made his way back to the living room, careful not to spill anything. Chan had moved to sit on the couch. The TV was back on, switched to another channel but only serving as background noise. Hyunjin and Chan were both silent. Maybe the tension between the two was still not totally eased despite Felix’s intervention.

There was a small space between Chan and Hyunjin and, after putting all the cups on the coffee table, he naturally plopped himself right between the two of them, almost squishing himself in that spot. Chan chuckled once more at his behavior.

“Thanks sunshine” he smiled taking his cup in one hand and bringing it to his lips while putting his other arm around Felix’s shoulders.

“Thanks baby” Hyunjin retorted, reaching for his mug as well.

Suddenly Chan loudly coughed in his cup, almost spitting the hot liquid out of his mouth, his eyes open wide. Thinking that his friend was choking on his cocoa, Felix softly tapped him in the back.

“Are you okay?” Felix asked.

Next to him, Hyunjin had a pleased smirk glued to his lips as he tilted his cup to drink some of his own chocolate. Once Chan got his coughing under control, he nodded, turning his head to Felix. He was slightly frowning, like he was trying to understand something but Felix simply put it on the fact that he probably hurt his throat coughing so hard.

“I’m good.” he said, frowning while looking at Felix for a few more seconds before letting his face relax some more and turning his head towards the TV instead. 

They spent a few minutes just sipping their chocolate, they only sounds coming from the TV. Felix had let his head fall on Chan’s shoulder as a force of habit and his friend was now softly stroking his hair, absently. Felix’s eyes were closed as he was enjoying the attention Chan was giving him when he started to feel fingers going up and down his upper arm, slowly. He knew it had to be Hyunjin since it was on his side and both of Chan’s hands were already busy. It felt really nice. But as always, whenever he received a little attention, Felix wanted more.

Blindly he reached for Hyunjin’s hand, which was dancing on his skin. When finally his fingers found his, the smaller blond grabbed the hand and pulled it towards him, to be able to play with it. He opened one eye, looking at Hyunjin’s long fingers that were now resting in his own hand in front of him. Hyunjin didn’t object, simply looking at the other boy with a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

He pressed his hand against Hyunjin’s, intrigued by how much bigger his were. And he arrived at the conclusion that his hands were absolutely tiny compared to Hyunjin’s. The taller boy bent the tip of his fingers, showing just how much longer they were compared to Felix’s. This made the boy slightly giggle, which, as a result, made Hyunjin smile. He then started to play with Hyunjin’s hand, unconsciously massaging it between his small fingers as he focused his attention back on Chan, talking to him.

“So, were you able to fix whatever the problem was this morning?” he asked, even though he had no idea what it was that Chan actually needed to fix in the first place.

“Um?” Chan asked. He had been too focused on the TV to notice anything else. “Oh, yeah. It was a close one, but we managed to get the video out in time.” he chuckled with a little nod of his head. 

“Video?” Felix asked, a little confused.

“Well yeah, the fans were expecting it by this afternoon, so…” 

“Fans?” Felix’s confusion just grew. He tilted himself upright instead of slouching on Chan’s shoulder. “I thought you guys were doing music as a… hobby or something?” he said, looking from Chan to Hyunjin and back. 

Hyunjin laughed softly. His hand was still in Felix’s but he was now the one playing with it, not the opposite.

“Wow Channie, you really failed to mention a lot of stuff..” he commented, arching his brows.

“It just.. never came up.” Chan admitted, but he looked surprised about the fact that Felix wasn’t aware of anything, like he had completely forgotten that he never spoke to him about it. “Yeah, no, music is our money-maker at the moment. “ he then explained, looking at Felix with a smile. “We don’t really do shows or anything like that, we’re not popular enough for that. But… we’re pretty well known online actually.” 

He shrugged like it was no big deal but it was clear on his face that he was not only happy about it but also extremely proud of that fact. 

“So.. What? You post videos of your songs on Youtube?”

“Amongst other things, yeah..” Chan nodded. “We’re actually really active online and invested in the fan base that we do have so we’re putting a lot of content out..” 

Hyunjin snorted at that, like it was an understatement, which, knowing Chan’s tendency of always working too much and being too much a perfectionist, Felix could easily believe that it was. Chan ignored that and continued his explanation though. He seemed happy to finally talk about it to Felix. 

“We all have our preferences, but we all participate. Vlogs, dance covers and dance practices, lives… And we also try to create our own music videos sometimes, but that’s rarer, ‘cause making it look professional and cool takes months of preparation. And with those guys it’s always a pain.” he chuckled.

Hyunjin nodded his agreement next to Felix, his thumb now drawing invisible circles on the inside of Felix's small wrist. 

“Chan spends his life on Vlive, fans absolutely adore him.” he laughed. 

“C’mon, they love all of us..” Chan stated. He looked a little flustered to be told that fans especially loved him, which was pretty cute.

But it was a lot of information for Felix to digest, it was a little bit overwhelming to be honest. He knew that Chan had spent those last two years in a band, but he thought they were making music for fun in a garage once or twice a week and called it a day. He would’ve never imagined that this was such a serious thing. And he suddenly felt a little bit stupid for knowing so little about something so important in his best friend’s life. 

“I can’t believe I didn’t know any of that…” he announced, dumbfounded. 

If he was honest with himself, Felix felt a tiny bit hurt that Chan never mentioned any of it despite how clearly important it was to him. Music had always been his life, he had left Australia, left Felix behind, to pursue it after all. So the fact that not only did he form a band but he was now actively making a living out of it, building a fan base and creating music and content on the daily basis… It was a big deal. And Felix thought it would’ve been the kind of thing Chan would want to announce to Felix, to share his success with his long time friend. 

He didn’t like having negative feelings, especially not towards Chan, but he felt a bit overwhelmed by the whole thing. He was a sensitive person and so it was hard for him to process his feelings, keep his cool and bottle any negative emotion for long. He knew how stupid it was to be so affected by something so silly. Chan hadn’t talked to him about it because he never asked. Like he said, it just never came up in the conversation. But still, Felix couldn’t stop an unpleasant feeling to settle in the pit of his stomach. 

“Wow.. That’s a lot.” he forced a chuckle as he quickly got up, Hyunjin’s finger letting go of his wrist. “Guess I have a lot of catching up to do, uh?” he added, still forcing that little laugh to come out of his throat. He didn’t want to show he was bothered, because it wasn’t a big deal and so he would act like it. 

He took the three empty mugs from the coffee table, seeing in them a way to escape the whole situation and quickly made his way to the kitchen to put them in the sink without further comment. 

Over the running water and the sound of the sponge he was rubbing against the mug, he didn’t hear Hyunjin walking in the kitchen and up to him, leaning his hip against the kitchen counter, looking down at him.

“You okay?” he asked, and Felix almost jumped at the sound.

“Yeah, why do you ask?” he asked, focusing on the dishes instead of the other man. “I guess I’m just a bit tired. I should just take a quick nap or something, I’m sore everywhere.” he added, finally looking at Hyunjin and offering him a soft smile, as genuine as possible. 

Hyunjin tilted his head to the side, a slight frown between his eyebrows, looking at Felix’s face up and down for a second before simply nodding. He reached for the spong, prying it from Felix’s hand with his long fingers and offered him a small smile in which Felix could detect concern. 

“Go rest then..” he said, his voice soft, but still a little firm, like it was an order more than a suggestion.

Felix could only nod and obey. Because he felt childish for having this feelings inside him and he didn’t want the others, especially not Chan, to realize what was actually going through his head and how much he was acting and reacting like a child. But also because, in a weird way, he always felt compelled to oblige when Hyunjin was taking that tone with him. That tone that seemed to be commanding and still so smooth at the same time. Like when he asked him to get up and join him in the dance studio, or when he told him to come sit between his legs earlier. So, under Hyunjin’s gaze, he left the kitchen.

He passed Chan in the living room, who seemed lost in his own thoughts, his head between his hands, not noticing that Felix was even here. He felt relieved that he wouldn’t have to explain to Chan why he was suddenly fleeing the conversation to go back to his room. So he didn’t linger there for Chan to notice him and quickly left the room and took the stairs two by two.

Once in the room, Felix felt even more stupid. He didn’t know what to do with himself or with his feelings. He threw himself on his bed, stared at the ceiling, tried to nap, tossed and turned for long minutes, to no avail. He just never knew how to deal with negative emotions of any kind. It was fair to say that Lee Felix was bad at feelings. Those kinds of feelings at least. He didn’t want to throw a fit, he didn’t want to cry.. Honestly he wasn’t even sure why he was so upset about the whole thing since he, himself, knew that it wasn’t that big of a deal. So he really had no idea what to do with himself now.

After counting the number of tiles on the ceiling for the third time, Felix couldn’t take it anymore. His mind was turning and turning, thinking about everything he learned and the more he thought about it, the supider he felt about the fact that a whole part of Chan’s life was a complete mystery to him. Not only that, but he knew nothing about what any of his new roommates did. This was their whole life and they were the people he was going to live with… He should know those things. He shouldn’t be as clueless as he was now. 

And he wouldn’t stand there, staying ignorant when he could do something about it. It simply wasn’t the Felix way. So he rummaged through his good old backpack, fishing out his slick laptop, the only valuable thing he had kept from his old life in Australia. He opened it with determination, opening his browser and clicking on the Youtube icon. He stopped on the homepage, fingers hovering above his keyboard for a second. How could he find their content when he knew next to nothing about it? But he suddenly remembered his conversation with Hyunjin at the dance studio. About Chan taking in strays…

Stray Kids, was that what he said? Felix fingers ran on the keys, pressing each letter before hitting enter. He was immediately redirected to a Youtube channel by the same name. He felt a little sense of victory when he noticed Chan’s face on the thumbnail of the last video posted on the channel. He had found the right one. Now all he had to do was watch the content they offered and then maybe he could understand it, understand them a little better.

But the number of videos listed on the channel was astronomical. Chan wasn’t kidding when he said that they produced a lot of content. Really, “a lot” seemed like a huge understatement. And Felix had absolutely no idea where to begin with. Once more, he felt extremely overwhelmed. But not discouraged. He would learn more about Stray Kids and what they did. Maybe then he would be able to get rid of those useless negative feelings that he didn’t know what to do with. 

He was intently staring at his screen, trying to figure out if he should start from the top and click “watch all” and sit through hours on end of content, or pick something in particular, a specific type of video to start with, when the door suddenly opened. Felix jumped out of his skin, his head snapping up, tilting his screen down like he was trying to hide something shameful. In the doorframe, Hyunjin was looking back at him with an eyebrow raised.

“Did I interrupt something..?” he asked, a sly smile forming on his lips, as he stepped in closing the door behind him.

Felix didn’t need to be a genius to understand what he was insinuating and instantly his cheeks turned bright red and he shook his head from side to side energetically, gesturing with his hands, desperate to make Hyunjin understand he had it all wrong. The whole thing just made Hyunjin burst out in laughter. The sound was music to Felix’s ears. Hyunjin had a really pretty, melodious laugh. But he was so embarrassed that all he could do was hide his face in his hands, his cheeks burning hot against his palms. 

“...really too cute…” Hyunjin’s voice was barely audible and Felix wondered if he was saying this to himself and didn’t mean for Felix to hear him, but he did, and it didn’t help with his furious blushing. “I was just checking up on you before going back to work. What are you up to?” he then asked aloud.

Felix felt his mattress sink a little next to him and he knew Hyunjin had sat there. He managed to look up, hoping his face wasn’t as red as it felt. The tall blond was close to him, closer than Felix initially thought, and he was looking at him with a soft smile, his head tilted just the way only he knew how to. 

“Back to work?” he asked, struggling not to stare at Hyunjin’s beautiful face. 

He licked his dry lips with the tip of his tongue and immediately Hyunjin’s eyes drifted there, following the movement of Felix’s tongue on his pink lips. He lingered there a second too long, Felix barely remembering how to breath under his glare. He was trying not to picture what it would be like if Hyunjin leaned and kissed him, because he knew it was inappropriate and not something Hyunjin himself had in mind. And, he didn’t want to think about it especially because he knew it would never happen. No matter how much he realized he would probably like it. Finally Hyunjin’s eyes shifted back up and he cleared his throat.

“Yeah, we need to record some vocals today.” he nodded and Felix nodded back, the tinge of unpleasantness he felt earlier tugging back at his heart once more. “So.. What were you watching?” he then smiled, that teasing smile.

He leaned, extending his arms to grab the edge of Felix’s laptop, lifting the screen up to see what was displayed on it. In this position, Hyunjin’s chest was pressed against Felix’s side, his face only centimeters away from his own, his breath hot against his cheek. 

“I just.. I wanted.. I was..” Felix struggled to say anything coherent, as much because of Hyunjin’s proximity than because of the fact that he felt very embarrassed being caught snooping on the band’s channel. “I was trying to know more..” he finally admitted, looking away shyly. “But I didn’t know where to start..”

When Hyunjin saw the screen the corners of his lips quirked up. He turned his head ever so slightly to look at Felix. The look in his eyes was so soft and so was the smile on his lips.

“Should we watch some together then?” he asked casually.

“Don’t you have to go record..?” 

As a response, Hyunjin grabbed the laptop and shifted his body to press his back against the bed frame, his long legs now completely extended on Felix’s mattress, one arm behind his head and the laptop on his lap.

“I have a bit of time to kill until then…” he smiled

Some small strands of hair were falling in front of Hyunjin’s face, his eyes seemed amused and his smile was inviting. If Felix had a camera, he knew he would’ve created the perfect picture of Hyunjin, just there. With his hand, the tall blond gave a few pats to the spot next to him on the mattress, looking at Felix intently. 

“Come here, baby.”

And Felix obeyed. Of course he did.


	9. You Are Amazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not as proud of this chapter, but I still hope you like it! ♥
> 
> And omg, already more than 1,5k hits and 150 kudos. You crazy people, thank you so much! ♥

Felix sat next to Hyunjin. This bed wasn’t made for two grown adults so no matter how much Felix tried to keep a little distance between them, he ended up completely pressed against Hyunjin’s side, who was patiently waiting, watching him from the corner of his eye. After shuffling a little bit, struggling to get in a comfortable position, he simply crossed his arms on his chest, trying his best not to lean against Hyunjin more than was necessary and fixed his eyes on the screen. 

“I haven’t seen the last one they’ve uploaded yet, should we watch that?” Hyunjin asked, his long finger hovering over the touchpad. 

“What kind of video is it?” Felix asked, intrigued but shy and embarrassed to show said interest. 

“Just a kind of vlog of some stuff we did last week.” he shrugged. “We upload individual vlogs often but those with all of us are more rare. Us all being at the same place, doing the same thing, at the same time doesn’t happen as much as you would think.” he then chuckled. 

“But… You’re working together and living together.. I thought you were all together 24/7..” Felix admitted, confused.

“You would think that, yeah. “ Hyunjin nodded. “We’re all pretty well rounded but still we each have our specialities in the band, so most of the time we’re all busy with different things, here and there.”

Felix nodded his understanding. It somewhat made sense. But the explanation only made him even more curious. He turned his head slightly towards Hyunjin, his lower lip stuck between his teeth.

“So.. What are your specialities then?” he asked sheepishly.

“Well..” he looked at Felix. “Obviously, I’m the eye-candy.” he stated, gesturing to his face, his smile was teasing, amused. 

“Obviously..” Felix blurted out under his breath before he could think better of it, his eyes glued to Hyunjin’s gorgeous face. “I mean..” he quickly started again, his eyes round and shocked, his cheeks flushed, barely believing the words that came out of his mouth.

This made Hyunjin laugh, leaning his head towards Felix’s unconsciously as he did, amusement shining in his eyes. Amusement and something else. Was it relief? Longing? Felix didn’t get time to dwell on it. 

“Thank you.” Hyunjin said, some laughter still audible in his voice. 

He reached for Felix's face, brushing his cheek with his long fingers before tucking a strand of Felix’s blond hair behind his ear as he was thanking him. Felix felt himself lean into the touch and he hated his body for being so touch deprived even in a situation that was so embarrassing for him. Too soon, Hyunjin’s hand left Felix’s face but quickly after that he felt his arm fall on his small shoulders. Hyunjin was doing all of this so naturally that Felix felt stupid for reacting so much to his touch. He tried to remind himself that he needed to treat Hyunjin the same way he treated Chan. 

“Seriously though.. Minho and I are in charge of almost everything dance related. We create the choreographies, we teach it to everyone for the dance practice videos.. I like to make dance covers for the channel too. So I spend a lot of time with Minho, and even more time in the dance studio. To Chan’s displeasure.” he chuckled. “And I have a knack for both photography and fashion according to the others, so.. I’m charged with taking most of the pictures that end up on our social media and I assist with coming up with looks for our big videos, like the music videos and all that.” 

He shrugged, like it was no big deal. But Felix found it impressive that the other boy was in charge of so much, was good at so many things. Hyunjin didn’t seem aware of just how extraordinary he was and it astonished Felix that the boy didn’t realize something that was so clear to him, even though he had known him only for two days.

“You’re amazing.” he said, looking straight at him. He didn’t feel shy saying it because he felt like it was something Hyunjin needed to hear, something that was important to say. 

Felix always wanted people around him to feel loved, appreciated and to know how awesome they were. He knew how important it was in life to hear those things, to have someone tell you that you’re doing good, that you’re talented, that your dreams are valid. He knew it all too well because for a long time he didn’t have that person, saying those things to him. So he had decided, back then, that he would be that person to others, as much as he could. It was part of his sunny, attentionate, protective personality. 

“Not really..” Hyunjin chuckled. Felix didn’t like the way he was depreciating himself. “Chan is basically doing everything and anything and he’s absolutely phenomenal with all the technical and producing side of music. And fans definitely adore him. Jisung and Changbin help Chan a lot with producing all of our songs and they write so many amazing lyrics. Minho is a genius choreographer and he has a really good eye for makeup too! I.N skills with a computer and with editing softwares are out of this world, we wouldn’t be able to do anything online without him. And Seungmin is always keeping our schedules straight, making sure everything is done by the deadlines and he’s helping Chan a lot with promoting us and with SEO and all that stuff, he’s so good at it. We would be lost without him. So really it’s not…” he was talking quickly, listing all the good things he could about the other members.

“Hyunjin.” Felix cut him off, calling his name seriously, maybe even a little firmly, still looking at him without flinching. 

Hyunjin stopped, looking back at Felix. He seemed a little surprised by the tone of the other boy, by the serious look in his eyes. It wasn’t an expression he had seen on Felix’s face before.

“You. Are. Amazing.” Felix stated, clearly enunciating each word slowly, holding Hyunjin’s gaze with his own.

The two stared at each other in silence for a few seconds before Hyunjin finally nodded slightly and looked away. Felix could swear Hyunjin’s cheeks took a beautiful soft pink color as he turned his eyes back towards the screen, probably to avoid Felix’s gaze. It made him feel good, happy even, to see that the message came across. More than that, it made him feel surprisingly giddy to see that he, too, was able to have a little bit of effect on the man after he, himself, had blushed so many times because of him. 

It improved Felix’s mood slightly and made a tiny smile appear on the corner of his lips. He lifted his hand to his shoulder, where Hyunjin’s palm rested and he took his hand to play with his fingers just like he had done on the couch earlier, leaning a bit against him to be able to see the screen properly. With his free hand, he brought his index finger on the touchpad.

“Shall we?” he asked and Hyunjin simply nodded.

So Felix clicked on the last video that had been uploaded and waited, having no idea what to expect. 

The video was about fifteen minutes long. There were different clips of all the boys doing different things. In one Chan was sleeping, sitting on a chair, his head falling in front of him. It made Felix want to take care of him. He was always overworking himself and from what he heard, it was worse now than it had been in the past. Yes Felix didn’t feel very good about his friend not telling him anything about his band and his fame, but it didn’t mean he didn’t feel extremely protective over him still, and that he didn’t worry. 

In the same clip, Hyunjin was sleeping too, his head on I.N’s lap. He was extremely cute when asleep but Felix couldn’t help but want to be I.N so he could have Hyunjin on his lap instead. He tried not to dwell on that mental image even though it was hard not to think about it. 

In the following clip, Seungmin, Changbin and Chan were messing around, doing funny voices, quickly joined by the rest of the band who started to talk and sing while doing weird voices, cracking up and laughing with one another.

After that was a clip where Hyunjin, who was behind the camera, was pointing the lens at each member's face, asking them to make a pretty face. Minho smiled and Hyunjin commented on how cute he looked. Minho repeating “Oh, am I cute?” and making a funny duck face to the camera in response. 

There was also a clip of all of them in the dance studio, Hyunjin and Minho in front, showing off their synchronised choreography while all the others were goofing around, loosely following the steps but being chaotic and loud more than anything, laughing and screaming and waving their arms around with silly expressions on their faces. 

Some clips were just of members talking straight to the camera, addressing their fans, explaining what they were doing during the day whether it was recording, dancing or simply playing games together. They all seemed really comfortable in front of the camera and they also were all excited and happy to talk to their fans through the lens. To Felix, it was impressive. He couldn’t imagine being in front of the camera, let alone knowing that the video was going to be seen by a bunch of people. He would be nervous, shy and awkward, for sure.

In the last clip the camera was fixed in front of the couch in the house where they were all seated. Chan explained to the camera that they were going to watch their last music video for the first time and react to it. He then pressed a button on the remote and the rest of the clip was all of them laughing, cringing or being impressed by whatever was happening on the screen in front of them. 

The video was then finished by a clip of each member saying goodbye to fans and waving at the camera, all adding their own little flare to it. 

“What do you think?” Hyunjin asked at the end of the video.

He took his arm away from Felix’s shoulder to take the laptop and leaned to put it at the end of the bed instead of keeping it on his lap before going back to his initial position, his arm around Felix. Instinctively Felix grabbed Hyunjin’s hand once more as soon as it was back on his shoulder, playing abstenly with his long fingers. Hyunjin was smiling softly at him, his head tilted to the side.

“Are you guys always this… chaotic?” Felix asked.

He was especially surprised, watching the video, about how much they could all act like children sometimes, so carefree, loud and silly. Even Minho, Seungmin and Changbin. Neither of those three gave him ‘silly’ vibes when he met them. Minho, of course, seemed cold and maybe a bit mean at first. Changbin was simply really intimidating and looked quite mysterious. And Seungmin looked so calm and composed. So it was hard to imagine any of them doing silly dances, cutesy voices and jump on other members begging for hugs. And still, that’s exactly what Felix witnessed in this video. 

It was proof that first impressions could be very wrong, and that he really didn’t know any of his roommates. And just like Hyunjin had told him earlier, it seemed like all the members were really cuddly with one another, always sleeping on each other, hugging one another or other little things like that, no matter where they were or what they were doing. Maybe Felix shouldn’t be so shy with them then. It was easier said than done, but it felt to him like, if they warmed up to him and if he was acting more comfortable around them, they could all really get along. 

“You have no idea.” Hyunjin laughed, throwing his head back slightly. 

“You all seem to have fun though. You seem… happy.” Felix noticed sheepishly.

“We really are, yeah. It’s a lot of work, but it’s worth it, 100%.” Hyunjin declared without a hint of hesitation, his smile soft and warm.

And all Felix could do was smile back. That small, shy smile of his. He was relieved to at least know that Chan was happy. He was working too much, but he was doing what he loved with people he obviously loved very dearly too. Felix couldn’t have hoped for anything better for his best friend. He would’ve liked if Chan had shared his happiness with him, but he couldn’t be mad at him for it. Not when he could see, in that single video and in the way he treated the others, that he had found his path and found his home here. 

“Say..” Hyunjin said after a little silence.

“Yeah?”

“You seemed bothered earlier. When we were talking about the band with Chan..” he continued. It wasn’t really a question, more of an observation.

Felix sighed, biting his lip. He still felt silly for the way he felt, the way he reacted after this conversation with Chan. He had hoped Hyunjin didn’t notice, but clearly he hadn’t been as subtle as he wanted with his feelings. The smile Hyunjin was giving him made him want to confess, if only a little, to him. With his arm around his shoulder, his fingers playing with his, and that warm look in his eyes, he made Felix feel safe enough to open up.

“Was I that obvious?” he asked before sighing once more. “I feel so stupid.. Chan, he is… Well he had a very important role in my life back in Australia. I don’t have the best relationship with my parents and he was the only one believing in my dreams and encouraging me so I learned to lean on him.. A lot. Too much.. So when he left I was absolutely crushed. But I was supportive because I wanted him to follow his dreams. And so.. I dunno, I guess I thought he would’ve wanted me to know he had finally made it. And hearing that he was able to live from making music for two years and I wasn’t aware of it, it.. hurt a little bit..” Felix tilted his head down, looking away, feeling foolish. “It’s childish, isn’t it?” he said, clearly disappointed with himself and his behavior. 

After a second, he felt slender fingers slide under his chin, gripping it to tilt his head back up, forcing Felix to look straight into Hyunjin’s eyes.

“Absolutely not.” he said, his voice soft but his tone firm. “It’s totally normal to want to be included. I understand wanting to be part of someone’s life like that.” he said. “Especially when it’s someone you’re in love with.” he added, the words a little more firm, a little less soft. 

Felix opened and closed his mouth two or three times. He knew he was bad at hiding his emotions, but he never thought he was as easy to read as an open book.

“It’s not… I’m not… It..” he stuttered, blinking rapidly, his chin still trapped between Hyunjin’s fingers. “Maybe I did have a.. crush on him back then but it’s not.. That’s not like that anymore.” he shook his head as much as the grip on his chin allowed him to. 

“Is that so?” Hyunjin asked. His eyes were peering into Felix’s brown orbs.

Felix nodded slowly. It took a second but a small smile reappeared on Hyunjin’s lips. Felix wasn’t sure what was up with him and what this reaction meant. Hyunjin was good at confusing him. He didn’t seem to like the idea of Felix being in love with Chan, but why? Felix had no idea.

“Good.” Hyunjin simply announced, moving from his position to slowly get up from the bed.

“Are you.. going to work?” Felix asked shyly, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking away from Hyunjin.

He felt like it was too soon. He wanted more time with Hyunjin. He wanted more cuddles, he wanted to hear his voice more. He just wanted more. He didn’t let himself wonder why, he just knew he did and that made him feel very embarrassed. Hyunjin fished his phone out of his pocket, probably to check the time.

“Yeah, it’s time.” he nodded. There was silence for a few seconds but Hyunjin didn’t leave the room, simply looking at Felix. “Do you wanna come with me?” 

Felix looked up, surprised by the offer. But he felt like he was already intruding too much. Not only did he intrude in their home, living with them out of the blue, but he had also intruded on Chan and Hyunjin’s dance practice this morning. Now that he knew how important and serious all this was for them, he felt guilty about it all.

“I don’t think..” he started.

“Please.” Hyunjin said simply, with a little pout hiding a smile. “Chan won’t mind.” he assured. “He’s been sulking ever since you went to the room..” he explained with a little shrug before offering a small smile. “You two are really alike.” he chuckled. “If someone can cheer him up it’s you so..” 

He extended his hand to Felix to help him up. Felix’s heart hurt a little bit hearing that Chan wasn’t feeling good either. And to be honest with himself, Felix really wanted to hear their music, to see them work, to learn more first hand. So he nodded imperceptibly and put his hand in Hyunjin’s palm. The tall blond squeezed Felix’s small fingers and pulled him up with a smile. Keeping Felix’s hand firmly in his, Hyunjin led him out of the bedroom. 

The house was really silent and Felix came to the conclusion that everyone was already gone to the recording studio, wherever that was. He knew Chan rented a dance space, but could he also rent a recording studio? This had to be very expensive. He wanted to ask the question to Hyunjin but once they were down the stairs, the boy didn’t stop. Felix thought they would put on their shoes at the door and head outside, but no. 

Without a word, Hyunjin dragged him towards a door next to the stairs, leading straight into another staircase. Without hesitation, he started to go down the stairs, tugging on Felix’s hand, urging him to follow. 

Felix hadn’t been wrong when he had thought that the band was making music in some sort of garage or basement. However, this wasn’t the kind of basement he had in mind. Because they were, without a doubt, in the basement of the house, but the whole thing looked more modern and more expensive than the rest of the whole house. The ground was covered with a beautiful dark wooden flooring and the walls were all painted in a dark gray color, guitars and bass guitars on display on one of the walls and a big drum set tucked in a corner of the room, in the back. The other corner was turned into a big booth with a microphone in it and noise cancelling padding on the walls. A recording space. Facing the booth was a large table with multiple mixing tables and a laptop. And in the middle of the room, turned away from the staircase, was a brown leather couch and two matching armchairs. 

It was absolutely astonishing and Felix stopped at the end of the stairs, his mouth open, his eyes wide, taking it all in. Hyunjin was looking at him with a smile, a glint of pride shining in his eyes. All the other members were already there. Minho was sitting in an armchair, trying to tune a bass guitar that was sitting on his lap. Jisung was sitting on the arm of Minho’s chair, talking excitedly to him. I.N was sitting on the floor in front of the couch, his laptop in front of him and Changbin trying to bother him from behind, poking his cheek repeatedly, chuckling. Seungmin was calmly sitting in the second armchair, looking over at I.N and Changbin with an affectionate smile. 

And then there was Chan. He was on the couch, his elbows on his knees and his chin plopped on his joined hands, looking down at his feet, his lips drawing a tight, straight line. He was facing away from the staircase and didn’t even look their way when Hyunjin and Felix arrived and everyone else looked up. 

“You’re late!” Minho commented.

Hyunjin squeezed Felix’s fingers, giving him a little look from him to Chan, like he was trying to tell him ‘go on’ before he let go of his hand and moved towards Minho.

“Sorry, sorry! “he laughed, leaning to hug Minho from the side, the other boy struggling to avoid him, feigning disgust even though a clear smile was trying to break out on his face.

Jisung was laughing, trying to push Hyunjin away and pull Minho closer to him at the same time. Seungmin looked briefly at Felix with a warm smile before focusing on the chaos taking place in front of him, while I.N, softly laughing, was still focusing on his computer as best he could, with Changbin that was now leaning on his back, putting all his weight into it.

Felix took this opportunity to walk towards Chan. He arrived behind the couch, behind Chan and leaned, wrapping his arms around his best friends neck, his chin on his shoulder. Chan’s hand instinctively came up, stroking Felix’s forearm.

“ _I’m sorry.._ ” he said, so softly only Felix could hear.

“ _Me too…_ ” Felix sighed, burying his nose in Chan’s neck from behind.

Finally, a small smile tugged at the corners of Chan’s lips. And Felix couldn’t see it, but the absolute relief that was visible in that smile, was simply heartbreaking. The two stayed in the position, not talking, for a few seconds, Felix simply wanting to show his quiet affection and love to his friend, hoping to put the negative feelings to rest. After a while though, when everyone else seemed to have calmed down a bit, Chan got up from his seat, a bright, shining smile on his face.

“Let’s make some music, people !” he exclaimed, the other members breaking into applause and cheers.


	10. Look At Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little chapter with all the boys together! I love being able to write their dynamic honestly! 
> 
> Confession time; I actually wanted to write the whole recording scene in one single chapter, but the chapter started to get really REALLY long and so I decided to cut it in two normal length chapters instead! Sorry about that! ♥

Everyone got really excited but it turned out they couldn’t actually start doing anything right away because they had to do a sound check first so Chan could adjust everything the right way on the mixing tables. Jisung volunteered to go stand behind the mic while Chan started to turn and press buttons. 

Felix, who sat on the couch after getting confirmation from Chan that he was okay with him hanging around during the recording, was quickly joined by Changbin on one side and I.N on the other on the small leather surface. He was already surprised that the two came towards him, but even more so when Changbin naturally put his arm around Felix’s shoulder, like the two of them knew each other very well already. And, as soon as he was seated, I.N had his laptop open on his lap once again.

On the armchair next to the couch, Minho was looking up at Hyunjin who was sitting on the arm of the chair, one arm casually slung on the back of it, Minho’s head resting on his forearm. The two were deep in conversation, both making gestures with their hands. Felix didn’t want to focus on their conversation just to hear what they were talking about, but he had a suspicion that dance was the subject they were tackling.

Now that the boy was closer to him and that Felix was paying attention, he realized the I.N’s hair had turned a very dark shade of blue instead of the color it was the last time he saw him, the day before. As strange as it was, it suited him. It made him look a little older somewhat, gave him an edge that looked really cool to Felix’s eye. 

“Check this out.” the younger boy said.

Felix thought he was talking to Changbin, but I.N leaned a bit towards him turning his screen so Felix could watch what was on it. I.N offered him a smile, making Felix finally understand that he was the one he was talking to. 

“I’ve been working on new effects for our next music video.” he explained. 

He seemed really excited about it so Felix offered a smile back, focusing on the screen that he was showing him. I.N clicked a few buttons, opening up an editing software and playing him a short clip. It was a cloudy sky, nothing out of the ordinary, until suddenly lightning appeared, starting with white, realistic looking lightning, before it turned red. Then the whole image turned a deep red hue for a second, the lightning effect still appearing and disappearing on the screen that was flashing between red and the natural, muted colors. It looked amazing. Very creative and artistic, with an edge. Felix found it really cool. 

“What do you think?” I.N asked, expectantly.

“You did that yourself?” Felix asked, surprised, looking up at the younger boy, who nodded as an answer. “That’s… amazing.” he said, genuinely really impressed by the talent I.N showed.

He now understood what Hyunjin meant when he said the I.N was a genius with a computers and that they wouldn’t be able to put out music videos without him. If this was only a few seconds of his work, only a simple glimpse at what he was capable of, Felix couldn’t even imagine what a finished project could look like. He made a mental note to check out the other music videos that were already available on the channel as soon as possible. 

“Wooow, baby Jeongin. You did good!” Changbin exclaimed next to Felix, with the highest pitch, the cutest voice, puffing his cheeks exaggeratedly and clearly teasing I.N as he extended his arm that was on Felix’s shoulder to go poke I.N’s cheek with his finger.

The interaction warmed Felix’s heart for some reason. I.N definitely looked the part of the “maknae” as Chan called him, looking younger and cuter than everyone else even with his edgy new hair color. And Changbin had this menacing, intimidating, dark look to him. They basically looked like polar opposite and still, right now, they just looked like a big brother annoying his baby brother as a way of showing his affection. 

“Shut up.” I.N said, shoving Changbin’s hand away, trying to look annoyed despite the smile on the corner of his lips. 

Still, Changbin obliged, putting his hand back on Felix’s shoulder. He had thought about the fact that he wanted to be less shy with everyone, that he wanted to get closer to them, earlier. And even though he still felt a bit shy, because it was in his nature, he had to say that the boys were making it easier for him, acting so casually, so normally with him, even though they didn’t know him. 

“So.. Felix, between you and me..” Changbin started, his voice suddenly so serious that Felix watched him, a little worried about what he was about to say. He leaned a bit closer to Felix’s face and continued in a hush tone, like he was telling a secret. “Do you have compromising stories about Channie?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows for effect.

“No, he doesn’t!” Chan exclaimed from the other side of the room, still seemingly focused on his mixing table, but turning his eyes towards Felix for a second.

This wasn’t at all what Felix had in mind at first, when Changbin used that tone, but this amused him greatly. He turned his head to see Chan after his exclamation, offering him the brightest, most angelic smile he had in his arsenal, like a silent promise that he wouldn’t share his dark, cringy secrets. Chan smiled back and went back to focusing on the sound test. Felix turned his head back towards Changbin, leaning towards his face like the other had done a few seconds before, a conspiratorial look in his eyes.

“Tons.” he said in that low, secretive tone, so that Chan wouldn’t overhear him, a sly smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. 

Changbin laughed, a loud and raspy sound, throwing his head back. He then lifted his hand for a high-five to which Felix responded happily, slapping his palm against Changbin’s. The other boy winked at him, an amused smile still on his lips and Felix giggled at that. And just like that, he felt way more comfortable with Changbin now than he did only a few minutes before. 

Suddenly, Jisung appeared out of nowhere, letting himself fall on Changbin’s lap without any restraint.

“What are we laughing about?” he asked, with his usual swagger. 

He was apparently done with the sound test. Felix's suspicion was proven correct when he heard Chan get up from behind his mixing table and clap his hands one against the other, walking towards them.

“We’re all ready to go. Jisung, since you’re so energetic, why don’t you go first?” Chan announced, crossing his arms on his chest with a little smile.

“Oh, c’mon! Why am I always missing the fun?” Jisung whined with a big, exaggerated pout on his lips. 

“What about..” Seungmin started, opening his mouth for the first time since Felix had arrived in the room. But he couldn’t finish his sentence.

“We’ll deal with that later.” Chan said, vaguely gesturing his hand in the air to brush off whatever Seungmin was talking about, that Felix couldn’t understand. “Let’s just record what we can now and then we’ll see.” he added with a confident smile. “Jisung?” he looked at Jisung intently. 

The other boy sighed loudly, dramatically rolling his eyes and acting like it was a pain but still getting up from Changbin’s lap nonetheless.

“Fine…” he whined before turning his head towards Felix. “Prepare to be amazed!” he exclaimed, doing jazz hands before turning away to walk back towards the booth.

Felix softly laughed at Jisung’s extravagant behavior, thinking that he too, seemed to make it easy for Felix to feel included and at peace. Maybe getting to know them would be easier than Felix initially thought. This idea made him happy.

“Start by remembering your lyrics. That would amaze me!” Minho shouted behind Jisung who was closing the door to the booth, making a funny face at Minho through the glass as a response. 

The comment made everyone laugh in the room. It seemed to be an inside joke between them and even though it wasn’t one he was a part of, Felix still didn’t feel left out of the moment, like he could laugh alongside them nonetheless. For someone like Felix, who was easily worried about whether or not people liked him, about whether or not he was seen as a nuisance by others, this felt really good to have the feeling that he wasn’t left behind despite being the newcomer. 

When Felix looked up, he caught Hyunjin looking at him. He was now slung over Minho’s body, sitting on his lap with both his arms and his legs dangling from each side of the armchair. He winked at Felix and Felix offered him a shy smile in return, looking away with his cheek feeling slightly hot. 

“Ready?” Chan asked once Jisung was in the booth, in front of the microphone, with the headphones on. 

“ _Give it to me, baby!_ ” Jisung exclaimed in the mic, in surprisingly good english, making an okay sign with his fingers to Chan through the glass.

Chan pressed a button on his laptop and for a few seconds Jisung simply bobbed his head, enjoying a music only he could hear through his headphones. Everyone around Felix was talking or minding their own business, not specially focusing on Jisung, but Felix was very curious. He had only heard one single of their songs, the one he danced on in the dance studio, and he had still no idea which voice belonged to who either. So he was silently looking at Jisung through the glass, expectantly waiting for him to sing. 

Then suddenly Jisung started to rap, his hand moving to the beat, his mouth almost pressed against the wind screen of the mic. Felix wasn’t surprised that the boy could rap, he definitely seemed to have the energy for it. He was, however, surprised by his voice, his style. Jisung had a very specific rapping style and it was surprising, different but definitely suited him to a tee. Jisung’s voice stopped and he started to listen to the music in his ears once again, waiting for his next turn to sing. Felix already missed hearing his voice and he thought that if they were all as talented as he was, it was no wonder that they became popular. He was impressed already.

Changbin got up from next to Felix to go join Chan behind the mixing table. His hands were on the back of Chan’s chair, leaning above his shoulder to talk with him about something. Next to Felix, Seungmin quickly took the now empty seat and smiled warmly.

“So, are you adjusting alright?” He asked Felix.

Felix was touched that Seungmin would take the time to check up on him, to make sure he was doing okay in his new environment, even though they had only talked a little bit the day before. He really didn’t have to be so considerate, but Felix thought it was a big part of the other boy’s personality. Or at least that’s the impression he had since he met him. So he nodded briefly with a sheepish smile.

“Everyone has been very friendly..” he said, genuinely happy about that. “I.. I didn’t expect such a warm welcome honestly.” he then admitted with that shy smile of his. 

Seungmin nodded, nothing but tenderness and genuineness in his eyes. He didn’t seem surprised at all by the welcome he had received, contrary to Felix. He started to speak softly, only Felix, and probably I.N who was close enough, being able to hear him. 

“It may not seem like it just yet, but you’re family now. “he announced, so naturally that the words surprised Felix. “We all think the same thing. Even though some of us won’t say it..” his eyes glanced toward Minho for a fraction of a second, an amused smile teasing his lips before he turned back to Felix. “We have your back so, let’s have a good time together, alright?” 

Felix only had time to nod, a little dazed by the speech before Jisung exited the booth and Chan’s voice boomed in the room again.

“Minnie. Your turn!” he instructed

“Yes, sir.” Seungmin chuckled.

He softly smiled at Felix and gave him a single, friendly pat on the head as he got up from the couch, joining the booth that was now empty. In the meantime, Jisung went to the armchair where Minho and Hyunjin were already seated and let himself fall on Hyunjin with all his weight. Minho let out a loud “ooof”, being now crushed under both Hyunjin and Jisung. Hyunjin immediately wrapped his long arms around Jisung, holding him so tight that Jisung laughed, trying to pry his arms away to be able to breath again. 

Felix watched them with the softest expression on his face. He didn’t know them very well, if not at all yet. But the way they were all so comfortable and loving around one another was really endearing to Felix and, watching them, he couldn’t help but feel a wave of tenderness towards all of them, wash over him. Jisung caught him looking and smiled.

“Did I make you fall in love with me with my raw talent?” he asked, making his voice deeper and offering him a smoldering look, as extravagant as ever.

“Definitely!” Felix immediately retorted with a small laugh, not thinking twice about it.

Jisung answered with a wink before quickly enough being smacked behind the head by Minho who had managed to free one of his arms from under his two friends. Jisung turned his head towards Minho, whose head was the only thing visible under the mass of bodies. He leaned and smacked an audible kiss on the other boy’s forehead, Minho making a disgusted sound at the gesture. The whole thing made Hyunjin laugh, and both Minho and Jisung were smiling too. 

Felix found their dynamic too cute. But he couldn’t help but be a little jealous of the fact that he wasn’t the one cuddling with them, already feeling the need to touch someone. It had only been a couple of minutes since he and Hyunjin had been in bed together, even less since Changbin had his arm around his shoulders, but still, Felix already wanted some more human contact. So, since I.N was the only one sitting next to him, he did the most natural thing to him and let his head fall on the younger’s shoulder.

I.N slightly turned his head towards Felix, probably surprised by his sudden affectionate gesture. Felix felt a little weird, afraid that I.N would find it inappropriate coming from him since they didn’t know each other.

“Is that okay?” he whispered to the younger boy, a little anxiously.

After a second, I.N shrugged his shoulder under Felix’s head, focusing back on his computer screen.

“Sure.” he said.

His voice didn’t seem bothered, so Felix relaxed a bit and focused back on the booth where Seungmin was now ready, headphones on and everything. Just like Jisung, he listened to the music calmly until it was his turn to sing. Seungmin’s voice was angelic and still powerful. He was engrossed in his singing, closing his eyes while hitting high notes. It was really beautiful to hear. Felix thought that this sort of voice, this sort of energy was really fitting for someone like Seungmin that seemed so warm, calm and tender. Without realizing it, Felix started to softly tap to an inexistent beat with his foot while listening to Seungmin’s calming voice. 

As Seungmin was finishing up his recording, Changbin came back, falling in the second armchair. Seungmin got out of the booth and went to sit on the arm of Changin’s chair, the latter giving him a high-five with a smile to congratulate him for a job well done. At the same time, Chan was calling for Minho to take his turn in the booth. Minho was struggling under Hyunjin and Jisung, trying to free himself to get up while the other two didn’t seem to want to make it easier for him. 

“I’ll kill you!” he exclaimed and both Jisung and Hyunjin laughed, getting up to finally free Minho. 

As soon as Minho was up, Jisung let himself fall back in the empty armchair, swinging his legs over the arm. Instead of sitting back with him, Hyunjin moved to the couch, to the empty space next to Felix. Felix lifted his head from I.N’s shoulder to look at him. 

“You’re having fun, baby?” he asked with a smile, lifting his hand to brush away a strand of hair falling in front of Felix’s face with the tip of his finger.

Felix smiled back, still quite shyly, with a little nod. At this precise moment, a lot of things went on around the room that Felix didn’t notice. Chan, who got up to take out his sweatshirt, almost missed his chair while sitting back down, hearing Hyunjin call Felix ‘baby’ again, a cough taking him once more. Minho, standing in the booth, rolled his eyes so high only his whites were visible. I.N shighed while Changbin chuckled, the first one reaching in his pocket and grabbing a bill and extending it to the latter, who took it with a smug smile and shoved it in his own pocket. Jisung opened his mouth, eyebrows up and blinked a few times while looking at Hyunjin and Felix before silently mouthing “..what the..?” towards Changbin and Seungmin. And Seungmin was simply watching the whole thing with a calm, knowing smile on his face, like nothing in this scene was a surprise to him. 

But Felix was blissfully ignorant, still under the impression that Hyunjin’s little nickname for him was just something normal and natural, something he called everyone else too. 

“Whenever you’re ready?” Minho announced in the mic, talking to Chan, a little bit impatiently.

“Yeah, sorry.” Chan cleared his throat and pressed a few buttons on his mixing table. “Go.” he gestured towards Minho.

As casually as ever, Hyunjin slid his legs on Felix’s lap, plopping his chin on the other’s shoulder with a little content sigh. Obviously Felix’s body instinctively reacted, one of his hands falling on one of Hyunjin’s thighs whilst his other hand found its way being the tall blond’s head, his fingers playing with the long strands covering Hyunjin’s neck unconsciously. He turned his head to focus on Minho in the booth, a warm fuzzy feeling taking over his stomach from being coddled like he wanted to, once more. 

Minho’s voice was surprisingly pretty. Clean, powerful, enchanting. Felix had almost expected for him to have a rougher voice when he was singing, maybe even to rap, just like Jisung had. Maybe because he was always playing such a tough, finicky role since Felix had met him. But his singing voice was the opposite of what he had expected. It suited him, if Felix kept in mind what Hyunjin had said, that Minho was actually a softie at heart. And Felix started to see that himself, but he was still pleasantly surprised by Minho’s singing. It had both an edge and a purity to it, a duality that made his voice so interesting to listen to. And looking at him through the glass, it was clear he loved what he was doing, because when he was singing, there were no more pretenses, his face simply showed exactly what he felt. It was just one more proof to Felix that music was such a magical thing. 

After a little while, Minho wrapped up his recording and got out of the booth, going straight back to Jisung, sitting on his lap casually, the other boy wrapping his arms around Minho’s stomach. 

“Hyunjin, wanna go next?” Chan called out, raising his voice slightly. 

“Sure thing!” Hyunjin called back loudly to Chan, his chin still on Felix’s shoulder. “Make sure to look at me..” he then whispered in Felix’s ear, his voice low and smooth.

And then he simply got up, winked and turned his back to walk to the booth, leaving Felix flushing once more because of his behavior.


	11. Oh.. I Know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Already more than 2k hits? You guys are crazy! Thank you so much ♥

As Hyunjin slowly made his way to the booth, it was hard for Felix to take his eyes away from him. He had told him to watch him after all, but even if he hadn’t, Felix had a suspicion his pupils would’ve followed him anyway. Hyunjin had this hypnotizing effect on Felix that the boy simply couldn’t understand. It had started as soon as Felix had laid eyes on him in the entrance, when he first arrived at the house. And it had not faded one bit since, if anything it only became stronger. 

But Felix couldn’t explain it. He still wasn’t ready to admit he had a crush on the tall blond who was always teasing and touching him. Because to him it was a childish, immature reaction to catch feelings this quickly and surely, if the feelings manifested this fast it could only be a momentary thing, a physical reaction due to how beautiful Hyunjin was and how lonely Felix had been feeling for years. If he admitted to himself that it was anything more than that, it would become real, and then he could be disappointed, he could be hurt. And he already had his fair share of that in the past. So no, he wasn’t ready to call this a crush, even though it sure looked a lot like one.

Everyone was strangely quiet while Hyunjin was making his way to the booth, even though they all had been so loud just minutes before. Felix glanced around, only daring to take his eyes off of Hyunjin for a second, and saw most of them looking at him. At least it was the impression he had, but everyone had already looked away when he tried to meet their stare. That was weird, Felix couldn’t deny it, but honestly his thoughts were too occupied with the fact that he needed to keep his eyes on Hyunjin. Because Hyunjin asked him to, and he didn’t want to disappoint him. He was also extremely curious to hear him perform, even more curious than he had been for the others. 

Once he was behind the mic, Hyunjin took a second to take a hair tie from his wrist and gather part of his long hair in a tiny ponytail at the back of his head, two long strands still dangling in front of his face. He then slid the headphones on his head gracefully and made an okay sign to Chan through the glass. 

Felix didn’t really know what to expect when it came to Hyunjin’s singing. His features were so soft and angelic that Felix couldn’t imagine his singing voice being nothing short of that. But then again, he also had this more confident side to him, this sexiness he exuded, sometimes on purpose but mostly, without even realizing it. Felix had seen this side of him when he was dancing, each time he uttered the word ‘baby’ after giving him a command, and he could see it now as Hyunjin slowly wrapped his long, slender fingers around the mic, licking his lower lip with the tip of his tongue, getting ready for his verse. 

So Felix didn’t know what sort of singing voice was going to come out of Hyunjin’s mouth, but still when Hyunjin’s lips finally parted, the first words of his verse coming out, Felix wasn’t prepared. Rapping. Hyunjin was rapping. That, he hadn’t seen coming. And he was good at it. Better than good. As soon as he started spitting the words to the microphone, his demeanor changed. His expression became rougher, his gaze intense, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. Exactly like when he danced.

This face combined with that voice, rapping, flowing effortlessly.. It did something to Felix, he couldn’t deny it. As he was staring at Hyunjin through the glass of the booth, his lips slightly parted by the surprise, he unconsciously clenched his thighs together, feeling the effect Hyunjin had on him at this moment in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t realize it, but Felix was teasing his lower lip a lot, with his tongue, his finger, his teeth, during the whole time he was watching Hyunjin. And when the other boy sent a short glance in his direction, a cocky smile on the corner of his lips while still continuing to sing, Felix briefly forgot how to breath altogether. 

Felix had no idea if hours or seconds passed before Hyunjin took off the headphones and left the booth, because he had been so entranced by him that he had lost the notion of time. And even while the tall blond was making his way back to the couch, Felix was still looking, staring. He couldn’t help it. Hyunjin smiled, looking at him too until he reached the couch. He let himself fall next to Felix, his head instantly finding its place on Felix’s shoulder without a word. Felix didn’t know if he should make a comment or not.

“Showoff.” Jisung mumbled, but the smile on his lips made it clear that he was just teasing.

Hyunjin extended his long leg to try and reach the armchair to kick Jisung without actually having to move, missing his goal by only a little bit. 

“Changbin next?” Chan asked from his spot behind the mixing table. 

Changbin nodded, got up, stretching his arms above his head as he walked to the booth and started to get ready for his turn while Chan was turning a few buttons. Next to him Felix felt Hyunjin move slightly, keeping his head on Felix’s shoulder but getting in a more comfortable position, his body slouched on his side of the couch, feet dangling from the side. 

“Did you like it?” Hyunjin asked softly.

Felix was slightly surprised by the question. And he realized that even though Hyunjin had been so cocky and confident in the booth, while he was doing his thing, that maybe he wanted some praise from Felix, maybe he wasn’t as sure of himself as he made it look. Having someone telling you you did good was important, Felix knew that and so he softly raised his hand to the back of Hyunjin’s head.

“You did good.” he said tenderly, giving him a soft pat behind the head as a form of congratulation. 

And Felix couldn’t see it in this position, but Hyunjin’s cheek slightly turned pink at the compliment. He moved his head to bury his face in the crook of Felix’s neck, slightly rubbing the tip of his nose against Felix's soft, sensitive skin for a second before settling there. Once more Felix pressed his thighs together. His neck was one of his weaknesses, he was very sensitive there and he could feel very clearly how close Hyunjin’s lips were to his skin. And all he could imagine now were those full, delicious looking lips pressing against his pulse. It was highly inappropriate and Felix felt guilty for even having this kind of images invading his mind, but he couldn’t stop it. 

Since his hand was already behind Hyunjin’s head, his fingers absently found the little ponytail and, as gently as he could, without pulling on his hair, he managed to untangle the hair tie to free his long blond locks. Sliding the hair tie around his own wrist, he could now freely comb his tiny fingers through the strands to his heart content. Hyunjin hummed his approval in Felix’s neck, the sound reverberating through Felix’s whole body, almost forcing him to close his eyes, not only to enjoy it fully, but also to get a grip on himself. 

In the armchair, Minho and Jisung were whispering to one another, glancing at Hyunjin and Felix here and there. Even Chan seemed to be keeping watch from the corner of his eye while still doing his job. But Felix was too engrossed in his own inner struggle to notice it. By pure force of will he managed to focus back on Changbin before the boy in the booth started his verse.

As expected, Changbin started rapping. It was what suited his dark, mysterious aesthetic the best, so Felix had guessed pretty easily that the boy would be a rapper. He was still shocked by Changbin’s flow though, how quickly he could rap, making it sound like it was easy, smooth, flawless. His singing voice was exceptionally raspy and hoarse, way more than his talking voice was. It gave him an edge, a particularity that Felix had never heard anywhere else. Changbin’s rapping was very unique. And Felix started to realize that every member had a very unique musicality and that all these voices that looked like they might not match with each other were actually perfect together. 

Changbin wrapped his part up pretty quickly, leaving the booth to go back to sit with Seungmin on the second armchair, the other boy giving him a warm tap on the back for his good work. 

“Jeongin, your turn!” Chan called.

I.N was focused on his computer, clicking, dragging and typing away, not even hearing Chan calling to him at first. Seungmin gave him a little kick in the calf with his foot, forcing him to look up just as Chan raised his voice again;

“Baby bread, come on!” he exclaimed, and I.N finally closed his laptop and got up.

“Baby bread?” Felix asked, amused and intrigued by the nickname, as I.N was already walking to the booth.

“Yeah. He called himself that, don’t ask.” Hyunjin chuckled in his neck.

His lips softly brushed against the skin of Felix’s neck with every word he said, sending shivers through Felix in waves. Hyunjin’s voice was muffled by his position but he also seemed a little sleepy, like he would happily fall asleep right there at any moment. Felix, himself, was more awake than ever because of Hyunjin and his unconscious teasing. Still, despite the embarrassment and the inappropriate thoughts, Felix loved being able to coddle someone like he was doing with Hyunjin, taking care of him and making him feel cozy and comfortable. This was the sort of thing that never failed to make Felix happy. 

Caressing Hyunjin’s hair, Felix very softly grazed his scalp with his short nails each time he was bringing his fingers down from the top of Hyunjin’s head to the hair resting on his neck. This seemed to please Hyunjin very much because he made a noise, between a purr and a moan, rubbing the tip of his nose against Felix’s neck once more. The sound was very soft, almost inaudible with Hyunjin’s head buried in his neck like that but still, his ears picked up the noise right away. And his whole face immediately felt very hot because of it. But unaware of the effect he had on the other boy, Hyunjin slid his arm around Felix, resting his hand on his stomach, moving ever so slightly closer to him again, like a sleepy cat looking to feed off of the warmth his body had to offer. 

Like before, Felix tried to focus back on the booth in order to pry his thoughts away from Hyunjin, from his lips against his neck, his hand on his stomach, his little noises of appreciation every time Felix’s nails softly scraped his scalp. It was getting harder and harder to do, but he managed to focus his eyes on I.N, who was already bobbing his head to the music playing in his ears.

I.N looked just as comfortable behind the mic as any of them. Clearly he wasn’t letting the fact that he was the youngest of the group be an obstacle for him. It was even clearer to Felix when I.N actually opened his mouth to sing. His voice was so pure, it could rival with Seungmin and Minho’s high, clean voices easily. He was mastering his vocal cords perfectly, making it look so easy. Not only was he good with computers and editing, he was also insanely talented singing-wise. 

Apparently all the members of the band were well rounded, able to strive on so many different levels instead of just focusing on one. To Felix it was probably the most impressive thing of all, their versatility, the raw talent that was packed in this one single room, between all of them. He felt honored, and a little bit overwhelmed, to be able to stand with them and witness all that firsthand. And he had a suspicion that he hadn’t seen it all yet. Like some of the members had even more to offer. Judging by what he heard, for example, he was pretty sure the Jisung was also an exceptional singer on top of being an extraordinary rapper, and that Hyunjin singing was probably as good as his rapping skills as well. He had no proof of any of that yet, but it felt that way. 

Before I.N finished his recording, Changbin got up to go back towards Chan at the mixing table. When I.N got out of the booth he tried to make his way back to the couch but Seungmin grabbed him as he passed and pulled him with him on the armchair, wrapping his arms around him despite the younger feigning to struggle against his show of affection. 

“Your turn now Leader!” Changbin said, giving Chan a tap on the back.

Chan got up from his chair, Changbin taking his place behind the mixing tables. He took a quick look around the room to see all the other members. He seemed to always be checking up on them no matter the place and the time. 

“Channie, Jinnie is sleeping during work hours!” Jisung exclaimed, always ready to tease his friends, pointing at Hyunjin.

Felix knew Hyunjin wasn’t asleep. Not completely at least. Because he could feel his breath on his neck, a little too accurately. And his breathing wasn’t regular enough for him to have fallen asleep. On top of that, Hyunjin was absently playing with the fabric of Felix’s shirt between his fingers, on his stomach where his hand now resided. 

“Hyunjin, no sleeping.” Chan stated, walking towards the couch to give Hyunjin a little tap behind the head.

“But Felix is so comfy..” Hyunjin complained, not moving his face from the other’s neck, gripping Felix’s shirt a little tightly.

“Oh.. I know.” Chan simply answered, a smirk on the corner of his lips, and Hyunjin finally looked up at him at that. “Still.. No sleeping.” he added and ruffled Hyunjin’s hair.

Hyunjin pulled away from Felix with a sigh, crossing his arms on his chest, a pout stretching his full lips. All the while, Chan walked away to the booth. All the others had been watching the exchange curiously, but Felix didn’t realize that. He had a feeling something was going on around him but he wasn’t sure what. What he knew though, was that he finally felt like he could breathe normally again, now that Hyunjin’s lips weren’t brushing against his soft spot anymore. 

Chan entered the booth, gearing up and, through the glass, he glanced at Felix, offering him a cheeky wink. That made Felix smile brightly. He was excited. He hadn’t seen or even really heard Chan sing in years. For a long time, back then, it had been his favorite sound in the whole world. So he was obviously very focused on his friends, smiling like an idiot as he waited to hear that very special sound once more. Hyunjin was looking at Felix from the corner of his eye, passing his tongue on his lips.

Chan’s voice was still the same, so beautiful, so powerful and yet, to Felix’s ears, so nostalgic. But he had improved a lot since Felix last heard him, he had found his sound, his musicality and it made his voice and his performance even better than Felix could remember. He couldn’t stop smiling, nostalgia and pride shining in his eyes as he looked at his friend. He was so engrossed in Chan that he barely registered that Hyunjin was pulling him towards him. Felix only realized it when his back was already pressed to Hyunjin, as Hyunjin was wrapping his arms around his neck, holding him tightly. 

“Felix?” Hyunjin said softly, his mouth almost next to Felix’s ear.

“Um?” Felix asked, repressing the shiver running down his back at the low sound of his name in Hyunjin’s voice, his eyes still glued to Chan, focusing on his friend.

“Baby?” Hyunjin called again, this time his voice even lower, his mouth even closer to Felix’s ear, using that nickname that had too much effect on him for some reason.

So finally Felix felt compelled to take his eyes off of Chan, who was almost done with his recording already and to turn his head to the side to be able to see Hyunjin, behind him, from the corner of his eye. 

“Yeah?” he asked, giving him his shy signature smile. 

When Hyunjin’s eyes found Felix’s brown orbs, he simply smiled and softly shook his head left and right.

“Nothing.” he announced, tightening his hold on Felix imperceptibly.

Felix raised one eyebrow with a little confused frown, looking at Hyunjin but the other simply continued to smile and so Felix turned his head back to the booth once more. Chan was coming out of it and instinctively, Felix’s bright, happy smile crept back up on his lips. 

“ _Looks like you still have it!_ ” Felix said, looking up at Chan.

“ _You know it!_ ” Chan shot back, raising his hand for a high-five when he arrived closer to the couch.

Felix lifted his tiny hand to slam it against Chan’s palm with a giggle. Chan then let himself fall on the empty space next to Felix on the couch while Changbin was also making his way towards them, sitting on the arm of the couch next to Chan. 

“Best Leader!” Jisung yelled and clapped in his hands.

Chan laughed, shaking softly his head, but he looked a little bit flustered by the compliment. Felix wasn’t surprised. Despite how extraordinary Chan was, he always had a hard time accepting compliments, always trying to say things like “I can’t take all the credit” or “it was a group effort” instead of accepting the praise he deserved. He was a little more open with taking compliments coming from Felix but only because the other boy had spent years working on it. 

“It’s not done though. We still have to figure out what to do for “that” part..Right?” Seungmin asked, looking at Chan who nodded in answer. 

“You guys can take a break if you want, but yeah, we still need to debrief on that.” he sighed before getting up, going straight back to his mixing table. Clearly he wasn’t taking a break himself. 

Seungmin and Changbin followed Chan, starting a conversation between the three of them, probably about the issue they had to fix, that Felix didn’t know anything about. Hyunjin’s arms left Felix’s neck as the other boy was getting up, stretching his arms above his head and taking a few steps in the room to stretch his legs too. Minho moved to sit with I.N, putting his arm around his shoulders while the younger started to excitedly explain things to him, showing him his computer screen. And Jisung made his way to the couch, letting himself fall next to Felix.

“ _Yo, bro!_ ” he exclaimed with his ever present smile. “So.. Who was the best today, um? It was me, wasn’t it?” he wiggled his eyebrow giving his face a comedic effect. “C’mon, you can tell me.” he added, poking Felix’s shoulder.

Felix feigned to think about it, rubbing his chin with his fingers under Jisung’s gaze.

“You know you want to say it..”

Jisung then poked Felix in the side. The blond almost shriek at that. The truth was, he was extremely ticklish if people knew where to poke and tickle him, and Jisung seemed to have found the right spot while poking him randomly. Jisung looked at him, his smile slowly growing as Felix could see in his eyes the realization of Felix’s situation. Before he could react, Jisung had both his hands on Felix’s sides, tickling him furiously. Flix tried to resist but soon enough he was exploding in a booming fit of laughter, the sound loud and especially deep.

“Felix!” Chan’s voice echoed suddenly.

Jisung stopped his attacks and Felix looked back at Chan, surprised that he was calling him so suddenly, wondering if he was going to lecture him for being too loud or something in that vein. But Chan had a big, sweet smile on his lips, which confused Felix even more.

“Felix.. my sweet little sunshine..” Chan started, his voice as sweet as honey, almost like he was trying to butter up Felix as he got up, walking towards the couch.

Felix frowned, confused, but it didn’t take long for him to understand. He knew Chan like the back of his hand and that smile, that sweet tone, the little nickname.. All that meant that Chan wanted something from him. Felix didn’t know what, but he had a feeling it wasn’t simply a hug.

“ _No._ ” Felix shook his head with a little smile, amused that Chan still thought this kind of method would work on him. “ _Whatever it is you want, it’s no._ ” he added. 

But he knew that it was Chan facing him, and whatever Chan needed, Felix would inevitably break and give it to him. He just hoped it wouldn’t be something too big or complicated. But Felix had no idea what Chan actually had in mind for him.


	12. The Penguin Incident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're all giving me so much love I can't believe it! I never thought this story would blew up like this. Y'all are making me very happy ♥
> 
> Reminder that every dialogue in _italic_ is actually spoken in English!

“ _I just need a tiny little favor.._ ” Chan said in their native language, trying to act all cute to lure Felix into agreeing. 

Felix got up to face Chan properly, crossing his arms on his chest to give himself a tougher look. Even though, really, it was a pathetic attempt at physically protecting himself against Chan’s charms, that always worked on him no matter what. 

“ _Yeah, I bet._ ” Felix snorted. “ _Last time you said that I ended up being expelled for two days for showing to school in a penguin costume. So.._ ” he shrugged like this anecdote was reason enough not to grant Chan whatever he wanted. 

Chan bursted out laughing, nodding, probably remembering the famous penguin incident Felix was talking about. He took a few seconds before finally calming down from his outburst, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. Felix was trying very hard not to laugh with him at the memory.

“ _Yeah, that was a good day.._ ” Chan said, traces of laughter still audible in his voice. “ _But no penguins this time, I swear._ ” he quickly added, raising his right hand like he was taking an oath.

Their little interaction seemed to have garnered the attention of the rest of the group. All the members were looking at them from different sides of the room, probably not understanding anything since they were talking in English and only Jisung seemed proficient enough in the language. 

“What are they saying?” Hyunjin whispered - not so discreetly - to Jisung, leaning towards him.

“Something about.. penguins?” Jisung answered, receiving dubious looks from the others. He shook his head. “Their accent is so strong I barely understand anything.” he defended himself with a shrug.

“Maybe it’s a secret code..” I.N wondered before everyone focused back on Chan and Felix.

All the while, Chan was staring at Felix with the sweetest smile on his lips, pressing his hands together in a sign of prayer, looking at him with puppy-dog eyes. 

“ _What do you want..?_ ” Felix sighed, Chan’s smile growing.

“ _Well see, the thing is.. I really.. Well it’s more like we.._ ” Chan struggled to phrase his sentence the right way to maximize his chances of Felix agreeing. 

“ _Spit it out, Christopher._ ” 

Chan chuckled at Felix calling him by his full name. Before actually answering Felix though, his eyes briefly darted towards the recording booth and that was when it hit Felix. He had a very strong suspicion he knew exactly what Chan was trying to ask of him.

“ _No. No way._ ” he quickly refused, shaking his head adamantly. 

“ _Hear me out.._

“ _I don’t sing._ ” Felix pointed out to his friend.

“ _That’s bullshit! I know how.._ ” Chan started

“ _It was a long time ago. And I don’t.. I’m not.._ ” he sighed. “ _I’m not like you._ ” he gestured vaguely around the room to show he wasn’t speaking specifically about Chan but about all the other guys too.

Around them the silence in the room was so complete you could’ve heard a pin drop. Nobody understood what was said and still they all were hanging to every word coming out of Chan and Felix’s mouth, watching them in turn like they were watching a particularly interesting drama. 

“What are they saying now?” Hyunjin asked Jisung, just like before.

“I think Chan is asking Felix to go out with him..” he said with an exaggerated shrug. He knew very well this wasn’t the case, but being the only one understanding English, he wanted to mess with the others, especially Hyunjin.

“What!?” Hyunjin exclaimed loudly, eyes wide.

“Shhh!” 

The shushing came from Seungmin, Changbin, I.N and even Minho all in perfect unison, their index on their mouth as they gestured Hyunjin to shut up so they could all focus back on what was happening between Chan and Felix who were both too engrossed in their conversation to pick up on the scene going on around them. Hyunjin crossed his arms on his chest with a pout, staring at the two friends with way less enthusiasm than before.

“ _That’s total bullsh.._ ” Chan was about to repeat again but he sighed before finishing his sentence. He had never been able to make Felix believe he was talented in the past and he wasn’t going to be able to do it here either, so he switched his strategy instead. “ _Listen.. It’s just for this once. I really need you.. Please?_ ” 

“ _You have a whole band, I don’t get why it’s me specifically you need.._ ” Felix pointed out, confused as to why Chan was even losing his time with this.

“ _We already tried it with the others. This part of the song needs to be sung deep and nobody can go low enough, not even Changbin and you.. well, you know._ ” he explained, gesturing towards Felix at the end, like it was explanation enough. 

“ _I’m not even part of the band.. It’s not my place to intrude in that kind of stuff.._ ” Felix tried to rationalize. “ _And I would probably ruin your whole track.._ ” he added with a little defeated shrug.

“ _You.._ ” Chan started, raising his voice with a little frown. But he thought better of lecturing Felix about his insecurities and stopped himself. “ _It’s a one time thing. Nobody will know it was you, I swear. If it doesn’t sound good, we’ll scrap it and I’ll think of something else so.. Just try.. Please? For me?_ ”

And once more, Chan made his puppy eyes at Felix, offering that small, hopeful smile Felix hated so much just because of how much he loved it. And because when Chan was making this face, Felix knew how weak he always became. And despite his conviction, his anxiety and his insecurities about the whole thing, today was no exception to this rule.

“ _I hate you.._ ” he mumbled, sighing loudly. “ _Fine… But only once and that’s it!_ ” he quickly warned, pointing at Chan.

As soon as Felix said ‘Fine’, Chan’s whole face started to shine with pure happiness and excitement, a huge smile taking over his lips. He quickly grabbed Felix’s face with both his hands, putting them on Felix’s cheeks and leaning to press a hard, wet, loud kiss on the blond’s forehead.

“I love you!” he exclaimed way too cheerfully, switching naturally back to Korean.

“Yeah, yeah, I know..” Felix chuckled softly, pushing Chan’s face away from him. “Let’s just get this over with, okay?” 

Chan nodded eagerly and grabbed Felix’s arm, already dragging him towards the recording booth without taking notice of the rest of the band or explaining them anything about the whole situation.

“Did he..? Did they just..? What’s happening!?” Hyunjin stuttered, his eyes wide from the shock the end of this conversation caused him.

Minho shrugged with a little shake of his head, a silent “I have no idea” in response to Hyunjin worries. The members' eyes all followed Chan and Felix, seeing the former push the latter inside the recording booth, giving him two thumbs up and leaving him there to go straight back behind his mixing table.

“Wait, what the..?” Changbin asked, confused and very surprised by this turn of event, just like they all were, since Chan hadn’t explained anything to any of them.

Chan had given him his phone, with the lyrics displayed on it, briefly explaining to him which part he was supposed to sing and that the deeper he could go, the better, before leaving him alone in the booth. Felix had been so invested in his argument with Chan, trying not to give in to his puppy-dog eyes that for a moment he had forgotten the others were in the room too. In fact, when he had stupidly accepted Chan’s request, he still didn’t think that it would mean singing in front of everyone, not just in front of Chan. And now that he was in the booth, that was when he remembered. That was when the anxiety started to really get to him. 

He let himself glance at the members from the corner of his eye and regretted it immediately, finding them all staring at him with confused and surprised looks on their faces. Quickly he turned his eyes back to Chan, already preparing to tell him he changed his mind. But his friend looked so happy, so excited still, from behind his mixing table, that Felix couldn’t bring himself to ruin it for him. No matter how much he was about to embarrass himself in front of everyone. 

His hands slightly shaking from the anxiety, Felix lifted the headphones to place them on his head like he had seen the others do before him, Chan watching him, waiting for him to be ready. After a deep inhale and cursing himself mentally for putting himself in that situation, he silently nodded at Chan through the glass. 

Looking over the lyrics Chan had given him, it seemed like he only had a few lines to perform, and it was also the very first verse of the whole track. Soon the music filled his ears. He closed his eyes, trying to calm his breathing, trying to forget the eyes that were on him, to forget years of insecurities and self-criticism about his voice and to only remember he was doing it for Chan. Trying to remember what he used to feel when he was singing with his best friend, when they were nothing more than two stupid teenagers with big dreams, messing around. 

Having a beat to focus on helped somewhat and soon he was lightly tapping his foot against the ground, following the melody that was playing in his ears. The part he was supposed to sing was coming fast, so he forced himself to open his eyes, focusing back on the words written in black Arial font staring back at him on Chan’s phone. One deep breath later and his time had come. 

Felix leaned towards the mic and opened his mouth. The sound coming out of it was so deep nobody could’ve expected it to come from someone like him. He had a naturally deep voice when he talked and that, alone, often surprised people because of his small stature and cute face. But when he sang, his pitch sometimes became even lower, almost sounding more like growls than actual words if he didn’t enunciate properly. His verse was slow, half-rapping half-speaking really. It suited the tempo for the start of the track and it also suited Felix’s voice almost to perfection. Not that he, himself could realize it. 

With each word coming out of his mouth, Felix was reminded of how much he loved music on top of dancing. He could remember in vivid details that time Chan and him went to karaoke for the first time, leading to Chan discovering Felix’s talent. He could see in his mind all those times they would lock themselves in Chan’s room of Felix’s basement, writing songs, creating choreographies and practicing both until late in the night for nobody else’s entertainment but their own. And he had to admit, no matter how anxious he was, no matter how insecure he was about sounding absolutely horrible to everyone’s ears, singing felt liberating. It felt good, for the very short time it lasted. 

But soon he arrived at the end of his verse and quickly after that, the music in his ears died, a sign that he was done and could leave the booth. Taking off his headphones slowly, he looked up at Chan. His friend was absolutely beaming with pride and unfiltered happiness. But it wasn’t Chan’s reaction he was afraid of. With one hand, he placed the headphones back on the mic where he found them and took a few steps, opening the door and stepping out of the booth. Only then did he finally look up, meeting six pairs of eyes staring at him in utter shock. Even Seungmin, who normally looked composed, always with this knowing gleam in his eyes, was simply, utterly frozen in surprise.

“What was.. THAT!?” I.N suddenly exclaimed after a long, awkward silence during which they simply all stared at him, almost unblinking.

“Sorry, it probably sounded pretty bad..” Felix forced himself to chuckle despite the anxiety, scratching the back of his head. “It was Chan’s idea but I’m not..” he started, feeling like he needed to give explanations as to why he embarrassed himself this way. 

“It was..” Seungmin cut him off.

“How did you..” Changbin tried to say.

“I didn’t know..” Jisung started.

“I think..” Minho opened his mouth to say.

They all started their sentences at the same time, in a mess of voices. Quickly they all stopped talking to let the others go ahead, resulting in the silence coming back to the room, all eyes still glued to Felix, nobody seeming to take the lead to finish a full sentence.

“Wow..” Hyunjin’s voice finally echoed in the room. 

He was just standing there, his arms dangling on each side of him, his mouth slightly open while looking at Felix with what looked like a mixture of surprise and pure amazement. Suddenly Hyunjin let himself fall on the arm of the couch behind him, like he needed to sit down after what he had just witnessed. And, still silent, the others simply nodded in sync at Hyunjin’s statement. 

“Right!?” Chan suddenly exclaimed, jogging towards Felix.

He crashed into him without any restraint, his arms wide open to hug him from the side, this wide grin never leaving his lips. Just for this smile, Felix thought it was worth it. Even if, by any chance, his recording ended up sounding like garbage, or the other members ended up telling him he was an awful singer, making Chan that happy made it all a hundred percent worth it. So finally, a little bit of his anxiety was alleviated and he was able to offer a genuine smile to his best friend. 

This seemed to put a stop to the daze the other members were stuck in because, before he could really realize what was happening, his hug with Chan transformed into a massive group hug, every member holding on to him and to each other, loudly cheering, the words becoming incomprehensible in the cacophony. And Felix felt his body relax substantially. They didn’t laugh, they didn’t find him awful, they didn’t tell him he should never sing again. Instead, they were cheering him on, yelling how amazing his voice sounded. And even though Felix was unable to believe those praises, the fact that they were spoken out loud was enough for him to feel happy. Genuinely, completely and utterly happy. Like he had rarely been before. 

The chaotic hug lasted for several minutes. Slowly the guys started to get tired of screaming and jumping around until all of them decided to separate and go back to sit on the couch and the armchairs together. Minho and Jisung were in one armchair, Jisung sitting with Minho on his lap. The more Felix spent time around the group the more he started to realize that those two seemed almost inseparable. Seungmin was sitting in the second armchair, Changbin next to him, on the side of the chair, his arm casually slung over the back of it. I.N was cross-legged on the floor, facing the couch, his laptop closed next to him. Felix had taken a spot on the couch, Hyunjin on his left and Chan seated on the arm of the couch on his right, one hand softly pressed on Felix’s shoulder. 

“So.. You were a singer back in Australia? You should’ve told us!” Jisung exclaimed.

“Not at all..” Felix chuckled, shaking his head. He had a hard time wrapping his head around why the other boy would even think that. 

“A dancer then?” Hyunjin asked. 

He was the only one, except Chan who had seen Felix dance so the question took the others a little by surprise but still they waited, curious about Felix’s answer. Felix didn’t think he had the skills required to be either of those things. Not even in a million years. But it was really flattering that the other members seemed to think the opposite. Felix couldn’t help but think that they were exaggerating, trying to be nice. But still, being praised and encouraged for his musical prowess was such a rare and foreign thing in his life that he still felt immensely grateful to them for their comments. 

“No.. I was a law student.” he shrugged. 

“A law…” I.N started, stopping to shake his head in disbelief. “Why?” 

Felix shrugged again as a response. That was a big, prickly mess he didn’t want to jump into. His very strict parents’ way of thinking. The numerous times they had threatened to throw him out if he didn’t comply, criticising his music and his dancing until he was almost brainwashed into thinking that those things were foolish and a waste of time, despite how much he loved them. And the years he had spent, hating his life and himself a little more every day, all the while keeping up with his studies and the multitude of activities he was sent to, in hopes that he could finally please his parents.. All of this was just a little much to share just yet. 

Chan was the only one in the know about all of this. And he must have felt Felix’s discomfort because he squeezed softly his shoulder between his fingers before speaking up, with this booming voice he seemed to use when he was playing his ‘Leader’ role.

“Leave the kid alone.” he chuckled. “And anyway, you’re all missing the important point here!”

“Which is?” Jisung asked.

“We have a new song!”

And this time, when they all cheered, Felix joined them. It was a one time thing for him, this had been made clear when he agreed to do this for Chan. He was no singer, he would only drag them down if he was actually involved in their music. At least this was what he thought, knowing that his skills were mediocre next to them all. But for this one and only time, he could feel proud about the fact that his voice was part of a Stray Kids song. So he cheered and screamed, letting himself be as loud as them. And, for only a few seconds, he pictured himself as part of the team, savouring this feeling of belonging as much as he could before reality could come crashing down, reminding him that he was just a bystander.


	13. Baby Thunder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a lot happens in this chapter, I'm sorry about that! I'm not 100% proud of this chapter but I promise to do better with the next one, so I hope you'll be excited for it! ♥

It took a little while before they all settled down. It seemed like the guys had an almost infinite amount of energy when it came to being loud and chaotic. But it was already starting to get pretty late in the day and their earthly needs started to creep up on them. They we’re basically all starving, the case in point being Jisung’s stomach growling loudly. So they decided it was time to wrap up the day, make some food and rest. 

Felix wasn’t against the idea at all. The day had been full of surprises and so he was still riding on the adrenaline rush of it all, feeling pretty energetic. But slowly his body was starting to remind him that he had spent several hours dancing in the studio this morning, his limbs getting more sore by the second, 

While walking back up the stairs, they excitedly talked about what they should have for dinner, Chan deciding he would be the one to cook for everyone tonight. Felix was simply following the movement, listening to them as they all walked to the living room. All the boys rushed to find their place on the couch, fighting for the best spots, except Chan who was already making his way to the kitchen. Felix decided to follow him. He still had this nagging feeling that he was intruding here and to counter that, he wanted to do as much as could to help. So he wanted to assist Chan while he was cooking. Maybe he could even make some more brownies, or some cookies. 

He could still hear the boys talk and bicker loudly as he disappeared in the kitchen behind Chan. Chan was already rummaging through the fridge. He smiled when he looked up and saw Felix standing there. Quickly putting his ingredients on the table, he opened his arms to him.

“ _Come here._ ” he tenderly said.

Felix didn’t need to be told twice, he walked quickly to wrap his arms around Chan’s muscular frame, his hands resting on his back, pressing his cheek to the other boy's chest, while Chan’s chin softly came to rest on the top of Felix’s head, his hand gently stroking his back. Felix could hear the melodic ‘boom boom’ of Chan’s heart that way. That was strangely soothing. 

“ _You did good today._ ” Chan whispered to him, like the moment was so precious and intimate that he felt the need to murmur the words to not disturb it.

“ _It was fun.._ ” Felix admitted, his voice just as soft.

“ _I’m proud of you, Lixie._ ”

One of Chan’s hands slowly traveled from Felix back to his head, giving him a soft pat before stroking his hair affectionately. Felix turned his head, to bury his face in Chan’s chest, in the front of his shirt, to hide himself and the raw emotion that this simple statement had brought to him. He often felt like he was regressing to being a child when he was with Chan like that, not only hungry for cuddles, but also for his praises. Felix wanted - needed - to gain Chan’s approval. He knew it was a pattern, since he spent most of his life chasing after his parents’ approval. But contrary to his relationship with his parents, Chan was always quick to praise him for the smallest things. And it meant more to Felix than anyone could probably understand. 

He stayed right there for a few seconds, taking a deep breath to inhale Chan’s scent, that was still so familiar, despite the numerous changes and years spent apart. He then found the strength to take a step back from his best friend’s embrace.

“ _C’mon, you’re gonna make me cry._ ” he chuckled, trying to shake away how emotional he already felt. 

“ _Fine, fine._ ” Chan softly laughed, knowing just how much Felix was sensitive. “ _I’m a sympathetic crier, so we definitely don’t want that!_ ” he added, going back to the table to start his cooking. 

He seemed to have things well in hand, it didn’t look like a two mans job, so instead of bothering him while trying to help, Felix simply went through a few cupboards to find what he needed and went to sit in front of Chan, getting to work on making a batch of chocolate chips cookies. They worked in comfortable silence after that, both focused on their tasks but still happy to be around one another. It was a rare thing to be able to feel totally at peace, without any hint of awkwardness while standing in total silence with another human being. But with Chan it was the most natural thing in the word. Maybe because their relationship simply didn’t need words. Felix liked to think of it that way at least. It comforted him. 

The dinner was ready before the cookies were and, as they were cooking in the oven, Felix and Chan brought plates and food to the living room. They had a perfectly functioning dining table, but from what Felix had witnessed, it seemed like most of the meals were consumed on the couch instead. The food was met with a round of cheers from the starving boys. 

“Thanks Dad!” Jisung exclaimed, taking a plate for himself.

Chan simply laughed at the nickname. Felix thought that he could hardly deny it, he did act like their father most of the time. At least that’s the impression Felix had during the last few days he had spent around them all. And knowing Chan’s personality, he would’ve expected nothing less from him anyway. Chan gestured at Jisung to scoot a little bit, leaving a small space on the couch barely big enough for both Felix and Chan himself. Still the two of them managed to squeeze themselves in, Felix almost sitting completely on Chan’s lap to make it work. 

All the boys took their plates, eating and talking between themselves about everything and anything. Felix was simply eating and listening in silence, his strength and energy slowly leaving his body that was now definitely sore and tired. When almost everyone was done, Felix heard the distinctive ‘ping’ of the oven and got up to grab the cookies, carefully putting them in a little pile on a clean plate before coming back to the living room with it. He smiled, seeing the interested look in most of their eyes, when they noticed the sweets in his hands.

He started to walk around the couch, offering the plate to each boy one by one. 

“Thanks Mom!” Jisung said, just like he had called Chan ‘dad’, as he grabbed a cookie, shoving it in his mouth.

Felix giggled softly at that. Maybe he did have a motherly nature to him sometimes. His mother wasn’t a very cuddly, soft person and so he often had taken on that role with his little sister, sometimes with his big sister too, when she was having a hard time. It was just due to the fact that Felix had this need of taking care of people around him. One after another, they all took a cookie with a smile, a nod or a ‘thank you’ until Felix arrived at the other edge of the couch, where Hyunjin was seated, the last in line. 

The tall blond was sitting with his thighs slightly spread, his elbow propped up on the arm of the couch, his head tilted to the side and resting on his hand. Felix had noticed during dinner that Hyunjin barely touched his plate and at first he thought it was because the boy wasn’t hungry, but with all the calories they had burned this morning and the work he had done this afternoon, Felix found it hard to believe. Especially since he was now eyeing the cookies hyungrily.

Felix extended the plate to him with his shy smile, sure that Hyunjin was quickly going to grab one. He had noticed that the boy seemed to have a sweet-tooth, according to the reaction he had when Felix made brownies. But to his surprise Hyunjin shook his head, despite the look on his eye betraying how much he actually wanted one.

“You’re sure?” Felix asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” Hyunjin nodded, but he didn’t sound as sure as he probably wanted to. “I should start watching my weight.” he shrugged casually. 

Felix was thrown off by that comment. Hyunjin looked absolutely perfect. And sure, Felix hadn’t seen the boy without his shirt, but he knew he was gorgeous just the way he was. And honestly, seeing Hyunjin’s stature he wasn’t sure there even was any weight to be lost in the first place. He didn’t want to intrude if it really was something Hyunjin wanted but, glancing at the others he saw a worried expression on their faces, but no surprise. Like it was something that was happening often with their friend.

Felix had never been in the public eye, not like the rest of them. But he could imagine how stressful and pressuring that was to have hundreds or millions of eyes watching you, judging you. And for a group composed of really handsome young men, Felix had no doubt that a fair share of people were only here for their looks. It was inevitable in this day and age. Hyunjin had to be especially affected about that, since he was so insanely beautiful. He had joked around saying he was the “eye-candy” of the group, but Felix thought there might be a little truth to it. It probably wasn’t the goal, but he had no doubt in his mind that a lot of young girls and boys on the internet were drawn in by Hyunjin’s looks, maybe even commenting on it more than they would with the others. That had to take a toll on him at some point. Of course all that was only speculation on Felix’s part, but he prided himself on being a pretty sharp person and on being able to read people pretty well most of the time.

Feeling a surge of anger in the pit of his stomach at this whole idea, Felix acted on instinct, without thinking. With the tip of his fingers, he broke a little piece from one of the cookies before setting the plate on the table, turning back to Hyunjin who was looking at him. He propped one of his knees on the couch, between Hyunjin’s thighs, so he could lean towards him without falling forward. And lean he did; getting closer to Hyunjin, using his free hand to grab the back of the couch next to Hyunjin's head to stabilize himself and stay upright instead of falling on the tall blond. And then, with his other hand, he brought the piece of cookie closer to Hyunjin’s full lips.

“Open.” he said, looking at the other boy seriously, his voice low.

Hyunjin always seemed especially surprised when Felix was showing this kind of assertiveness. He had had the same reaction earlier, when Felix had looked at him straight in the eye, seriously stating how amazing he was. Looking at Felix, there was a glint of something shining in Hyunjin’s eyes. Felix couldn’t really name it. But as per his command, Hyunjin’s lips slowly parted and Felix took this opportunity to slide the piece of cookie in his mouth. Hyunjin’s lips closed around it, almost brushing Felix’s finger as he was taking his hand away.

“Good.” Felix said, his voice sounding deeper while he was looking at Hyunjin bite the little sweet in his mouth. 

But now that his purpose had been fulfilled, Felix finally realized what he was doing, the position he was in and everything around him. And he felt absolutely mortified for his behavior. So he quickly leaned back, getting back on his feet, taking a step away from the couch and from Hyunjin.

“There’s plenty more if you want.” he vaguely gestured towards the plate of cookies, speaking to nobody in particular.

He then he promptly turned around and started to make his way to the kitchen, as quickly as he could without actually seeming like he was running away from the situation. Despite the fact that he very clearly was. Every pair of eyes looked at him with a mix of surprise, awe and amusement from what they had just witnessed. All the while, Hyunjin was looking slightly flustered but a small smile was creeping up on his lips as he watched Felix go, leaning to grab the rest of the broken cookie from the plate, happily munching on it. 

Standing alone in the kitchen, Felix couldn’t believe he just did something like that, in front of everybody. His face was bright red, his cheeks hot as he hid himself behind his hands, embarrassed to no end. He wasn’t normally someone so forward, but it seemed like when Hyunjin was involved, his brain had a tendency to shut down to let his body act instead. He wasn’t sure he liked that, if it ended up in him almost straddling the boy and force feeding him in front of the rest of the members, out of the blue. 

He definitely couldn’t go back there in the state he was in, and honestly he was too embarrassed to face them all after the stunt he just pulled anyway, so instead he set himself to do the dishes, as much to take his mind off of the whole thing, than to have an excuse not to go straight back to the living room. 

As he was cleaning the plates and the multiple ustensiles, slowly but surely, he heard the noise in the living room subside, probably because the boys started to retreat in their own rooms, one by one, for the night. When Felix was done with his task there was no sound whatsoever coming from the other room and he wondered if they had all called it a night already. He was secretly hoping it was the case, so he could discreetly go back to his room and forget the incident in its entirety. Which, he realized, could be hard to do given the fact that Hyunjin would be in said room too.

Slowly, the blond walked to the living room. There was only one person on the couch, feet on the coffee table, staring at his laptop with laser focus. And Felix wasn’t surprised to see that it was Chan, probably still working despite the fact that everyone else was already up to bed and that it was pretty late in the evening. He walked towards the couch, sitting next to Chan without a word and naturally let his head fall on his friend’s shoulder. He didn’t want to disturb him in his work but simply be able to spend just a few more moments with him. 

Chan tilted his head, pressing his cheek against the top of Felix’s head, his eyes still glued to his computer. Felix watched Chan’s hands move on his keyboard, his fingers drag across his touchpad and absently followed his cursor on the screen as it moved from side to side. He had no idea how long he stayed like that, all he knew was that his body had finally hit its limit, he was exhausted, sore, he felt heavy and he just wanted some warmth and a whole lot of sleep. Maybe Chan had felt that and that was why he didn’t ask questions about what happened with Hyunjin earlier. Or maybe his friend simply knew Felix didn’t want to talk about it. So he simply continued to work in silence. 

Only when he felt Felix slowly falling asleep on his shoulder did Chan open his mouth, moving his hand so he could gently caress Felix’s arm.

“ _Lixie, go to bed._ ” he softly ordered.

Felix nodded against Chan’s shoulder, in a daze. He didn’t move for a few more seconds however, building the strength to actually get up and climb the stairs to join his own room. When he finally got up, he rubbed his eyes with a yawn, Chan watching over him with the most tender smile on his lips.

“ _Go to bed soon too.._ ” Felix said to Chan, trying to sound commanding even though his voice only sounded sleepy.

“ _Promise._ ” Chan chuckled.

Felix vaguely nodded as a response. It was good enough for him. He was too tired and out of it to fight with Chan to force him to get some rest anyway. He waved at his friend with another yawn before walking away, slowly making his way to the staircase, scratching the back of his head, in a sleepy daze.

The lights were out in Felix’s room, letting him know right off the bat that Hyunjin was probably already fast asleep. He too had worked really hard today and he was surely exhausted. Not wanting to disturb his sleep, Felix entered the room as silently as possible, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness for a second. 

He could see Hyunjin’s form on his bed, eyes closed, looking like an angel with a halo of long blond hair sprawled on his white pillow. His blanket was pushed away from his body and Felix couldn’t help but wonder if he wasn’t going to be cold like that, the nights getting chillier each day lately. So, with a little sigh, followed by a silent yawn rubbing his eyes for the umpteenth time, he walked to Hyunjin’s bed instead of diving straight into his own. He slowly grabbed the blanket, trying to move slowly as he pulled it up on Hyunjin’s long body.

Next to him, he heard Hyunjin lightly stir and he looked up at his face to be sure he hadn’t woken the boy up. Hyunjin’s eyes were slightly opened, barely slits on his face. Felix frowned, unsure he was actually awake or asleep. Since Hyunjin didn’t move, didn’t open his eyes more than that and didn’t say anything, Felix was about to walk away to go back to his own bed, now that he was reassured that Hyunjin wouldn’t catch a cold during the night. As soon as he made the slightest movement though, he was stopped by a hand grabbing his forearm.

Before his brain could compute what was happening, Hyunjin firmly pulled on his arm, making him trip and fall on the bed next to him. Felix really thought this kind of thing only happened in books and TV shows. He used to laugh at those things, thinking about how improbable it was to actually find yourself in that scenario, while secretly fantasizing about it nonetheless. Now that his back was pressed to Hyunjin’s chest, Hyunjin’s blanket partially falling on him and hi arm tightly wrapped around his waist, Felix wasn’t laughing anymore.

“Hyunjin..?” Felix whispered, his face hot, his voice almost a squeak.

Hyunjin didn’t answer and his hot breath, hitting the back of Felix’s head, was slow and regular. Was he asleep? How was it possible when he had dragged Felix in his bed just a second before. Was it even feasible to do something like that in his sleep?

“..stars.. baby thunder.. so pink..” Hyunjin’s sleep-filled voice sounded next to Felix’s ear, just a murmur in the night.

This answered Felix’s question. Hyunjin was truly asleep. The situation was probably even more embarrassing than what had happened in the living room, and Felix started to wonder how it was possible that, everytime he was in the same room as Hyunjin, he always ended up in those kinds of situations, his face absolutely burning. 

For a few minutes, at least, Felix struggled, trying to move away without actually waking up the other boy. But as soon as he tried to slide away from Hyunjin’s grasp, his arm tightened around him, preventing Felix from moving at all, even less step away from Hyunjin. He tried and tried again, being as gentle and discreet as he could, but the result was always the same. Either he needed to be more firm, fighting off Hyunjin’s arm even if it meant waking him up to be able to escape, or he had to accept his fate and simply lay there.

And Felix was too tired and too sore to fight. So with a long sigh, he grabbed the blanket to cover them both, letting his head fall on the little corner of the pillow that wasn’t already under Hyunjin’s head. Hyunjin’s body was creating so much warmth that despite how tense Felix was by being pressed so close to him, he couldn’t help but feel sleep cloud his mind once more. The warmth, the mattress and even Hyunjin’s arm around him.. It was all too comfortable. So, unable to fight off the sleepy daze from his mind, he closed his eyes, knowing full well that he would regret his decision when the morning came.


	14. Don't Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya there! The start of this chapter is a little... steamier, than what I've been writing in that story up until now. I hope it doesn't put people off. I think it's a great moment to notify you that there will probably be some smut at some point in the future in the story. I don't know if it's something you would like to see or not, and if there's people younger than 16 reading this fic so... If too many people strongly dislike the idea of smut, I can probably try to work around it, but the truth is smut was always part of the idea when I first started off the fic so.. We'll see, but I definitely want your input on this particular subject! 
> 
> Once again not a lot happens here. I actually wanted to add some more scenes at the end of this chapter but it ended up getting really really long and I had to cut it in half so those scenes will be in the next chapter! I hope you like what I give you today nonetheless, despite the very slow pace and the steamier aspect of it! 
> 
> I'm kinda nervous to see your reactions on this one! LOVE YOU ALL WONDERFUL PEOPLE ♥

For the first time in a very long while, Felix didn’t wake up at 5am. The hours and hours of dancing the day before had finally exhausted his body enough to break that cycle that he had religiously followed for the past few years. But exhaustion wasn’t the only reason Felix’s sleep was so good for once. Sleeping in someone’s arms, Hyunjin’s arms, was very different than sleeping alone. Having the feeling of being cuddled non-stop during the whole night, sharing Hyunjin’s warmth, feeling safe and protected.. Without mentioning Hyunjin’s scent all around him. It was so soothing that Felix could only have a wonderful sleep. Honestly, it was probably the best sleep he had in years, if not ever.

But Felix didn’t wake up because he was fully rested. He didn’t wake up because of the tiny nonsensical sentences Hyunjin had been muttering all night in his sleep, close to his ear. He didn’t even wake up when the door to their room opened, when Jisung entered the room, witnessed their position and called over Minho to show it to him. He didn’t wake up when the two of them stood in the middle of the room, arguing in hushed voices about whether they should wake Felix and Hyunjin up or go inform all the others so they could come share the spectacle. He didn’t wake up when Minho, with a mischievous smile, took out his phone, taking pictures of the two sleeping figures while Jisung was muttering about taking part in the bets that were going around the house about those two, started by Changbin and I.N the day Felix arrived. He didn’t wake up when the two finally left the room and rushed down the stairs with the grace of two elephants, probably to share their findings with the rest of the housemates. 

No, none of those things managed to wake up Felix, despite the fact that he was normally a very light sleeper. What woke up Felix was totally different. It was the feeling of icy cold fingers on his bare abdomen. At first, the chilly feeling only made Felix shiver, dragging him slightly out of sleep, his head still foggy, the warmth offered by Hyunjin against his back making him want to fall right back into his slumber. But as soon as his mind processed the situation and he realized what that feeling actually was, his eyes shot open. He was completely awake now.

Somewhere during the last few minutes, Hyunjin had moved his hand, his fingers finding the rim of Felix’s shirt and simply sliding under it, the tip of his fingers resting on Felix’s bare skin, in the middle of his abdomen. Surely he had done that without realizing, because Hyunjin’s breathing behind Felix was still as regular as it was all night long, proving that he was probably still deep in sleep. Blissfully ignorant of the whole situation, Hyunjin extended his fingers, his whole palm now pressed against Felix’s abs instead of just his fingertips. Slowly - excruciatingly so - Hyunjin’s hand moved up, starting its path just above Felix’s belly button until, after one long, interminable minute, it finished its course between his pecs, fingers brushing and caressing his skin all the way up. 

Felix started to panic. Sleeping in the same bed as Hyunjin was already a big mistake on his part, but this was something else completely. Something way worse. Felix liked Hyunjin’s touch, the feel of his skin against the other boy’s fingers. The problem was, he was liking it a little too much. Felix hadn’t been intimate in this way with a lot of people in the past, but it was definitely a kind of touch he secretly craved, different from the cuddles he was asking from people all day long. He wanted it more and more as days and months passed, especially lately. But right here, right now, was definitely not the moment to want this kind of touch, and especially not the moment to let himself actually enjoy it. 

Just like he had done the night before, Felix tried to escape Hyunjin’s grasp, even more desperate to put some distance between them now than he had been before. But his attempts had miserably failed the night before and so he should’ve realized that now too, this approach wouldn’t work. He tried nonetheless, slowly sliding away from Hyunjin’s body while trying to softly pry his long fingers away from under his shirt with one of his hands. This, however, had the opposite effect. 

“Don’t move..” Hyunjin’s voice echoed in the dark, silent room.

Felix almost jumped at the sound. Was he not asleep? Not only did Hyunjin’s grip on him tightened, but the boy also closed the distance between their two bodies, getting closer to him than even before, his whole long body now firmly pressed against Felix from behind. And Felix knew he was completely, utterly screwed. Because Hyunjin’s crouch was now resting against his bum, and he could very clearly feel that not all of Hyunjin was asleep. Felix was a man too, he knew how those things worked in the morning, but he couldn’t help but wonder. Was this because it was morning, was this his natural, daily reaction? Or was it something else? Like the fact to be pressed against Felix, dragging his fingers on his skin? Felix knew he, himself, was in the same state as Hyunjin but he wasn’t sure he could confidently say that it was due to his body waking up and not to Hyunjin’s skin against his own.

But one question in his mind was more important than the others: was Hyunjin awake? If he was, it would change things. It meant he was doing this on purpose, that he wanted Felix in that way. But Felix couldn’t get himself to believe this was possible. Just like he had done since he met Hyunjin, he was now firmly telling his brain to shut up, trying to remind himself that he was the only one having inappropriate thoughts about the other boy, and that those needed to stop before Hyunjin realized it and got uncomfortable. After all, before now, he had only treated him like he would normally treat the other members, right?

“... wake up soon..” Hyunjin muttered, his face now buried in Felix’s neck from behind, his long hair brushing against Felix’s cheek, his voice still sleep-filled.

So he was asleep, just like Felix thought. That clear reminder that neither Hyunjin’s touch nor his physical reaction down south, were voluntary and due to him, bothered Felix more than he thought it would. It was stupid since he had told himself the same thing just a second before. His panicked mind didn’t get much time to dwell on that feeling though, because once more Hyunjin’s fingers moved. 

As his slender fingers dragged against his skin, going from his pecs to his abdomen again, Felix was holding his breath. But when Hyunjin’s fingers didn’t stop there, venturing slowly further down, Felix forgot how to even breathe altogether. Softly, his fingertips brushed their way down Felix’s abdomen, tracing a path on his defined abs, getting nearer and nearer to the edge of Felix’s pants.

“... baby.. mine..” Hyunjin almost growled in his sleep, his lips pressed against Felix’s neck, his fingers now tracing the rim of Felix’s pants up and down in slow, maddening strokes.

An involuntary, small, moan escaped Felix’s lips, his eyes briefly closing of their own accord. Hyunjin’s fingers so down on his abdomen, his hardness pressed against him, his lips brushing his neck, just above his pulse, paired with his voice echoing in his ears. It was simply too much for Felix to handle.

Just as the sound came out of his mouth, the fingers stopped their movements against his skin and Hyunjin’s breath, that had been so regular on Felix’s neck so far, hitched. Felix tensed, wondering if Hyunjin had finally woken up, listening to every single little sound coming from him, monitoring each breath he took. He didn’t know what to do or what to say if Hyunjin woke up, realizing the situation they were in and asked Felix for explanations. Would he be disgusted to have touched Felix that way, disgusted that Felix had let him? Probably. 

He was so focused on Hyunjin’s breathing, on the stillness of his fingers, that he didn’t hear the footsteps outside the door. Until suddenly someone slammed their fist against the wood, a loud ‘boom boom’ echoing like thunder in the silent room. If Hyunjin wasn’t awake already, the racket definitely did the trick. Felix felt Hyunjin's body jump behind him, his arm slightly moving away. The small blond took this opportunity to finally escape. He was so desperate to get away though, that he stumbled out of the bed, falling to the ground instead of gracefully getting up like he had planned to.

“ _Oi, Felix!?_ ” Chan’s booming voice called from behind the door.

“What the..” Hyunjin muttered, sitting in his bed.

Felix didn’t want to face him, he simply couldn’t do it. He was pretty sure Hyunjin had woken up before Chan arrived, and even if he hadn’t, Felix still needed to explain why they were in the same bed, why he was laying in his arms. And honestly he didn’t think he could do it. Not after what just happened this morning. He was too embarrassed, but more than that, he knew that he had been the only one enjoying it. It was proof that, despite the many reminders and warnings he gave himself, he was diving too far and too fast in something that was more than likely one-sided. Proof that he needed to distance himself from Hyunjin, and quickly, before he could actually fall for him. 

“ _Coming!_ ” he called back, not even letting Hyunjin finish his sentence.

Felix scrambled to his feet from the floor. He was still wearing his clothes from the night before, since Hyunjin had grabbed him before he could change for bed last night. Rushing, he made his way to the door, opening it in one powerful swing. As quickly as his body could allow him, he slid out of the room, closing the door behind him without looking at Hyunjin over his shoulder. Only once his back was against the closed door did he allow himself to take a deep long breath. Bringing his hand up to pass his fingers through his messy hair, he looked up, only to be met with Chan standing right in front of him, a surprised expression on his face.

“ _Hey mate._ ” he said, placing a smile on his lips acting like his sudden, dramatical exit was totally normal despite his heavy breathing and the frenzied look in his eyes. And totally failing at it.

Chan had looked at him up and down, taking in his clothes, his disheveled appearance, the panic on his face and simply gestured to him to follow, leaving for his own room without a word. So Felix had complied. Firstly because he never said no to Chan but also because he wanted to put some distance between this room and him. Between Hyunjin and him. Chan’s room felt like the safest spot possible at this second, for some reason. So when Chan’s door was closed behind him, finally Felix felt like he could breathe more freely. 

“ _Everything okay bro?_ ” Chan asked, going to sit on his bed a little further in the room. 

“ _Um? Oh. Yeah, everything’s great._ ” Felix replied after a second, his mind still scattered, his lie too obvious.

“ _Does this have anything to do with that thing between you and Hyunjin?_ ” 

His voice was serious, his arms crossed on his chest as he looked at Felix. He seemed more worried than angry, but there was also a glint of something else in his gaze, something Felix couldn’t pinpoint. He was panicked. He didn’t want Chan to believe there was “a thing” between him and Hyunjin. He didn’t want anyone to believe that because, most of all he, himself, didn’t want to believe it. 

“ _I don’t know what you’re talking about.._ ” Felix tried, frowning slightly.

But he knew better. He could never fool Chan, not in the past, not now, not ever. Still he tried. Calmly, Chan gave a pat to his mattress, a silent call for Felix to come sit next to him, which he promptly did. Then, once he was seated, Chan fished his phone out of his front pocket, swiping his finger on it for a second before turning it so the screen would face Felix. On it was a picture of Felix and Hyunjin, fast asleep, in the same bed, with Hyunjin's long arm wrapped around Felix’s small frame. In high definition. He stared at the picture for a second too long, his mouth open, shocked by its very existence. 

“ _Wha..How did you.._ ” he started, staring at the picture before dragging his eyes up to meet Chan’s face, who had an eyebrow raised. “ _I mean.. It’s not what you think! At all!_ ” he quickly added, shaking his hands in front of him like it would help him to prove his point. “ _I just tried to put his blanket on him but then he grabbed me and I fell on the bed and then he wouldn’t let go. But he was asleep. Totally asleep! So I fell asleep and.. then I woke up and here we are!_ ” he rambled, trying to explain the situation to Chan, very deliberately omitting the incident from this morning.

Chan simply looked at Felix panicking and talking. Once the younger finished his monologue, Chan sighed. He raised his hand, placing it on Felix’s hair and forcing the other boy to tilt his head so he could place it on his shoulder, where it sometimes felt like it belonged. With his hand, he softly stroked Felix’s hair, keeping silent for a few more seconds before sighing once more.

“ _I don’t want you to fall too fast and get hurt._ ” he stated, his voice soft but definitely filled with worry. “ _I know you Felix, I know how you get with these things. You’re too sensitive, too sentimental.. That’s what I love about you but, in this case, it worries me._ ” he continued. Felix was about to open his mouth to tell him he got it all wrong, that it wasn’t like that, but Chan raised his free hand to tell him not to interrupt him. “ _If you’re just confused because you need more affection though.. You can come to me. You know you never have to look somewhere else for hugs and cuddles, right?_ ” Chan actually made a little pout after saying that. “ _Didn’t I tell you I’d always be your Teddy no matter what?_

He did say that, when they were barely teenagers. Felix couldn’t believe Chan remembered something like that. When they were young, Felix had decided that Chan was his personal Teddy bear, because, in his humble opinion, Chan gave the best hugs in the whole wide world. But when Chan got a girlfriend Felix felt like he didn’t have the right to monopolize Chan as he usually did and started to look for affection elsewhere. That’s how he got his first heartbreak, falling for a girl who saw him just as a good friend, because he got confused between needing physical affection and having romantic feelings. Probably because when he was with Chan it was both. The whole thing ended with Chan proclaiming that no matter what, where or who, he would always be there for Felix with open arms, and would always be his Teddy bear, so he would never have to go look for hugs elsewhere. 

The memory should’ve been cringy, but to Felix it really wasn’t, because it was one of the best moments he remembered spending with Chan and one of the things that made him fall for him just a little more as a young boy. This embarrassing story was a strong pillar of their actual relationship. So Felix nodded, slowly sliding his arms around Chan’s waist to hug him gently, his head still on his friend’s shoulder.

“ _It’s really not… like that._ ” he lied, once more, trying to convince himself more than Chan this time around. “ _But I will take you up on that offer, Teddy._ ” he then softly giggled, hugging him just a little bit tighter, feeling Chan’s arm around his shoulders.

They stayed there a few minutes at least, just hugging each other in silence. After a while, Chan dropped a feather-light kiss on top of Felix’s head.

“ _I have work to do today, but it’s all on my computer. Wanna stay locked in here with me all day?_ ” he asked, leaning back to look at Felix with a bright smile that showed he thought that was a great idea.

With that smile on his face, Felix wanted to give Chan the world. But the whole situation this morning, the mess that was in his head about Hyunjin and everything, it had made him want some alone time. More than that, it had made him remember that the reason he was in this house to begin with was because he needed a place to stay long enough to find a job. And he hadn’t been very productive with that the last few days since he arrived. 

“ _I would love to but.._ he sighed and Chan's smile transformed into a sad pout, making it very hard for him to stick to his plan. “ _I wanted to go get my bearings around town, maybe check up some stores and stuff.._ ” he vaguely explained. 

He knew how Chan was, if he told him he wanted to go out to look for a mediocre job, Chan would probably object, offering to shelter him for free, telling him he was family and had nothing to worry about. But Felix didn’t want to be that kind of guy. He didn’t want to leech off of Chan’s generosity and kindness. And he also knew that no matter how much Chan wanted to accompany him, he had too much work to do to actually be able to go out. And so a little white lie couldn’t hurt him.

“ _But.._ ” Felix added because he really wanted that time together than Chan was offering him. _What about tonight? Movie night? Just the two of us, for old time’s sake?_ ”

“ _Step Up marathon?_ ” Chan instantly asked, his bright smile returning to his face at the prospect.

“ _Step Up marathon._ ” Felix nodded his agreement with a little laugh. 

Growing up, the two of them had found a commun passion - not to say obsession - for the Step Up movie saga. They watched them religiously at least once a month. They used to know every choreography from every movie by heart, even reciting entire dialogue sequences between the two of them, acting out the scenes like they were part of the movie themselves. It had been years since Felix had seen any of those movies. And it was the perfect distraction to make him forget about Hyunjin and about the mess in his head, in his heart. Because nothing could be more perfect than Chan and a Step Up movie combined for Lee Felix


	15. Pink Lixie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many of you are still reading and commenting and that makes me SO FRICKING HAPPY! Thanks so so much to all of you ♥

The moments that followed felt, to Felix, like he was in a spy movie because of the length he went to to make sure not to run into Hyunjin. He had left Chan’s room and listened, his ear against the door, to see if Hyunjin was still in their shared room or not. Once he was satisfied that Hyunjin had joined the others downstairs, he had slipped into his own room like a thief in the night, quickly grabbed whatever from his backpack and ran out of the room just as quickly as he came in, rushing for the bathroom before he could be spotted in the corridor. He took a quick shower and got dressed, putting a beanie over his still damp hair, not wanting to lose any time drying them. And then, as sneakily as he could he tiptoed down the stairs, listening to every sound coming from the living room to make sure he wouldn’t run into someone in the entrance, especially not Hyunjin. In the entrance, he threw his shoes on at the speed of light and got out of the house without looking back, finally taking a deep breath when he was a few steps away and he knew Hyunjin wasn’t going to appear from nowhere.

He quickly managed to get into a cab and made his way to the center of town where he knew he would find the most stores and restaurants, where he hoped to find employment if at all possible. But he should’ve known, with the way things were going already, that this day wouldn’t go as planned either.

Felix walked the streets for hours, going from stores to restaurants to bakeries and coffee shops, searching for “looking for help” signs or sometimes even going straight inside to ask if they needed a new employee or not. And not one store gave him a positive answer. His feet hurt, he had almost exhausted all his options in that part of the town and it was extremely cold outside. And, as if the heavens themselves had a bone to pick with him, as soon as he headed out of the last place, a little family restaurant, rain started to pour on him. 

Standing under the downpour, looking up at the sky, Felix was very close to his limit. He wasn’t an angry person at all, but things kept on piling up and now he was mad. He was mad at himself, mad at the rain, mad at his parents, mad at Hyunjin. Mad at everything and everyone. Chan had been right this morning, Felix was already falling too fast, the fact that despite everything Hyunjin was still on his mind was proof enough of it. But Chan had been right about something else. He was going to get hurt if he kept this up. That was exactly why he had avoided Hyunjin completely before going out, why he wanted to avoid him when he would get back too.

He didn’t know how to act after this morning, because he had enjoyed it too much, because finally, despite how much he tried to fool himself, he had realized he did have a crush on Hyunjin. A big one. He wanted to spend time with him, to take care of him, to hear his little laugh, to watch him dance for hours on end, to hear him sing just for him. He wanted him in his arms, he wanted him in his bed. And he shouldn’t want any of those things because Hyunjin was just being a good friend to him, making him feel comfortable and included in this new house. He probably didn’t see Felix like anything more than one more housemate, one more friend, or maybe a new puppy added to the household. But definitely not as the type of guy he wanted to kiss. 

This was probably what was making Felix angry the most. He didn’t want to want Hyunjin. But he did. Desperately so. How did he manage to get tangled in this situation, in those kinds of feelings in the very short time he had spent at the house? Still one thing Chan was right about: he was too sensitive, too emotional. He was pathetic, that’s what he was. He knew it. He was well aware of it. And it pissed him off beyond reason. 

Giving up on his search for the day, knowing it wouldn’t lead anywhere, Felix started to walk up the road, his clenched fist deep in his pockets. He was nearing a bus stop when he suddenly stopped, turning his head to look at the shop next to him. A hair salon. Felix contemplated the idea that started to emerge in his mind. As a teenager one of his only acts of rebellion was to dye his hair, something he used to do quite often with Chan to piss off his parents. This was a long long time ago, way before he understood that following his parents orders to the letter was easier than trying to go against them. Back then, it used to make him feel like he still had a shred of freedom left, still some free will in his own life.

Felix knew if he wanted to find a job, dyeing his hair was not the way to go. But he was angry, he was cold, he was confused, sad. He was a mess. And all he wanted was a little peace of mind, a little bit of freedom from the mess in his heart. So before he knew what he was doing, he had already entered the salon. 

His little trip to the hairdresser took a few hours and so it was almost already 7pm when his cab stopped in front of the house. The night had already fallen and the neighborhood was still and silent. He opened the door discreetly, slipping inside and taking off his shoes, making his way for the stairs like the ninja he seemed to have become today. A little bit of his stress and anger had been alleviated while he was sitting in a chair, having his hair washed by a stranger. But still he knew his best bet was to avoid Hyunjin altogether, at least long enough for him to get his feelings under wrap. So he climbed the stairs two by two and rushed to Chan’s room, giving a brief knock on the door before slipping inside when he heard Chan’s soft “enter”.

Chan was laying on his bed, pillows stacked behind his back, his laptop on his legs, probably still in the middle of work despite the number of hours that had passed since Felix left him there this morning. He turned his head as Felix entered and smiled.

“ _Lixie, you’re finally home!_ ” he said and the word ‘home’ warmed Felix inside, just a little bit. 

Felix had always thought that ‘home’ wasn’t a place, it was a person. And feeling all of his worries of the day melting away, his anger disappearing, his anxiety subsiding, and warmth and peace filling his whole body just at the sight of Chan’s smile, he knew he was right. So he smiled brightly in return. 

“ _Did you have fun? What did you do?_ ” Chan asked, putting his laptop away to sit on the edge of the bed, watching over Felix like a big brother waiting for his little brother to tell him everything about his day.

“ _Well…_ ” Felix cleared his throat “ _Don’t laugh, okay?_ ” he then asked, a little nervous.

He reached for the beanie that was still on his head. He had slid it back on as soon as he got out of the hair salon, hiding his new hair under it. He grabbed the fabric between his fingers, tugging on it, freeing his hair from the warm cotton. A bunch of little pink strands fell in front of his eyes. He had turned his blond hair into a pink mane. Not a bright, bubble-gum, flashy pink, but a soft muted color. It was like his hair was still blond, with just an extra pink hue to it now. It was a really pretty, really soft color and it could've looked weird on Felix, it could’ve looked too cute or simply too much. But he felt like it was giving him an edge instead, making him look more like what he had pictured himself being when he was growing up. He absolutely loved it, and still he felt foolish and a little guilty for it, like he was expecting someone to reprimand him for it like his parents would’ve done. 

He looked over at Chan sheepishly, almost expecting a disapproving look in his eyes. Chan seemed a little bit surprised at first and then his expression became as tender as it was amused, and he did laugh, despite Felix’s warning.

“ _I knew it, it was stupid, I should.._ ” Felix started, clearly embarrassed.

“ _No, no, that’s not why I’m laughing!_ ” Chan exclaimed with a smile, reassuring Felix. “ _It looks.. so good on you Felix. Wow._ ” he then added with an appreciative nod. 

“ _Why did you laugh then?_ ” he asked, passing a hand through his pink strands, trying not to blush, feeling too self-conscious.

“ _It’s.. nothing._ ” Chan smiled, in that way that meant he found something endearing, and Felix wasn’t sure what it was exactly. “ _Anyways, I’m almost done with work so can you wait just a bit? _” he continued to smile. He looked Felix up and down quickly before speaking again. “ _Your clothes look wet, go grab one of my hoodies in there so you don’t catch a cold._ ” he casually stated.__

__He pointed at a wardrobe on the other side of the room before simply getting back in his initial position, with his laptop on his legs, focusing on whatever work he had left. Felix obliged, taking off the damp sweatshirt he was wearing and grabbing one of the many black hoodies Chan owned, quickly sliding it above his head. It was too big for him, but it was warm, comfortable and smelled of Chan. Perfect. After that he went to sit next to Chan on the bed, simply putting his head on his shoulder and watching him work._ _

__

__Chan had said he was almost done with work, but when the door to his room opened, Seungmin making his way into the bedroom, two hours later, Chan was still focused on his computer._ _

__“Hey, all the kids went to bed early today. Hyunjin was..“ Seungmin said as soon as he entered, stopping mid sentence when he looked up and noticed Felix on Chan’s bed. “Oh, hey Felix, haven’t seen you today.” he smiled._ _

__He paused for a second, probably noticing the pink hair on Felix’s head for the first time. A little smile appeared at the corner of his lips. He seemed amused and Felix was starting to get the feeling he was missing something. Why did everyone seem to find it amusing that he had dyed his hair?_ _

__“I like the new color. It suits you.” Seungmin complimented him with a genuine smile this time._ _

__Chan finally looked up, just now noticing what was going on around him. He frowned and looked at the time, swearing under his breath when he realized he had been immersed in his task for so long._ _

__“ _Shit, sorry Lixie, I didn’t see the time.. You should’ve told me._ ” he gave Felix a guilty pout._ _

__“ _That’s fine, I don’t mind watching you work._ Felix shrugged._ _

__“Are you heading to bed?” Chan then asked Seungmin in Korean, who nodded as a response. “We’ll get out of your hair then.” he gently smiled, closing his laptop. “ _C’mon Lix, we have the living room for ourselves, might as well take advantage of it!_ ”_ _

__He got up, Felix following the movement, and, with his laptop under one arm, he grabbed the blanket on his bed, gesturing at Felix to do the same with the pile of pillows. Once Chan seemed satisfied he moved to the door, softly wishing Seungmin a good night before leaving the room, Felix on his heels._ _

__

__The living room was, indeed, empty. So with excited smiles on their lips, Chan and Felix started to set up their little spot, putting all the pillows against the couch, on the ground, with the blanket. Chan linked his computer to the TV, rummaging through his files to found the movies they had planned for tonight, while Felix went to the kitchen to grab a bunch of random snacks and drinks. Once they were both settled against the mountain of pillows, snacks all around them, they finally hit play on the first movie of the night, looking like little kids beaming with unfiltered excitement._ _

__Felix wasn’t sure how long they went on for, how many movies out of the whole saga they watched or at what time they ended up falling asleep, all he knew was how much fun it had been. They had danced together in the middle of the living room, repeating the dialogues just like they had done as kids. They ate too many snacks and joked around about things only they could understand, making Felix forget all about the Hyunjin situation, if only for a night. And, after burning all their energy, in the middle of one movie or another, they fell asleep in the arms of one another, on the floor, under Chan’s blanket, a myriad of pillows under and around them._ _

__

__When morning came, it was I.N that witnessed the scene first, this time around. And he didn’t waste a second to take pictures, just like Minho had done the morning before, with Felix and Hyunjin. The whole thing was really wholesome. Felix and Chan were lying on the floor, facing each other, their arms around one another, their legs entangled under the blanket, the two of them completely pressed against one another. Felix’s face was comfortably buried in Chan’s chest, Chan’s chin resting on top of Felix’s head. Felix had put the hood of Chan’s hoodie up on his head before falling asleep, so his pink hair, and much of his face, was hidden from the camera and from the world. Chan had the most peaceful smile on his lips, even as he slept. I.N took a few pictures, pressing a few buttons on his phone to send said pictures to the rest of his still sleeping housemates while laughing softly before making his way to the kitchen for some breakfast._ _

__Just like the night before, Felix was so deep in sleep he was oblivious to what was happening around him, despite him being a light sleeper when he was sleeping alone. The warmth and security Chan’s body against his procured him made it possible for him to relax completely during his sleep. But things were totally different now than they were then. Sleeping in Hyunjin’s arms, despite being comfortable, had been nerve-wracking, it had made Felix’s heart race and his mind spin. Hyunjin’s body pressed against him had made him breathless, inappropriate thoughts swirling in his head. Sleeping in Chan’s arms simply felt like the most natural thing in the world after doing it so many times over the years. It felt like being home. He could be pressed against him and feel nothing but complete and utter peace of mind and happiness._ _

__Seungmin was the next one getting up, chuckling softly and tenderly at the scene in the middle of the living room before joining I.N at the dining table. Minho and Jisung entered the living room at the same time, Jisung laughing instantly when he saw Felix and Chan, Minho giving him a little shove to make him be quiet, but still harboring a smile himself. Like the others, they gathered around the table. Changbin then came, giving a quick glance to the floor with a snicker and joined the others. Hyunjin was nowhere to be seen, probably still asleep, since he was almost always the last one up._ _

__“Should we start betting on.. that, too?” Changbin asked with a little chuckle._ _

__“The whole Hyunjin thing isn’t enough for you? You’re getting greedy Binnie!” I.N exclaimed with an amused tone._ _

__“I mean.. I’m with Binnie on this one.” Jisung shrugged._ _

__“Come on, it’s not like that.” Seungmin rationalized calmly, still a tender smile on his lips. “They’re good friends, that’s all… With Jinnie though that’s another story..” he snickered softly._ _

__“I don’t think they realize how obvious they are.. Pathetic..” Minho sighed, still he sounded as amused as the rest of them all._ _

__“Who do you think is going to..” I.N started, not finishing his sentence and moving his hands vaguely instead._ _

__“Go for it?” Changbin offered and I.N nodded._ _

__“Jinnie, obviously.” Jisung stated confidently._ _

__“I bet you 10 it’s Felix.” Changbin announced, raising a challenging eyebrow._ _

__“Bet.”_ _

__“I’m with Jisung.” Minho exclaimed._ _

__“Me too.” Seungmin nodded._ _

__“I’ll go with Felix too on that one. I have a good feeling!” I.N chuckled._ _

__

__The inintelligible sound of voices and laughs coming from the next room finally forced Felix to stir in his sleep, slightly opening his eyes with a little groan. He squeezed Chan’s body a little tighter for just a second before finding the strength to lean away from him, sliding out from under the blanket and getting to his feet with a yawn, rubbing his eyes. Chan groaned behind him too, Felix could hear him move on the ground._ _

__“ _Felix, I’m cold, come back!_ ” he complained loudly with his face buried in his pillow, probably alerting all the others in the kitchen._ _

__“ _If I come back I can’t bring you cookies in bed for breakfast now, can I?_ ” Felix chuckled, his voice still sounding full of sleep._ _

__Chan groaned again, a muffled “fine” finally coming from his pillow, making Felix laugh, the sound deep and raspy because of sleep as he started to walk towards the kitchen. He was surprised to find everyone there already and for a second, panic took over him as he glanced at all the faces, only relaxing when he couldn’t see Hyunjin’s. He barely had stepped foot in the kitchen when Seungmin came to him, handing him a hot cup of coffee._ _

__“Thanks” Felix smiled and he nodded at everyone as a ‘good morning’, receiving nods back. “Sorry for the mess in the living room.” he apologized, talking about the snacks and pillows scattered everywhere in front of the couch. “I’ll clean it up once I took care of Grumpy Sleeping Beauty over there.” he chuckled, gesturing towards the living room, talking about Chan._ _

__“Seemed like you had a good time.” Changbin pointed out with a casual smile._ _

__“I wished I didn’t go to bed so early, it sounded like so much fun!” I.N exclaimed._ _

__“Were we that loud?” Felix asked, biting his lower lip, feeling guilty for being an annoyance to his housemates._ _

__“Yeah.” Minho simply stated, not adding anything for a second, letting it hang in the air before speaking again. “But that’s fine.”_ _

__Coming from Minho, this seemed like an improvement so Felix chose not to add anything to that and simply nod, moving towards the cupboard where he knew the rest of the cookies from the night before were stocked in a little tupperware. He grabbed the plastic box while the others started a conversation between themselves once more. So Felix simply made his way back to the living room, back to Chan with his cookies._ _

__He crouched next to Chan, opening the lid and taking a cookie between his fingers, dangling it around Chan’s pillow to make the scent of it reach his nose. Finally after a second Chan moved to lay on his back, opening his mouth with his eyes half-opened. Felix laughed and placed the cookie between Chan’s lips who clenched his teeth around it with an appreciative ‘umm’._ _

__“ _So.. What are your plans today? More sight-seeing?_ Chan asked after munching on his cookie for a few seconds._ _

__“ _Probably, yeah._ ” Felix nodded. He knew he had to continue looking for a job after yesterday’s failure._ _

__That’s when he heard footsteps rushing down the stairs and inside the living room. He tensed. He knew it had to be Hyunjin, it could only be him, he was the only one who wasn’t already in the kitchen after all. And Felix didn’t have the strength to face him just yet. He knew he was being a coward. And that, on top of that, he was very unfair to Hyunjin who probably had no idea at all about what had happened and what was going through Felix’s head. But for his own sake, to be able to let go of his one-sided stupid crush, Felix felt it was necessary to distance himself drastically._ _

__“ _And I should probably go now. Don’t want to lose any time!_ ” Felix exclaimed, a little too enthusiastically for it to sound natural. _ _

__Felix quickly got up, dreading to turn around, knowing Hyunjin had to be somewhere in the room, not too far away. His hood still on his head, he moved, looking at his feet, refusing to even make eye contact with Hyunjin by inadvertence._ _

__“ _Don’t stay out too late!_ ” Chan called, from the floor._ _

__Felix felt the moment he passed next to Hyunjin but still he continued walking without stopping, without looking up, feeling awful about it. Quickly he made his way to the stairs. He knew he should’ve left the house straight away, but he needed to change out of Chan’s hoodie first and his backpack was still in his and Hyunjin’s room._ _

__“ _Love you!_ Chan yelled behind him as he disappeared from the room and up the stairs._ _

__

__Rushing to the room, Felix quickly grabbed his backpack, looking through his stuff to find something to put on. He was acting fast, thinking that Hyunjin was probably not going to run after him anyway but still not wanting to play with fire. He wasn’t fast enough though and he had barely picked a sweatshirt from his backpack when the door opened. Felix knew it was Hyunjin and so his eyes were stubbornly glued to the ground. If he looked up at him, he would forget why he was trying to stay away, his heart would hammer in his chest again and it wasn’t good._ _

__Felix took the sweatshirt, hugging it to his chest, taking a few steps towards the door. Hyunjin was now standing there, his back firmly pressed against the wood of the door, unmoving. Felix hesitated for a second before he opened his mouth, still not looking up, still hiding himself under his hood._ _

__“Can you move, please? I need to go..” he said, his voice sounding weak and unsure._ _

__“No.” was all Hyunjin said, firmly, crossing his arms on his chest_ _


	16. Look At Me

“No?” Felix dumbly repeated, caught off guard. “What do you mean, no?”

He hadn’t expected Hyunjin to react that way. Sure, he had thought about the fact that his behavior wasn’t subtle, and that Hyunjin would probably feel a bit weirded out by Felix suddenly disappearing this morning, after falling from his bed of all places, and had been evading him ever since. But he thought the other boy wouldn’t probably think too much of it. And still, he had followed Felix up the stairs and was now standing in front of the door, preventing him from leaving. And he didn’t sound happy, at all. But of course Felix didn’t want to look up to see if Hyunjin’s face reflected the same thing his voice did. 

“I mean no.” Hyunjin said in the same firm tone, not moving an inch. 

Felix could feel Hyunjin’s stare burning into him and it was hard not to look up just because he knew, despite the situation, how good Hyunjin’s must look and he was craving to see it. After only 24 hours without laying eyes on him, he was already missing the sight of him, how pathetic was that? Felix wanted to curse himself.

“Why?” he asked, his voice so small he wondered if Hyunjin could even hear him.

“Because you’ve been avoiding me.” Hyunjin stated, finally leaning away from the door. “And I want to know why.”

He took a step towards Felix to which Felix responded by taking a step backwards, away from him, instinctively, staring at Hyunjin’s feet.

“No I’m not..” Felix tried to deny despite how obvious he had been.

Another step forward. Another step backwards.

“Oh no?” Hyunjin asked. He didn’t sound amused.

Felix shook his head softly as an answer. Another step forward. Another step backwards. And another. And another. And soon, to his horror, Felix felt the wall hit his back, preventing him from fleeing any farther.

“Look at me then.” Hyunjin challenged, taking a final step forward, standing just in front of Felix.

He waited but Felix was still stubbornly looking at his feet, attacking his lower lip with his teeth, his face obscured by the hood of Chan’s hoodie. He knew how immature he was being, but he couldn’t find the strength to look up knowing that all his efforts would be crushed as soon as he would lay eyes on him. Knowing that he would fall just a little more for that beautiful face of his, and the person that was hiding behind it. It was too dangerous for his heart.

But Hyunjin was not happy with simply waiting indefinitely. After a few seconds of silence, he lifted his hand, sliding his fingers under Felix’s chin. Felix tensed at the contact, his whole body responding to it. 

“Felix.” Hyunjin's voice was almost a warning as he said his name. “Look at me.” he added, with this commanding tone that had Felix doing anything he wanted each time. But there was something else in his voice too. A sort of longing. A plea. 

So when Hyunjin tried to lift Felix’s chin with his fingers, Felix let him. Still he looked down for as long as he could, only moving his brown orbs up to meet Hyunjin’s face when he had no other choice. The sight hit him even harder than he thought it would. He was even more gorgeous than Felix remembered and the reason for it was that he actually looked really different from the last time Felix had laid eyes on him. Because those long, luscious blond hair of his was now jet black, reflecting the light perfectly. If he looked like an angel with his blond hair, he now looked like a vengeful, powerfull, hypnotizing god. 

Felix felt like he forgot how to breathe, watching Hyunjin. His new hair suited him so well, falling around his face gracefully, making his cheekbones stand out even more, his full lips looking even more plump than before, his eyes seeming more intense. Felix was so immersed in his staring that he didn’t realize that his mouth was partially open, showing his shock openly on his face. More than that, he didn’t realize that, when he tilted his head to look up at Hyunjin, the hood had slided down, falling from his head, exposing his pink strands. 

The expression on Hyunjin’s face was now matching his. The intensity in his eyes as he looked over Felix’s face, his gaze wandering in his new pink hair before cataloguing every detail he could see. The way he let the tip of his tongue run along his bottom lip while looking at him. It was very hard to stand. Felix wanted to cower under such a stare. And, at the same time, it made butterflies appear in the pit of his stomach. Hyunjin’s fingers, which were still around Felix’s chin, moved up, softly brushing Felix’s hair back, the pink strands smoothly running between his slender fingers. But he didn’t say anything about it, instead looking back down to stare into Felix’s eyes, his face becoming serious again.

“So?” Hyunjin asked, using the same firm tone Felix had heard from him since he entered the room. “Why are you running from me?”

“I’m not.. It’s not..” Felix tried, still too mesmerized by Hyunjin, too panicked about his own feelings, the memories of this morning too fresh in his mind.

“Is it because we slept in the same bed?” Hyunjin asked, still unflinching.

So he was aware of that at least. Of course he was, Felix was still in his bed when Hyunjin had been woken up by Chan’s banging on the door, so he probably pieced two and two together pretty easily. Still Felix didn’t know how Hyunjin felt about it, and he didn’t know what Felix knew, about the events that followed them sharing a bed.

“No, that’s not it..” Felix shook his head, his voice small, his cheeks already getting more pink by the second.

“Did you hate it?” Hyunjin asked, an edge to his voice. “Enough that you had to go sleep with Chan instead?” he added, frowning slightly, sounding like he was gritting his teeth. 

Felix looked at him with big, surprised eyes. Was he jealous? Surely he couldn’t be. He was just upset because of Felix’s behavior and Felix’s mind, being too infatuated with Hyunjin already, was simply trying to see things that weren’t there. And how could he even begin to think that Felix had hated sleeping in the same bed as him, when it was all he could think about since this morning. 

“It’s not..” Felix tried again, his voice a little bit stronger now. 

“I wonder what kind of little noise you made with him this time..” Hyunjin muttered so low that Felix barely heard what he said.

Actually, not only did he barely hear it, but he was wondering if he hadn’t heard him wrong too. Because what he said didn’t make any sense. Unless.. Unless he was awake this morning when Felix had moaned from his touch. But surely it wasn’t the case, Felix was more than sure that Hyunjin had been asleep the whole time. Surely, once again Felix’s mind was making things up and Hyunjin had said something completely different from what he thought he heard. 

“Listen, I told you, Chan and I, it’s not..” Felix tried to explain himself once more, being cut off by Hyunjin once again.

“You two sure looked cozy together.” he stated blankly. “I didn’t see you run from his arms at least.”

“Will you let me finish, for fuck’s sake!?” Felix exploded, tired of Hyunjin not letting him explain. This got Hyunjin’s attention at least. “The reason I ran this morning was because, when you were asleep you.. You..” he stopped himself. 

He had started to speak because Hyunjin’s behavior had gotten on his nerves, but now that he was faced with the possibility of telling him straight up what had happened, he couldn’t do it. His face turned a shade of pink more deep than the one coating his hair, but Hyunjin’s reaction wasn’t one Felix had expected. He thought Hyunjin would look at him with confusion, waiting for the explanation he had promised. But instead, Hyunjin snorted, a sly smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Asleep..?” Hyunjin asked, raising an eyebrow with that little smile of his. 

Felix was taken aback, not only by the sudden change in Hyunjin’s behavior but also by the question in itself. Of course he was asleep. Wasn’t he? Hyunjin leaned closer, his face suddenly only centimeters away from Felix’s, his hand pressed against the wall behind Felix as he let his eyes wander on Felix’s face before coming back to stare into his brown orbs. 

“Darling..” the word rolled on Hyunjin’s tongue, his voice smooth, hot, low. The sound made Felix tingle from inside. 

Hyunjin’s free hand came up to brush Felix’s cheek, just touching him with the tip of his fingers, tracing the edge of his jaw, descending to caress his neck up and down before, just like a few minutes ago, he grabbed Felix’s chin between his long fingers, tilting his own head to the side. The simple movement of his head had almost as much of an effect on Felix as the feeling of his fingers on his skin. It was just so.. Hyunjin.

“Do you really think that..” he started.

Felix was hanging to each of his words, a mix of anxiety, curiosity and desire rising in his chest. So he almost jumped out of his skin when the door to their room suddenly opened without warning. Hyunjin’s reaction was similar, his hand flying away from Felix’s face as he abruptly turned his head to watch who had interrupted them. Felix could swear he heard an annoyed growl when he spotted Chan in the door frame, followed closely by I.N.

“ _Yo Lixie, I decided to come with.._ ” Chan exclaimed in English, stopping when he noticed the position Hyunjin and Felix were in. “Everything okay here?” he asked in Korean, a little more firmly, a frown forming between his brows.

“We’re fine.” Hyunjin answered in a very similar tone to Chan’s. Felix was simply looking at the exchange, his mind still a mess from what was going on just a second ago. “Can you leave now? We’re clearly in the middle of something.” Hyunjin added with a vague gesture of his hand.

“No, actually, we can’t.” Chan blankly stated, holding Hyunjin’s gaze without flinching. 

He gave a little shove with his elbow to I.N like he was trying to tell him that it was his turn to intervene in the conversation and maybe explain why they couldn’t leave the room. I.N, before that, was looking at the whole scène with an expression half surprised, half excited by the events he was witnessing. After Chan’s push, he cleared his throat, and nodded to Chan.

“Oh yeah uh.. Jinnie, we need you downstairs. Uh..” he looked up at Chan like he was trying to get confirmation but Chan was too busy with his staring contest with Hyunjin. “Minho wants to talk to you about.. choreography.. stuff.” he finished vaguely. 

“Exactly. There’s work to be done.” Chan said once I.N was done. Only after looking at Hyunjin for one second more did he turn his eyes towards Felix, his expression instantly softening a little bit. “ _Felix, I’m taking you out today so let’s go._ ” 

Despite his softer voice, it still sounded like a command. Felix didn’t know what he was supposed to do in this situation. Clearly his conversation with Hyunjin wasn’t finished and he wanted to hear what the other boy had to say, but he also knew that it may be a bad idea. And he could never say no to Chan. Plus, there was this weird tension between Chan and Hyunjin that Felix couldn’t completely understand. But he didn’t like it and he didn’t want it to continue for longer than it needed to. 

Felix looked quickly at Hyunjin before starting to walk away from him. But Hyunjin grabbed his wrist, preventing him from making his way towards Chan. Felix turned his head to look at him and, without thinking about it, he mouthed a little “later”, like to say they would finish their conversation later. Even though Felix wasn’t sure he wanted to have this conversation again anytime soon, just because of how anxious and hopeful it made him to have Hyunjin so close to him, acting almost like he was jealous, saying things that sounded like he wanted Felix. He had a hard time shutting his brain up from believing things like that and that wasn’t good at all. After a second, Hyunjin let go of Felix’s wrist, but he didn’t seem happy about it in the slightest and as Felix walked to Chan and left the room with him, he could still feel Hyunjin’s eyes on him.

After this whole situation, Chan had led Felix downstairs and out the door in record time. But he didn’t say a single word as they walked to the car, jumped in it and started to drive to a destination Felix didn’t know. It wasn’t like Chan to act like that and Felix didn’t like it.

“ _Are you mad at me..?_ ” he finally asked after a minute, sounding like a little kid after an argument with his parents.

“ _I’m not mad.._ ” Chan said, staring at the road. He then sighed deeply, the tension lessening in his shoulders and when he talked again, he offered a weak smile to Felix. “ _I’m just… annoyed._ ” he admitted.

“ _But.. why?_ ” Felix asked, confused, a little frown on his face.

“ _I guess.._ ” Chan sighed again, shaking his head with a little laugh. “ _God it’s so stupid.._ ” he continued, looking at the road. “ _I guess I’m not used to someone else wanting your attention like that.._ ” he confessed, his voice soft and low.

“ _Do you mean.. Hyunjin?_ ” Felix asked softly, raising an eyebrow. He had never seen Chan act like that before and still he could understand his feelings perfectly for having felt them so many times before. “ _Hyunjin doesn’t.._ ” 

“ _If Jinnie could spend his day glued to you he would._ Chan cut him off, seeming adamant about this fact.

This statement surprised Felix and he couldn’t help but wonder where he got that idea from. But really, this wasn’t what was important at the moment. He couldn’t lie about the fact that he would’ve wanted it to be true, that Hyunjin wanted to spend all his time with him, but he knew that it was only Chan’s insecurity speaking. It was foreign coming from him, but a feeling all too familiar to Felix which was why he could spot it so easily. 

“ _It’s not the same… Nobody is taking me away. I’m not going anywhere Christopher.._ ” he said, as softly as he could, trying to reassure his friend by putting a soothing hand on his thigh.

Chan’s body seemed a little less tense after Felix’s words, his own hand falling on Felix’s small fingers while his other hand was around the wheel. 

“ _It’s just.. You’re my Teddy too, you know?_ ” he simply continued. Felix always called Chan his Teddy back in the day, but Chan had never said it back before today. “ _You used to stick to me like glue when we were younger and now that I’m not the only one allowed to coddle you anymore it’s just.. It feels weird._. Chan chuckled at himself. “ _How stupid is that?_ ” he laughed.

“ _Very stupid._ ” Felix bluntly said, Chan raising his eyebrows at that. He probably thought that Felix was going to say it wasn’t stupid at all, but it was. “ _Because you’re never getting rid of me. I’ll always stick to you._ ” he added, squeezing Chan’s thigh between his fingers to emphasize his point.

Chan laughed softly and, to Felix, he felt more and more like his usual self. Felix felt better knowing he had been able to alleviate the doubts that plagued his best friend, doubts he had himself felt numerous times as they grew up and even during the years they were apart. It was maybe selfish, but it felt good knowing that Chan could also feel that way about him, that he too was afraid to lose his best friend, his brother, his home, to someone else.

“ _Good.._ ” Chan smiled, stealing a little glance to Felix from the corner of his eye. “ _So.. How do you feel about ice cream?_ ” he asked. 

And the bright, childish smile growing on Felix’s face at the question told him everything he needed to know as he focused on the road once more, heading for the closest ice cream shop around.

And with that, the two best friends spent the rest of their day together, eating ice cream, going shopping, taking silly selfies together and simply being unapologetically themselves with each other. They ran around like they were still kids, enjoying each other's presence and needing nothing else to have an amazing time. It was just so simple with them. It always had been and Felix knew it always would be.

After this conversation, after this day, Felix was hoping that Chan knew just as well as he did that no matter what, in the very end, it would always be just Felix and Chan, the two best friends against the rest of the world. They were each other's home, each other's safe space, each other's soulmates. And it may look weird for some people, but it wasn’t romance that bound them together, it wasn’t lust or a misplaced sense of loyalty due to their friendship back in the day. They were bound by a lucky draw of fate. Their friendship was meant to be, simply because Chan was the other part of his soul, the other part of himself. And of that, Felix was completely sure.

When they finally set foot at the house again, they were both exhausted beyond belief. The day had been one of the best days they both had in a long time. Felix was sad to see it come to an end so quickly, but Chan rarely rested enough and Felix wanted him to go to bed soon so he could have at least one good night's sleep amidst all of his sleepless night where he was usually working instead of resting. So as soon as they got home they both climbed the stairs, Chan accompanying Felix to his door instead of going straight to his own room.

“ _You can sleep with me again, you know?_ ” Chan softly said, glancing at the door, knowing Hyunjin was probably inside the room.

“ _I’m fine, really._ ” Felix smiled. He loved sleeping with Chan, but he couldn’t hide in Chan’s room, in Chan’s arms forever. “ _Just go to sleep. No work tonight, alright?_ ” he warned his friend with a little smile.

Chan simply nodded with a chuckle. He seemed too tired to work anyway, his eyes small and exhausted. He looked like he could fall asleep right then and there without warning. 

“ _Thank you for today.._ ” Chan said, reaching for Felix to pull him into a tight, warm hug.

Felix wrapped his arms around Chan, burying his nose in his chest like he had done so many times, holding him tight like he was trying to drive home the point he had made earlier. He was here and he wasn’t going anywhere. After a few seconds, Chan took a step back and yawned, making Felix giggle. Chan waved and was about to start walking back to his room, but he stopped in his tracks, looking over his shoulder with a tender smile.

“ _I love you Lixie._ ” he simply said.

There was a little pause. Those words were always hard for Felix to say, probably because he hadn’t heard them much growing up. That was why, usually, when Chan was saying it, he didn’t respond in kind, instead hugging him or doing something to show his love for him instead of saying it out loud. But there were moments when hearing those words meant more than knowing they were true. And after today, Felix felt like this was one of these days for Chan.

“ _I love you too Chris._ Felix responded, the tenderness in his eyes showing just how true this was.

Chan nodded, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth and his eyes shining with emotion as much as tiredness. And then he simply walked away, disappearing behind the door to his room. Only then did Felix turn away, opening the door to his own room to slide inside. 

The lights were off but, as his eyes accustomed to the dark, he could see that Hyunjin wasn’t asleep. He was sitting on his bed, his long black hair wet, a towel around his neck, and he was waiting for Felix, there was no doubt about that since the boy was staring at him as soon as he entered the room. Felix thought Hyunjin would be angry at him again for the way he left in the middle of their conversation. He did seem intense, sitting in the dark with a frown, his eyes intently following Felix’s every movement. But he didn’t get up to pin Felix against a wall again, he didn’t scream, he barely even moved, simply lifting a hand to pat the spot next to him on the mattress.

“Come here.”


	17. Whatever You Want, Baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is! A little chapter full of Hyunlix and only Hyunlix! No Chan coming to save the day! It's been a while, so I hope you're happy about it! I sure am ♥

Felix was hesitant about going to sit so close to Hyunjin, to go back on his bed. Not because he didn’t want it, but because he definitely did. Still, how could he refuse anything to him when he was using this voice, looking at him like that? So he walked towards him, not bothering to switch on the lights since he could see well enough through the darkness. Hyunjin looked at him in silence while he slowly sat down, the mattress lowering under his weight. He could feel the warmth of Hyunjin next to him, their legs brushing against one another. 

Felix didn’t know what to do or what to say and he was waiting for Hyunjin to hopefully open his mouth, start the conversation one way or another. That’s not what Hyunjin did though. Once Felix was seated next to him, he shifted his body, suddenly laying on his bed, his damp hair hitting his pillow and, as Felix wondered why he had made him come to the bed if he wanted to sleep, Hyunjin grabbed his arm, pulling him down with him until Felix was laying down on Hyunjin’s bed. It was just like the night when they had slept together, but instead of having his back to Hyunjin, Felix was now face to face with him, Hyunjin’s gorgeous features a little too close to his own for comfort. 

“Hyunjin..?” Felix asked in a small whisper, unsure.

“Just.. Stay like this for a little bit.” Hyunjin said, more a command than a suggestion, his hand letting go of Felix’s arm to casually go rest on the smaller boy’s hip.

Felix simply nodded, speechless, breathless, motionless. He didn’t even know if he could think properly with him being so close, touching him. The scenario was looking more and more like the scene from the other morning that kept replaying in his head. 

“Did you have fun?” Hyunjin asked, surely talking about his day with Chan.

Felix felt Hyunjin’s fingers grip his hip a little tighter. His heart fluttered as, for only a second, he let himself think that this gesture seemed a little possessive, but he pushed the thought out quickly enough focusing back on the question. He didn’t know if Hyunjin actually wanted to hear about his day but it gave him something else to think about and the distraction was welcome.

“Um.. Yeah..” Felix nodded. “ We went for ice cream, so that was really fun.. Um.. We did a bit of shopping too and..”

He didn’t feel Hyunjin tugging sneakily on his hoodie, trying to make it go high enough that a little patch of flesh would appear from under Felix’s clothes at hip level. Felix realized it only when he felt Hyunjin’s tantalizing touch against his naked skin. And when he did, he stopped dead in his tracks, losing the ability to speak, his lips slightly parted. Hyunjin was looking at him, unflinching, just the shadow of a smile at the corner of his lips. Felix knew he was probably imagining it, but he looked dangerously seductive and desirable right at this second. 

“And?” he asked, sounding teasing.

Felix blinked once, twice, trying to remember what it was that he was even talking about just a second ago. All that his mind seemed to be able to focus on was the fingers on the bare flesh of his hip. Still he forced his mind to focus, continuing his explanation about what he did with Chan during the day.

“Chan showed me some cool places, we took a lot of great photos. Really it was..” 

Hyunjin started to move his fingers on Felix’s skin, first forming little tight invisible circles on his flesh, the movements getting wider and wider with each stroke. Soon the tip of Hyunjin’s fingers was creeping under Felix’s hoodie, his cool skin against Felix’s burning one. Very slightly, very softly, he moved his hand up, the movement barely noticeable. But Felix noticed, because he could feel in great detail every tiny spot where his skin was in contact with Hyunjin’s fingers. 

“Hyunjin..?” Felix asked, barely remembering how to use his own voice suddenly.

“Umm?” 

“What.. What are you doing?” Felix whispered, already feeling his face getting slightly pink, his whole body hot.

Hyunjin moved his hand higher still, his palm disappearing completely under the black hoodie now, using the tip of his fingers to caress Felix’s side. Felix was holding his breath all the while, watching Hyunjin who was still looking at him intently.

“What do you mean?” Hyunjin asked, feigning innocence.

Slowly, teasingly, his fingers drifted from Felix’s side to his front, Hyunjin pressing his palm against Felix’s bare chest for a second. He could probably feel how hard Felix’s heart was beating against his hand, but quickly he started caressing his skin again, doing little circles on his naked flesh with the tip of his fingers, his eyes scanning Felix’s face as always, his lips slightly parted, his tongue running along his bottom lip for just a second.

“What do you.. with.. your hand..” Felix stuttered. He was as embarrassed as he was aroused, making his voice raspy, low and shy.

“You don’t like it?” Hyunjin asked, his voice almost as teasing as his fingers were, tracing invisible lines on Felix’s chest, between his pecs. “I wanted you to know that.. When I touch you it’s because I want to, not because I’m asleep..” he continued, his eyes drifting to Felix’s lips for a second before returning to his eyes.

Hyunjin was still looking at Felix with the same calm demeanor but it seemed like his composure was starting to shatter little by little, his tongue sliding on his bottom lip or simply peeking from the corner of his mouth more and more often, his breathing a little less slow and regular as it was before. Felix didn’t know if he did it on purpose or not, but Hyunjin shifted his body a little bit, to get that much closer to him and suddenly his face was so close that their foreheads touched, the tip of his nose brushing Felix’s. 

He could feel Hyunjin’s hot breath on his face and this, paired with his fingers, the proximity, the darkness.. It was all a lot and it felt suddenly very erotic. Felix knew how red his face must’ve been right about now. But just like last morning, he was mesmerized by Hyunjin’s touch, unable to move or act to stop it. He even had a hard time processing what Hyunjin had told him. Did it mean he actually was awake the whole time last morning? Did he tease him like that voluntarily? Did he hear him moan under his fingers?

“Wha..” Felix started, but promptly shut his mouth when he felt Hyunjin’s fingers slide down, just like the morning before.

Hyunjin deliberately slowy traced a path down Felix’s abs with the tip of his finger, his short fingernail very gently scraping the sensitive skin, giving Felix a shiver in his whole body that forced him to bite his lower lip suddenly, Hyunjin’s eyes focused on every one of his expressions. Seeing Felix bite his lip, his eyes instantly turned there, admiring Felix’s mouth. He lifted his free hand, his thumb finding Felix bottom lip and applying just the tiniest bit of pressure to free it from Felix’s teeth. His thumb then glided slowly on the soft, pink skin of Felix's lip, all the while Hyunjin was licking his own lips, looking intently at what he was doing. His other hand was still very slowly going down Felix’s abs, his light touch putting Felix’s whole body on fire. 

“Your skin is so soft..” Hyunjin stated, his voice low and smooth, his face so close to Felix’s. “Did Chan touch you like that too..?” he then asked, an edge appearing in his voice, his eyes intense. “Did he.. bite those pretty lips of yours?” he continued, his thumb once more caressing Felix’s lower lip slowly. “Did he put his mark on your lovely neck..?” he questioned, his hand sliding from Felix’s lips to his neck, caressing his skin just above his pulse, where he was so sensitive. 

At first Felix simply shook his head as a response, his lips parted, his breath quick, his heart hammering in his chest. It was hard to remember that he actually had to answer Hyunjin with his hands all over him. Just like it was harder and harder to ignore that it was pure jealousy in Hyunjin’s eyes, in his voice, in his words. Felix was trying very hard to remind himself it wasn’t, but still he started to hope once more that maybe Hyunjin wasn’t just playing, that he was seeing Felix the way Felix was seeing him. But he didn’t want to hope, he didn’t want to get hurt. But it was too late because he did, and so, inevitably, he would. 

“It’s not like that..” he managed to say, barely audible because it was hard for him to form any coherent thoughts at the moment.

Hyunjin slightly groaned, like he had a hard time believing Felix and he didn’t like the idea that Chan had, indeed, touched him like that. The sound reverberated into Felix’s whole body, making him tingle from the inside and press his thighs firmly together. How could this man have such a powerful effect on him with just a sound? Felix didn’t remember anyone having so much power over him before, not even Chan when Felix was still having romantic feelings for him. 

“Did he.. go further than that then?” Hyunjin asked, his hand sliding all the way down to the edge of Felix’s pants, his fingers teasing, sliding along the rim just like they had done the morning before. The look on his eyes was so intense Felix couldn’t even stare back at him. “Hmm? Did he make you his, Felix?” he continued, the tip of his fingers going under the edge of his pants, just the tiniest bit.

Felix was turned on, he really was. But this little jealousy act was confusing him greatly, his mind running in circles, trying simultaneously to deny that Hyunjin could be jealous, trying to figure out why he was suddenly touching him so intimately and wondering whether or not he should let him go any further because he wanted it so bad despite knowing the risks of Hyunjin not wanting more than that in the morning. 

So, finding strength he wasn’t sure he still possessed, he moved to put his hand on top of Hyunjin’s, under his sweatshirt, softly grabbing his fingers to stop their movement. And, with a tinge of regret, he pulled Hyunjin’s hand away from his skin, bringing it between them on the mattress but still holding on to it. He knew he couldn’t think clearly if Hyunjin kept touching him and it seemed like a good idea to have a clearer head right now.

“Why are you doing this?” Felix asked, his voice still raspy from all the excitement of the last few minutes. “The touching, the.. jealousy.. You’re confusing me..” he admitted, looking away from Hyunjin as much as he could despite their closeness.

“Why?” Hyunjin chuckled, like the answer should’ve been obvious. “Because I like you.”

Felix’s head shot up at that. Surely he had heard him wrong. And still his heart made a flip in his chest, skipping a beat, a surge of hope bubbling in the pit of his stomach. He knew he had a crush on Hyunjin, one he wanted to be reciprocated, but he never realized just how much he wanted to hear those exact words. So much so that it hurt. Still he couldn’t believe it. The signs were all in front of him, clear as day, and still he couldn’t let himself think it could be the truth.

“You do?” he asked, bewildered.

“I haven’t exactly been subtle about it..” Hyunjin laughed softly, but looking into Felix’s eyes he must have realized that he was truly shocked by the news. “I’ve been calling you ‘baby’..” he pointed out, like it made it obvious.

“I..I thought you called everyone else that.” Felix shrugged.

“Oh no.. It’s just you baby.” he smiled, the nickname still having so much effect on Felix despite the number of times Hyunjin had called him that. “Not mentioning that I’m always trying to get your attention, especially when Chan is around. I always have my hands all over you. Damn, Felix, I would’ve undressed you right there if you hadn’t stopped me... “ he chuckled, licking his lips like he was thinking about his hands on Felix’s skin again. Felix definitely was. “I’m pretty sure everyone knows how hard I’m crushing on you. Well.. Expect you apparently.”

Felix was so happy it made him afraid to even move, scared that if he did, it would break the moment or he would wake up realizing it was all a stupid fantasy of his. Hyunjin lifted his hand, the one that was holding his, and turned Felix’s hand to press a kiss on the back of it, looking at the boy with the most genuine little smile, proving once more he was being serious. Felix was flustered, realizing how oblivious he had been in the past few days. He didn’t even know how he was supposed to answer, so he said the first thing that popped out of his head.

“I never slept with Chan.” he said. “I mean.. What I mean is.. It’s not like that, he’s my brother so.. You don’t have to worry..” he sheepishly said, looking away, feeling his cheeks burn. 

Hyunjin’s body shifted, getting closer to Felix still, entangling his long leg with Felix’s shorter one on the mattress, trying to press himself against the other boy as much as he could while still being able to look at him. His free hand came up to Felix’s face, his fingers tracing his jawline softly. Felix wanted to close his eyes to enjoy his touch but looked over at Hyunjin once more instead.

“I’m sorry… It’s just.. Every time he’s around your face lights up and..” Hyunjin started, his thumb moving to caress Felix’s lower lip again like before. “..you have the most beautiful smile.” he sighed, pressing his forehead more firmly against Felix’s. “It drives me crazy.”.

Felix never realized his face or his smile were different around Chan but he wasn’t surprised about it. He couldn’t do anything about it either, Chan would always be special, always be important. But so was Hyunjin now, despite how much Felix was trying to minimize his feelings to not get hurt. He didn’t know the boy very much yet and love was maybe a strong word, but he could already tell he was deeply infatuated with him, more than he had been with everyone else before except for Chan himself. So, on instinct, Felix mimicked Hyunjin’s gesture, turning his hand and bringing it to his lips, pressing a kiss on the back of it. He heard Hyunjin’s breath hitch as Felix’s lips lingered just a second too long against his skin. He realized it was the first time he kissed Hyunjin in any way shape or form, but it seemed like the natural thing to do to ease his mind, even just a little bit. 

“Chan is like my brother..” he said in a soothing voice, his thumb now caressing the back of Hyunjin’s hand where his lips had been just a second before. “And I.. I don’t want you to be like my brother..” he admitted more shyly, a little sheepish pout on his lips.

“And what do you want me to be..?” Hyunjin asked, a little smile on his lips, squeezing Felix’s hand.

He wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what. Boyfriend? Lover? Partner? Everything sounded scary to him, like if he put a real name on it, it would make it easier to lose in the future. Relationships ended all the time, maybe not naming it was the secret to keep it alive. And Felix wasn’t sure where they stood together, they barely knew each other so he didn’t want to rush things either. He really liked Hyunjin and he wanted the world to know but he had no idea what he was doing in this kind of situation.

“I.. don’t know..” he shrugged. “But.. Whatever this is, can we.. take it one step at a time?” he asked with a small, shy voice. “Get to know each other better, maybe?” he continued. “I.. I’ve never really been.. like this, with someone befire..” he admitted, embarrassed.

What he meant was he had never really dated anyone before. Not that Hyunjin and him were dating, it was maybe a little quick to say that, but they both liked each other and that was what people who liked each other did eventually. Sure, Felix had fooled around a little bit in his late teenage years, after Chan left, having some physical connections to fill the hole Chan’s departure had created in his chest. But even those had been pretty rare. When Chan was around he was all Felix could focus on, the only person he was interested in. And Chan had been a part of his life for many years. And when he left, Felix simply didn’t find a point in dating, probably because he never managed to find someone who could compare to Chan in the slightest. And definitely not someone that had the effect Chan had on him. The effect that Hyunjin now had on him. And in the last few years, he had been so focused on his studies, his extracurricular activities, and on pleasing his parents that dating simply wasn’t in his mind at all anyways. 

A little hint of surprise flashed through Hyunjin’s eyes when he heard Felix say he had never been in this situation with anyone before, but soon he was softly smiling at him again, not a hint of annoyance on his face at the idea of taking it slow, despite how turned on they both had been just moments before.

“Whatever you want, baby.” he whispered, tilting his head to press the softest kiss on the tip of Felix’s nose.


	18. I Never Left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, we're going on a little emotional trip with today's chapter! I wanted to start telling the characters' backstories. OBVIOUSLY those backstories are NOT canon-compliant. Despite how much I like and try to stick to canon as best I can, there are some things I need to change to suit the story I'm trying to tell, and those backstories are definitely important, in my mind, to understand more about why some characters do the things they do or are the way they are. 
> 
> Today we're focusing on Hyunjin's backstory and I hope it doesn't offend you or trigger you in any way! If it does, I'm so so sorry, it wasn't my intention! 
> 
> I hope you like it, and as always, thank you so much you beautiful people for the love you're always showing to me and this story ♥

Felix was surprised by Hyunjin’s gesture but he liked it. He liked it a lot. A kiss on the tip of his nose felt like such a small but intimate thing, something nobody else but Hyunjin would do to him. And this idea made him happier than he thought a simple peck could. Hyunjin leaned back, putting his head back against his own pillow, still staying as close as Felix as he could. He lifted his hand with a tender smile, brushing away a few pink strands from Felix’s face with the tip of his fingers.

“I really love this..” he whispered, almost like he was actually talking to himself, looking at Felix’s new hair as he moved the strands with his fingers.

“Really? It’s not.. weird?” Felix asked, still weirded out that nobody had scolded him for it since it was what he was used to when he had dyed his hair in the past.

Hyunjin shook his head softly, brushing some more of Felix’s hair between his slender fingers before letting them slide to his face, tracing his jawline slowly, his tender smile never leaving his lips, his eyes glued to Felix’s face.

“You’re beautiful.” he stated so genuinely it was hard not to believe it, despite how bad Felix was at accepting compliments. “This color is very.. you. Cute and.. sexy.” he continued with a very soft chuckle.

Felix was surprised to hear that Hyunjin found him sexy. Cute, he could understand, it was something he often heard. After all, he had pretty child-like features and his personality sometimes made people wonder if he was actually a young man and not a toddler. But sexy? He didn’t think so. And he wanted to say exactly that to Hyunjin, he wanted to tell him ‘I’m not sexy’. But those weren’t the words that came out of his mouth at all.

“You’re sexy.” he bluntly stated, before realizing what he had just said, his eyes widening and his cheeks getting instantly red as Hyunjin raised an eyebrow, an amused smile on his lips. “I mean.. your.. hair. It’s.. sexy. I mean, it’s pretty. It’s nice..” he stuttered, stumbling over his words to cover up the fact that he had just called Hyunjin ‘sexy’ straight to his face.

Hyunjin bursted out in a soft, quiet laughter, his eyes shining with amusement and endearment, his fingers leaving Felix’s face to settle between them on the mattress as he slowly calmed down. 

“Thank you baby.” he said, the laughter still audible in his voice. “You like it?” he then asked and Felix just knew that if he had been standing he would’ve tilted his head right there.

If there was one thing that Felix had picked up during his few moments with Hyunjin, it was that he always acted like a very confident, cocky person who was aware of both his beauty and his talent. But he seemed to need reassurance and praise more than he let on, always asking Felix if he liked something he did, or if he did good at something. Felix didn’t find that childish or weird. He found that very endearing. And more than that, it was a feeling he could understand very well. So he nodded at Hyunjin’s question. 

“It’s pretty..” he repeated sheepishly. “I liked the blond too.. Why did you decide to change it?” he then asked, genuinely curious. 

It was a fun coincidence that both of them had decided to dye their hair the same day. And of course it was just that, a coincidence, but Felix liked to think it was some sort of sign. It was cheesy and maybe a little cringy and pathetic, but Felix found comfort in that sort of thing, in the idea that sometimes the world was sending signs like these his way.

“I wanted to do it for a while.” he shrugged. “I was a little.. on edge, that day.” he started to explain and a little guilty pout formed on Felix’s lips, knowing Hyunjin had been angry about him fleeing like he did. But Hyunjin smiled back at him. “I went to the dance studio to work and when I was getting ready to come back I just.. decided to dye it, just like that.” he shrugged again. “When something bothers me, I always find it very therapeutic to dye my hair. Freeing, in some way..” he chuckled at his own words. “It’s a little weird, isn’t it?”

“Not at all..” Felix murmured, shaking his head.

He was floored. He had had the exact same thoughts when he decided to enter the hair salon, thinking about how dyeing his hair had been one of the only freedoms he had as a teenager, one he had lost when he grew up and started to follow his parents orders to the letter. 

“Why did you?” Hyunjin softly asked, smiling.

“Because I could.” Felix answered frankly.

And it was the pure truth. He had done it because he could, and it was the most freeing feeling ever. Because there were not a lot of things he was able or allowed to do in the past, other than the things his parents decided for him, like taekwondo or French lessons. Being able to go to a salon, pick a color and just get out of there with pink hair without being worried of his parents reaction when he came home, it had lifted up his mood tremendously that day. 

“I sense a story behind that..” Hyunjin softly chuckled, but he seemed intrigued.

“Not really..” Felix shrugged. “Nothing interesting at least.” he smiled back. 

The tender look on Hyunjin’s face made him feel safe, made him understand that the boy wanted to learn more and was ready to listen if Felix was ready to share. But that it was okay if he wasn’t ready for it just yet. He didn’t know how he could pick up all that from a simple look, a simple smile. But he could and that made him want to explore that connection between them more, to deepen it. Felix had said he wanted to get to know Hyunjin more to advance things between them, but he couldn’t expect Hyunjin to share his life story without him offering a little bit of himself in exchange. 

“I told you I don’t have the best relationship with my parents, right?” he started, a little anxious to talk openly about this. Nobody knew this kind of thing except Chan who had witnessed his family dynamic himself. And even with him, he didn’t often bring up the subject. Hyunjin nodded in silence. “Well it might’ve been a slight understatement.” he admitted. “I… come from a very strict household. My big sister was the golden child so obviously my parents expected me to do even better than her. They weren’t really happy to realize that I didn’t have her knack for studying or her natural charisma in public settings. They were even less happy when I started spending all my time dancing and singing. So you can imagine what my parents thought about me hanging out with Chan.” he chuckled a bit to brighten the mood, not wanting his story to get too serious. “The older I got, the more they pressured me and it got to a point where my whole life was dictated by them. taekwondo lessons, French lessons, piano lessons. And, of course, law school. It was suffocating.” he shrugged. “I got out just before I drowned and.. Well you know the rest. I ended up.. here.” 

During Felix’s monologue, Hyunjin had gradually lost his smile, seeming more sad and angry by the second at what he was hearing, what Felix had to go through. He was firmly holding Felix’s hand in his. Felix didn’t want the mood to be ruined, he didn’t want Hyunjin to pity him or even to be angry at the story he had just told him. Still, it made his heartbeat just a little faster to see that expression on his face, it showed that he already cared a lot about Felix despite the small amount of time they had spent together. 

“You did good, coming here.” Hyunjin said, lifting his free hand to caress Felix’s hair. It was as much a praise as it was a sign of his affection for him, he seemed genuinely grateful that Felix had ended up here after his tribulations. “You’re home now. You have a new family that will always have your back. Stray kids stick together.” he announced, his voice tender but serious enough that Felix could understand he meant every word of it. 

“It does feel like.. home.” Felix admitted with a shy smile. 

It wasn’t a feeling he was very used to. The only time he had felt home was when he was with Chan. He had a place he called “home”. His parents’ house. But despite the name, it never felt like home. This house, these people, did. Even though Felix barely knew them, despite the fact that he had only been here a few days, he felt more at peace, more at ease, more like he belonged here than he ever did back in Australia. 

Hyunjin’s body was slightly tense, his eyes intense, drifting between Felix’s eyes and his lips. It seemed like he wanted to do something, hug him, kiss him, anything he could to show to Felix that he did belong, that this place, with him, was indeed his home. And he seemed to resist this urge as best he could, probably because he wanted to respect Felix’s wish of taking things slow, not knowing what the other boy would be comfortable with just yet. Felix could actually see that conflict dancing in Hyunjin’s eyes and, so he would relax again and take his mind off of the whole business of Felix’s past, he opened his mouth.

“What about you then? How did you become a.. stray kid?” he asked with a little smile, using this nickname that they all seem to give themselves for a reason that was still pretty mysterious to Felix. 

Hyunjin didn’t look relieved by the change of subject like Felix thought he would. He actually looked very hesitant suddenly. Felix didn’t know why the question made his whole mood change so drastically, looking away from Felix, biting the inside of his cheeks nervously. He was about to tell Hyunjin he didn’t have to talk about anything he wasn’t comfortable with, realizing that maybe Hyunjin’s past wasn’t any better than his, but before he could actually open his mouth, Hyunjin beat him to it.

“I’m an only child. I never really knew my father, he left my mom when she was pregnant. He was some kind of photographer, that's all I know. See my mom fancied herself a model. She was a pageant queen in her younger years, took a few pictures and all that, but she never went far in the industry because she got pregnant with me when she was very young.” he explained, his voice low, almost a whisper. “I basically ruined her dreams so she wasn’t very happy with me..”

He actually sounded guilty, like he genuinely believed it was his fault for ruining his mother’s modelling career. It broke Felix’s heart a little bit. As he talked, Hyunjin kept absently playing with strands of Felix’s hair between his fingers, still refusing to meet Felix’s eyes though. Felix brought his hand up to caress Hyunjin’s arm, to remind him of his presence, make him feel safe and try to soothe him from whatever memories were running through his mind as he was telling this story. 

“When she realized that I was growing up to be… pretty, I guess, her whole demeanor with me changed though. I was about.. nine, I think when she took me to my first casting. After that, it was photoshoot after photoshoot, some recordings for commercials too and stuff like that. By the time I turned thirteen she made me drop out of school to focus on modelling since I was doing pretty good in that field. But the modelling world is always moving, the trends are changing fast.” he shrugged. “Before she knew it, people didn’t want to hire me anymore. I was beautiful, but not enough to be in magazines like before. I wasn’t what the industry wanted anymore.”

Felix squeezed Hyunjin’s shoulder, caressing the skin of his arm, peeking out of his t-shirt, with his thumb in what, he hoped, was a soothing motion. Felix didn’t know Hyunjin’s mother but slowly he was starting to feel a powerful hatred for that woman who had basically used her own son to fulfil her dreams, with no regards for his own needs and wants. He didn’t think it could get much worse than that. He was wrong.

“The years after that were pretty rough. She kinda got into alcohol, some drugs too I’m pretty sure, even though I never saw her take anything in front of me.. Our relationship got abysmal. She was nice to me when I brought money back and when I was useful to her but now.. I just became useless. I took a few part-time jobs here and there but at thirteen there’s not really lots of places that accept to make you work..” he shrugged again, like he was trying to make it all look not as bad as it was. “That lasted about two or three years that way. I actually hit puberty pretty late but once I did, I grew multiple inches and my face changed quite a bit. That’s when people started to notice me again. Not modeling agencies though..”

He stopped for a few seconds after that, starting to bite furiously the inside of his cheeks again, stubbornly looking anywhere but at Felix, his whole body tense under Felix’s hand. Once more, Felix was ready to tell him that he had shared enough, that whatever else happened, he didn’t have to tell the story to Felix if it was making him this uncomfortable. But Hyunjin finally took a deep breath, continuing his tale once more.

“Because of my years as a model, my mom had made quite a few friends just by hanging around during photoshoots and the like. Rich friends. Older friends.. Some women and a lot of men. When I was around sixteen, a lot of her friends that came to visit started to comment on how handsome I had become, how I was now nearly a man and not a boy anymore. Going as far as to say that a lot of people would pay to have someone like me at their side.. So when one of her friends, a forty-five years old movie producer, actually offered her money so he could have his way with me, she.. said yes.”

Hyunjin barely whispered the last words. Felix had already started to have trouble breathing correctly while he was listening to his tale, but now his breath hitched and he felt like he stopped breathing altogether. He squeezed Hyunjin’s shoulder a little bit harder without even realizing it. Anger and disgust flowing through his whole body, all directed towards Hyunjin’s mother. Hyunjin dared a glance towards Felix’s face but he must have misinterpreted the disgust he read on it, probably thinking that it was directed towards him, because he quickly looked away, his expression even more hurt and anxious than before.

“I didn’t.. I’m not.. soiled..” he breathed, his voice cracking the slightest bit. Felix would never think something like that of him, no matter what happened in the rest of the story, but he didn’t get to tell him that because Hyunjin, with his hurt expression stuck on his face, was already continuing his explanation. “I mean.. My mom dropped me off at his place on the night it was.. supposed to happen. I was about to go in after her cab left but.. I couldn’t do it. So I ran away. I had nowhere to go so I roamed the streets for a while. After nightfall, I had no idea where I was anymore. I sat on a random bench, sure I was going to have spent the night outside.. Maybe twenty minutes later it started to rain. I was soaked, cold and I looked miserable.” he shrugged for the umpteenth time. “And then.. Chan appeared. He tried to talk to me, I’m not really sure what he said anymore, I was honestly not listening to him.. So he basically dragged me here, offering me to at least spend the night. And I never left.” 

A heavy silence hung in the air once Hyunjin stopped talking. He was back at chewing the inside of his cheeks, Felix could feel him slightly trembling under his palm, he looked distraught. Felix understood that it wasn’t the story in and of itself that put him in that state, but, most likely, he was scared of what Felix would think of him now that he knew about his past, about what he had almost done. The way he had told the story, it seemed like Hyunjin thought most of it was his own fault, that for ruining his mother’s chances at becoming a model, he basically deserved the way she treated him. Felix knew better. He knew nothing was Hyunjin’s fault. More than that, nobody, especially not Hyunjin ever deserved any of the things his mother put him through. If someone was to blame, it was her. As well as this awful producer that tried to buy a teenage boy for his own sick pleasure. They were the monsters of the story. 

The way Hyunjin was deliberately fleeing Felix’s gaze, anxiously trembling in front of him with this hurt and guilty look in his eyes, looking so small and scared compared to this confident, sensual, strong Hyunjin Felix now knew.. It broke his heart in a million pieces. It made him angry, a visceral need to soothe him, to protect him, bubbling in the pit of his stomach. 

“Hyunjin..” Felix called, his voice firm but tender.

After a second, Hyunjin finally found the strength to turn his eyes and look at Felix. But it was clear in his eyes that he was already bracing himself for the worst, probably thinking that Felix was going to judge him, to be disgusted by him. It made Felix want to prove him wrong, to show him his support and his affection, in the best way he knew how.

So, putting his hand on Hyunjin’s cheek, cupping his face, he shifted his body, closing the gap between the two of them swiftly. After taking a long look at Hyunjin’s gorgeous face, at those eyes that he wanted to see shine with amusement and joy, not with fear and guilt, at those plump lips that always needed to be turned in a beautiful smile and not in that sad pout they were now in, Felix closed his eyes. And, in a matter of seconds, he pressed his lips against Hyunjin’s.


	19. Probably Buried Somewhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG we reached 5k hits, I can't believe it! You people are crazy. THANK YOU ♥ 
> 
> Not much happens in this chapter and it's a little short, I'm sorry, my brain was simply not working last night while writing it! But I swear it's going somewhere, I have ideas! And I plan on starting to develop other members and Felix's relationship with some of the other guys in the near future so I hope you're looking forward to that!

The kiss was firm but gentle. Felix wanted Hyunjin to feel, through it, that he was there for him, supporting him, that he wasn’t going anywhere. At first Hyunjin didn’t react, probably surprised by Felix's sudden gesture. But it only took a second for him to get a grip on himself and reciprocate. Quickly both of Hyunjin’s hands were on Felix’s cheeks, pressing his mouth more firmly against Felix’s, arching his back unconsciously to press himself to Felix’s body as much as he humanly could. 

As he slightly parted his lips, the tip of his tongue demanding Felix entry, one of his hands slowly slid in Felix’s pink hair, in the back of his head. Felix’s mind had completely shut off when Hyunjin started to respond to his kiss, his body simply going with the flow now. When he opened his mouth to give Hyunjin what he wanted, Hyunjin suddenly tugged on his hair gently to tilt Felix’s head back and get better access to his mouth, his tongue taking over hungrily, dancing with his. Felix had never been kissed like that before, despite his few experiences. The hair tugging, Hyunjin’s body pressed against his, his eagerness and the way he was naturally taking the lead.. It was so good it was driving Felix crazy. 

Hyunjin teeth softly latched onto Felix’s lower lip as he tugged on his hair once more. And it was too much for Felix who moaned in Hyunjin’s mouth before he could even realize it. Hyunjin groaned in response, his lips crashing against Felix’s once more, his tongue finding his. The sound was so sexy, so erotic and so was Hyunjin’s behavior, who barely seemed able to control himself. And despite that, it was Hyunjin, after one last second, who leaned back, pressing his forehead against Felix’s. He found the strength to stop it, a strength Felix wasn’t sure he would have had himself, despite being the one who wanted to take things slow. 

Hyunjin was biting his lower lip, looking at Felix, the both of them slightly breathless from their kiss. Suddenly Felix’s cheeks turned a bright shade of pink at the realization that he had suddenly kissed Hyunjin. It was to make him feel better, but still, Felix didn’t think he would be so forward and simply go for it like he did.

“I’m.. so sorry.” he stuttered, wishing he could hide from Hyunjin’s gaze.

“Sorry about what?” Hyunjin chuckled. “I wanted to kiss you so bad..” he added, his voice low, his eyes drifting to Felix’s lips as his thumb moved to caress his bottom lip gently. “Ever since I met you.”

Felix was surprised to hear that. Surprised and excited. He liked the idea that Hyunjin had been fantasizing about kissing him for as long as he, himself, had. He looked up at Hyunjin, his eyes also lingering on his plump lips as his tongue glided on his own lips, the thought of kissing him again haunting his mind already.

“...me too..” he admitted. His voice was sheepish despite the barely masked desire in his eyes.

“Baby..” Hyunjin's voice was low, a warning in his tone. “If you keep looking at me like that..” he started.

Felix looked up from Hyunjin’s mouth to his eyes. He didn’t realize how intensely he was staring at his perfect, kissable lips or even that desire was written all over his face. He did want to take things slow but that didn’t mean that Hyunjin wasn’t insanely beautiful and sexy and that those kinds of thoughts didn’t dance in his head non-stop. Looking at Hyunjin like that, Felix looked so innocent, and still his lips, red and swollen from the kiss, gave him a sinful look that was very hard to resist.

“You’re driving crazy..” Hyunjin muttered under his breath. “Come here..” he continued, using his hand to pull Felix’s head towards him.

He guided Felix’s head to his neck, wrapping his arms around his small stature and burying his own face in Felix fluffy pink hair. Felix wouldn’t have minded kissing Hyunjin some more, but he liked that too. A lot. He put his hands on Hyunjin’s chest, slightly grabbing the fabric of his t-shirt between his tiny fingers, all the while rubbing his nose unconsciously against the skin of Hyujin’s neck for just a second before settling in this new position.

“Thank you for.. not judging me..” Hyunjin very softly whispered in Felix’s hair.

Felix was saddened that Hyunjin felt the need to thank him for that, proving how many people must have judged him for his past before. But he had said himself that Felix was part of their family now and supporting each other, loving each other no matter what, that was what family, real family, did. Softly Felix pressed his lips against Hyunjin’s neck, just above his pulse before settling back his head in the crook of his neck, comfortably. He didn’t want to say “you’re welcome” and he hoped this tiny gesture would be enough for Hyunjin to understand that he was here for him, no matter what. Hyunjin hugged Felix just a little bit tighter at that.

“Today was.. a lot. You should get some rest.” Felix said, tenderness in his voice, his lips brushing against Hyunjin’s skin with each word.

Hyunjin answered with a low “umm”, pressing his head against his pillow, still holding on tight to Felix’s body like he was scared to see him disappear from his arms in the middle of the night. The thought made Felix slightly smile as he closed his own eyes, enjoying Hyunjin’s touch and his scent all around him as he quickly drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

It was still pretty early in the morning when Felix opened his eyes. Hyunjin’s arms were still loosely wrapped around him, his breathing slow and steady, tiny nonsensical sentences and words coming out of his mouth here and there as always. Felix smiled in Hyunjin’s neck, enjoying his warmth for just a little longer. He wanted to stay there all day, but since he was up early, he wanted to get things done today. So after a few more minutes he leaned back, taking advantage of the fact that Hyunjin was so deep in sleep that his grip around Felix was very loose. After a little maveuvre, he was able to get out of the bed without waking up Hyunjin, glancing at his peaceful, cute sleeping face for just a second before leaving the room on his tippy toes.

It was particularly cold this morning, even in the house, and as he was climbing down the steps, Felix instantly regretted not grabbing one more layer of clothes to put on. He was sure he was the first one up since the house seemed so calm and silent, but arriving in the living room he was surprised by Chan, sitting in on the couch, the only light coming from his laptop, shining in his face. Felix sighed, shaking his head before turning on the light. The sudden brightness of the room made Chan slightly jump, turning his head towards Felix, squinting his eyes because of the light. 

With a little chuckle Felix made his way to the couch, sitting beside Chan and pressing himself against his best friend, his head on his shoulder, trying to feed off of his warmth. Chan wrapped an arm around Felix’s small shoulders, using his laptop with only his free hand.

“ _You didn’t get any sleep, did you..?_ ” Felix said with a little pout on his lips, sign that he wasn’t happy about that fact.

“Just for a few hours.” Chan shrugged, already focusing back on whatever he was doing.

“ _Coffee?_ ” Felix sighed, Chan answering with a distracted nod.

So, leaving Chan’s warm embrace Felix moved to the kitchen, doing a little dance while he was putting beans in the coffee machine to keep himself warm. Once he could pour coffee in two mugs, he did and quickly made his way back to the couch, eagerly sitting close to Chan, giving him one mug while trying to warm himself up thanks to not only the coffee but Chan’s body warmth. Chan, taking the cup, was chuckling at his screen.

“ _Bro, you’re already famous.._ ” he said, looking at Felix with an amused smirk.

“ _What are you talking about?_ ” Felix asked, wondering if Chan wasn’t simply delirious because of the lack of sleep.

“ _We’ve uploaded the song we recorded last night, and it’s already blowing up._ ” Chan smiled, proud and happy about the results, obviously. 

“ _Congrats!_ ” Felix exclaimed with a bright smile. “ _But I don’t think that has anything to do with me though._ ” he then chuckled.

Yes he had recorded one tiny verse for the song, but honestly, who would notice that amidst all the stellar performance the other delivered? He was pretty sure his voice was the worst of all of them on the whole track, even though he hadn’t heard the finished product himself. He was no singer, he was no performer. He wasn’t them. And so he didn’t see what Chan meant when he said he was ‘already famous’.

“ _Well we uploaded Jisung’s last vlog a few hours before that.._ ” Chan vaguely explained, Felix raising an eyebrow at him to signify he still didn’t see where Chan was going with this. “ _We can hear your voice once or twice in it, in the background! Plus Jisung calls for you at some, calling you ‘brownie boy’.._ ” Chan chuckled. “ _According to the comments people were really intrigued by who you were since they never heard your voice in videos before. So when the new song dropped, they all started to make the connection between the guy they called “brownie boy” and the new voice we added in the last song.. There’s tons of comments about you on there bro.._ ” Chan finally finished, smiling at Felix like the younger was his son and he had just brought home an award of some sort.

“ _Really..?_ ” Felix asked, surprised people would even care about someone they only heard the voice of for a few seconds. “ _I’m.. sorry, I didn’t think people would notice.._ ”, he softly said with a guilty pout.

“ _Why are you apologizing? That’s a compliment, they love your voice, that’s great!_ ” Chan retorted excitedly. “ _You know, you could really.._ ” he started before stopping himself by biting his lower lip, like he was about to say something but thought better of it at the last second.

“ _Could.. what?_ ” Felix asked, raising an eyebrow.

“ _Nevermind.. Brownie Boy!_ Chan chuckled, shaking his head before focusing on his screen again, sipping his coffee.

Felix rolled his eyes at Chan with a soft little smile before putting his head back against his best friend’s shoulder, drinking his coffee and silently watching him work while staying warm thanks to him. Minutes passed without a word. As always the silence was simply comfortable between the two of them and despite not knowing what he was doing, Felix always loved watching Chan work, listening to his breathing paired with the cliquety of his keyboard. It had a soothing, calming aspect to it for some reason.

“ _What are you doing today?_ ” Chan finally asked after a while.

Felix shrugged. Once again he couldn’t flat out tell Chan that he was planning on looking for a job at a restaurant or a café in the area, but it was starting to get pretty hard to simply tell him he was going to go sight-seeing. How many days could he get away with that excuse before it started to get suspicious? After all there weren't many things to see around this town after a few days of visiting the area.

“ _Well if you’re not busy just this second, would you mind going to fetch Jisung for me? We have some work to do that I want to be done with before this afternoon.._ ” he sighed before looking at Felix with a cute pout on his lips, probably trying to charm him into saying yes. Like he even needed this. Felix simply nodded; Chan smiling brightly back. “ _Thanks Lixie! No need to knock, they’re probably both still asleep. I’d do it myself but I have to finish this.._ ” he explained, gesturing to his computer.

“ _Just admit you hate waking up people.._ ” Felix teased him, getting up and finishing his cup in one gulp before putting it on the coffee table.

That was a fact, Chan was a real softie, especially when it came to people sleeping, he was incapable of disturbing them just because, to him, they always looked so cute and comfortable. So Felix wasn’t surprised he would dump this responsibility on someone else if he could. Chan stuck his tongue out at Felix, making him giggle before he left the room, Chan focusing back on his work once more.

It was a little weird for Felix, going into the room without knocking. When he was standing in front of the door, it was his first instinct. Especially since he wasn’t very close with either Jisung nor Minho just yet and barging in in their room unannounced seemed pretty rude to him. But Chan had said that both of the boys were sleeping and so, not to disturb Minho, it was logical to go in silently and wake up only Jisung. So after a little hesitation, Felix opened the door, peeking his head inside.

He was expecting a room filled with darkness, a peaceful silence hanging in the air and two sleeping figures in their beds. What he wasn’t expecting though, was to find both Minho and Jisung standing in the middle of the room, in a tight embrace, their lips sealed together. He had had his suspicions on their relationship but he wasn’t prepared to witness it first hand. He didn’t get to see this particular sight for long though, because as soon as he heard the sound of the door creaking open, Minho brutally snapped his head towards Felix, his eyes widening massively at the sight of the intruder.

“So..Sorry!” Felix stuttered, closing the door at the speed of light.

He almost ran down the corridor and down the stairs after that, feeling very embarrassed to have walked in on such an intimate, private moment between the two other guys. He sat back down on the couch next to Chan, in silence, awkwardly staring at his feet, his face slightly flushed.

“ _So, Jisung?_ ” Chan casually asked, focused on his screen.

“ _He’s gonna be down in a second.. I think.._ ” Felix sighed, passing a hand on his face. 

And so he was. Before Chan could even realize something was off with Felix, Jisung entered the room, letting himself fall on the couch with a deep sigh, closely followed by Minho, who stayed near the door, a more than displeased expression on his face, his eyes glued to Felix himself. Felix gulped, Minho really didn’t seem happy with him right this second, and the other boy already looked scary enough when he wasn’t trying, so now, with this angry, menacing look in his eyes, it was way worse.

“You, me. Let’s go.” he said firmly, pointing at Felix and then at the entrance behind him.

“What is ha..” Chan started

“Don’t ask questions bro..” Jisung cut him off, sighing once more, passing his fingers through his hair.

Minho was still staring at Felix, unflinching. But it was clear in his features that he was losing patience fast. He probably wanted to talk about what happened, to tell Felix not to barge into his room again. It was fair and so Felix thought the best thing to do was to simply follow him, listen to him and try to resolve the issue calmly. He got up and as he started to walk towards Minho, the other boy left the room, going into the entrance and then straight to the front door. 

When Felix arrived in the entrance himself, Minho was putting his shoes on. He was about to ask why they needed to go out of the house altogether to have this talk, but the menacing look Minho gave him shut him up instantly. He wasn’t scared of Minho per se but, right this moment, he really didn’t want to mess with him or make him even angrier than he already seemed to be. Felix didn’t see why he was making such a big deal out of it. Sure he was embarrassed to have walked in on them like that, but he hadn’t seen anything really salacious or spicy, so he didn’t understand the level of Minho’s anger. But he wasn’t ready to say those things to his face in the state he seemed to be in. So he put on his shoes too, following Minho outside, the door closing with a ‘bang’ behind them.

A few seconds only after the front door closed behind Felix and Minho, a still really sleepy Hyunjin climbed down the stairs and entered the living room, looking around, rubbing his eyes with one hand and scratching the back of his head with the other. Only Chan and Jisung were there, sitting in awkward silence, the only sound in the room coming from the TV in the background. And no sign of the person he was really looking for, the reason he had woken up earlier than he usually would. 

“Where’ Felix?” he asked, his voice raspy because of sleep.

Chan shook his head and shrugged at the question. He seemed pretty confused for some reason. Jisung sighed loudly and let his body fall deeper into the couch, crossing his arms on his chest, his feet propped up on the coffee table, glancing at Hyunjin from the corner of his eyes before staring at the TV in front of him intently.

“If I know Minho.. Probably buried somewhere where we’ll never find him..”


	20. You Saw Nothing

“Listen..” Felix tried to start the conversation with Minho once they were both outside.

But Minho was already walking towards a car in front of the house, opening the driver’s door and hopping inside, waiting for Felix to do the same. It was getting weirder by the second and Felix didn’t really know where Minho wanted to go if it was just to talk about what had happened. But if he did want to have this talk, Felix couldn’t really refuse Minho’s conditions, so he ended up walking to the car himself, settling quickly in the passenger seat, happy to finally be out of the cold even though the atmosphere inside the car wasn’t any warmer. 

“Do you wanna talk about what happened?” Felix asked, closing his door.

“No.” was all Minho said, turning the key in the ignition.

This was a surprise, and Minho’s tone was so definitive it was a little frightening. Felix wasn’t quite sure what actually was the point in calling him outside and forcing him into a car if Minho was so adamant about not talking things out. Minho started the car and drove away from the house slowly, not adding anything to it. So Felix decided to try one more time, cautiously.

“If it’s about what I saw..” he started, softly.

“You saw nothing!” Minho suddenly exclaimed, cutting him off but intently staring at the road with a frown, his lips forming a tight line.

Felix almost jumped in his seat at the aggressivity in Minho’s voice. More than aggressive, he sounded almost panicked. Scared. But about what? Felix didn’t understand what, in what he saw this morning, was so horrible that it would put Minho in that kind of state. Then again he didn’t know Minho at all and maybe he had his own reasons for freaking out, but Felix couldn’t take a guess or put a finger on what those reasons might be. If Felix knew one thing for sure though, that was that Minho wouldn’t have dragged him out of the house if he wasn’t planning on talking about the situation at some point, despite him acting like the whole thing didn’t happen at all. And Felix was nothing if patient. So he decided not to mention the events again before Minho was ready.

“Can you at least tell me where you’re taking me..?” Felix sighed softly, settling more comfortably in his seat. 

Minho didn’t answer right away, staring at the road, his knuckles almost white from firmly gripping the wheel. But quickly enough Felix started to recognize the path they were taking. He had followed this road not long ago, first in Chan’s car and then with Hyunjin in a cab.

“The dance studio?” Felix asked, almost expecting no response at all once more. 

“Hyunjin said you were good.” Minho shrugged, never looking Felix’s way. “I only believe what I see with my own eyes.” he added, turning the car to enter the parking lot. 

Suddenly it made a lot of sense to Felix, why Minho had driven him away from the house. Hyunjin had said that Minho was probably the best dancer in the whole house and Felix had to assume it was because it was something the other boy really loved and was passionate about, just like it was the case for Hyunjin and himself. If Minho was anything like Felix, dancing was also a way to process his mental struggles and to take a load off of his shoulders by literally dancing the problems away. That was how Felix’s relationship with dancing functionned and maybe it was the same for Minho. Felix could only assume it was. So he didn’t say a single word after that, letting Minho park the car, get out and walk inside the building and into their private practice room. But he had a soft little smile in the corner of his lips while he was following the other boy. 

Before Felix could even take off his hoodie, Minho had already plugged his phone to the sound system, blasting a song Felix didn’t know and doing some quick stretches before the song beat picked up and, in a matter of seconds he was already dancing. Felix stayed to the side, watching him. Hyunjin didn’t lie, he was exceptionally good, each of his movements seeming so precise and flawless without looking robotic. The choreography flowed organically, and Minho’s body flowed with it. The frown he had the entire car ride wasn’t coming off of his face, but Felix could see in the energy he was putting in each tiny step that he was working through something. He could recognize the signs, having done the same thing countless times when he was younger. 

Felix watched him for the whole duration of the song, Minho giving his best every single second until the song ended. And only then did he look towards Felix for probably the first time since they left the house, only to gesture him to come closer. There were no words exchanged. Felix understood that Minho was saying ‘your turn’ leaving him space to do his thing. So he obliged.

He was nervous as he picked the song he was going to dance to. Almost as nervous as he had been to dance in front of Hyunjin the first time he had been in this room. Hyunjin and Minho both had a kind of talent that seemed unattainable for someone like him and dancing in front of either of them was nerve wracking. Nonetheless, he went in front of the mirrors, waiting for the song to start.

A lot happened in the last few days and Felix felt like it was as good a time as any to exteriorize all that in his dancing. He would have prefered to come here alone and let loose completely, letting his body express itself with no added stress, without restraint, but still maybe this little dancing session with Minho could do the trick for now. With that in mind, Felix closed his eyes, feeling the beat of the song and, after a few seconds, letting his body talk and flow, losing himself in the melody, if only for a few short minutes. 

The song was finished before Felix even realized it and when he finally opened his eyes back up, he looked towards Minho, finding him nodding approvingly while taking a few steps towards him.

“Jinnie was right, I can see the potential..” Minho said to him, definitely less curt and menacing than before. “I could teach you a few things.”

“Really?” Felix exclaimed, excited by the prospect of someone as talented as Minho teaching him ways of improving his skills. 

“Sure.. Let’s do it.” Minho shrugged, walking towards the center of the room before stopping, looking at Felix over his shoulder. “Oh and Felix..”

“Umm?” 

“Don’t say anything to the others about..” he started, vaguely gesturing his hands instead of finishing his sentence.

“I won’t.” Felix responded, with nothing but genuineness in his eyes. 

And Minho simply nodded. Felix knew he wasn’t ready to say more just yet and that was why he didn’t ask or make any comment. Still he didn’t think it was such a big deal and didn’t understand why Minho would even try to hide it to the other members. Weren’t they all already aware that something was going on between Minho and Jisung? Felix had only been in the house for a few days and it already seemed pretty obvious to him. But it wasn’t his place to ask, not before Minho showed him he was comfortable with the subject at least. 

After that Minho took it upon himself to teach Felix multiple choregraphies from Stray Kids songs that Hyunjin and him apparently choreographed themselves. Felix was very impressed and a bit overwhelmed, but it was challenging and a lot of fun. Minho was a really good teacher. Despite this cold exterior he showed to him since he arrived and despite the fact that he clearly was still on edge about the whole situation from this morning, the dancer was patient, calm and meticulous in his explanations and Felix was able to memorize a lot of things in a short amount of time. He was grateful for that. 

Felix had no idea how much time had passed before they finally took a break, but the both of them were panting and covered in sweat. It reminded him of his time with Hyunjin in that same room. Clearly Hyunjin and Minho had a lot in common when it came to dancing and giving it their all. Felix liked that a lot. Both dancers were sitting on the ground, their back against the wall, trying to catch their breath, panting loudly. 

“You’re really good..” Minho managed to say between two breaths.

“Thanks! Coming from you, it means a lot.” Felix chuckled, tilting his head back against the wall, taking deep breaths. 

“I’m.. Sorry if I scared you earlier, alright?” Minho said, looking away. “I’ve been told I can come off as menacing..” he added with a pout, clearly not happy to have been told such a thing.

“You’re fine. I’ve seen way worse, believe me.” Felix softly laughed, thinking about his mother’s scolding face for just a second, a shiver almost running down his spine at the mental image of it. 

“It’s just.. I don’t..” Minho sighed, throwing his head back too. Clearly he was uncomfortable. “Nobody knows about it. About.. Jisung and I..” he continued, almost like he had to pry the words out of his mouth.

“You know, I’m pretty sure they..” Felix started, about to blurt out that he was pretty sure everyone knew, but he thought better of it before he could finish his sentence. “.. wouldn’t mind at all.” he said instead. 

“You don’t know that.” Minho shook his head firmly.

He seemed to really believe that the news could cause a stir, for some reason. Felix knew that at least Chan, Hyunjin and himself wouldn’t mind. Chan because he was who he was, and Felix and Hyunjin couldn’t really blame or judge Jisung and Minho when they were in almost the exact same situation. He couldn’t speak for Seungmin, Changbin and I.N but he seriously doubted, from what he saw of them, that the three of them would even blink at the news. 

“I don’t.. want them to know. Can you just..” Minho sighed once more. “Can you just not say anything, please?” he asked, his voice weak, finally looking at Felix.

“I already told you, my lips are sealed.” Felix answered without hesitation, throwing a comforting smile Minho’s way. 

Minho simply nodded as a response but a tiny shadow of a smile started to creep up on the corner of his lips now that he had been reassured. The two of them stayed in a peaceful silence for a little while after that, slowly but surely catching their breaths. 

“And what about you and Jinnie then..?” Minho asked after a few minutes.

“What?” Felix asked, looking up at him, surprised. But he remembered Hyunjin telling him that everyone was probably aware of his crush on Felix and so it made sense that Minho would know something was up even if he wasn’t completely up to date on the whole situation. “It’s.. nothing..” he said with a little shy voice, his cheeks burning. 

“Right..” Minho answered, dragging the word with a little smile on the corner of his lips. 

His voice sounded teasing and it was weird for Felix who had never been on the receiving end of Minho’s teasing, or even really faced the more carefree, smiling, softer side of him. But he couldn’t say he disliked it, it was the opposite. So he smiled back, even though his cheeks were still really pink from thinking about his little make out session with Hyunjin from the night before. He suddenly realized he hadn’t seen Hyunjin after that, since the boy was asleep this morning, and he had no idea how to act or what to say after what happened. What if Hyunjin had changed his mind? He didn’t really like the idea and didn’t want to think about it, it made him anxious.

“We should go back, before Chan starts to think I actually murdered you or something..” Minho sighed with a little chuckle, getting to his feet with a grunt, offering his hand to Felix.

Felix took his hand with a little laugh, getting up with Minho’s help and dusting off his pants before sliding his hoodie back on, the two of them promptly heading outside to get back to the car, get back to the house.

During the drive home, Felix and Minho casually talked about random things, slowly discovering that they had way much more things in common than they even realized. Suddenly it became as easy to talk with Minho as it had been to dance with him. Once his cold facade was off, he was sweet and fun and actually could be quite goofy at times. Felix had only seen a tiny portion of Minho’s personality during this short ride home but still he felt infinitely closer to him nonetheless. The event of this morning didn’t resurface in the conversation at all and Felix didn’t push for it. He had the feeling that Minho would open up to him about it sooner or later. It seemed like Minho was the kind of person who needed to feel safe with someone before talking about such things and Felix didn’t peg him as someone who trusted people like that as easily as Felix or Chan did. And that was okay, Felix could wait. When Minho finally decided he was trustworthy enough, Felix would be there. 

The two of them were deep in the middle of a riveting and very funny conversation when they finally arrived at the house. So they entered, chatting happily as they took their shoes off before flying through the living room, heading straight to the kitchen, completely unaware of all the heads that turned to look at them pass from the couch. 

“And then he said ‘Sir, this is a playground, not some cheap night club’! ” Minho exclaimed, continuing his story.

Felix bursted out in laughter, shaking his head. Without interrupting Minho’s story, he pointed at the coffee machine, Minho giving him a barely noticeable nod before continuing his monologue. Felix, listening, fished two mugs out of a cupboard, pouring coffee in them and extending one to Minho who took it between his two hands while narrating his story. The two of them seemed to have suddenly transformed into a well oiled machine, a complete switch from the way they were a few hours before, Minho cold and menacing and Felix shy and just a little bit scared. 

“So you’re.. pals, now?” Jisung’s voice echoed behind them.

Turning, Felix realized Jisung, Chan and Hyunjin were all standing at the entrance of the kitchen, looking at them with surprised or confused expressions on their faces. This made Felix giggle slightly. Even though, glancing at Hyunjin, this anxious feeling crept back up on him, just the slightest bit. But the sight of him still took his breath away, as always.

“We’re not allowed?” Minho asked, putting on this fake tough persona on, even though he was still smiling, showing he wasn’t serious.

“No, no that’s.. great.” Chan said, raising an eyebrow, looking between the two of them. 

“Great.” Minho repeated before drinking his whole cup in a few gulps. “Alright, I need a shower.” he then announced, giving a friendly tap on Felix’s shoulder before simply leaving the room without any more comments.

Jisung looked at him go before sighing loudly, shaking his head and then chuckling softly. Chan simply looked a bit confused about the turn of events, looking at Minho leaving before looking back at Felix. Jisung gave a pat on Chan’s shoulder.

“Don’t ask questions bro..” he said, just like he had done in the morning but with an amused smile on his lips this time. Then it was his turn to disappear from the kitchen.

“.. Kids..” Chan sighed loudly, shaking his head before leaving the room to go back to the couch and to his work after looking at Felix one last time, leaving only Felix and Hyunjin alone in the room.

With a little chuckle Felix turned around to drop his now empty mug into the sink, but before he could turn back the other way around, he felt long arms wrapping themselves around his shoulders and his neck. In a second Felix was engulfed in Hyunjin’s arms and his scent. He closed his eyes a second, savouring the moment.

“You were gone this morning..” Hyunjin softly said behind him. Felix could literally hear his little pout in his voice. He turned in Hyunjin’s arms, facing him and looking up at him. “I thought maybe you.. changed your mind or something.” he pouted some more.

Felix smiled at him, softly, tenderly. It seemed like Hyunjin too was insecure about this whole situation, not knowing what to think or if he could relax just yet. Felix felt that way too and so he could understand. It even eased his mind a little to see that Hyunjin was in the same mental state he was. Gently, Felix lifted a hand, brushing away some strands from Hyunjin’s face to slowly tuck them behind his ear, all the while shaking his head from left to right.

“I haven’t.. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you..” Felix sheepishly explained. 

Hyunjin tilted his head to the side, trying to press his face a little more against Felix’s hand as the other was tucking his hair behind his ear, closing his eyes at the contact for just a second before looking back at the smaller boy in front of him, his pout still firmly on his lips.

“I wanted good morning cuddles though..” he said with a childish voice.

“Well.. I’m here now, aren’t I?” Felix chuckled.

He didn’t know where this confidence came from. Maybe all the dancing he did this morning and his newly formed friendship with Minho, paired with Hyunjin acting so vulnerable and cute had made him just a little more bold this morning. He lifted himself on the tip of his toes to be able to press a very soft very quick kiss on Hyunjin’s cheek before putting his feet back on the ground, his hands on Hyunjin’s chest.

“Good morning, Hyunnie.” he smiled.


	21. Naughty Thoughts

A smile lit up Hyunjin’s face, a little surprise shining in his eyes, both at Felix’s gesture and at the little nickname he had randomly given him. But it seemed to please him nonetheless, his hands dropping from Felix’s shoulders to go rest on his small hips. 

“Good morning, baby.” he answered, leaning closer to press a feather-light kiss on Felix’s forehead.

Instead of leaning back, Hyunjin let his head fall on Felix’s shoulder, even though he had to hunch his back to do so, pulling Felix closer to him in the process. Turning his head slightly, he rubbed the tip of his nose against the sensitive skin of Felix’s neck, Felix closing his eyes instantly at the feeling.

“What are you doing?” he asked, trying not to let his voice betray how much a simple tiny gesture was having an effect on him.

“Cashing in on my morning cuddles..” Hyunjin simply announced.

“I really need to shower first!” Felix softly giggled, but still he tilted his head ever so slightly, unconsciously, to offer Hyunjin better access to his neck.

“You don’t need to just yet..” Hyunjin softly said, rubbing his nose against Felix’s skin some more. “Minho is in there already anyway..” he added. “.. you smell amazing..” he then whispered against Felix’s skin, pressing his lips above his pulse.

The feeling of Hyunjin’s lips in his neck, his low voice echoing in the empty kitchen, it gave Felix goosebumps in his whole body. He softly grabbed on to the fabric of Hyunjin’s t-shirt, leaning against the kitchen counter behind him without even realizing that his body was reacting to Hyunjin’s touch on its own, his eyes still closed, his head tilted to the side. 

“What are you talking about… I’m covered in sweat..” Felix managed to counter despite his mind becoming more foggy by the second.

“And?” Hyunjin simply asked, his lips moving in Felix’s neck, dropping little kisses on its path, going up to his jaw and then back down in his neck. “What did you do with Minho to get all sweaty anyway..?” he then asked against his skin.

Hyunjin’s hands gripped Felix’s hips just a tiny bit more firmly at this question, a small sign of Hyunjin’s jealousy. Now that he knew that Hyunjin was infatuated with him, Felix could more easily realize that the boy was indeed jealous sometimes and now was one of those times. Contrary to his jealousy about Chan though, Hyunjin didn’t sound angry or venemeous right now, probably because he knew nothing did or ever would happen with Minho. Chan, of course, was a different story altogether, given their past and their very tight relationship even now. 

“Just a bit of dancing.”

“Um.. Wish I could’ve seen that.” Hyunjin muttered, sliding his hands from Felix’s hips to hook them behind his back, hugging him tighter against him, his face now buried in the crook of his neck. “I wanna dance with you too..” he added, Felix hearing that little pout of his in his voice. “Let’s go together next time.” he then stated, finally lifting up his head from Felix’s neck to look at him.

Felix nodded with a tender smile, finding this side of Hyunjin’s personality very endearing. With his lips still forming a pout, Hyunjin reached up to brush some strands from Felix’s face with the tip of his fingers.

“I don’t wanna work today..” he complained with a little childish tone.

“What would you rather do then?” Felix chuckled, amused.

“Take you back to the bedroom.” he straight up answered, his fingers caressing Felix’s cheek.

Felix’s face felt suddenly very hot and he was pretty sure his cheeks had turned a bright shade of red in a matter of seconds. According to the sly, amused smile that tugged at the corner of Hyunjin’s full lips, he wasn’t mistaken.

“To cuddle.. Where did your mind go?” Hyunjin softly laughed, making Felix blush even harder if it was at all possible. “Were you having naughtly thoughts baby..?” he asked, his voice instantly sounding lower, more raspy, sexy.

He leaned closer, his face now very close to Felix’s, his eyes playful but with an unmistakable hint of desire shining in them. Felix did have naughty thoughts about Hyunjin. Plenty of them. But he was not planning on acting on them or sharing them just yet. At least that’s what he told himself, wanting to learn more about him first, to go slow, make sure he wasn’t giving himself fully just to get his heart broken. But each second in Hyunjin’s company, each word coming out of his gorgeous lips, every brush on his fingers against Felix’s skin, made his resolve crumble just a little more every time. Hyunjin was simply irresistible to him. 

Hyunjin’s hand moved slightly to cup Felix’s face, his thumb slowly and softly finding its way to Felix’s bottom lip, caressing it, his eyes following his fingers, his tongue sliding on his own lips. Felix wanted nothing more, right this second, but for Hyunjin to lean in and kiss him again, to take possession of his mouth with the same eagerness he had the night before. 

“Hyunnie..” Felix said, just a whisper, no more than a breath, his own eyes sliding to Hyunjin’s mouth.

“Umm?” Hyunjin purred.

“I..”

“ _Oi, Felix!_ ” 

The sudden voice of Chan yelling from the living room made Felix, who was so focused on Hyunjin and his kissable lips that he almost forgot how to breathe, jump out of his skin. 

“ _Could you bring me cookies, pretty pretty please?_ ” Chan continued calling from the couch, using this cute voice he always had when trying to get something from Felix.

Hyunjin sighed loudly, his head suddenly falling on Felix’s shoulder, probably annoyed from being interrupted in the middle of something again. By none other than Chan… again. From what Felix knew, Hyunjin’s english wasn’t good. At least he assumed it wasn’t, so Hyunjin probably didn’t even know why Chan had actually called out. He chuckled, reaching up to pat Hyunjin’s head, caressing his hair softly, Hyunjin’s arms still stubbornly wrapped tightly around him. 

“ _Sure, just a sec!_ ” Felix called back, his voice getting just the tiniest bit deeper as always when he switched to English instead of Korean.

“Whatever it is he wants, he can wait..” Hyunjin muttered, unmoving, clearly unwilling to let Felix go from his grasp. 

“We can’t stay in the kitchen all day..” Felix softly chuckled, still stroking Hyunjin’s hair with his tiny fingers. “You have work to do, I have to take a shower..” he continued, listing the reasons they needed to move.

“He’s gonna monopolize you all day again..” Hyunjin retorted, childishly.

There it was, the jealousy Hyunjin always felt about Chan. Felix knew that Hyunjin understood the friendship between him and Felix and would never ask Felix to forget about Chan altogether, but that didn’t make him feel any less insecure about it. Probably because Felix had admitted to him that he had a huge crush on Chan when they were younger, back in Australia. And because their bond was so special, because they were so tight, both being tactile and very loving persons. But, if Hyunjin was anything like Felix, more than being jealous of how close Felix and Chan were, he was probably more scared that he couldn’t compete with someone like Chan, that he wasn’t enough. At least that’s what Felix would think. What he was thinking all the time. And he didn’t want Hyunjin to have this kind of thought process too, because it was completely wrong.

“Maybe, but it’s in your bed that I’m gonna spend the night..” Felix said, leaning to place his lips next to Hyunjin’s ear, whispering the words, his voice low and deep, almost sounding sensual.

Felix was embarrassed to say something like that, and to say it that way too. But it had the effect he wanted, since Hyunjin suddenly lifted his head to look at him, his grip on Felix weakening. Felix firstly wanted to remind Hyunjin, with this, that no matter how much time he spent with Chan during the day, the one he wanted in a romantic way or even more than that, was him. But he also knew that saying something like that would surprise Hyunjin enough for him to forget about preventing Felix from moving like he had been doing until then. 

He was only talking about sleeping, despite the fact that he couldn’t deny he was thinking about more than that more often than he should, but still the look in Hyunjin’s eyes was as surprised as it was hungry. Looking in his eyes, Felix almost forgot the whole reason why he had surprised Hyunjin this way. Quickly he blinked to get out of his daze and escaped Hyunjin’s arms with a little giggle, trotting away to grab Chan’s long awaited cookies in one of the cupboards. 

Hyunjin was looking at him with his lips slightly parted, a small smile at the corner of his lips and what looked like awe, amusement and eaderment in his eyes. When Felix walked past him on his way to leave the kitchen, he took a cookie from the box and shoved it between Hyunjin’s parted lips with a little laugh, quickly poking his nose with the tip of his finger. Hyunjin too seemed amused by that, munching on the cookie happily, his eyes fixed on Felix with an intensity he seemed to always have no matter the time or place. Felix then fled the kitchen, afraid that if Hyunjin tried to grab him again to pull him in one more hug, he really would stay in the kitchen with him all day.

“ _Your cookies have arrived, Sire Christopher!_ ” Felix dramatically announced when he arrived in the living room.

“ _Thank god! Brain fuel!_ ” Chan exclaimed, making grabby hands at Felix who extended the box of sweets to him. “ _Love ya!”_ ” he added with his childish, cute voice, offering Felix a bright smile.

“ _Of course you do.._ ” Felix laughed, shaking his head softly.

Hyunjin left the kitchen at this moment, creeping behind Felix without him hearing it. Quickly, he was hugging him from behind, surprising Felix who almost jumped. He wasn’t sure how to act in front of Chan with Hyunjin. Hyunjin was just hugging him like he would’ve done with anyone, putting his chin on his shoulder from behind, but after Chan’s warning, the way he had worried about Felix getting hurt and the little jealous act he had pulled too, it was hard to imagine himself being open about his new relationship with Hyunjin with him just yet. 

“Do you know where Changbin is?” Hyunjin casually asked Chan.

“With Jeongin in the recording room, I think.” Chan shrugged, looking up, raising an eyebrow at Hyunjin and Felix’s embrace but not commenting on it. 

“Figures.” Hyunjin softly chuckled before sighing next to Felix’s ear. “Time to get back to work then..” he said, his grip on Felix tightening imperceptibly. 

Felix smiled, giving a small pat on Hyunjin’s forearm around him, letting his fingers linger on his skin just a second longer than necessary, the pat transforming into a caress for just an instant.

“Good luck.” he cheerfully said to the boy behind him.

“Tonight, you’re just mine..” Hyunjin whispered, pressing his lips to Felix’s ear, low enough that only he could hear.

And then he simply leaned away from Felix, offering a little wave to both Chan and him before leaving the room altogether, probably heading to the basement where Changbin and I.N were already working, according to Chan. Felix felt his face burning like crazy at Hyunjin’s words. He wanted to play earlier, saying something sexy to catch him off guard and now he got burned, fooled at his own game. Hyunjin definitely was better at this than him. 

He didn’t want to stand there, lost in inappropriate thoughts about Hyunjin, his face bright shades of pink and red, in front of Chan. So he quickly blinked away the images from his mind and went to sit next to his friend on the couch, his head naturally finding its place on his shoulder, as it always did.

“ _So.._ ” Chan started, letting the rest of his sentence hang in the air.

“ _So..?_ ” Felix asked, anxious that Chan would make a comment about what was going on between Hyunjin and him, having no idea how to navigate the whole situation.

“ _You’re still alive._ ” he noted, and Felix understood he was referring to the way Minho had dragged him out this morning, which made him feel better.

“ _Is it that surprising?_ ” he chuckled.

“ _Knowing what you saw.. It kinda is, yeah.._ ” Chan answered with a little snicker.

“ _What I.. How do you..?_ ” Felix asked, confused. 

He didn’t want to say anything and betray Minho’s trust. Chan was his best friend and he really wanted to be able to talk to him about it, because he had the best advice in that kind of situation. But he had promised Minho he wouldn’t say anything to anyone at the house and that included Chan. A promise Felix intended to keep. But Chan seemed to be aware of something already. 

“ _Jisung told me about it._ ” Chan shrugged casually.

“ _So you.. You know about..?_ ” Felix vaguely gestured with his hands, not wanting to spill the beans but still trying to understand how much Chan knew about the whole thing.

“ _About Minho and Jisung? Oh yeah, I know. We all do._ ” Chan smiled softly, but there was just a hint of sadness in his tone, that only someone who knew Chan as well as Felix did could notice. 

Since he seemed to have abandoned his work for a second to focus on his conversation with Felix, the younger took this opportunity to grab one of Chan’s hands to play with it absently between his small fingers, his head comfortably sitting on his best friend’s shoulder. He thought everyone knew about it or, at least, was suspicious about a relationship between the two other members but if it really was the case like Chan was saying it was, it made Felix even more confused as to why Minho was so adamant about them not knowing.

“ _Then what’s the deal..?_ ” Felix asked, confused. “ _I mean, he was very very clear that none of you knew and that you shouldn’t know in any circumstances.._ ” Felix admitted. 

Since Chan already knew, he felt less bad speaking about it with him. Maybe his friend could help him understand the situation and how to navigate it, just a little bit. Chan sighed, shaking his head softly before tilting it to press his cheek to the top of Felix’s head, leaning against him naturally. 

“ _It’s not my place to say.._ ” Chan started, and Felix could understand that. “ _All I can tell you is that people in Minho’s life weren’t always very supportive about his.. tastes._ ” he shrugged, it was clear in his voice that this fact bothered him. “ _I think it makes him feel safer and more comfortable to hide this from us and to make himself believe it’s a well kept secret just between the two of them. So.. We all act like we don’t know so he can deal with it in his own way._ ” Chan continued to explain.

Felix simply nodded listening to all that. Like Chan said, it was Minho’s story and it was his to tell, but from the crumbs he learned from Chan just now, Felix felt really sad. He could understand Minho’s behavior just a tiny bit better and respect it, even though he didn’t have the full picture yet. He pressed himself against Chan just a little more to cheer himself up because the idea of people in Minho’s life being so unsupportive that he had to rely on hiding himself from his closest friends even to this day was really depressing and upsetting to him. Nobody deserved to live like this. 

“ _You’re the only one who ‘officially’ knows about it so.. Can I ask you to support him in my stead for now?_ Chan asked, his voice low like he was asking Felix a big, really important favor. Because to him, it was.

“ _Of course._ , Felix answered without missing a beat and meaning it to the bottom of his heart.

“ _Thank you.. You’re the best.._ ” Chan sighed, clearly relieved.

They stayed in silence for a few minutes, just lost in thought, pressed against one another in that way they were so accustomed to. Felix had now an even stronger resolve to get along with Minho. Even if the other boy decided to never open up to him about his relationship with Jisung or his past, Felix decided he would be there for him, dance with him, joke with him or even just make him a good cup of coffee, being a silent and constant positive presence in his daily life from now on. It seemed like something the other boy could use even if he wouldn’t admit it. And it was the sort of things Felix excelled at.

“ _Anyway.._ ” Chan cleared his throat, probably deciding it was enough emotional talk for the day. “ _I’d better go check up on things in the recording studio before they set it on fire or something.._ ” he then sighed, the sound followed by a slight, endeared chuckle.

After a quick hug the two friends separated, Chan going down the stairs to the basement and Felix heading up to take a shower, thinking that Minho was probably done with his by now. He didn’t run into anyone upstairs and the whole floor seemed really calm and silent. Felix thought that everyone was probably hard at work. Changbin, I.N and Hyunjin were all in the recording studio where Chan had joined them. Felix hadn’t heard from Seungmin today and Minho and Jisung were probably both in their room but no loud voices or laughter came from there either. 

Felix simply took his time in the shower for once, since everyone seemed too busy to need the bathroom right away. His body was slightly sore from his time in the dance studio with Minho and the hot water running on his body was heavenly, especially because of how cold the weather was today. When he was done with his shower, he almost ran back to his room to find warm clothing, goosebumps covering his whole body.; Even the house was uncharacteristically cold.

He was tired because of the energy he had spent dancing and so he didn’t really feel like going out to hit the pavement in search of a job today, even though he knew he really should. On top of that it had started raining while Felix was in the shower and he was not about to get soaked once more, walking for hours in the streets. So he decided he would spend a little bit of time catching up on Stray Kids content, since the last time he tried, Hyunjin had appeared, distracting him.

He could’ve settled in his own bed that had been unused for the past few days. It was his first idea, but before he knew it, he changed his mind, grabbing his laptop before falling on Hyunjin’s bed instead. It weirdly felt more natural and more comfortable to be in the other boy’s bed now. Quickly he wrapped himself in Hyunjin’s blanket, plopping his back against a few pillows and, completely surrounded by Hyunjin’s delicious scent and feeling warm and comfy, he opened his laptop.

It was time for him to see what Stray Kids was really all about. Their music, their vlogs, all the content they offered to their fanbase. And, if he was feeling particularly brave and curious, maybe he could check out the last song they uploaded, the one he was a part of. And read all those comments about him, that Chan had teased him about. Surely he was exaggerating about it to make Felix feel good about himself anyway, right?


	22. Watch Me, Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya gorgeous people! ♥   
> I know the chapters are a little shorter than usual lately and I'm sorry about that, I'm pretty busy and also having quite a tough time most days lately so it's harder to write more. But I swear longer chapters are coming back any time soon! And I hope you're still happy to read my chapters each day even if they're on the shorter side!   
> Still can't thank you enough for all the love and support you're showing me and that story! Thank you so so much! ILY ♥

Felix spent a long time perusing videos. He started with listening to some songs he could find. He had heard bits and pieces of most of them during his dance session with Minho the same day since he had taught him the choreographies to most of these songs. But still he was incredibly impressed by their style, their talent and the diversity in their body of work. He even looked at the few music videos they had self-produced. 

The quality was extremely good knowing they had done all of it themselves and Felix was slightly overwhelmed, thinking about the amount of work that was put into all that by the band as a whole. The styling, the lighting, the music, the dancing, the effects, the editing.. Everything was on point. It looked professional. And more than that, it looked incredibly cool. Despite everything, Felix could see, feel, how much fun they all had making those videos. He was a little jealous of it, if he was honest. But most of all he was impressed and proud that all of them managed to fulfil their dreams this way.

After a while he switched to watching random vlogs and behind the scenes, falling down the rabbit hole. He didn’t know how much time he spent watching Jisung and Minho bickering, Changbin annoying I.N who acted like he hated it all the while wearing a smile on his face, Seungmin teasing every single one of them, Chan doing cute faces and giggles, Hyunjin being the definition of a drama queen or Minho rolling his eyes at everything and everyone. He realized though, that he may have dug too far when he ended up watching a fan made video of random funny and chaotic moments from the boys’ videos and lives. 

It was crazy enough that Stray Kids had big enough of a following to have people making fan-made videos about them, but on top of that, there seemed to be a lot of these types of videos. More than a lot. Felix ran across titles like ‘ _Stray Kids being a mess for 7:36 minutes straight_ ’, ‘ _Random cute/soft SKZ moments to make you smile_ ’ or ‘ _Stray Kids are chaotic AF and that’s why we love them_ ’. From what Felix gathered from the titles and thumbnails, those were all compilations of clips of the boys doing silly or cute things in their videos. But there was more fan-content than just those types of videos. 

On his recommend section, Felix could now see videos such as ‘ _Bang Chan: “call me daddy” edit_ ’, ‘ _Jisung could step on me | Sexy moments_ ’ or ‘ _Hyunjin chose violence, 18+_ ’, pop up here and there. Felix could guess all too well what kind of videos those were. With a bunch of guys as good looking and well built as them, it was inevitable that some people would start to fantasize after all, even though Felix found it a tiny bit weird since those were people he knew in real life. Coupled with those kinds of videos, there were also thumbnails with things like ‘ _2min being a divorced couple_ ’, ‘ _Minsung moments that make me feel lonely_ ’ or ‘ _Hyunbin being obvious for 5 minutes_ ’ announced on them. 

It took a second for Felix to realize what those were. Ship names. Those were videos of people shipping different members of the band together. And Felix definitely wasn’t ready to watch those, it would make things really awkward for him after. But he couldn’t help but notice the number of videos like those including Hyunjin, a tiny bit of unhealthy curiosity mixed with jealousy forming in his stomach. He also took notice of the amount of people actually shipping Minho and Jisung together. So even to the public it was obvious. Clearly Minho’s denial about the whole situation was even stronger than Felix thought. 

But that was not the content Felix was after. He was overwhelmed by the number of videos fans had made about the band, proving how much of a following they already had despite them being a small indie group. He was curious too, but he felt like some things were better left unseen. Only after browsing through all that did find the courage to actually listen to the song he was a part of. He wasn’t sure he was actually ready to hear his own voice on the track and realize the harsh truth, that it was a mess compared to the others. But he was intrigued and Chan’s nagging about people commenting about him really made him want to see if he was joking or not. So, going back on the official Stray Kids channel, he clicked on the last upload, titled ‘Victory Song (Audio Only)’.

He didn’t have to wait long to hear his own voice reverberate through his headphones since the very first verse was his. He was enjoying the beat when suddenly his deep voice filled his ears and it sounded.. good? Felix was surprised. More than surprised, he was shocked. He had a hard time realizing it was actually his voice. He was pretty sure Chan had done something to it post production because Felix didn’t remember a time he could sound that good. It was still subpar, according to him, compared to the others and hearing his performance made him want to crawl into a hole, embarrassed to have done something like that. But, nonetheless it felt like his voice somewhat belonged in this song. And, to Felix, it was surreal. 

He had to listen to the song a second time just to be sure he hadn’t hallucinated. And once more he heard the same thing. His voice sounded good. Not good enough, but still better than he could have ever hoped. To him it was just proof that Chan must’ve definitely played with effects in post-production, but he wasn’t even mad about it if it was the case. The problem with hearing himself that way though, was that he liked the sensation that gave him, the impression that maybe he could fit with people like them. He wasn’t anywhere near their level but maybe he wouldn’t be such a burden if he could sing like that. But thoughts like those were stupid. This song, his participation, it was a one time thing, Chan and Felix agreed. And who was he to imagine he could ever join the band anyway, he was just Chan’s old friend that imposed himself in their house and in their lives without notice. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Reminding himself of that fact, Felix stopped the song that was still playing, probably for the third time, in his headphones. Still curious about Chan’s comment despite his return to reality, Felix scrolled down in the comment section to see if his friend had greatly exaggerated when he said people were going crazy about Felix’s voice. But he wasn’t. In the middle of comments about the song in itself and how good all the members sounded, as well as some ‘10 likes = 1 puppy rescued’, there were comments upon comments only about Felix and his voice. 

> **Channiebabygirl** : _WTF!? Who’s the guy with the deep AF voice??_

> **SKZwrldom** : _Wow.. But wait, doesn’t he sound like Brownie Boy tho?_

> **jinnie4ever** : _I dunno who’s this guy but his voice is INSANE!_

> **Linoswife** : _Is Brownie - deep ass voice - Boy gonna be part of SKZ now..? They teased his voice in Hannie’s vlog on purpose? If that’s the case, I’m IN!_

> **PuppyMin** : _I’d let Brownie Boy sing me to sleep every DAMN day!_

> **Binnie404** : _I hope we’re not going crazy about Brownie Boy for nothing! What if it’s just one of the members doing a voice? I hope not! I want more Brownie Boy :( :(_

More and more of those comments appeared as Felix scrolled and scrolled. He could hardly believe it. Just like Chan had said, they were all referring to him as “Brownie Boy” recognizing his voice from a brief clip in Jisung’s last vlog. And, just as Chan had said, they were all very excited about hearing his voice, for some reason. Felix was completely entranced by the comments, reading them one after another, trying to comprehend what he was seeing. He couldn’t realistically believe so many people would get interested in him by only hearing his voice a few seconds. He couldn’t believe those same people could find him talented. Not when he had been told for years and years that he wasn’t and that clinging onto those dreams of music and dance was just immature and futile. And still, the comments in front of him were real and this was messing with his mind. 

He wanted to believe it. He wanted to hope again. But hope for what? Hope that he could one day join the band? Hope that he would be a Stray Kid like the others? Hope that he could finally realize his dreams alongside Chan like he always wanted, despite the voices of his mother and his father dancing in his head each day? Maybe he wanted to hope for all those things. But he was lucid enough to know that with big hopes came big deceptions. And he definitely didn’t want to go through that again.

Right now he was very confused and a little bit on edge. Sure the comments and hearing his voice sounding so good on the recording had made him extremely happy. But had also made him hopeful and reminding himself that this hope could lead nowhere was what changed his mood. So it was time to watch something else, to take his mind off the whole matter. Going to his recommended section, Felix scrolled absently for a second and clicked on the first fan-made video he could find about Hyunjin.

The first video had been a silly one, showing all the jokes and funny faces Hyunjin had made in various other videos. There were even clips of livestreams, and Felix was intrigued to see those lives for himself at some point. Before he knew it he was watching a second video, a cute one, filled with clips of Hyunjin cuddling with other members, doing his little pouty face, sleeping like an angel and other sweet, soft things. Seeing Hyunjin’s face, hearing his laughter made him relax a little bit for some reason. He should probably worry about how insanely infatuated he already was with the boy, so fast. And he would, later. For now all that mattered was that watching Hyunjin’s antics on video was giving him the comfort he needed.

The next video to play automatically on his computer was a compilation of dancing moments, mostly taken from dance practice and dance cover videos Hyunjin had made in the past. What Felix didn’t realize right away was that it was a compilation of all the hottest moments of Hyunjin’s dancing. He innocently let the video start, wanting to see more of Hyunjin’s dancing but he was quickly faced with the reality of what he was watching. Hyunjin rolling and thrusting his hips, lifting his shirt while dripping in sweat, letting his hands run on his own body, biting his lips with the intensity in his eyes that Felix started to know all too well. Felix couldn’t take his eyes off of the screen, his jaw dropping, his lips parted, his heart beat speeding just a little bit.

He had been so entranced by the previous videos of Hyunjin and especially by this one, that he hadn’t heard the door opening and closing through his headphones. Nor did he notice Hyunjin who had been standing there, leaning against the door frame, for a few minutes already, a soft smile on his face as he was watching Felix The sight Hyunjin had of Felix must have been pretty funny. Felix was completely wrapped in Hyunjin’s blanket, only his head and his tiny hands peeking out of it, his big headphones firmly placed on his pink strands and his ears, the light of the computer shining on his face as he was leaning slightly closer to the screen, his mouth partly open. 

Just like he hadn’t realized it when Hyunjin entered the room, he didn’t hear him walk towards his bed either, his eyes glued to the figure of Hyunjin on the screen, moving his hips in ways that caused Felix to bite his lower lip, feeling hot everywhere. 

“What are you watching?” Hyunjin asked, lifting one side of Felix’s headphones to free his ear so the other boy would finally hear him.

Felix jumped out of his skin at the sudden sound of Hyunjin’s voice. He stumbled quickly to brutally close his computer, tripping his hand in his headphones’ cable in his rush, the headphones flying off of his head and landing on the mattress with the now closed computer. 

“Nothing!” Felix exclaimed while all this was going on, flustered.

“Really?” Hyunjin said teasingly, raising an eyebrow. “Why are you blushing then?” he continued, a sly smile growing on his lips, leaning towards Felix. 

“I..I’m not, it’s just hot under the blanket, that’s all..” Felix stuttered. 

“That’s a shame..” Hyunjin teased some more. “You looked so adorable and cozy, under my blanket, in my bed.. I really wanted to join you, but if you’re too hot..” he said with a fake disappointed pout on his lips.

Felix finally looked up at Hyunjin. He was breathtaking in the dim lighting, his hair coming out of his messy, tiny ponytail, his face slightly tilted to the side, a glint of amusement and a little something else shining softly in his eyes. Really, there was no way Felix could get bored of seeing this face every day, every hour, every minute. Just like there was no way he could ever say no to him.

“No, I mean.. That’s okay if you want to.. join me..” he sheepishly said, looking away shyly. “It’s your bed anyway so I can’t..” he tried to continue.

“Just scoot over.” Hyunjin softly laughed, gesturing for Felix to make some space for him in the bed.

Felix obliged, moving on the bed. Hyunjin gracefully and smoothly slid under the cover, settling behind Felix, spreading his long legs so his knees could rest on each side of Felix’s body. Leaning, he grabbed Felix to pull him closer, pressing Felix’s back against his chest and wrapping his arms around him, the cover now engulfing them both. Felix absolutely loved the way his body instantly soaked Hyunjin’s warmth right up. So much so that he instantly relaxed, leaning back into his embrace comfortably. 

“Much better..” Hyunjin softly whispered with a content sigh, next to Felix’s ear. “I was surprised to find you in my bed.” he then chuckled after a second.

“Sorry I.. I didn’t really think about it..” Felix said, feeling embarrassed to have chosen Hyunjin’s bed instead of his own without asking for permission beforehand.

“Don’t apologize baby..” he retorted. “Do you have any idea the effect it has on me to see you between my sheets like that?” he then said, leaning his mouth closer to Felix’s ear from behind, almost whispering the words in a low tone.

“I.. I..” Felix stuttered, his cheeks burning, slightly squirming between Hyunjin’s arms. 

The video he was watching had already done a number on him, so this, paired with Hyunjin’s body pressed against his, his low, sensual voice so close to his ear and his teasing, sexy words.. It was a lot to handle for Felix, his body reacting and responding to it in ways that would be hard to hide if things continued to progress this way. Fortunately, Hyunjin softly laughed in his ear, hugging Felix just a little bit tighter.

“.. just so cute..” he chuckled, pressing a kiss on Felix’s temple. “So, what were you really watching anyway?” he then asked, clearly having not dropped that subject.

“Just Stray Kids videos..” Felix said. it wasn’t a total lie, just not completely the truth either.

“Oh really, which ones?” Hyunjin questioned with a smile.

“Oh.. You know.. Just.. Videos..” Felix vaguely answered, stubbornly looking at his hands while playing with his own fingers.

“Just videos..? Well.. Let’s see!” Hyunjin exclaimed.

He leaned to grab Felix’s laptop resting further away on the mattress, placing it on Felix’s lap in front of them both and opening it before Felix could even react. In his haste Felix had closed the computer while the video was still playing and so, to his dismay, it continued playing as soon as Hyunjin opened the device back up, in full screen so there was no way Hyunjin couldn’t clearly see what was happening in said video. It wasn’t inherently sexual, but each clip was cut in such a way that only the sexiest moments of Hyunjin dancing were shown and, to Felix’s opinion, it was still quite hot. Felix couldn’t take the embarrassment anymore, promptly hiding his burning face between his tiny hands.

Hyunjin stayed silent for a second, probably processing what type of video he was watching. Felix was slowly dying of embarrassment, wanting to disappear after being caught watching a video titled ‘ _Hyunjin’s sexiest dance moments. REALLY HOT!_ ’ by Hyunjin himself.

“Baby..” Hyunjin’s voice finally echoed in the small room. His tone was low, almost a murmur against Felix’s ear. It sounded way too erotic to be legal. “Were you.. watching me?” he continued in that same voice.

With a little mortified whimper, still stubbornly hiding behind his hands, Felix offered Hyunjin a tiny, quick nod. He couldn’t really deny it when the proof of it was blasting on a screen right this moment. Felix could swear he heard Hyunjin breath hitch ever so slightly behind him. Suddenly one of Hyunjin’s big hands grabbed Felix's small ones, gently prying them away from his flushed face. His other fingers came to softly grab his chin, from behind, turning slightly Felix’s head so his gaze would lay on the screen, on Hyunjin’s body moving sensually, once again. 

“Do you like that?” he asked, his voice sounding more and more sensual, more dangerous somewhat in Felix’s ear. Felix nodded with a gulp, unable to take his eyes off of the screen even though he knew he should. “Then watch me, baby..” Hyunjin whispered, pressing his lips against Felix’s pulse in his neck, his hand still holding Felix’s chin to incite him to keep his eyes on the screen.


	23. Say It Again..

Felix’s heart was hammering in his chest, his eyes fixed on the dancing Hyunjin on screen but his mind entirely focused on Hyunjin’s lips against his neck, his arms tightly wrapped around him from behind. The combination of the two was deadly and Felix had to squeeze his thighs together, his breath hitching, desire already creeping in the pit of his stomach. It didn’t take long for Hyunjin to find the edge of Felix’s shirt with his fingers, sliding them under it. He had touched Felix that way before and still he wasn’t used to it, still the simple feeling of his slender fingers against the bare skin of his abdomen made him forget how to breathe. All the while Hyunjin’s lips were moving up and down Felix’s neck, leaving kisses on every little inch of skin they could find.

“I want to mark that neck of yours so bad.. See your skin turn pink.. Show everyone you’re mine..” Hyunjin said sensually against Felix’s skin, his hand tracing invisible lines on Felix’s abdomen under his shirt, a hint of possessiveness in his voice.

Like to prove his point, Felix felt Hyunjin’s teeth graze his skin, slightly nibbling on one part of his neck. Not hard enough to hurt or to even really leave the kind of mark Hyunjin was talking about, but definitely enough for Felix to feel it. And it felt too good for him to be able to refrain from very softly moaning, instantly biting his lip to muffle the sound, his cheeks turning even redder. He heard Hyunjin’s breathing speed up ever so slightly behind him at the sound, his fingers pressing themselves a little more eagerly against Felix’s skin. 

“Were you having naughty thoughts, watching videos of me?” he asked, his voice raspy by barely disguised desire, his hand already dangerously close to the rim of Felix’s pants, dancing on his skin. “Um, baby.. Were you?” he repeated when Felix didn’t answer quickly enough.

With his bottom lip stuck between his teeth, his eyes half closed but still watching the video in front of him like Hyunjin had ordered, Felix gave a little nod as a response. There was no point lying about this and in that situation his mind wasn’t functioning well enough for him to even think of hiding that fact anyway. Hyunjin grazed Felix’s neck with his teeth again, exactly the same way he had done before, with the same result. Despite biting his bottom lip, a little sound resembling a moan still escaped Felix’s mouth. Hyunjin was now playing with the edge of Felix’s pants with the tip of his fingers, tugging on it ever so slightly.

“Hyunie..” Felix called, his voice still sounding like a soft moan. He wasn’t sure what he was trying to do, calling him. Was he going to ask him to slow down, or beg him to touch him?

Hyunjin’s breath hitched again, his fingers gripping the rim of Felix’s pants just a little tighter, his lips stopping their movement, pressed against Felix’s pulse.

“Say it again..” he said, his voice commanding, low and raw.

It took a second for Felix to comprehend what Hyunjin meant by that. But then he realized. Hyunjin liked hearing Felix say his name. Was it a turn on for him? Felix didn’t know. He was under the impression that Hyunjin was always the one turning him on but he wasn’t sure if the other boy felt the same kind of desire when he was teasing him like he was doing right now or not. Maybe Hyunjin was just playing. Nonetheless Felix wanted to please him, obey his command.

“Hyunjin..” he repeated with that same breathless, low tone as before.

Hyunjin let his head fall in the crook of Felix’s neck, burying his face there, his breathing seeming heavier than usual. His fingers were still on the edge of Felix’s pants and he was breathing deep against his skin.

“Don’t worry baby, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to..” he whispered, his words slightly muffled by his position. “Just.. give me a second..” he added, his fingers letting go of the rim of Felix’s pants to slowly go rest on his abdomen again.

Hyunjin must have thought that Felix was calling his name to tell him to stop before going too far. Maybe he had, but Felix wasn’t so sure about it anymore. He wanted to take things to a slow pace but he also wanted Hyunjin really badly at this point. It made Felix feel incredibly good too, to realize that Hyunjin too was hot and bothered, needing to take a second to collect himself not to jump on Felix. For some reason it turned Felix on even more. The fact that Hyunjin was excited by touching him was already extremely pleasing to Felix because the boy was gorgeous, way out of his league and Felix didn’t consider himself to be sexy or attractive by any stretch of the imagination. But the fact that, despite his desire Hyunjin was willing to pace himself and slow down was probably the sexiest thing of all. 

Felix leaned away from Hyunjin for a second to move, turning around in Hyunjin’s arms, changing his position completely on the mattress. After a second, he was facing Hyunjin instead of having his back to him. He was on his knees, on the mattress, between Hyunjin’s legs, the other boy quizzically looking up at him. After admiring Hyunjin for just a second, Felix leaned towards him, bringing his hands on his shoulders and closing his eyes. Soon his lips were pressed against Hyunjin’s. It was the first time their lips met since their first and only kiss. 

And just like that first time, Hyunjin stayed unmoving for a second, processing. He was quick to reciprocate though, his hands finding Felix’s cheeks, holding his face as he pressed his lips against his more firmly, eagerly, while Felix’s own hands slid down from Hyunjin’s shoulders to rest on his chest, grabbing the fabric of his shirt between his fingers. Hyunjin didn’t waste time, one of his hands sliding in Felix’s hair, pulling his pink strands to incite the other boy to throw his head back and open his mouth for him, which Felix happily did, feeling Hyunjin’s tongue brush against his. He tugged on Felix’s hair more firmly a second time, taking complete possession of his mouth, playing with his tongue, biting his lower lip. A moan escaped Felix’s lips, losing itself in Hyunjin’s mouth. 

Hyunjin was a little rough and still so gentle with him, and his kisses felt so good Felix felt like he was losing his mind. He couldn’t take much more, he needed to touch him or he would go crazy. So slowly he slid his hands down and down, until he found the rim of Hyunjin’s shirt, sliding his tiny fingers under it just like Hyunjin’s had done to him multiple times. It was the first time Felix was the one touching Hyunjin this way, the first time his fingers ventured so far on Hyunjin’s body. And as soon as his fingers brushed his skin, as soon as his short nails grazed his perfectly toned abs, Hyunjin groaned against Felix’s lips, suddenly kissing him more feverishly than ever.

Hyunjin’s reaction really made Felix feel more bold, his hands sliding down still, caressing Hyunjin’s smooth, soft, bare skin, tracing a slow path down towards his belt buckle. With his small fingers he started to work at unbuckling it and he was doing quick work of it when Hyunjin suddenly stopped kissing him, both hands on Felix’s cheeks. An involuntary displeased whine escaped Felix’s lips at the loss of this contact before he could refrain himself. 

“Baby.. Baby, stop.” he quickly whispered, leaning slightly away from Felix’s face to look at him, almost panting from their kiss.

“You.. Don’t want to?” Felix asked, quickly taking his hands away and suddenly feeling embarrassed and extremely foolish, not only for his behavior but for believing that Hyunjin wanted the same thing he did at that moment.

“Fuck..” Hyunjin swore under his breath before leaning to press his forehead against Felix’s. “Felix.. Baby.. You have no idea how bad I want this, want you..” he clarified seriously, unfiltered desire shining in his eyes. “But I don’t want you to regret it if we’re going too fast..” he sighed, clearly it was a big effort on his part to show that kind of restraint in that kind of situation.

The feelings that blossomed in Felix’s chest hearing those words, hearing Hyunjin being so considerate and sweet despite the fact that he could’ve really easily let things go further without saying anything, were so intense it almost frightened Felix. He never felt such powerful feelings for anyone other than Chan before. And he wasn’t ready to put a word on it or even think about it, but the fact of the matter was, those feelings were now there, tucked in a little part of his heart, and there was nothing Felix could do about it. 

“But you..” Felix started.

“I know.. I know I started it. I’m sorry baby..” Hyunjin sighed again, offering Felix a little pout, raising one of his hands to gently comb Felix’s hair back. “You were just so.. beautiful, laying in my bed. And.. Seeing you watch videos of me it.. God, it turned me on so bad.. I couldn’t resist. I’m sorry..”

“No, I’m sorry too..” Felix sheepishly announced, looking away. 

He still felt pretty insecure now, for some reason. He hadn’t been rejected properly speaking and Hyunjin had even said he wanted him, but Felix had been so entranced by the whole situation, his hands eagerly trying to touch Hyunjin, his body hot, despite his previous statement that he wanted to take things slow that it was a little disconcerting for him to be stopped in his momentum like that. Especially since he wasn’t used to being the one making the first move or being forward like that in those situations. Hyunjin must have read the discomfort on his face though, because soon his fingers grabbed Felix’s chin, forcing the smaller boy to look at him once again.

“Baby, listen to me..” he said, searching Felix’s eyes. “I want nothing more than to make you mine, alright? And trust me, when I finally do, I’ll make sure you can never be with someone else without thinking of me.” he announced, his eyes locked onto Felix’s, not even flinching or blinking at his own erotic words when Felix was blushing profusely. “But taking it slow is a good thing.. Not only for you, but for me too..” he added with a softer tone, stroking Felix’s cheek with his thumb.

And Felix knew he was right. Hyunjin too probably had issues with relationships, trust and being hurt with a past like his. Felix hadn’t thought of that before but he was thankful that Hyunjin had. He softly nodded with a little shy pout on his lips, and with the last traces of his boldness he leaned to press a soft, very quick kiss on Hyunjin’s full lips to show him he understood the message loud and clear. The smile that Hyunjin offered Felix once he pulled back, was so soft, so gentle and tender that Felix had no choice but to smile back, with the small, shy smile of his. All the while, Hyunjin was caressing Felix’s pink strands, looking at him like he was one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

“You do know that you’re never using your bed again though, right?” he teased after a few seconds of silently gazing into each other’s eyes. “Now that I have you here, I’m keeping you here.” he added with a little chuckle.

He pulled Felix closer, probably wanting to cuddle. Since both of them were already in a pretty awkward position to begin with, they had to move around a bit to get comfortable, Hyunjin bringing his legs together, laying them on the mattress and Felix moving on top of him to get closer for a hug. One way another, Felix ended up straddling the other boy, one knee on each side of his hips, his arms around Hyunjin’s neck and his face buried there too while Hyunjin’s arms were hooked behind Felix’s back, pulling him closer and pressing his body against his chest with a content sigh. 

“I’m okay with that..” Felix murmured in Hyunjin’s neck, talking about staying in Hyunjin’s bed from now on.

Honestly, after spending two nights in his arms, he could hardly imagine getting a good night's sleep between his own sheets, by himself. Being so snuggly embraced by Hyunjin, basking into his warmth, the tiredness of the day finally started to weigh on Felix’s body. He still had danced a few hours today and he hadn’t realized yet that his body was sore and tired. But now that he was comfortable, warm and most of all safe, he could barely keep his eyes open anymore. 

“Hyunie..?” Felix called out sleepily. Hyunjin answered with a soft “umm”, stroking Felix’s back with the tip of his fingers slowly. “No, nevermind..” Felix sighed, changing his mind about what he wanted to ask, it was stupid anyway.

“What is it baby?” Hyunjin asked nonetheless, his hand going up to stroke Felix’s hair instead of his back.

“Did you.. listen to the new song?” Felix ended up asking hesitantly.

“Victory Song you mean? Of course.” Hyunjin nodded.

“What did you.. think?” Felix’s voice was small and uncertain, but still extremely sleepy too. He wasn’t sure why he was asking, to get praises and be reassured, or to have proof that he was no good like he believed.

“.. I think you did really good baby. More than good.” the other boy answered after staying silent for a second, probably wondering if Felix was talking about the song as a whole or about his own performance. “You really belong with us, you know..?” he breathed next to Felix’s ear, stroking his hair gently.

Felix must have fallen asleep after Hyunjin’s answer, because he couldn’t remember ever reacting to it. It wasn’t surprising, he had been half asleep since the very moment Hyunjin had started to cuddle with him. So one moment he was straddling Hyunjin, arms around him, his face buried in his neck, and the next, as he opened his eyes, he was laying on top the boy who was deeply asleep below him, one arm behind his head and the other firmly wrapped around Felix’s hips, and multiple hours had passed between the two. From what Felix could see on the alarm clock on the bedside table, it was the early morning already. 

He did remember Hyunjin’s last words to him the night before. Those words had warmed his heart, all his hope bubbling back to the surface, but it also confused him, as always, because he wasn’t part of the band and no matter what he wanted, their collaboration was a one time thing and nothing more. Maybe he should talk to Chan about it, but then again, it was a little selfish on his part to want to be a part of their team when they were already a well oiled machine. The other members probably didn’t want to disturb what they already had either anyway. 

What Felix knew though, was that with so many things in his head, he couldn’t just lay there and do nothing otherwise he would just torture himself mentally. He didn’t want Hyunjin to wake up alone once more though. So his initial plan was to discreetly go downstairs to do some quick baking for everyone before anyone else woke up and then sneak back into the room and into Hyunjin’s arms to cuddle him until it was time for him to get up. Once Felix decided it was a solid plan, after thinking it over for a few minutes while listening to Hyunjin calm breathing, he finally rolled over, careful not to disturb Hyunjin under him and hopped out of bed, creeping out of the dark room on his tippy toes. 

The living room as well as the kitchen were dark, silent and empty when Felix arrived downstairs, just as he thought they would be. So he started to work right away, choosing unconsciously to prepare brownies again, picking up the right ingredients for it from the cupboards. He decided to make a few batches of them and so he worked meticulously for more than an hour, the task slowly taking his mind off of everything else, a little smile finally finding its way onto his lips. Without realizing it, at some point Felix started to softly sing random songs that passed through his mind while mixing ingredients and pouring the mixture into its mold. 

He was humming and singing silently, putting the molds into the oven and setting the timer, already thinking about making his way back to hop under the covers between Hyunjin’s arms. He was not prepared, when he turned around after cleaning the mess he made on the table, to end up face to face with Minho. Felix jumped, almost dropping the container full of flour he had in his hands.

“Hey.. Did I wake you up?” Felix asked after taking a deep breath to calm himself from his sudden fright. “Sorry, I didn’t think I was noisy..” he chuckled, scratching the back of his head with a guilty pout.

But Minho didn’t answer right away, looking Felix up and down with his head slightly tilted to the side, his arms crossed on his chest, a light pensive frown seeming to be permanently stuck to his features.

“Meet me in the recording studio in 10. “ was all he said when he finally opened his mouth.

“Wh..” Felix tried.

But already Minho had turned his back and walked away, out of the kitchen and out of the living room and Felix was left alone, confused and dumbfounded in the middle of the kitchen with his flour container in his hands. He didn’t know what that was all about, but he suddenly had a big case of déjà-vu from the morning before. He just hoped that, no matter why Minho was summoning him, he was in a better mood than the last time.


	24. A Reminder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, this chapter isn't really good in my opinion, but it's all leading somewhere I swear so I hope you stick with me just a little while longer! ~♥
> 
> I'm also more and more active on my SKZ fan account on Twitter recently and since I had sooo much fun talking to some of y'all on there, I just wanted to point out that you can find me at @mystayra if you ever wanna chat or simply follow my antics and my 4569 retweets on there! Don't be shy, come say 'hi' and everything, it'll be fun! ♥

Felix was careful to take his brownies out of the oven before actually making his way to the recording studio like Minho had asked him. The last thing he needed was to burn the several batches he had spent the last hour baking. So after carefully taking the molds out and setting them on the table, putting a cloth on them to let them cool down, he walked back into the entrance and straight to the staircase leading down.

It was weird, taking those stairs alone for the first time. He had come down there only once and Hyunjin was the one who had led him down those stairs. Weirdly, it felt like he was doing something forbidden, going somewhere he wasn’t supposed to while everyone else was asleep. That made him just a little bit anxious. He knew Minho was probably already waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs though, and he definitely didn’t want to make the other boy wait if he could help it, so he climbed down the stairs two by two, pushing his silly worries aside.

The room was exactly the same as the last time Felix had been down there, at the exception that it was way calmer without all the boys being their chaotic selves at each corner of the room. Minho was sitting in one of the two armchairs, his feet dangling from the side of it, his eyes perusing a sheet of paper he was holding in his hands. He looked up when he heard the sound of Felix’s footsteps approaching. 

He offered Felix a little smile, which was encouraging. Felix wasn’t really anxious to be in Minho’s presence, they’re relationship had greatly improved after their little talk and their dance session the day before. But he had to admit that being called down here so suddenly in the early hours of the morning, without a single clue as to what Minho wanted with him was still just a tiny bit nerve wracking. He let himself fall on the couch smiling back at Minho softly.

“So..?” Felix asked after a second “You needed me for something?” he raised an eyebrow, curious.

“Yeah.” Minho nodded. “I..” he stopped for a second and sighed before leaning to extend the sheet of paper in his hands to Felix. “I’ve been working on something for a while now and I thought maybe.. Maybe you could help me finish it..” he finally explained, sounding especially sheepish compared to his usual confident, unbothered demeanor. 

“Wh.. I don’t think I’m..” Felix started, ready to tell Minho that out of all the people he had around, he was probably the worst choice to help him if it was about music. 

After all he had a whole band of amazing performers and songwriters that could give him a hand instead of a simple passerby like himself. Still he grabbed the sheet of paper, leaning against the back of the couch to read the words. Those were lyrics, that much Felix had figured out. The song was unfinished but reading it, Felix quickly understood why he was the one Minho had chosen to help him. If he focused on the meaning of the song, what the words actually said, he was pretty sure Minho had started writing it thinking about Jisung. And obviously, if that was the case, he wouldn’t feel comfortable showing these lyrics to any other members who were still, in Minho’s mind, unaware of their whole relationship. 

“Oh, it’s..” Felix said, stopping himself quickly. He didn’t want to point out the obvious because he knew Minho wasn’t at all comfortable discussing the situation during their last talk. So instead he said something else. “..actually pretty good.” he complimented, talking about the lyrics.

“It’s unfinished..” Minho countered with a sigh, shaking his head. “That’s why I need you.” he added, his elbow propped on the arm of the chair, his temple resting against his hand.

“I.. I mean, I’m honored but..” he tried to say, wanting to explain he was in no way qualified to help him in any way. 

He wasn’t even part of the band after all so it would be a little presumptuous of him to interfere with their music, even if it was a solo piece. He was actually surprised that Minho would even think about asking him for help on this project when he wasn’t a member of Stray Kids and not even really as good an artist as any of the others.

“I was thinking maybe you, of all people, would be able to.. resonate with it.” Minho cut him off, gesturing vaguely towards the piece of paper.

For a second Felix wondered what he meant by that, but as his eyes flew over the words once more, he suddenly understood. And Minho was right, he could relate more than anyone. Because those lyrics were about being entranced by someone else, wanting to connect with a person and get close to them, about the tension and awkwardness of being around them and wanting to be with them. At least that’s what those lyrics embodied for Felix and instantly the image of Hyunjin popped in his mind and he found himself nodding to Minho without realizing it. It was just a bit of fun, and nobody had to know he helped Minho out with the song in the end, it couldn’t hurt.

“Alright..” he softly said. And that was all it took for their partnership to start.

Meanwhile, as Minho and Felix started to talk, getting to work, the rest of the house slowly woke up, one by one. The first was Seungmin, closely followed by Chan. The two of them went to sit at the table after getting cups of coffee, casually talking about things that needed to be done for the day, specifically about the Youtube channel. Sitting down, Chan noticed the molds with a cloth on them. Lifting the cloth he realized those were brownies and looked around with a little frown, like he was expecting to see Felix jump out of the shadows at any time. But the other boy wasn’t around, even though he had clearly been in the kitchen a while before them since he had made brownies. With a shrug he grabbed a knife and started to cut himself a little piece of brownie, knowing that if Felix was around he would’ve scolded him for not waiting for it to be completely cooled down. 

Jisung was the next one to appear in the kitchen, letting himself fall on a chair loudly and stealing the piece of brownie straight out of Chan’s hand to throw it in his mouth, offering a childish smile to his friend who rolled his eyes with a little chuckle, giving Jisung a pat on the shoulder as a ‘good morning’ before cutting another piece, Seungmin softly chuckling with his head in his coffee cup.

“Did you see Minho anywhere by any chance?” Jisung asked the two other boys before yawning loudly.

“If he’s not in your room, maybe he already left for the dance studio?” Seungmin offered, Chan simply shrugging with a nod supporting this theory.

“Yeah but his shoes are still in the entrance though..” he said before shrugging with a little sigh. “Whatever, give me some more of that!” he exclaimed to Chan, grabbing the new piece of brownie he was about to put in his mouth, eating it in his place for the second time.

A few minutes later, Changbin and I.N entered the kitchen together, already in the middle of a conversation. Clearly both of them had woken up a little bit earlier and had started to talk in their room before deciding to go down for breakfast. Jeongin was asking Changbin to accompany him at the gym to coach him, complaining that he wanted to look like a man and not a little kid anymore, for the fans. Everybody, including Changbin himself, spent a little bit of time teasing him but, in the end, both Changbin and Jisung offered to invite him on their next trip to the gym. 

As always, Hyunjin was the last to join the party. Once more he had woken up without Felix in his arms and he was a little salty about it, pouting already when he arrived in the kitchen. He groaned a ‘good morning’ when the others cheered for him and made himself a cup of coffee, sipping on it while leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Felix is still sleeping?” Chan asked, raising an eyebrow. He knew how unusual it was for Felix to sleep late, but maybe he realized he was still tired after making the brownies and went back to bed for a little nap.

“No..” Hyunjin answered, shaking his head, pouting harder because he would’ve preferred if Felix had, indeed, been in bed. “I thought he was down here.” he then added, looking around, like he was finally realizing that Felix was nowhere in the room. “Where is he?” he asked with a little frown.

Chan shrugged, the same frown on his face, shaking his head. He had cut all the brownies in little cubes and distributed a little piece to every member. He was now extending one to Hyunjin who was the only one not to have had his. 

“I’m as confused as you are..” he said, not worried per se but still intrigued since it wasn’t like Felix to simply disappear.

“What is it about people pulling a disappearing act today, um?” Jisung asked.

“Maybe they both went on a grocery run.” Seungmin offered.

“Maybe they’re really at the dance studio, that wouldn’t be the first time.” Changbin shrugged.

“Maybe they’re fooling around somewhere..” I.N joked with a cheeky smile.

Changbin gave a small, gentle slap behind Jeongin’s head shaking his head, both Jisung and Hyunjin’s heads snapping in his direction at his words. They both sighed almost in perfect synch afterwards, probably knowing it wasn’t a real possibility.

“Felix’s shoes are still in the entrance though.” Hyunjin pointed out.

“Yeah, that’s what I said too bro!” Jisung exclaimed, like it was proving some kind of point that they were two saying the same thing.

“Anyway, let’s just all get to work and I’ll call Felix and Minho to see where they’re at.” Chan announced, getting up, signifying it was indeed time for everyone to get busy.

Seungmin, Jeongin and Changbin followed Chan out of the kitchen, all having different plans and things to work on for the day. Jisung gave a tap on Hyunjin’s shoulder while the other was munching on his brownie and Hyunjin nodded in response. They both needed to work in the recording room today to practice and improve their rapping mostly, something they often did with just the two of them or with Changbin too. After throwing the rest of his brownie in his mouth, Hyunjin followed Jisung towards the entrance leading to the recording room, still bothered that not only did he wake up alone but on top of that Felix was nowhere to be found now.

Minutes or hours could’ve passed, Felix had no idea. Minho and him had started to talk about the song and the way Minho was imagining the beat, of ways to improve the lyrics and add to them in an interesting manner, getting sidetracked along the way with talking about creating a choreography for the song as well, and even sometimes ending up on topic totally unrelated to the music in itself. They both got really excited about this little side project of theirs, even Felix who was usually very scared of investing himself in music, not wanting to mess things up with his lack of talent, was simply hyped to work on this. He felt like Minho and him could connect on a different level just because they were in somewhat similar situations and that was the reason why this song was perfect for both of them.

They actually were having a lot of fun together and nothing felt like work at all. They were weirdly comfortable with one another once they had a little time to loosen up and it felt really good to Felix who was always more at peace when he was around people he could be his sunny, cuddly, goofy self with. And Minho was definitely more fun and talkative than he looked like at first glance. Felix had noticed all that the day before with their time spent together but it was even clearer to him today. And he loved that.

When the door opened and both Jisung and Hyunjin climbed down the stairs, Felix and Minho were both on the floor in the middle of the room. Minho was sitting, his legs extended on the floor, while Felix was laying on his back on the floor, his head on Minho’s lap. He was playing with one of Minho’s hands absently while the other boy was using his free hand to make big gestures in the air, talking excitedly, looking down at Felix. Felix was laughing and nodding, answering to Minho with a shared excitement here and there. Neither of them heard the footsteps entering the room, too engrossed in their lively conversation, laughing together like close friends.

“I mean.. If I want to be manhandled, I’d definitely not pick you! I need a strong man!” Felix chuckled, lifting his arm and flexing his biceps to prove his point. “Someone like Chan. Not..” he gestured vaguely towards Minho, his head still on his lap.

They were talking about dancing, and about being lifted during a choreography and Felix chose to tease Minho since, like him, he had a smaller frame compared to some of the other guys like Chan and Changbin or even Jisung to some extent. 

“I’m gonna show you if I’m not strong!” Minho exclaimed with a fake shock on his face before grinning and bringing his hands down to tickle Felix, probably remembering that the boy was very ticklish.

“Well well.. So that’s where you were..” Jisung’s voice suddenly echoed in the room.

Minho stopped his movements and both him and Felix looked towards the bottom of the stairs, where both Jisung and Hyunjin were standing, arms crossed. Hyunjin’s head was tilted to the side and for some reason he looked a little bothered. Was it because Felix didn’t stay in bed with him, or something else? Felix didn’t know Jisung’s facial expression as well as Hyunjin’s but he could see the other boy wasn’t completely happy either. He wondered if something happened to put the two of them in a bad mood. 

“Don’t mind us..” Jisung added, walking more into the room, Hyunjin on his heels.

“You’re here to practice?” Minho asked, raising an eyebrow. Either he wasn’t sensing the weird mood or he was choosing to ignore it, acting as unbothered as ever.

Felix sat down, taking his head off of Minho’s lap. In one graceful motion, Minho got up to his feet, offering his hand to Felix who took it. He tugged on his arm, pulling Felix up until his feet were on the ground too. With a little smirk he mouthed the word ‘strong’ silently, winking at Felix who giggled, shaking softly his head. 

“Yeah.” Hyunjin said for the first time, watching the interaction between Felix and Minho with a little frown. “But if we’re interrupting, we can come back later..” he added, tilting his head to the side again, looking at Felix.

“No, that’s fine.” Minho shrugged casually. “I might need a bit of practice too. Mind if I hang around?” he asked the two other boys. They both shrugged in response.

“Sure, if you have nothing else to do.” Jisung answered. He sounded as casual as ever but Felix could swear there was an unusual edge to his voice. 

“I’m gonna..” Felix started, ready to get out of there way to let them work. He wasn’t feeling good about the fact that Hyunjin seemed in a foul mood, but he couldn’t intrude on their work and he was planning on spending some alone time with him later to figure out what was wrong.

“You’re staying too.” Minho cut him off, grabbing his arm to pull him towards the couch, making him sit next to him without waiting for Felix’s reaction. “Oh come on, it’ll be fun.” he added once he saw the face Felix was making, ready to refuse and run away.

Felix thought it might be fun. He was intrigued to see them practice and especially to have a new opportunity to hear Hyunjin singing, or to simply look at him while he was in his own little musical world. Sure he couldn’t really practice with them, since he wasn’t part of the band and it would simply be weird and rude to impose himself on their practice like that. But it might be fun to watch, like Minho had said. So he simply nodded to Minho who winked at him once more. It seemed to be something the other boy did often and to everyone. 

“I’ll text Chan to tell him not to bother calling you then..” Jisung announced, his fingers quickly dancing on his phone.

“Why would Chan call us?” Felix asked with a little frown.

“Well since you were both MIA since before anyone was even awake.. “ Hyunjin pointed out, crossing his arms with that little unhappy pout of his. “.. he was getting worried.” he added, his eyes gliding over Felix. 

“Sorry..” Felix said, his voice small, looking at Hyunjin like he was saying sorry to him personally, about not being in bed with him this morning, or about anything else that seemed to bother him and that Felix wasn’t aware of. Hyunjin’s eyes seemed to soften a bit at that, but still he quickly looked away and Felix started to believe more and more that Hyunjin’s mood was because of him for some reason. “I’m gonna.. go grab us some brownies, fuel for your practice and all that!” he suddenly said, getting up and walking to the stairs.

He wasn’t sure exactly why Hyunjin was in this weird mood, it couldn’t only be because Felix was not in bed with him in the morning, but he couldn’t remember doing or saying anything else that could’ve made him angry. He wasn’t good with confrontation and honestly, his time with Hyunjin the night before had been so good that he didn’t want confrontation anyways. It was probably why he had fled so quickly when he realized Hyunjin was most likely mad at him.

Felix just arrived at the top of the stairs when suddenly a hand grabbed firmly his wrist, stopping him in his path. He didn’t even have time to turn his head around to see which of the boys had grabbed him because, before he knew it, he was pushed back, his back pressed against the wall, Hyunjin’s hands on each side of his face, the gorgeous boy looking down at him intensely. 

“Hyunie, listen, I..” Felix started, sheepishly looking up at him, not wanting this to turn into an argument and ready to have a conversation and explain or apologize for whatever was the problem. 

But Hyunjin didn’t even let Felix finish. Swiftly he leaned forward, his lips crashing against Felix’s. It wasn’t gentle, it was rough and rushed and passionate. One of Hyunjin’s hand left the wall to grab Felix’s pink strands between his fingers, pulling his head back in that way that always had such a big effect on Felix. Felix could already feel his knees getting weak from the kiss and from Hyunjin’s passion. But quickly, after only a few seconds, Hyunjin broke the kiss, leaning back. Felix wouldn’t say no to more kissing and more alone time with Hyunjin altogether, but the other boy’s behavior was also a bit confusing to him. It seemed to him like Hyunjin was angry or at least bothered for some reason, since the moment he had set foot in the recording studio. So why the kiss? 

“Wh.. What was that for..?” Felix asked, breathless, his lips red and swollen from the kiss and his cheeks visibly flushed.

“A reminder.” was Hyunjin’s answer.


	25. Kiss Me Again..

“A.. reminder?” Felix asked, confused.

“A reminder.” Hyunjin said again with a nod, his fingers still entangled in Felix’s hair, his other hand against the wall, leaning closer to his face. He still seemed unhappy. “A reminder that I can manhandle you better than Chan ever could.” he announced, his voice low, almost angry.

“Man..handle?” Felix repeated confused for a second. That’s when his conversation with Minho came back to his mind. And he realized. Realized that taken out of context, without knowing what he was talking about, his words could’ve really easily been taken a totally different way. “Oh.. OH!” he exclaimed, his eyes widening when he understood what Hyunjin must have thought, hearing him say that. 

Between his insecurities, his constant jealousy about Chan and the fact that he had arrived in the middle of the conversation, it would be easy for Hyunjin to misunderstand Felix’s words. And obviously, according to his reaction, he definitely did. Because Felix had said, loud and clear, that if he had to choose someone to manhandle him, he would definitely pick Chan. He was talking about being lifted in the air during a choreography, but Hyunjin didn’t know that and so it was simple for him to take it another way. A more.. sexual way. 

“No, no! We were talking about dancing, not.. that!” Felix exclaimed, gesturing his hands in front of him. “Minho was saying he could lift me during a choreo and I was teasing him saying Chan was a better choice for that..” he tried to explain, feeling foolish about the confusion. 

“A better choice, uh?” Hyunjin said, if he was reassured by Felix’s explanation he didn’t show it, choosing instead to focus on the last part of it. 

“No, I mean..” Felix started, but he was abruptly stopped in his tracks when Hyunjin moved.

Hyunjin let go of Felix's hair and leaned to grab the other one in his arms. Before he knew what was happening, Felix was lifted up in the hair, his back pinned against the wall, Hyunjin’s hand under his thighs, almost resting on his butt, his body pressed against Felix’s and his face close to his. He had to partially wrap his legs around Hyunjin’s hips, unconsciously, to support his own weight. 

“You think Chan could do that better than me..?” Hyunjin asked and Felix couldn’t tell anymore if his voice was laced with jealousy and anger or lust and desire. Maybe a little bit of both. So Felix simply shook his head, gripping Hyunjin’s shoulders for support. “I can be as manly as Chan is and take care of you just fine. On top of that, you weren’t in bed with me and you were flirting with Minho all morning..” he continued, almost rambling with a displeased pout.

Despite the situation, Felix couldn’t help but find Hyunjin’s behavior endearing. He wasn’t really mad, he was just really jealous and, just like the day before, he probably wanted to cuddle in the morning and now he was feeling insecure because of everything. So this brought an endeared smile onto Felix’s lips as Hyunjin was talking.

“Hyunie..” he softly said during Hyunjin’s rant.

“... been spending a lot of alone time with him..” Hyunjin continued like he hadn’t even realized Felix was calling his name.

“Hyunjin.” Felix called a little more firmly, moving his hand to cup Hyunjin’s face.

Finally Hyunjin stopped talking, looking at Felix. With that soft smile of his, Felix leaned and pressed a feather-light, very brief kiss on Hyunjin’s lips, still smiling gently and lovingly when he leaned back against the wall. He was still hanging in the air, Hyunjin holding him, his back pinned to the wall, but he didn’t care.

“You’re cute..” Felix whispered with a smile, pushing a strand of hair from Hyunjin’s face with the tip of his finger. 

This must have taken Hyunjin by surprise because he didn’t say anything in return, simply staring at Felix with his lips slightly parted, all anger disappearing from his face, his head slightly tilted to the side in that way of his. This made Felix chuckle softly, leaning again to drop the same exact kind of kiss on Hyunjin’s lips. Really he would never get sick of those lips of his. He leaned back just the slightest bit, his lips still very close to Hyunjin’s, just to speak.

“I don’t want Minho..” he announced, his voice soft, gentle, just a little amused. He kissed him briefly, once after those words. “I don’t want Chan..” he added, followed by one more light kiss. “I think about you all day long..” he said, kissing him again. “I want to cuddle you all the time..”, he admitted, one more kiss following his words. “To kiss you all the time..” he added, this time his voice lower against Hyunjin’s lips before he leaned to offer him one final kiss, to prove his point. “You have nothing to worry about..” he finished, finally leaning back all the way. 

It was rare for Felix to have that kind of confidence, especially with Hyunjin who was usually the one giving this kind of speeches and acting like nothing could fluster him. But when Hyunjin was acting insecure or jealous like that, it always gave Felix the little push he needed to say what was on his mind, acting more confidently just so he could reassure Hyunjin, so he could protect him. He couldn’t help it, every time he saw Hyunjin being pouty and jealous, it made his heart flutter and he wanted to make him understand what he felt for him as best he could. And as always, when he did act that way, Hyunjin was stunned, unmoving, just looking at him without saying anything.

“Are you feeling better now?” Felix asked with a little amused smile. Hyunjin nodded in silence. “Can you let me down then?” Felix chuckled but Hyunjin shook his head this time around. 

“Kiss me again.” Hyunjin commanded instead, pressing Felix’s body more firmly against the wall, leaning so his face would be only inches from his, all his confidence back.

And of course, Felix obliged. But since Hyunjin was back to his confident, authoritative self, Felix now felt a little more shy and self conscious as he cupped Hyunjin’s face once more, pressing his lips softly against his. It wasn’t as brief and soft as the previous kisses he had given him though, Hyunjin pressing his mouth firmly against Felix’s, parting his lips to tease Felix’s bottom lip with the tip of his tongue, asking for entrance. Felix opened slightly his mouth and their tongues found each other, dancing around one another slowly and teasingly. Felix hand slid behind Hyunjin’s neck, wishing this kiss would never end. After a few seconds, Hyunjin nimbled on Felix’s bottom lip, sending shivers in Felix’s whole body who tighten his thighs around the other boys hips, pressing himself against Hyunjin even more if that was possible, a very soft, almost inaudible groan escaping Hyunjin’s lips and losing itself in Felix’s mouth. 

It was clear, in that position, that both of the boys were more turned on than they should’ve been and if Felix could feel it through his clothes by being pressed against Hyunjin like that, then Hyunjin probably could feel Felix’s desire growing against him too. Just as the thought passed through Felix’s mind, Hyunjin slightly moved his hips, rubbing himself against Felix ever so slightly, making Felix moan not so discreetly in the process, the sensation being too much to take.

“Shhh baby..” Hyunjin murmured against Felix’s mouth, a smug little smile on the corner of his lips and his voice raspy from the kiss and probably from his own desire that he couldn’t hide from Felix in that position.

“Hyunjin..” Felix tried to start but Hyunjin rolled his hips again. Felix could feel that he was getting harder under his clothes and so was his movement against Felix who bit his own lip trying to muffle a second moan caused by the friction. 

“God; I love that sound in your mouth..” Hyunjin whispered under his breath, his voice almost a groan and Felix wasn’t sure if he was talking about the moans or about him saying his name. Or both.

“We need to.. go back to the others..” Felix finally said, having difficulties saying the words and keeping a clear head.

“Umm.. I know..” Hyunjin answered, burying his face in Felix’s neck, brushing his lips over his skin. “I just wanted to tease you a bit..” he added, grazing Felix’s skin with his teeth, one more muffled moan coming from Felix who was once more biting his bottom lip to keep quiet. “As a punishment..” Hyunjin said, knowing full well the effect this kind of thing had on Felix, before leaning away from his neck with a proud little smirk.

Finally Hyunjin slowly slid Felix down against the wall, Felix unhooking his legs from around Hyunjin’s hips until his feet hit the ground once again. Still Hyunjin kept his hands softly on Felix’s hips, looking at him with a little smile, raising one hand to brush Felix’s hair back, tilting his head to the side. He looked way happier than he did when he first entered the recording room a few minutes earlier and for that Felix was grateful. He didn’t like to see Hyunjin unhappy, especially because of a misunderstanding. But both men were also visibly turned on, it was clear through their clothes and they definitely couldn’t show themselves like that without being totally obvious as to what they were doing together just a second before. 

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself..” Hyunjin chuckled, caressing Felix’s cheek. “I got excited when you said you wanted to kiss me..” he added with a cheeky smile, Felix blushing instantly, now feeling very embarrassed that he had the audacity to make such a speech. “You’re incredibly sexy right now, you know..?” he randomly added, his thumb gliding over Felix’s lower lip.

“Stop it..” Felix shyly said, looking away, his cheeks burning at the compliment. 

“Sorry, sorry baby.” he laughed softly, leaning to kiss Felix’s cheek gently. “Anyway, you’re staying with us for practice, right?” he then asked, tilting his head with his little pout on his lips.

Felix had thought about fleeing the scene and not coming back when he realized Hyunjin was mad at him, but now that the whole situation had been laid to rest, he really wanted to be there for practice. The idea of it excited him, not only because he wanted to see Hyunjin sing again, but because the more time he spent around those boys the more he wanted to be surrounded by more and more music. His time working on the song with Minho had made him realize that despite his insecurities and that way he had of trying to distance himself from music to protect himself, his dreams were still alive and burning inside him, harder and harder to ignore. Maybe it was foolish of him, maybe it was selfish. But he couldn’t help it.

“Sure.” he nodded with a little smile. “I’m just gonna grab snacks for us” he gestured towards the door next to them, leading to the entrance.

“I’ll come with!” Hyunjin exclaimed, taking a step away from Felix to go towards the door. “I kinda told the guys I was gonna get drinks so I could run after you..” he added with a little amused smile, opening the door for Felix.

“Smooth..” Felix pointed out teasingly.

The two of them softly laughed, teasing one another as they walked through the entrance, passing through the living room to get to the kitchen. 

“ _Oh Felix, great timing! Come here a sec._ ” Chan’s voice stopped Felix in his path. _There’s something I wanna talk to you about._ ” he explained, getting up from the couch where he was seated with his trusty laptop. 

It was great timing indeed, because Felix wanted to have a word with Chan too. He didn’t know how the other boy would react at what Felix had to say, but after mulling it over and over for a little while now and especially since he heard the last song they did together and he spent time working on music with Minho, he knew what he wanted, what he hoped for and he needed to expose that fact to his best friend as soon as possible. Even if it was possible that it didn’t end up like Felix wanted it to, it was a risk he was now ready to take. 

“ _Sure thing, I need to talk to you too!_ ” Felix exclaimed, nodding in Chan’s direction before turning to Hyunjin who was simply watching the exchange, probably not understanding the foreign language. “Can you go grab the brownies for me, please?” he asked, offering Hyunjin the sweetest smile just to remind him not to get jealous about Chan appearing in the picture. 

Hyunjin nodded with the same kind of smile. Felix could see on his face that Hyunjin would’ve wanted to kiss him or hug him before going, maybe just because he wanted to, or maybe to show Chan he was there and not giving up on Felix, but he did neither, simply walking away to the kitchen. Only then did Felix walk towards Chan in the middle of the living room, the two of them standing face to face. They awkwardly stared at each other silently for a second, like they were both apprehensive about saying whatever it was they had in mind. 

“ _Listen.._ ” Chan started carefully.

But Felix couldn’t take it anymore, he knew that if he wasn’t saying anything right here and right now he would lose his nerve and close up once again because of his insecurities. So just as Chan opened his mouth to say what he wanted with Felix, Felix too spoke up, the two of them making their announcement at the same time, in perfect synchronisation.

“ _I want to add you to the band!_ ” Chan exclaimed

“ _I want to join the band!_ ” Felix blurted out.

And after that it was complete silence for a second, the two of them looking at each other, blinking, unsure if they had heard the other one right or if the cacophony of their two voices combined had made them imagine things.

“ _What?_ ” they both asked in unison again, dumbfounded. 

One more second of silence fell between the two of them as they looked at each other, probably trying to gage if the other one was serious or just joking around. You could hear a pin drop during their staring contest, until they both started to laugh at each other and at their behavior. 

“ _Are you.. I mean, really?_ ” Chan asked, surprised, Felix nodding.

“ _Are you sure..?_ ” Felix then asked, excited but trying to contain himself. Chan nodded as well.

And in an instead they were rushing into each other’s arms, bursting in laughter, excitement and happiness exulting from both of them. Chan was clearly relieved and genuinely happy to see Felix finally taking a step to live his dreams instead of staying hung up on the horrible things his parents had told him for most of his life, believing he had no place in the music world despite the fact that, to everyone except himself, it was clear that it was his calling. Felix was ecstatic at the idea of making music with Chan again, to be able to do the things he always loved, the things that were forbidden to him for the longest time. But he was also extremely nervous that he was going to fuck it up, that his talent was so subpar compared to the others that he would ruin their hard work. Still he was more than ready to work twice, if not thrice as hard as anyone else here to fill the gap between them and get on their level, if it was at all possible. He knew what he wanted and that was music, that was being a part of Stray Kids. And he would do anything to make it work. Because after all these years, it was finally time to make a choice for himself and lead his life the way he wanted to and not the way his parents had told him he should. 

“ _It’s gonna be great! It’s gonna be so much fun! I have so many ideas!_ ” Chan excitedly announced once they both took a step back from each other. “ _I’m proud of you Lixie.._ ” he added more softly, the love in his eyes clear as day as he gave Felix’s shoulder a brotherly pat.

“ _It’s all thanks to you.. Thank you for giving me shelter and believing in me and taking a chance on me.. You didn’t have to do any of that.._ ” Felix answered sincerely.

“ _Of course I did.. We’re family._ ” Chan countered and Felix nodded with the warmest, softest smile, because he knew how true that was.

“So.. What did I miss exactly?” Hyunjin's voice echoed from behind them.

He had been standing there for a little while, watching the exchange, completely confused as Felix and Chan jumped into each other’s arms, laughing hysterically. Felix turned around and chuckled, happier than ever to see Hyunjin’s face, knowing that now he could be part of his world even more than before, knowing that they were going to make music together from now on. Nothing was better than that thought.

“I’ll tell you once we’re back downstairs.” Felix said with a little smile, wanting to wait so he could announce the news to Jisung and Minho as well. He could tell the others later, if Chan didn’t take care of it for him until then. “ _I’m gonna go practice with the boys. I’m not gonna slack off now that you’re giving me this opportunity so.. watch me okay? I’ll make you proud._ ” Felix announced to Chan who simply nodded, even though the look in his eyes was saying it all, how proud he already was, how emotional Felix’s words made him and how simply happy he was to have Felix by his side.

Felix smiled once more, genuinely and warmly, to Chan before turning to join Hyunjin who was waiting near the door to the entrance, a plate full of brownie pieces in one hand and a few water bottles in the other.

“I really need to learn English..” Hyunjin muttered under his breath as Felix got to his level. He was probably tired of witnessing Chan and Felix’s conversations without being able to pick up on anything they were saying. Something like that was probably annoying for him since he was already so jealous of the tight relationship the two other boys had.

“I’ll teach you.. If you want..” Felix offered with a sly little smile as he walked past Hyunjin, grabbing the brownies and going straight to the entrance and to the stairs, Hyunjin quickly picking up the pace to follow him. 

“I like the sound of that..” Hyunjin retorted as they started to climb down the stairs, his voice sensual.

Felix chuckled, rolling his eyes at Hyunjin’s attempt at flirting. He was always so flirty with him and Felix absolutely loved it. Even though he was himself shy and reserved, mostly because he was not used to this kind of attention from another person, especially not one as gorgeous as Hyunjin, this flirting was fun for him too. But he didn’t flirt back because they were already down the stairs and into the recording room. Minho was back in the armchair where he was sitting earlier this morning and Jisung was sitting on the ground, completely on the other side of the room. Felix had a feeling that the two of them hadn’t talked things out yet the way Hyunjin and him had. And he hoped that his news was going to help lighten the mood in the room, even just a little bit.

He walked to the little table, putting the plate of brownies on it, Hyunjin’s bottles joining it soon after before Hyunjin let himself fall on the couch. Felix stayed up though, clearing his throat to get everyone’s attention. Jisung and Minho looked up at him and he knew Hyunjin’s eyes were on him too, even if his back was facing him right now. He was a little nervous to make the announcement despite his excitement and his happiness. Because even though Chan was clearly the leader, they were all part of the band and they all had their say in those kinds of things. He simply hoped they wouldn’t be opposed to the idea, or mad that Felix and Chan had decided that on their own.

“I have something I’d like to announce..” he said to everybody, his voice not as confident as he would’ve liked it to be. Still everyone stayed silent, waiting for him to make his announcement. “Chan and I talked and..” he started, stopping to take a deep breath, watching Jisung and Minho’s reaction, trying to gage whether they would welcome the news or not. After a second, he gathered his courage and finally dropped the bomb he was holding in. “I’m going to join Stray Kids.”


	26. You Belong With Me

There was a silence after Felix’s announcement that seemed to stretch on forever, the boys simply looking at him, then looking at each other, shrugging at each other before looking at Felix once more. The anxiety in Felix’s stomach rose more and more the longer the silence lasted. He was fiddling with his fingers in front of him, simply waiting, hoping, wishing that someone would say something. 

“Well duh..” Jisung said, the first to open his mouth.

“But weren’t you already part of the band though..?” Minho asked, nodding at Jisung’s reaction.

“Um.. No..?” Felix replied, confused and thrown off by those reactions.

At no point was it established that he was part of the band, far from it. He had recited a few lyrics once after Chan had asked him to but nobody ever talked about him joining the band before today and, in Felix’s mind it was clear he was just a guest, a passerby in their house until now. And still both Jisung and Minho made it seem like it was obvious that he had been part of the band all along. This confused Felix greatly but, in some weird way, it also made him feel really good, like in the other boys’ mind he belonged enough for them to instinctively see him as a part of their team already. 

“I mean, you recorded a song with us, so I just assumed..” Minho shrugged.

“Yeah but.. It was just because Channie asked.. I didn’t think..” Felix started, feeling a bit self-conscious about the attention being on him now.

“Well anyway, welcome then!” Minho exclaimed, probably sensing the awkwardness.

He leaned from his chair, extending his arm to slap Felix’s butt gently with a wink. Felix giggled at his behavior, while Jisung frowned ever so slightly, crossing his arms on his chest, leaning his back against the wall behind him. Suddenly Felix felt hands grabbing him from behind and before he could react he was pulled back and fell on the couch next to Hyunjin who was already draping an arm around his shoulders possessively. 

“Welcome baby” he softly said, pressing his lips to Felix’s ear for a second, his smile audible in his voice.

Felix put his hand on Hyunjin's thigh, squeezing it slightly as a thank you, smiling back at him. Being close to him, with his arm around him, his scent surrounding him, his voice in his ear, it made him instantly feel more at ease and more at peace. 

“Good thing we have you with us bro, the fans are already going crazy over you!” Jisung softly chuckled, probably a little less jealous now that Felix was in Hyunjin’s arms. 

“Don’t say that..” Felix suddenly blushed, wanting to hide his face in his hands, remembering the comments he had seen online.

“That’s true though..” Minho pointed out. “Brownie Boy’s voice is so sexy!” he added, doing a high pitch dramatic reenactment of a comment he probably read before laughing at himself.

“Sexy? It’s not..” Felix started, even more embarrassed, his cheeks bright pink already.

“Oh, it is..” Hyunjin whispered against his ear, pulling him closer to him with his arm around his shoulders. 

Felix gave a little slap on Hyunjin’s thigh. He’s flirting and his sensual voice so low in his ear was very distracting and was absolutely not helping with his furious blushing at the moment, no matter how much he liked to hear Hyunjin say he found his voice sexy. Maybe it was something to keep in mind, something he could use on him later, a weakness of sorts. But now was definitely not the time to think of those things, despite Hyunjin’s body so close to his already. 

“Come on, stop embarrassing him.” Jisung chuckled. “He’s gonna be the new fans’ favorite after all!” he added. 

“Aren’t we here to practice?” Felix suddenly pointed out, clearing his throat and trying to change the subject, feeling way too embarrassed and shy because of the attention and the praises he was receiving. He wasn’t used to being showered in so many positive comments and it was a little bit overwhelming. 

“Right!” Minho said, getting up. “But we should definitely celebrate with everyone later!” he added, giving one more wink to Felix, that way he seemed to be so used to already.

All the boys had agreed that a celebration was in order and they simply jumped into the thick of practice. Felix had no idea how things worked and how they liked to practice in general so he went with the flow, following their lead as to what to do and how to do it, feeling a bit awkward at first, but taking his bearings pretty easily. All the boys got up at first, simply warming up their voices, doing diverse sounds with their mouths so they wouldn’t hurt their vocal cords. Jisung naturally took the lead on telling them what voice exercise to do, doing a sound and asking them to reproduce it.

After what Jisung and Hyunjin suddenly decided they wanted to do a rap battle between the two of them. Since they came to practice together it was probably what they had in mind in the first place, so Minho and Felix told them to go ahead and while Hyunjin went to join Jisung in the middle of the room, Minho moved to sit next to Felix on the couch.

“Should we go to the dance studio tomorrow to work on that choreo we talked about?” Minho asked, leaning to talk close to Felix’s ear, whispering, probably because he wanted to keep that project between the two of them.

“Definitely!” Felix answered, smiling at Minho, excited by that prospect.

Minho smiled back, bumping Felix’s shoulder with his before the two of them tried to focus back on Hyunjin and Jisung who were getting ready to start rapping against one another. Some music, chosen by Jisung, started to play softly in the background and Jisung started to rap, his words flowing effortlessly out of his mouth, his style still as impressive to Felix as it was the first time he heard it. After a few seconds, Felix could hear Minho take out the piece of paper, with the lyrics they worked on earlier on it, from his pocket, scribbling things on it quickly. The next second, he was bumping into Felix’s shoulder again, passing him the paper for him to look over it.

Felix took the paper, his eyes gliding over it to notice the quick additions Minho had made to it. He was amused to see that Minho was inspired watching Jisung perform. The other boy would probably deny it if Felix pointed it out but there was no doubt about it, since he had started writing things down just after Jisung had started his rap. Felix quickly nodded his approval to Minho before focusing back on the two others, the paper still in his hands.

When Jisung stopped rapping it was Hyunjin’s turn. His style and flow were totally different from Jisung’s just as Felix remembered from all those songs he listened to on his computer. He absolutely loved Hyunjin’s voice, but seeing him perform live was so different from simply hearing him. When he was rapping, just like when he was dancing, Hyunjin’s face was always so intense and expressive, and that, to Felix, was absolutely captivating.. It gave him inspiration. So as he watched and listened to Hyunjin for a few seconds, he grabbed the pen from Minho’s hands and leaned over the piece of paper to add some lyrics of his own, just like Minho had done a second ago, extending the paper to him when he was done with it. Minho chuckled softly, glancing at the paper before nodding like Felix had done earlier.

This little charade lasted for a while. Jisung and Hyunjin were rapping in the background but Minho and Felix almost didn’t pay attention to it anymore. Their shoulders pressed against one another, sitting close together on the couch, Felix and Minho were often leaning to speak into each other’s ear, passing the piece of paper between one another with every little changes they made to the lyrics, talking about how to make it flow smoothly, lost in their own little bubble once again, giggling and nodding at each other every so often. 

They barely registered when Hyunjin and Jisung stopped singing, or the look the two of them exchanged after realizing that both Felix and Minho were too busy with one another to pay attention to them anymore. What did make Minho react though, was when Jisung walked to the couch, grabbing the paper from Minho’s hands and quickly walking away with it.

“What’s that?” he asked acting amused even though he didn’t seem like he was, laying his eyes on the page, probably to learn what was more important for Minho right now than looking at him.

Minho jumped out of the couch so fast Felix barely saw him. He ran after Jisung and ripped the piece of paper out of his hands just as fast with a displeased expression on his face, surprising everyone and especially Jisung.

“Nothing that concerns you!” he spit out, cradling the paper against his chest so nobody could see what was on it. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Jisung asked, he seemed annoyed and hurt.

“What’s wrong with you!?” Minho retorted in the same way.

And then Minho simply walked away, around the couch, up the stairs and out of the room, with his lyrics against his chest and without saying anything more to anyone. Felix could tell he was just flustered and that was why he reacted that way. Obviously Minho didn’t want Jisung to read the lyrics because he was afraid that Jisung would understand the song was partially about him. Sure, Jisung probably knew how MInho felt since the two of them seemed to be in a pretty tight, serious relationship already, despite Minho keeping it a secret. But Minho seemed, to Felix, like the type of person who had a hard time actually expressing said feelings openly. He may not look or act like it, but he was simply embarrassed and shy with this sort of thing. At least that’s what Felix noticed while interacting with him. But obviously since Jisung didn’t know what the piece of paper was all about, he couldn’t understand Minho’s reaction the way Felix had. Just like Hyunjin, he was very confused, still looking hurt and annoyed.

“I’m gonna take a break.” he announced, trying to chuckle to act as if the whole incident didn’t faze him although it was pretty clear it had, before walking towards the exit as well. 

“What was that about?” Hyunjin finally asked after a second, walking to the couch and letting himself fall next to Felix who shrugged as a response. “The two of you seem awfully close lately..” he added with his little jealous pout. 

Without warning he laid on the couch, his long legs dangling from the side, positioning his head on Felix’s lap, looking up at him. Instinctively Felix brought his little fingers in Hyunjin’s hair, caressing them softly, grazing his scalp with his nails like he was massaging him. Hyunjin closed his eyes, a little satisfied “ummm” escaping his lips at Felix’s gestures. 

“I guess that’s it for practice today then, uh?” Felix said pensively, most of his thoughts focused on Hyunjin’s peaceful expression and his ethereal, effortless beauty as he simply laid there, eyes closed, a small content smile on his lips.

“Mmh.. Doesn’t have to be..” Hyunjin answered softly, his voice quiet like he was already ready to fall asleep on Felix’s laps. 

“What do you mean?”

“Sing me something..” Hyunjin asked, opening his eyes long enough to look at Felix and give him this kind of small, beautiful smile that Felix loved so much and couldn’t resist. 

“What kind of song?” Felix asked. He couldn’t say no to Hyunjin, no matter how self conscious and anxious it made him to sing alone for the boy, exposing his voice that, he thought, wasn’t good enough to be heard in the state it was in right now.

“Anything. You choose.” Hyunjin smiled, closing back his eyes to enjoy Felix’s touch in his hair once more.

Felix thought about it for a second. He didn’t think there were a lot of songs that he could sing while sounding good, but then again he was aware that his own insecurities had a tendency to get in his way and so he chose to ignore this part of his brain, just for a minute. He might not sound great, he might feel silly and anxious about it, but he felt that if it was in front of Hyunjin, to please him, it would be okay. And so he set his mind on a song he knew by heart, focusing on Hyunjin’s beautiful face, a little smile appearing on his lips as he started to sing very softly and quietly.

“ _Here we go, come with me.  
There’s a word out there, that we should see.  
Take my hand, close your eyes.  
With you right here, I’m a rocketeer.  
Let’s fly._”

As the lyrics went on, Felix closed his eyes, singing the words he knew so well from listening to that song many times during the years, moving his head imperceptibly to an inaudible beat. He was in his own little world, singing softly. He had a hard time hitting the higher notes but he could work around it by singing them more quietly. Even the rapping part was flowing easily. With his eyes closed, he didn’t notice Hyunjin opening his own eyes to admire him discreetly, laying on Felix’s lap, watching him, amazed and entranced, not only by his talent and his voice, but also his beauty and the way he could lose himself in the song, with that cute little frown of his, just between his pretty eyebrows. Hyunjin couldn’t understand a word of the song, since it was in English, but Felix’s voice was enough for him to enjoy it greatly nonetheless. 

“ _Now, I’ve never been to space before,  
But I ain’t never seen a face like yours.  
You make me feel like I could touch the planets.  
You want the moon, boy, watch me grab it._”

At those lyrics, Felix opened his eyes, a small smile on his lips, meeting Hyunjin’s gaze. The words reminded him of Hyunjin himself and the way he made him feel and so he felt like singing them to him directly. He felt a little more confident doing so because he knew Hyunjin couldn’t understand the meaning behind those words. Maybe it was too powerful a feeling to already have for someone he had known for so little time, and Felix wasn’t ready to admit to himself what those feelings exactly were, because it was frightening and too real for him yet. But he could admit that those lyrics represented what was in his heart pretty well. 

Hyunjin was staring deep into his eyes, and it almost felt like he could see his soul and, despite the language barrier, understood that the words were meant for him, that Felix was singing them directly to him. Felix’s fingers were still softly brushing Hyunjin’s black strands, the two of them lost in each other's eyes as Felix sang the last few words, the last few notes of the song as though there was nothing else around but the song in itself, and Hyunjin on his lap. 

Silence filled the room when Felix finally stopped singing and for a few seconds neither of them dared to break it by opening their mouths. But finally Hyunjin reached up, caressing Felix’s cheek with the tip of his fingers with a soft, loving smile on his lips.

“I liked it.. What is it?” he asked, curious.

“Just an old song I used to listen to as a teenager..” Felix chuckled sheepishly, finally feeling the embarrassment filling his body from the way he sang to Hyunjin.

“I wish I could understand the lyrics..” he said with a little pout. And Felix knew Hyunjin wanted to understand the lyrics so he would know what Felix just sang to him while looking deep into his eyes. To understand his feelings.

“You know.. I was serious when I said I could teach you English.. If you want to..” Felix shyly said, focusing on his hand into Hyunjin’s hair instead of looking him in the eye. “I’m probably a terrible teacher but..” he shrugged with a little sheepish smile.

“I’d like that..” Hyunjin answered softly, gently, his hand making it’s way to Felix’s chin to tilt it so Felix would look at him again.

Slowly, Hyunjin slid his hand at the back of Felix’s neck, applying just a little bit of pressure there to incite the other boy to lean forwards in his direction. And Felix did. He had to get in a pretty uncomfortable position but as soon as his lips softly brushed Hyunjin’s, he didn’t care anymore. The kiss was extremely soft and gentle and quick, Felix leaning back after a second. Still both of them were looking at the other like they held the world in their eyes. 

“I’m happy you’re here..” Hyunjin whispered after a few seconds of them simply looking at each other. “You belong with us.” he added, just like he had said the night before in bed. “You belong.. with me.” 

He seemed a little sheepish saying those last words but what he said melted Felix’s heart completely. That sense of belonging was something Felix had longed for his whole life. Belonging to a place, belonging in a family that loved and respected him, but also belonging to someone, having this connection that made you feel at home anywhere. He had this kind of bond with Chan but it was different, not romantic or sexual in nature, Chan was family and would always be. But what Felix craved more than anything else in the world was to be loved, truly and unconditionally, for who he was, by someone who would open their heart to him as much as he opened his. It was a little early to proclaim this person was Hyunjin, but Felix felt so strongly about him, he was under the impression that their relationship was maybe on its way to reach this level at some point. At least he hoped it did because he was already too infatuated with him, he had already fallen too deep to ever back down. 

“You really think that?” Felix asked shyly, biting his lower lip, looking away.

Hyunjin raised himself up from Felix’s las, sitting normally on the couch to be able to face Felix more easily, sliding his hands on Felix’s cheeks to force him to look at him once more, his thumbs softly caressing the skin of his face. 

“Of course I do, baby..” he said very softly, quietly, tilting his head to the side and watching Felix like he was drinking in his features, committing them to memory. “As soon as I saw you.. Those little stars on your face, those innocent eyes of yours looking up at me..” he sighed. “Nobody ever looked at me like you do, you know ? So I knew you were special since the very start..” he admitted, the infatuation he held for Felix clear in his eyes. “That day, when you bumped into me in the entrance, I thought to myself.. ‘this is the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen in my life’. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you, I just wanted to get close to you. But you’re not just beautiful, you’re sweet and caring, talented and incredibly loving.. I’ve never met someone like you before..” Hyunjin continued. “You know.. I’ve never been in.. that type of relationship before either.” he admitted a little more sheepishly, like he was embarrassed by that fact even though Felix had told him something similar a few days before. “I always seek out physical connections because it’s safer for me and with my priors, I know people are attracted to my looks, I know what they want from me, and if I give them that and nothing else, then they can’t hurt me.. I don’t know what “love” feels like. I know attraction and desire, those are things I’ve been around all my life. Love is not something that was part of my day to day before.. And getting attached to someone like that is foreign to me, it’s scary, it’s dangerous. I always thought this sort of thing wasn’t for me, despite how bad I wanted it but.. You make me want to change that..” he announced, barely taking time to breathe, like he was scared he would lose his nerve if he stopped even only for a second to take a breath. 

The silence fell on the room after that. Felix was shocked by Hyunjin’s words, but more than that, he could feel them in the deepest part of his heart, because those were his own thoughts, his own feelings, reflected in what Hyunjin was saying to him. He too had barely known love, especially not from his parents. His sisters loved him and so did Chan but he always felt like the kind of love he craved would never be granted to him. He didn’t want to use the word “love” for Hyunjin just yet because, just like the other boy had said, it was really scary. Loving someone was probably the thing that could get you hurt the most, and Felix was more scared of being hurt again than anything else. In his heart he knew what his feelings were though, despite him trying to take things slow, to not fall head over heels too quickly, he knew. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said all that..” Hyunjin said, probably thinking that Felix’s silence was a sign that he was uncomfortable, his hands falling from Felix’s face as he rested them back on his own thighs, looking embarrassed but also a little hurt. “I keep trying to go too fast for you..” he added with a little guilty pout, looking away from Felix. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, I just want you.. to feel safe with me..” 

“Hyunjin..” Felix breathed, tilting Hyunjin’s head up with his hand to meet his gaze. “I have no idea what I’m doing with all of this and.. I’m scared.” he started and Hyunjin’s eyes tried to look away once more but Felix didn’t let him. “But..” he added more firmly to make Hyunjin understand he wasn’t done. “I feel the same way.” he finished gently, looking at Hyunjin to gage his reaction.

“You do..?” Hyunjin asked, hope pouring out from his words. Felix simply nodded as a response, a little gentle smile on his lips. 

Letting out a relieved breath, Hyunjin leaned closer, finally closing the gap between them to press his soft lips against Felix’s in the gentlest way possible, like he was scared to break him, to see him dissolve in his arms. Felix responded in kind, his hand sliding on Hyunjin’s shoulders while Hyunjin’s hands found their place around Felix’s small face. The kiss felt like they were both trying to communicate their feelings silently, too scared to put a name on it out loud but wanting the other one to feel it nonetheless. It was a beautiful thing to experience. 

The kiss had started softly, but quickly enough it became more passionate, Hyunjin’s hand searching for Felix’s hair, tugging on it, Felix’s fingers gripping Hyunjin’s shirt as their tongues continued to dance together. Hyunjin moved forward, forcing Felix to lean further and further down until he was laying on the couch completely, Hyunjin sliding his own body between Felix’s thighs to lay on top of him keeping himself up with one of his elbow next to Felix’s face, his other hand still buried deep in Felix’s pink strands, his lips never once leaving Felix’s. After a second of making out that way, their body pressed together, laying on the couch, Hyunjin leaned his head back, breaking the contact of their lips, pressing his forehead to Felix’s, panting slightly, his lips red and swollen. He looked like a painting, like an angel. 

“Baby I..” he started

“Whatever you two are doing down there, stop it and come up here!” Changbin’s voice suddenly echoed loudly in the room, from the top of the stairs where he couldn’t see Hyunjin and Felix and their compromising position. Still he sounded amused as he walked away, the sound of the door closing behind him.


	27. It's a Party!

Felix froze at the voice and so did Hyunjin, until the sound of the door closing echoed in the room and then Hyunjin loudly sighed, letting himself fall on Felix, not supporting his own weight with his arm anymore. Felix chuckled, raising a hand to pat Hyunjin’s head while the other boy buried his face in Felix’s neck with a displeased groan. 

“We can never be alone more than five minutes in this house..” he complained, his pout audible in his voice. “Can we just ignore him and stay here?” he then asked childishly, rubbing the tip of his nose against the skin of Felix’s neck. 

“Come on, you know we can’t do that.” Felix laughed softly, his hand now stroking Hyunjin’s hair. “What would they think, uh?” 

“I don’t care..” Hyunjin countered, that same childish tone in his voice. “I wanna keep you to myself and cuddle..” he added, sounding like a child in need of some attention, which Felix found extremely endearing. 

“We can cuddle tonight, in our room.” Felix rationalized, his tone gentle but amused.

Hyunjin lifted himself on his arm like before, taking his weight off of Felix while still laying on top of him. He looked up at him with a little smile, his eyes shining, his head every so slightly tilted to the side and some dark strands falling across his face.

“You said ‘our room’.” he pointed out, his smile silly. 

“Well.. yeah..” Felix chuckled, raising an eyebrow. It was their room after all, it was a normal thing to call it that.

“..I like it..” Hyunjin admitted sheepishly.

Felix’s heart could have exploded at how cute he found Hyunjin right this moment. This man that was often commanding, full of confidence and sex appeal and that was always acting so flirtatious and sensual with him could also be such a romantic, such a softie. That warmed Felix’s heart more than anything else ever had. With the tip of his fingers, he brushed away the strands falling in front of Hyunjin’s eyes, tucking them behind his ear, offering him the warmest little smile.

“Well if we want to get to our room any time soon, first we need to join the others..” he explained, emphasizing the words ‘our room’ again since Hyunjin seemed to like hearing them so much. 

Hyunjin’s childish pout was back on his lips at that, paired with a little displeased frown, but it was clear it was hiding a smile under it. Finally he sighed loudly, hoisting himself up from the couch, getting back on his feet. 

“Fine..” he grumbled, extending his hand to Felix to help him up. 

With a little amused giggle, Felix grabbed his hand, letting Hyunjin pull him up. Instead of letting go of his hand once the boy was up, Hyunjin intertwined their fingers together with a little charming smile before starting to walk towards the stairs, tugging on Felix’s hand for him to follow. Only when they arrived at the top of the stairs, standing in front of the door leading to the entrance did Hyunjin stopped, his hand still tightly wrapped around Felix’s, drawing little invisible circles on the back of it with his thumb.

“Can I at least have one more kiss before going..?” Hyunjin asked, with that smile Felix loved so much, already leaning his face towards Felix, bending his back ever so slightly to get to his level. Felix could do nothing else but nod, his eyes already sliding towards Hyunjin’s lips in expectation.

With his free hand, Hyunjin cuped Felix’s face, tilting it up a bit before closing the gap between them, pressing his lips against Felix’s. The feeling that blossomed in Felix’s chest every time Hyunjin kissed him never changed despite the number of times their lips had touched at this point. A kiss from him always seemed to create butterflies in his stomach, to make his heart skip a beat, to make him forget about the world surrounding them, his mind only able to focus on Hyunjin and his soft, plump lips against his. This explained why he didn’t hear it right away when the door to the entrance slung open, realizing it just a second too late. Long enough for Minho, who was standing in the door frame, to witness Hyunjin and Felix’s lips pressed together before the two of them quickly separated, both taking a step back, surprise and shock on their faces from Minho’s sudden appearance. 

Minho’s only reaction to the scene he just witnessed was to stare for a second before loudly snorting and walking away back to the living room without even making a comment to either Hyunjin or Felix. Instantly Felix's face became bright red and he hid himself behind his hands, hearing Hyunjin chuckle next to him. He didn’t think Minho would go tell everyone what he just saw, at least he hoped he wouldn’t because he wasn’t ready to expose this whole thing like that, especially not to Chan who worried so much for him because of his infatuation for Hyunjin in the first place. And in a way it seemed fitting that Minho would be the one walking on them, since Felix had been the one walking on him and Jisung kissing the day before. Still, it was embarrassing, and he didn’t know how he was supposed to face Minho without blushing furiously now that the other boy was aware of what was going on between him and Hyunjin. 

“It’s alright baby..” Hyunjin chuckled, tugging on Felix’s hand that, for some reason, was still wrapped in his. “At least he walked in on us when we were just kissing and not..” he started, being stopped by Felix slapping him in the chest, his face so red it was almost concerning.

“Stop it!” he exclaimed, his voice almost a squeak because of how embarrassed he was, not only from Minho walking in on them but also at what Hyunjin was saying. 

Hyunjin laughed harder at that, pulling Felix into a quick hug, kissing the top of his head softly before taking a step back.

“You’re way too cute..” he said lovingly with a soft chuckle. “Come on, time to face the music.” he added, finally tugging on Felix’s hand to pass the door, walking into the entrance.

Hyunjin let go of his hand before they arrived in the living room and Felix was grateful for that, but nonetheless, he was sure his face was still very flushed and that made him feel even more self aware as they entered the room where all the other members were sitting on the couch. As soon as Felix appeared, everyone cheered and clapped loudly, surprising Felix who almost jumped at the sound. Hyunjin laughed softly next to him before quickly joining the other, clapping his hands while walking to the couch. On one side of the couch, Minho was seated next to Jisung, leaning to say something in his ear, visibly laughing. The two of them probably talked things out. Felix doubted Minho told Jisung about the song, but they seemed a little less tense with one another than before and that was a good thing in Felix’s mind. Jisung’s eyes widened at whatever Minho was telling him before he laughed too, watching Felix and showing him two thumbs up. Felix instantly hid his face in his hands once more, his face burning from the attention that was on him, all the cheering and, obviously, the fact that Minho clearly talked to Jisung about what he just witnessed. 

When he looked back up it was because an arm wrapped itself around his shoulders. Chan came toward him, putting his arm around him with the happiest, proudest smile on his face. 

“1, 2, 3…” Chan counted, looking at the others.

“Welcome to Stray Kids!” they all yelled at the end of the countdown, some of them jumping out of the couch, arms in the air, others clapping furiously while screaming the words at the top of their lungs. All of them smiling.

“ _Welcome, little brother._ ” Chan then said, almost a whisper that only Felix could hear, his voice so loving and warm it almost hurt. 

Felix threw himself in Chan’s arms. There was no other word for it. The welcome committee made him extremely emotional. He had been very anxious that not everyone in the band would be happy about his inclusion but they all smiled so genuinely while welcoming him. Never before in his life had he felt so welcomed, never had he believed he belonged somewhere more than he belonged in this house, with those people. And from the way they were cheering his name, it seemed like they thought the same thing he did. 

It was near impossible to suppress his emotions at this point and, with his face buried in Chan’s neck, in front of everybody, he could feel the tears of joy burn his eyes before sliding on his cheeks, finishing their descent onto Chan’s shirt. Chan wrapped both his arms around him with a little laugh, stroking his back gently, making him feel even more at home. Probably realizing that Felix was crying, all the other boys stopped cheering and clapping, getting up from the couch with loving, endeared smiles, walking to Chan and him, throwing themselves into a messy group hug. It was impossible to know whose arm was who’s and where one body started or one other ended, they were all pressed against one another in a giant hug only to cheer up Felix and welcome him amongst them. It was the warmest embrace Felix could have hoped for and he enjoyed every second of it, closing his eyes in Chan’s neck, the tears slowly subsiding but the warmth and pure unfiltered joy in his heart remaining. 

After a while, all the boys took a step back, letting go of Felix, only Chan and Hyunjin both still had their hands on him, Chan keeping his arm around Felix’s shoulders and Hyunjin squeezing his hand tightly. With his free hand, Felix rubbed his eyes with a little embarrassed laugh, looking up at the others. Chan was probably as happy as Felix was, all his love for him showing in his eyes. Since he knew Felix better than anyone, he could understand his tears without having to ask anything and he knew those were happy, relieved tears and nothing else. Hyunjin seemed a little more worried. It came to Felix’s mind that it was the first time Hyunjin was seeing Felix crying. He was usually this ball of sunshine, this positive presence who always smiled, always laughed, always brightened the mood of everyone just by entering a room. Seeing him cry was a weird sight and it seemed to have had an emotional impact on Hyunjin. But Felix squeezed his hand back, offering him a warm, genuine smile, showing him he was okay. More than okay, he was happy. And that was enough for Hyunjin to relax as well, rubbing his thumb on the back of Felix’s hand before letting go of his fingers, taking a step back like the others.

“Thanks guys..” Felix chuckled shyly, scratching the back of his head, once more feeling awkward to be the center of attention. “I’m gonna work hard so I’m not a nuisance to you, I promise.” he announced, sounding determined despite his embarrassment. 

“You better!” Minho exclaimed but the wink and smile he offered to Felix were playful.

“Don’t overwork yourself.” Seungmin softly warned him, with a gentle smile that was enough for Felix to know that Seungmin would be here to take care of him if he ever needed it.

“Let’s just have fun together, okay?” Changbin laughed, giving a firm pat on Felix’s shoulder with the biggest, most inviting smile on his lips. 

“And don’t steal my fans, Brownie Boy!” Jisung exclaimed, everyone laughing at him and Minho slapping him behind the head with a little chuckle.

“But continue to bake us stuff though..” Jeongin added and, at that, everyone cheered and clapped. Apparently they all loved the sweets Felix baked and that made him very happy. 

“Come on.” Chan finally called out, gesturing towards the couch and the coffee table filled with bottles, boxes and glasses. “We’ve got pizza, we’ve got booze.. This is a party!” he announced.

Everyone yelled once more, the chaos that came with being in the same room as all the members as present as ever as they all jumped around, making a bee line for the couch, letting themselves fall on it and on each other in a beautiful mess that had Felix smiling and chuckling. Chan was the only one still up and by his side. He pulled Felix closer to him, his arm tightly wrapped around his small shoulders.

“ _I love you Lixie._ ” he whispered to him, kissing his temple like a big brother or a father would do.

“ _I love you too Chris.._ ” Felix answered, turning his head to kiss Chan’s cheek.

The other boy’s face got slightly flushed as he offered a smile back to Felix. It was so rare for him to say those words that when he did it really meant something, it was powerful and Chan knew that better than anyone. That was Felix’s way of showing him how thankful he was, not only for giving him this opportunity, but simply for being a part of his life. After their little exchange of smiles, Chan led Felix to the couch, making him sit next to him as they other boys slowly calmed down, still very excited for the pizza and the booze but just a little less chaotic than before.

Things started out fine, all of them sipping on their drinks, eating slices of pizza and talking about everything and anything, joking amongst each other. It was actually really nice, Felix learned new things about everyone, discovering their personalities just a little bit more by hearing them talk and seeing them interact with each other. As always, he was absolutely amazed at how close they all were to one another, how much of a tight family they were. And more than ever before he felt grateful to now be a part of this little family and proud to call himself a Stray Kid. 

Chan and Felix were sitting close together at one end of the couch, joking with one another in their native tongue while laughing at the others every time Jisung or Changbin would do or say something silly. I.N sat on the floor next to the coffee table and his glass always seemed full despite the numerous times Felix saw him take a sip of it. He was a little worried about it since the boy was the youngest of the group, but despite that, he was, like all of them, a responsible adult and so Felix couldn’t tell him to stop drinking. He just hoped Jeongin knew his limits and wouldn’t make himself sick. Minho was sitting next to Jisung, not as close as they were usually, but still seeming tighter than they had been in the recording room earlier, Minho often touching Jisung’s arm or giving him little slaps on the shoulder when he would make a joke, chuckling, his eyes following every one of his movements. Looking at him Felix wondered if he was as obvious with Hyunjin as Minho was with Jisung and the idea almost made him blush. Changbin and Seungmin were both at the other end of the couch, Changbin chugging his drinks like it was water, all the while taking apart the empty boxes of pizza, making tiny projectiles with the cardboard to throw them at I.N to annoy him. While Seungmin was calmer, sipping on his drinks every so often, in moderation, keeping an eye on everyone with a soft smile, still cracking a joke and showing his more silly and goofy side every now and then, breaking this image that Felix often had of him only being a calm, gentle soul. He could be as chaotic as they all were, most of the time he just chose not to. Hyunjin, just like I.N, was seated on the ground, his back against the couch near Changbin’s feet, a nearly empty glass in one hand and a large piece of pizza in the other. He seemed to have fun, laughing loudly at every single joke, making big hand gestures when he was telling stories and making fun of every member every chance he had. But every so often his eyes would glance towards Felix, lingering there for a second too long before he went back to his antics. 

All in all, it was a fairly chill and really amusing night they were spending together, as friends, as a band, as a family. Felix was having a lot of fun, joking with everyone, feeling more and more comfortable by the second, feeling almost no embarrassment anymore, even when he was telling stories he was ashamed of or when other members teased him on something. That probably should’ve been his first warning. But he felt great, he felt happy, he felt giddy, he felt like he was on top of the world and that was a feeling he wanted to bask in for as long as possible, so obviously he didn’t see anything weird or wrong with the fact that all his inhibitions seemed to start to disappear one by one as time went by. He didn’t notice it either when the first bottle of alcohol was emptied, or the second, or the third. He didn’t even realize how the behavior of each member slowly started to change as more and more alcohol was consumed.

It had, indeed, started out fine. But not all members knew their limits when it came to alcohol and before anyone knew it, most of them were pretty drunk already. Some would say that was when the real fun could start. But with a bunch of guys as loud and chaotic and weird as them all, things could get pretty unpredictable. So even though Felix probably didn’t realize it as he was emptying his glass for the umpteenth time, leaning more and more against Chan’s body for support, one thing was for certain: the evening would soon become as chaotic as they all were.


	28. Don't You Mean.. Daddy?

Almost two hours had passed since they started drinking and talking and they were all pretty inebriated at this point, the decibel levels already rising by a lot. They were still chatting but almost yelling instead of talking. Jisung and Jeongin especially seemed to like making as much noise as they could for no good reason, but since it made everyone laugh, they continued their antics happily. Felix, who wasn’t really used to drinking a lot, had an especially low tolerance and could already feel that he was a little more than tipsy at this point, his whole body feeling hot, his mind delightfully foggy. Everything seemed extra funny to him and more and more he was starting to crave way more physical attention than what he was already given.

He was pressed against Chan who had his arm around his shoulders, chatting with Changbin on the other side of the couch, not paying attention to Felix but still rubbing his arm with his thumb absently during his little chat. Even Hyunjin who was on Changbin’s side was too busy laughing loudly, throwing his arm in the air, talking to Jisung and Minho to look his way and pay him attention. Felix felt needy and he didn’t like the lack of attention he was getting from the boy he liked or from his best friend. 

He nuzzled Chan’s neck with a little pout on his lips, but Chan did nothing more than stroke his arm softly, continuing to talk and laugh with Changbin, Seungmin joining in on their debate. Not only was Felix in need of Chan’s attention but he was getting irritated that Hyunjin hadn’t looked his way in a few minutes, he who was usually so jealous whenever Felix was around Chan. Usually Felix didn’t like to know the other boy felt bad when Felix and Chan spent time together, but with too much alcohol in his vein he was starting to feel a deep insatiable need for attention, going as far as to want to see Hyunjin’s jealous gaze just to know the other boy wanted him all for himself.

So Felix moved and went to sit on Chan’s lap without warning, in a position that allowed him to wrap himself completely around him, his legs on each side of his, his arms around his neck, pressed against him. Chan didn’t miss a beat, like Felix behavior didn’t faze him in the slightest, and he slid his powerful arms around Felix small body, one arm wrapped firmly around the other boy’s waist while his second hand was stroking his back, all the while keeping up his conversation with the others like nothing happened. To be fair it wasn’t a weird occurrence in Felix and Chan’s relationship, Felix was always needy that way and, since he had been drunk with Chan just once or twice in the past, his best friend knew it was one of his traits that got exacerbated when he had alcohol running through his veins. 

Felix turned his head to look towards Hyunjin, hoping to catch his gaze on them, but still he wasn’t looking their way, which bothered Felix more than he thought it would. So he continued to hang on to Chan, talking with him and the others but mostly just burying his face in Chan’s neck, basking in his warmth and his touch. At some point Chan had taken out his phone to put on some music, his playlist playing on shuffle in the background. Some members were vibing to the songs, singing and laughing but when suddenly the first few notes of a very specific song started, everyone stopped, looking up at Chan. Even Felix perked up, a big, childish smile on his face.

“Uh, Channie, why do you have Frozen in your playlist?” Changbin laughed mockingly.

“Because it’s a banger, obviously!” Felix exclaimed, almost jumping from Chan’s lap to get on his feet, shaking his little body to the slow beat of the song.

Chan did the same, dancing with Felix randomly and laughing, the two of them mouthing the words. But to Felix’s surprise they weren’t the only ones. Minho and Jisung had jumped to their feet too, joining the two others in their little improvised choreography, all of them singing the lyrics more or less successfully, but mostly laughing. When the chorus arrived, they all took a deep breath in perfect synchronisation, the others watching them, amused.

“INTO THE UNKNOOOWN!” Felix, Chan, Jisung and Minho all repeated together, sounding more like they were yelling than actually singing. 

The members who were still sitting were laughing their asses off, plugging their fingers in their ears at how loud and how bad they sounded but that didn’t stop any of them, shaking their bodies and yelling “into the unknown” every time the chorus came back, like their lives depended on it. Once the song ended they were all a little breathless and since the next song on Chan’s playlist after that was basically a slow dance, Chan, Minho and Jisung started to make their way back to the couch. But Felix wasn’t having any of it. He quickly grabbed Minho, pulling him into a firm hug despite the other boy fighting back for a second, and started to sway and turn with Minho in his arms like he was slow dancing with him, still hungry for any kind of contact the others accepted to give him. 

At first Minho’s arms were limp on his sides but he soon got into it, wrapping his arms around Felix too, grabbing one of his hands to make him twirl at some point in the song, the two of them laughing at their silly behavior, the other watching them, tears of laughter in their eyes. Changbin had even taken out his phone to film the whole scene. Felix tried to glance towards Hyunjin to see his reaction to all that, but the boy was laughing like the others, looking towards Changbin instead, not even paying him any mind. As the end of the song approached, Minho made Felix twirl again and when he was back in his arms, he dipped him, offering him a wink as he did. Felix giggled and blew Minho a kiss in return. To which Minho suddenly let go of him with a “eww”, laughing. Felix, who was suspended in the air by Minho’s arms, fell to the floor as soon as the other boy let go of him, a loud ‘thud’ echoing in the room as his bottom hit the wooden flooring. 

“Let me here, I'm good!” Felix exclaimed, raising a hand in the air before Chan or Seungmin could get up to check if he was alright, chuckling. 

Slightly panting from his antics during the Frozen song followed by his little slow dance with Minho, Felix leaned towards the floor, letting his back hit it, raising both his arms to put them under his head so he could still see the other members and be comfortable despite laying on the floor. Raising his arms caused his shirt to ride up on his stomach without him realizing it, revealing his extremely well defined abs, that clashed with his small frame and the overall soft and fragile vibe he gave off. Jeongin whistled between his teeth, everyone’s eyes turning in the same direction.

“What the fuck bro!?” Jisung exclaimed, pointing at Felix’s abs.

“My thoughts exactly!” Changbin erupted in laughter, just as surprised.

Felix raised an eyebrow, not understanding what they were talking about at first, but following their gaze and looking down at himself, he laughed. I.N crawled towards him extending his hand and Felix, with a giggle, flexed his abs before the younger boy could poke his stomach a few times like he was trying to confirm Felix’s abs were the real deal. Once he was satisfied, he crawled back to his spot, Felix pulling his shirt back down.

“Taekwondo.” he simply explained with a little chuckle. 

“So, under all this cuteness..” Jisung started, gesturing at Felix’s face.

“There's a secret killing machine!” Changbin exclaimed, finishing Jisung’s sentence for him.

“Something like that.” Felix laughed brightly, shaking his head before hoisting himself up to sit instead of lay down on the ground. 

“So, in the end, you would be the one mandhandling me uh..” Minho suddenly announced with a little smirk at Felix who giggled, offering him a little shrug.

“Manhan-...” Changbin asked, looking between the two, a look of pure shock on his face. Looking around Felix realized they all had that look, except for Hyunjin and Jisung who both looked passably annoyed by the comment.

“Don’t ask!” Felix laughed, shaking his head, amused at the idea of what might be going through all their minds.

“Felix.. What have you been doing while I wasn’t around..?” Chan asked, raising an eyebrow at Felix.

“Oh, come on, you know me!” Felix pointed out, surprised that even Chan would have the wrong idea, but still giggling at the thought.

“Well yeah, exactly.. I know how kinky you are!” Chan blurted out, probably without realizing what was gonna come out of his mouth because as soon as it was out, he slapped a hand on his open mouth, his eyes wide.

“ _Christopher!_ ” Felix yelled, not even embarrassed because of the quantity of alcohol in his veins, but definitely outraged that his friend would let something like that out, grabbing the first thing he could find, which was an empty can of beer, to throw it at Chan.

“T- That’s not what I meant!” Chan shook his arms towards the others after dodging the projectile. But everyone was already intrigued, either chuckling or raising eyebrows at the idea of Felix being a kinky boy.

Even Hyunjin who hadn’t looked at Felix once since this whole evening started was staring at him now. He wasn’t laughing like the others though, looking between him and Chan, analyzing Felix, probably wondering what Chan meant by that. Felix couldn’t guess what was going on in his mind. Was he being jealous because Chan presumably knew “how kinky Felix was”? Was he turned on at the idea of Felix being kinky? Not knowing was getting on Felix’s nerves, especially since the boy quickly looked away again, not offering his attention to Felix anymore, focusing on Jeongin next to him this time, pulling him closer and hugging him from behind, the younger squirming in his arms to get away. 

“Little Felix looks so innocent..” Changbin cooed, with a little smirk, probably amused by the idea of what Chan just said.

“I AM innocent!” Felix exclaimed before turning towards Chan with a frown and a little pout. “I’m never telling you anything again..” he grumbled in English.

Chan mouthed ‘sorry’ without actually saying it out loud, with a little pout of his own and a shrug, fluttering his eyelashes at Felix, probably trying to act cute to be forgotten. Felix was either too drunk or loved Chan too much to be mad at him anyway, but he stuck his tongue out at him like a child, crossing his arms on his chest, looking away from his best friend. When Chan extended his arm, probably to grab Felix and cuddle him as an apology, Felix quickly crawled away with a giggle, instead making his way to the other side of the couch, sitting next to Seungmin. Under Chan’s glare, who opened his mouth wide, faking to be offended, Felix wrapped his little hands around Seungmin’s arm, putting his pink head on his shoulder, sticking his tongue out at his best friend once more.

“Leave him alone, that’s none of our business” Seungmin softly chuckled, giving a little head pat to Felix.

“Thank you!” Felix responded, kissing Seungmin’s cheek quickly before getting back in his initial position, his head on his shoulder.

“But what are we supposed to do if we can’t even bully the newcomer, uh?” Jisung asked teasingly.

“Truth or Dare!?” Hyunjin suddenly exclaimed.

“What are you, a 12 year old girl?” Minho retorted, raising an eyebrow, Hyunjin rolling his eyes at him with a pout in response.

“Never Have I Ever?” Jisung offered instead.

“Oh, that’s gonna be good!” Changbin excitedly said, rubbing his hands together like he was already expecting something good and juicy to happen. 

“Don’t you think you drank enough already?” Chan chuckled softly, his ‘dad-mode’ never turning off, even when he was tipsy.

“I have to agree with Channie on that one..” Seungmin nodded, just like Chan he was a little less drunk than the others and wanted to take care of them all even with the alcohol running through his veins.

“Oh come on, don’t be party poopers!” Jisung shook his head, waving his hand to dismiss their comments. “Felix! Go get more booze!” he then exclaimed in a booming voice, getting on his feet and pointing towards the kitchen.

“Yes, Sir!” Felix yelled back, jumping to his feet and even offering Jisung a little salute before cutely jogging away with a high pitch giggle to do as he was told.

In the kitchen Felix easily found more bottles and cans in the fridge, taking everything out and setting it onto the table. He quickly picked up a piece of brownie that was still in a plate on the table, throwing it in his mouth and munching happily on it while he started to rummage through the cupboard to find snacks. He was starving despite all the pizza they ate earlier, one more effect the alcohol had on him. Plus he was slightly irritated that Hyunjin had paid little to no attention to him all evening and was determined to drown his feelings in more alcohol and more food. Usually the boy couldn’t take his eyes and hands off of Felix, always acting jealous, always being needy and flirty, always trying to touch and tease and turn him on. And now he was barely glancing his way, not even looking or flinching when other members touched him, not even Chan. Felix didn’t like that. As petty as it was, and even though he would never think that way when he was sober, he wanted Hyunjin to be jealous. He wanted Hyunjin to look at him with a burning desire to take him away from everyone, bring him back to their room and rip his clothes off of him. He wanted Hyunjin to have his eyes and thoughts on him and nothing but him. But that wasn’t the case and he didn’t like it. So alcohol, games, and cuddles with other members would do the trick to take his mind off of that little annoyance.

After finding a couple of bags of chips in a cupboard, Felix got back to the table to collect everything. His hands were absolutely full, he was holding all the bottles and cans in his arms, squeezing them tightly against his chest so none would slip and fall to the ground. He had to stick the bags of chips between his teeth to even be able to get them back to the living room. Once he felt like his bounty was secured, he giggled at himself, making his way back, more hopping than walking. 

Arriving in the living room where everyone was debating and laughing and talking loudly between each other, Felix almost tripped in his rush to hop back to the table. Everyone started to make a move to get up and stop his fall, if he did fall. If it was to save the bottles or to save Felix himself, that much wasn’t clear. But Felix managed to stay on his feet and with a bright laugh he started to hop again in their direction, clearly having learned nothing from his near fall just a second before. As carefully as he could he dropped the bottles and cans on the already messy table. Minho made grabby hands his way, noticing the snacks so Felix threw a bag his way, hitting Jisung’s face - who was behind Minho - instead. Felix laughed mouthing a ‘sorry’ while Minho grabbed his snacks eagerly.

Despite their little beef before, Felix went straight to Chan once his hands were free. Chan instinctively spread his legs so Felix could sit between them and Felix didn’t waste a second doing exactly that with a little giggle. Chan quickly slid his strong arms under Felix’s arms, wrapping them around his abdomen, putting his chin on Felix’s shoulder. 

“ _You’re wasted.._ ” Chan pointed out next to Felix’s ear.

“ _I’m fine Dad!_ ” Felix giggled once more, proving that he definitely already had a little too much to drink.

“ _Don’t you mean..’daddy’?_ ” Chan asked teasingly before bursting into hysterical laughter, his face buried in Felix’s shoulder as Felix slapped his friend’s thigh hard, the sound so loud it echoed in the room.

“ _I’m really never telling you anything ever again! I hate you!_ ” Felix exclaimed with a pout.

“ _You love me._ ” Chan countered, still chuckling but slowly calming down from his fit of laughter.

Chan softly pressed his lips against Felix’s neck since it was the part of his body that was closest to him. It didn’t have the same effect on Felix as it would’ve if Hyunjin had done the same. Of course he was still physically attracted to Chan, he was a gorgeous, very sexy man. But he didn’t have that kind of sexual feelings towards him anymore and for Felix, anywhere Chan kissed him, it felt soft, warm and brotherly, nothing more. But he loved the feeling nonetheless, letting his body lean against Chan’s chest fully.

“ _I hate you.._ ” he grumbled again, with his childish pout, even though they both knew he didn’t believe a word of it.

“Get a room, you’re disguting!” Jeongin randomly yelled in their direction before laughing, Changbin and Seungmin following.

“If you two lovebirds are done fighting, can we get to the game already!?” Jisung exclaimed, clearly eager to get to it.

Chan gestured his hand like a ‘let’s go’ sign, to Jisung great pleasure, who reached for a bottle, already filling everyone’s glass, spilling way too much booze on the table and the floor, a clear sign that he was nowhere near sober enough to be in charge of this task. Looking around while Jisung was giving everyone a glass, Felix finally realized that Hyunjin had moved from his spot on the floor. He was now sitting between Changbin’s legs, the two of them in a very similar position to Felix and Chan themselves, Changbin saying something in Hyunjin’s ear and Hyunjin laughing genuinely, throwing his head back on Changbin’s shoulder, not even glancing or glaring at Felix even though he was wrapped in Chan’s arms only a few steps away from him. That didn’t sit very well with Felix whose grip got tighter around his now full glass, wishing he could just down the whole thing right here and right now to forget the sight of the two of them like that.

“Let’s play!” Felix announced loudly, prying his eyes away from Hyunjin and Changbin, decided to have fun without thinking about it. And if he could do everything in his power to make Hyunjin jealous in the process, he would definitely gladly do so.

Everyone cheered at Felix’s announcement, clapping and yelling, everyone with their full glass in their hands. They all looked at each other for a second, probably wondering who was going to start things off when Jeongin suddenly raised a hand.

“Okay, I’ll start!” he joyfully exclaimed, way too excited by the prospect of that game. “Never Have I Ever…”


	29. Never Have I Ever..

“Never Have I Ever… Had sex in this house!” Jeongin exclaimed, raising a challenging eyebrow while looking around.

“Well I would hope so!” Seungmin exclaimed, like a horrified mom at the idea that I.N could even have sex at all, despite the fact that he wasn’t a kid anymore.

“Come on.” he said, dismissing Seungmin’s comment with a wave of his hand. “I know some of you did it, don’t cheat!” he pointed at the others.

The questions started with a bang and Felix knew he was in for a pretty crazy party of Never Have I Ever if this was the very first question. Obviously he didn’t drink since he and Hyunjin didn’t go that far yet and he had been in the house for a couple of days only. He looked around, curious to see who would raise their glass to drink though. Seungmin, like Felix, didn’t drink. For some reason Felix wasn’t surprised by that, Seungmin seemed like the responsible, calm and reserved type. What surprised him most though was that Changbin didn’t drink either. Outside from them , everyone raised their glass, taking a swig. Jisung and Minho drinking was not a surprise to Felix, obviously the two of them had sex together, this much was obvious. But both Chan and Hyunjin drank too. Felix knew Chan was having sex with people, he wasn’t under some kind of delusion that his best friend was a saint, but still it was weird for him to be faced with that fact like that. It made just the tiniest tinge of jealousy rise in his chest. Not as much as seeing Hyunjin drink though. The boy had told him he usually looked for physical relationships in the past, but still Felix didn’t want to think about him with other people. And yet now all he could see in his mind was Hyunjin having the time of his life, on the bed they now shared, with someone who wasn’t him. And that didn’t sit well with him, at all. 

His grip on his full glass tightened some more. If he gripped it even tighter than that the glass would probably shatter between his fingers at this point, but Felix was itching to pour the alcohol straight in his mouth to let the burn of it fog up his mind some more so he could drown the images that were now stuck in his mind, driving him crazy. 

“Channie!” Seungmin exclaimed.

Chan shrugged with a little sheepish smile, holding Felix tighter in his arms, burying his face in his neck for a second before settling his chin on his friend’s shoulder once more, one of his hands absently caressing Felix’s abdomen through his clothes. Chan probably wasn’t aware of the turmoil going through Felix’s mind, but still he was doing exactly what Felix needed from him, calming him down a little bit, Chan’s strong hold on him and his touch soothing him and making him feel better. Felix turned his head to the side to kiss Chan’s cheek before leaning against his body some more, the two of them pressed together so tightly they could’ve easily been one single entity. 

Nobody seemed surprised by the fact that Hyunjin had had people over though, which was just one more reason for Felix to feel jealous and slightly pissed off. How many times exactly did he bring people at the house, in their room, to have sex that all the others seemed to be that unsurprised by it? Felix let his head rest on Chan’s shoulder behind him with a sigh. Chan pressed his lips against Felix’s cheek just as Felix had done to him a second ago, once more acting the exact way Felix needed him to without even knowing it. 

“My turn, I guess.” Seungmin announced. “Never Have I Ever.. Kissed any of the other members.” he finished with a little knowing smirk, clearly proud of himself.

And Felix quickly understood why he was proud of himself when absolutely everyone in the room, Felix included, brought their glass to their lips to take a sip. Felix had reacted automatically, not thinking about the fact that he didn’t want to expose his relationship with Hyunjin by admitting in front of everyone that the two of them had kissed. But since Hyunjin had drank too, maybe it was getting a bit obvious to the others.

“Ouuhh.. Felix, Hyunjin.. Who?” Minho asked, his tone teasing like he wanted them to out themselves.

Felix looked over at Hyunjin wondering what he was going to say, if he was flat out going to announce that the two of them had indeed kissed or if he was going to deflect the question. What he did say though, Felix couldn’t have predicted. Still not looking Felix’s way at all, Hyunjin shrugged with a little chuckle before pointing his thumb behind him.

“I made out with Changbin.” he admitted, laughing.

“Wait, what!? When!?” Jisung exclaimed, eyes wide.

“At last Christmas’ party. There was a lot of alcohol and mistletoe involved.” Changbin exclaimed in a chuckle. “I kissed Jeogin too!” he added, pointing at I.N who nodded, making a disgusted face at the memory.

Minho looked Felix’s way with a little frown. Clearly it wasn’t the outcome he was waiting for when he opened his mouth and maybe he was a little bit worried about Felix hearing about this piece of information. Felix was, indeed, fuming on the inside, but he knew better than to show it on the outside, offering a small smile to Minho before continuing to smile brightly, chuckling like the others, like he wasn’t bothered at all.

“Felix?” Jisung asked, raising an eyebrow, probably wondering if he was going to say Hyunjin’s name even though Hyunjin picked someone else.

“I kissed Chan.” Felix answered, blankly, pointing behind him at Chan. He didn’t even think about the fact that Chan wasn’t supposed to know this little piece of information. “But he was asleep, so that might not count..” he chuckled, tilting his head.

He was expecting Chan to react, be surprised or shocked, at least say something, but Chan didn’t even bat an eye, still holding Felix close to him.

“I’m more surprised about Channie than anybody else! I don’t remember you ever making out with any of us!” Changbin exclaimed.

Chan shrugged, like he wasn’t going to give a straight answer to anyone, a little smirk on the corner of his lips as his fingers were playing with the fabric of Felix’s shirt on his abdomen.

“Well that wasn’t me.” Minho raised a hand.

“Not me either.” Seungmin and Jisung both did the same.

“No way it was me.” Changbin shook his head.

“Yeah, no thanks.” Hyunjin announced.

“Same here.” Jeongin added.

That only left Felix. But Felix would’ve remembered if Chan ever kissed him. After all it was the one thing he dreamed of for years when they were younger. That was why, one night during a sleepover between the two of them, after watching Chan sleep for a few minutes, Felix hadn’t been able to contain himself and had very softly, very quickly pressed his lips against Chan’s before turning the other way in a rush, burying his burning face in a pillow, unable to sleep for the rest of the night, swearing to himself to never talk about it to his friend. A promise he had broken tonight without even thinking about it, because his inhibitions had disappeared after his second or third glass of alcohol and because he was too eager to throw the fact that he kissed Chan in Hyunjin’s face after he, himself, admitted he had kissed Changbin. But nonetheless, Felix knew Chan never kissed him. He turned his head slightly to watch Chan, the others all staring at the two of them too.

“I wasn’t asleep..” was all he said with a little shrug, that small smirk still on his lips. 

“What!?” Felix exclaimed, his face getting bright red in just a second. “Why didn’t you say anything!?” he then asked, slapping Chan’s thigh as hard as he could, the sound echoing in the room. This only made Chan chuckle though.

“You were so red afterwards..” he said. “Kinda like that..” he pointed at Felix’s face, which was indeed as red as it could be, laughing softly. “I didn’t want to embarass you any further.” he then shrugged again.

“That's so cute..” Jeongin cooed with a little amused snort. “Felix had a crush on our great leader!” 

“Or was it Chan who had a crush on Felix?” Changbin asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, making Seungmin next to him laugh, slapping his shoulder softly .

“Yeah I did.” both Felix and Chan announced in perfect unison.

Felix froze when Chan’s voice joined his own. It was no secret Felix was crushing hard on him when they were younger. Back in the day he thought he was subtle with his feelings but thinking back on it now, he knew how obvious he had been all along. But never once did he even suspect that his feelings could’ve been reciprocated by his best friend. Things would have been a lot different had it been the case.

Jeongin, Changbin and Jisung started to laugh loudly, clapping in their hands, clearly entertained and amused by this plot twist. Seungmin was softly chuckling, if a bit surprised. Minho was now watching Hyunjin the same way he had been eyeing Felix a moment before, probably concerned for the both of them because of the way the events were starting to turn. Hyunjin wasn’t laughing, looking at his feet for a second before placing a smile on his lips once more, finally looking up, playing with Changbin hands between his long fingers, avoiding to look in Felix’s direction altogether.

“Moving on!” Chan exclaimed with a sheepish laugh, his cheeks just slightly pink. “Never Have I Ever.. Stolen anything from any of you.” 

While the others were drinking, or not, based on whether they had stolen something from one another at some point or not, Felix turned his head towards Chan again, still leaning on him, with his strong arms around his body.

“ _You’re an idiot.._ ” he announced softly, for only Chan to hear even though it was in their native tongue, sounding a little childish with that pout on his lips. He couldn’t help but think about how different things would’ve been if Chan had admitted his feelings to Felix back in the day.

“ _I know I am.._ ” Chan nodded, lifting his hand to push Felix’s strands away from his face with a little smile. “ _I know._ he repeated hugging his best friend tight. “ _I’m sorry, alright?_ ” he finished, dropping a kiss on Felix’s jaw with that smile that Felix loved so much.

It felt like Chan was admitting he knew he had made a mistake not telling Felix back then, like he was fully aware of what he had missed by keeping it a secret. But Felix didn’t want to believe that, because it would lead to tons of regrets about things that could’ve happened but didn’t. Their relationship was perfect the way it was now, they were brothers and despite not ending up together that way, they were still soulmates in Felix’s heart so it was useless to ponder and get hung up on what might’ve been. So he pouted some more just for effect before leaning to kiss the tip of Chan’s nose, just because it was the closest part of him he could reach and with a little roll of his eyes and a giggle, he offered him the bright, warm smile he always reserved for him and him only. 

“BETRAYAL!” Jisung yelled at the top of his lungs, getting up on the couch and towering over everybody but clearly wobbling on his feet, pointing at Seungmin.

Since Felix had been focused on his little exchange with Chan he hadn’t listened to what was happening in the rest of the room, but from Jisung’s reaction it was safe to assume that Seungmin must have stolen something from him.

“But it’s a really nice pen! And you never even use it, why do you care!?” Seungmin retorted with a pout. 

“Yeah but.. Oh.. Well yeah that’s true. Alright then.” Jisung passed from yelling in seeming anger to being totally unbothered and sitting back down in a matter of seconds when he realized that Seungmin was stating the truth, which was hilarious to Felix who giggled at the whole scene.

“I still want you to give me my hoodie back, I’ve been looking everywhere for it!” Hyunjin said, poking Jeongin with the tip of his foot. 

“I can’t.. I stained it..” I.N admitted, quickly passing from feigning guilt to bursting into loud laughter when Hyunjin's expression fell, his mouth and eyes opening wide in pure shock and horror.

Hyunjin started to get up but Changbin, whose arms were wrapped around Hyunjin, tightened his grip on him, forcing him to stay seated and unmoving, Hyunjin fighting back, using his long legs to try and kick Jeongin who was crawling a few steps further to avoid being hit.

“Let me go, I’m gonna kill the little shit!” Hyunjin exclaimed in a high pitch, as dramatic as ever, flailing in Changbin’s arms for a second before going limp, probably having exhausted himself by acting so dramatically out of the blue. “You owe me Iced Americanos for a month!” he still said, pointing his finger at I.N, trying to look threatening with his little frown and pout, even though his expression only ended up making everybody laugh, especially Jeongin himself. “Binnie, I’m being bullied..” he pouted even more, sounding like a child, letting his head fall on Changbin’s shoulder behind him.

Changbin raised a hand, stroking Hyunjin’s hair with a little amused smile, shushing him like he was trying to calm a crying child or an enraged animal, still holding him tight with his other arm. Felix wanted to laugh with the others but between everything he heard about Hyunjin and his close position with Changbin, he couldn’t bring himself to, feeling only burning jealousy. Still he plastered a smile on his face, feigning to look at the scene but actually looking away from it, but that was the best he could do in that situation. 

The game of Never Have I Ever continued for a while after that, until all the boys were too drunk to even be able to think clearly enough to answer the questions. Then they simply continued to loudly talk and laugh and bicker. At some point Jisung and Jeongin decided to get on the table and bless them all with a private improvised concert, which ended up being the two of them yelling random lyrics in freestyle instead of actually singing anything good. Despite the chaos and noise Seungmin managed to fall asleep in his little corner of the couch. Minho was calm and silent, simply chuckling and softly laughing at whatever was happening around. Changbin and Hyunjin were still pressed against one another, Changbin cuddling Hyunjin while the other boy was loudly laughing, his arms flying in the air every time he found something funny, being dramatic to the maximum. Felix had switched from being between Chan’s legs to sit straight on his lap, clinging to him like he was his life line, looking more like a baby koala than a human, wrapped around his best friend who was stroking his back and his hair absently, laughing and chuckling at the mayhem caused by the others. 

After a while though, the amount of alcohol they all ingurgitated started to catch up with them. Jeongin was laying on the ground, half asleep, half complaining that he wasn’t feeling good, Jisung had exhausted himself by being loud and excited and was now limp on the couch, a gap between Minho and him. Changbin was slowly starting to fall asleep, leaning against Seungmin that was still fast asleep himself. Hyunjin had disappeared to go to the bathroom while Chan was still cuddling Felix. Felix, who was absolutely hammered, couldn’t take out the images of Hyunjin with other people, of Hyunjin with Changbin out of his mind despite the whole fun evening and the tons of alcohol in his system. He leaned to grab a half-full glass on the table, hoping to fog up his mind some more, but slipped once the drink was between his fingers, throwing the glass on himself by inadvertence, the liquid soaking his shirt and slowly dripping on his pants.

“ _Shit!_ ” he grumbled, getting up from Chan so the alcohol wouldn’t drip on him too, even though he could barely stand up on his own.

“ _Go change before it starts to get sticky.. _I think it’s time to go to bed for everyone anyway.” Chan announced, getting up too, switching between English and Korean, naturally, mid-sentence.__

__Jisung, Minho and Changbin nodded. Changbin softly woke up Seungmin before getting up and leaning to grab Jeongin in his arms, the younger boy in too rough a shape to argue. Minho supported Jisung’s weight as they both got up even though Jisung didn’t look too cooperative with Minho trying to help him. Rubbing his eyes, Seungmin got up too. All of them left the messy room, slowly going back to their own rooms for the night._ _

__“ _We’ll clean in the morning. Go change, drink some water and go to bed.._ ” Chan softly said to Felix, patting his head with a small smile. Felix nodded and the two of them went up the stairs together, separating after a warm hug in the middle of the corridor upstairs, each of them going a different direction to their rooms._ _

__

__Felix’s room was still empty when he got to it, Hyunjin probably still being in the bathroom. He didn’t waste any time slipping out of his shirt and his pants, standing in the middle of the room in his black boxers, rummaging through his backpack for something to wear to bed, swaying on the spot because he couldn’t steady himself with so much alcohol in his veins._ _

__“What are you doing?” Hyunjin’s voice suddenly echoed in the room, the door closing behind him. He was slightly slurring his words because of the alcohol._ _

__“Why do you care?” Felix asked, he sounded childish and was slurring his words just as much as Hyunjin, turning his way, crossing his arms on his naked chest._ _

__“Wha..” Hyunjin started with a deep frown but was quickly cut off by Felix’s voice._ _

__“Why don’t you want me?” he asked suddenly, his words slipping out of his mouth with absolutely no filter whatsoever anymore. He walked to Hyunjin, his hands hooking themselves instantly to Hyunjin’s belt, trying clumsily to unbuckle it._ _

__His mind was completely blank outside from the visceral jealousy he had been feeling all evening. He didn’t know what he was doing, his instincts taking over, he just wanted proof that Hyunjin wanted him and nobody else. He was desperate for his touch, for a reminder that the boy actually wanted him, to be held in his arms all night long. He was mad at him, he was angry and images of Hyunjin pleasuring other people, sliding his tongue in Changbin’s mouth were popping in his mind again and again, he just wanted to find a way to shut them all out, he wanted Hyunjin to make him forget. But Hyunjin grabbed his wrist, prying them away from his belt._ _

__“Stop it, what are you doing!?” he exclaimed._ _

__“Why don’t you want to fuck me!?” Felix retorted angrily, hurt and frustrated that Hyunjin rejected him that way. But in his drunk brain, it was clear why. “It’s because I’m not like Changbin uh? I’m not hot enough for you to want to do me?” he spit out._ _

__“You’re one to talk!” Hyunjin snorted vehemently, taking a step back, letting go of Felix’s hands. “Grinding on Chan all night, you were basically begging for him to take you!” he blurted out, between his teeth. “Having everyone’s hands on you all night, you didn’t even care if I was there or not!”_ _

__“You weren’t even looking at me, don’t act like you care!” Felix pointed out, his features and voice angry, just as Hyunjin. “You were eager to be all over Changbin though! You probably wish you could fuck him instead of me!”_ _

__“And you probably want to sneak in Chan’s room, begging for him to fill you up!”_ _

__“Maybe I should since you clearly don’t want to do it!” Felix spit out._ _

__“And maybe I should go to Changbin since you clearly want someone else!” Hyunjin snarled in the same tone._ _

__“Fine!”_ _

__“Whatever!”_ _

__The two stared vehemently at each other for a second, neither backing down until Felix grabbed his pyjama that he had taken out of his bag, gripping the fabric tight in his fist and rushing to the door, storming out of the room so he wouldn’t have to be in the same space as Hyunjin anymore. They would never have said the things they did had they been sober, the whole thing was very childish and could have been resolved peacefully. But in the state they were both in, they definitely did not have the mental capacity to think that way, preferring to be petty and mean to each other. Of course Felix wasn’t going to go to Chan’s room just to spite Hyunjin, even with all the alcohol clouding his judgment. Instead he angrily stomped towards the stairs, going down, determined to sleep on the couch just to avoid the other boy._ _

__

__Felix was still fuming when he arrived in the living room. He was surprised to see he wasn’t the only one there though. Sitting on the couch, head between his hands, was Minho. Felix walked to the couch, letting himself fall next to him, his head falling on his shoulder instinctively in silence._ _

__“Jisung?” he asked and Minho nodded without a word._ _

__“Hyunjin?” he asked in return, Felix nodding his response just like he did._ _

__The two of them didn’t even need more explanation than that. Being in a similar situation they could easily imagine why the other one ended up on the couch instead of their respective rooms. Minho tilted his head to the side to rest his cheek on the top of Felix’s head, the two of them simply staring at the floor in pure silence for a few seconds._ _

__“Mind if we share the couch?” Felix asked after a little while._ _

__As a response Minho moved further on the couch, so he could lay on it instead of simply being in a seated position. He extended his arms to grab Felix and pull him closer, the smaller boy laying next to him, Minho’s arms falling around him naturally. Once more they stayed there without talking but neither of them was asleep, both of their breathing still loud in the quiet room._ _

__“You okay?” Felix asked softly, slurring the words._ _

__A soft “umm” came from Minho’s lips as a positive response, the only thing he said for a little while, his arms imperceptibly tightening around Felix for a second._ _

__“You?” Minho finally asked._ _

__Felix shrugged. He wasn’t okay, but he was too angry against Hyunjin right now to feel sad or hurt about the way he had been rejected or the way Hyunjin had ignored him all night or even feel foolish about his own behavior, horrified, by the things he said. He was mad and that was it. The images of him with other people were nagging him, reminding him that Hyunjin slept with them but refused to have sex with him despite the multiple chances he had to do exactly that. Minho hugged him tighter, positioning his face in Felix’s neck with a little sigh._ _

__There was nothing else to add for either of them, they both knew how much the situation sucked for one another, and they both knew better than anyone else how the other one was feeling right now. So they simply laid there, in each other's arms, their breathing the only sound in the empty, dark room. At least it was comforting to know they wouldn’t spend the night alone despite everything. Maybe it wasn’t the same, but at least tonight they had each other._ _


	30. Why Is It So Hard?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, fair warning it's a pretty long chapter! But I have a lot of things to celebrate with the uploading of this chapter so I think it's fitting! 
> 
> First, we made it to Chapter 30! Going on that long with all of you still hanging around is nothing short of a miracle honestly! We also reached 100k words on the story as well as 1k hits and 500+ kudos which I'm still not processing and for which I'm forever grateful, you crazy people~ ♥
> 
> This upload is coming way earlier than usual, because for the next few days I'm going to have a LOT of work and it's going to be harder to update daily. I will do my best to keep up the pace but I can't promise anything! So, I'm putting this chapter up early so I can work as much as possible and have some free time to write the next chapter so I can upload it in time! I hope you don't mind~
> 
> Thanks again SO MUCH for all your support; for coming to talk to me on Twitter, for all your comments and for sticking around so long for God knows why! I love y'all so much seriously ♥

The silence in the room was almost deafening for Felix, whose drunken mind was whirling and turning and in no way shutting down to let him sleep. He was warm and cozy in Minho’s arms, feeling safe, even despite the events of the night and the weight in his chest, but he was still too drunk, too hyper and thinking too much to actually drift into dreamland. Minho’s breath in his neck wasn’t slow and steady, a sign that he probably wasn’t asleep either but the other boy was so silent and so still that Felix couldn’t be sure. 

“Do you think there’s still cabs at this time?” Minho’s voice echoed suddenly in the room, startling Felix.

The question should’ve seemed weird and extremely random, but Felix understood instantly where Minho was going with it. Maybe drunken brains were working on the same wavelength or maybe Minho and Felix were too alike in some aspects, their train of thoughts going in the same direction. No matter the reason Felix knew what Minho had in mind and, his drunken self was totally on board with it. 

Sliding out of Minho’s arms and managing to get on his feet without toppling over, by some kind of miracle, Felix extended his hand to Minho, wiggling his fingers with a smile.

“Let’s find out, shall we?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows too.

Minho grabbed Felix’s hand with a little giggle, Felix pulling him up off the couch. He took a step back and tripped on the coffee table behind him, almost falling over, empty cans falling to the ground, the noise sounding deafening. But Minho grabbed Felix’s hips and steadied him, laughing in a way that was probably supposed to be quiet but, with how drunk he was, definitely wasn’t as discreet as he meant it to be. He put a finger to his lips, throwing a loud “shhh” in Felix’s direction who was giggling probably as discreetly as Minho was. 

Minho grabbed Felix’s hand, leading him through the living room and towards the entrance, neither of them going very straight, his phone in his other hand flashing a bright light in his face. He was probably trying to check the Kakao Taxi app to try and get a cab. They both felt better, their mood lifting up just at the idea of doing what they had in mind instead of staying at home, cuddling on the couch like two sad cats awaiting their owners. Clearly neither of them took into consideration that going out in their inebriated state wasn’t the best idea, putting on their shoes, making way too much noise and shushing each other, laughing at themselves. It was a miracle that they didn’t wake anybody and that nobody came to stop them before they actually set foot outside.

**~**

The house didn’t stay silent and calm for very long after Felix and Minho snuck out and hopped on a cab without warning anybody. Less than three hours after their fight, Hyunjin was storming out of his room to go find Felix. He hadn’t gone to Changbin like he had said he would, even drunk he wouldn’t have done something like that to Felix. Maybe the old him would have, since physical intimacy was all he knew and the best way he had to forget everything back then. But nothing, not even alcohol, could make him forget his feelings for Felix. With that being said, he was absolutely distraught at the idea that Felix did exactly what he said he would on his end. Once Felix had left the room, Hyunjin was absolutely fuming, trying to go to bed, to sleep, to forget all about it. But he ended up turning and tossing, throwing his blanket away, images of Felix and Chan filling his mind, imagining his Felix moaning for Chan the way he had done for him when his fingers were on his skin. 

Hyunjin had been a fool. He should’ve made Felix his when he had the chance. He should’ve laid him on the bed, covered his soft, smooth skin with kisses and buried himself in him until they were one. He had wanted to wait, for Felix’s sake. For his own sake. He had wanted to wait because he was scared. He had wanted to wait because he wanted this relationship to be real, to be different. He didn’t want it to be just sex, like everything had been for him before. He had thought that, maybe, if he let himself go, if he listened to his urges and made Felix his, then Felix would change his mind, finding no reason to stay with him now that he had experienced the best and only thing Hyunjin was useful for. He had been scared, and what good had it done? Now the man that was slowly becoming everything to him was between the arms, between the sheets of another, moaning, arching his back, panting and whispering the name of someone else. 

The thought of it had angered him at first, as he laid in his bed, trying to sleep. Then, staring at the ceiling, it had pained him deeply and after losing himself in his thoughts, burying his face in his pillow in hope that it would magically ease his problems, he had come to the conclusion that no, no matter what, he wouldn’t lose Felix to Chan. Maybe it was too late since he had been turning and tossing in bed for hours, but he needed to at least do something. The alcohol had worn off at this point and he was feeling absolutely awful, his hangover affecting him almost as much as the thought of Felix out of his life did. But despite how sick to his stomach he felt, he got up in a rush, leaving his room and walking towards Chan’s door with an infallible determination.

He suddenly stormed into the room, not taking the time to knock, not thinking about the fact that he would not only bother Chan and Felix but Seungmin too. He didn’t know what he was going to find on the other side of the door, whether Chan and Felix would be asleep in each other’s arms or if, under the cover, discreetly, they would still be exchanging kisses and so much more, their hands dancing on each other’s skin. 

At the sound of the door slamming open, the light from the corridor pouring into the room as Hyunjin stood there in the doorframe, Seungmin woke up, looked towards Hyunjin and before burying his face back in his pillow like nothing happened. Chan had a very different reaction. He was fast asleep indeed when Hyunjin walked in, but as soon as he heard the door, it was like a switch turned on and he was sitting on his bed, fully awake, ready to deal with whatever problem there was. Like a father always on high alert in case any of his kids got into trouble. And more importantly, he was alone in his bed. No Felix. 

“What’s wrong?” Chan asked, his voice raw from sleep and low not to disturb Seungmin but still sounding worried as he blinked a few times, trying to chase the sleep from his eyes.

Chan got up from bed, walking towards Hyunjin and grabbing his arm gently to lead them both back in the corridor, quickly closing the door behind them so Seungmin could go back to sleep without any more disturbance. Taking a few steps in the corridor, Chan finally stopped, looking at Hyunjin.

“So, what’s the problem?” Chan asked, still this edge of worry in his voice. He really did worry for them all the time, no matter what. 

His brain wasn’t working at full capacity because of the hangover but the drunken fog was lifted and he could finally realize how foolish he was. Chan, Bang Chan, their wonderful leader, his friend, his savior and guardian angel. He would never do something that could hurt Hyunjin, would he? Sure he didn’t know about Felix and Hyunjin, but surely he had his suspicions about it. Hyunjin knew for sure that all the others did, so why not him too? The fact that Felix wasn’t in bed with him was proof that nothing happened between the two of them and that was only after witnessing this with his own eyes that Hyunjin realized how heavy the weight that was pressing on his heart since his fight with Felix had been. A weight that had been lifted instantly when he found Chan alone in bed. That alone didn’t solve the problem, didn’t erase the fight, the awful things they said to each other and the visceral fear Hyunjin was feeling that he might have ruined things beyond repair, but it was a light in the darkness. It meant Felix didn’t go to Chan like he said he would. And that alone was enough to ease Hyunjin’s breathing and the furious beating of his heart.

“I was looking for Felix. Where is he?” he still asked nonetheless, a little dazed. He hadn’t thought of a scenario where Felix wasn’t with Chan.

“You’re the one sharing a room with him, why are you asking me?” Chan asked, relieved for a second that nothing was actually wrong, rubbing his eyes.

“We.. kinda had a fight..” Hyunjin admitted, looking down like a child caught doing a bad thing. “He left the room and said he was going to.. join you. But clearly he didn’t. Maybe he’s downstairs.” Hyunjin shrugged, feeling foolish to have stormed into Chan’s room now. 

“Are we partying in the corridor now?” Jisung’s voice echoed in the hallway as he appeared from the staircase, coming from downstairs.

“What are you doing up too?” Chan sighed loudly, wondering why his kids couldn’t simply behave, his head pounding from the hangover and the lack of sleep. 

“Minho and I fought. He said he was gonna sleep on the couch so I was going to go fetch him so he wouldn’t catch a cold downstairs..” Jisung shrugged with a little bothered pout on his lips.

“What is it with you all fighting?” Chan asked, sounding more like an annoyed, disappointed father than ever before. Jisung and Hyunjin both looked down at their feet like they were being scolded. “I take it he told you to go screw yourself, since you’re coming back alone?” he sighed once more, gesturing towards Jisung.

“No.. He wasn’t down there..” Jisung explained, pouting some more, clearly confused by his discovery.

“..Wha- Did you see Felix downstairs then?” Chan quickly asked, once more on high alert. 

“There was nobody..” Jisung shook his head.

“You.. “ Chan stopped himself, taking a deep breath through his nose. He was clearly panicked and angry now. “You mean to tell me that two of the kids are nowhere to be found in this house? Two VERY DRUNK kids are NOT in the house?” he said through gritted teeth, his tone getting more high pitched as he went on, putting an emphasis on some of his words to show how distressing the situation was.

Maybe it was because of the hangover, or the fact that it was very early in the morning and neither of them had had any sleep, but the realization of what Chan was insinuating seemed to hit them both at the same time, just right here and then. Both of them looked at each other and then at Chan with wide eyes.

“You don’t think..” Hyunjin started.

“They wouldn’t..” Jisung tried to say at the same time.

“Sneak out of the house? What do you think!?” Chan asked, every so slightly raising his tone. But he didn’t want to wake the others and he didn’t want to scream at Jisung and Hyunjin either, that wasn’t the type of person he was. But right now he was out of his mind with worry. “Downstairs, now.” he commanded, pointing at the staircase.

Hyunjin and Jisung didn't protest, making their way down the stairs immediately, both getting worried now that the idea of Minho and Felix, completely drunk, running around on their own in the dark streets, was sinking in. Chan got back into his room to fetch his phone, already dialing Felix’s number as he walked down the stairs, trying Minho’s instantly after when Felix failed to answer. When he got to the living room, Minho hadn’t picked up either.

Jisung and Hyunjin were both seated next to each other on the couch when Chan entered, shoving his phone in the pocket of his sweatpants with one more loud sigh. He wasn’t one to imagine the worst scenarios but knowing that two of his kids were blackout drunk outside of the house and had probably been for a while now, was concerning to say the least. He was trying to rationalize, reminding himself that Minho was older, and had a more calm personality while drunk, compared to Felix. He tried to tell himself the two were adults and smart enough not to get into trouble even with the alcohol in their veins. But the fact that neither of them was picking up their phones and that nobody knew at what time they actually left the house was worrisome. And it was his job to worry about them all. 

“You’re supposed to look after one another, how did that even happen?” Chan asked the two other boys.

It was indeed his job to worry about them, to take care of them, but if there was one thing Chan was proud of when it came to his team, to his kids, it was the fact that they all looked after one another. They all, in one way, shape or form, had had a rough life, and needed a family. Now that they had found said family, they were very fierce when it came to protecting them, making sure nothing would ever happen to them. Even when he wasn’t around, there was always one person able to look after another. No kid was ever left to fend for himself in this family. And it was no secret that the people most in charge of taking care of each other were the ones who were roommates. Changbin was always keeping a closer eye on Jeongin than any of the others and, naturally, it should’ve been the same for Jisung and Minho, especially given their circumstances, and for Hyunjin and Felix. Because sharing a room allowed them to get closer to one another in a way that couldn’t be exactly replicated with the other members, forming a special bond. So that Jisung and Hyunjin managed to lose Minho and Felix in the middle of the night was baffling to Chan.

Thinking rationally, he knew it wasn’t completely their fault. The boys couldn’t have predicted that Minho and Felix would randomly decide to sneak out of the house in their state. But still Chan was worried sick, and mad and the only people in front of him he could blame right now were Jisung and Hyunjin themselves.Crossing his arms on his chest he waited for them to say something, anything, but they didn’t, looking at their feet, seeming equal part worried and guilty. 

“What did you do, uh? Why were you all fighting in the first place?” he asked.

Hyunjin and Jisung both looked at each other. They probably both knew what had happened. After all it hadn’t escaped Hyunjin’s notice that Jisung had been as jealous as him when they found Minho and Felix together the morning before, and that he had been colder, more distant with his partner ever since. And Hyunjin made no secret of his jealousy, his face as easily readable as a book everytime Felix was around, so clearly Jisung knew how the other boy felt too. But to announce that to Chan? Neither wanted to risk it. 

Chan was fully aware of Jisung and Minho’s relationship but Jisung simply felt foolish about his jealous behavior. He had acted like a real child with Minho, pushing his buttons and trying to rile him up on purpose and he wasn’t proud of it. Hyunjin didn’t want to bring the situation up because he knew Felix was on the fence with being open with their relationship and so was he. He wanted to keep it between them just because he didn’t want anyone to ruin it for him and it seemed to him like the less people knew, the safer it was. And, in a way, he liked the fact that it was a thing that only Felix and him shared, a secret. A very obvious secret that everyone could probably see through, but a secret nonetheless. 

Chan was slowly losing patience, and was about to speak up once more. He wasn’t one to pry into the other members’ business when he could help it, he prided himself on being good at waiting for people to come to him with their problems instead of trying to force the information out of them. But the situation was special. Fortunately for the two other boys, they were saved by the gong. Or rather, by the ringing of Chan’s phone in his pocket. 

Chan had never moved as quickly as he did when he fished out his phone and pressed it to his ear after briefly seeing Minho’s name on his screen.

“What do you want?” Minho’s voice complained on the other side of the phone. His voice was slightly muffled, he was slurring his words ever so slightly and sounded like he had just been woken up.

“Where are you!?” Chan exclaimed quickly, Jisung and Hyunjin looking up at him, hanging on his every word, wanting to know the answer as much as he did. 

“Umm..” Minho hummed through the phone. “Hey Felix?” he then exclaimed, clearly the words weren’t meant for Chan but he could still hear everything happening on the other side. He let out a sigh of relief knowing that Felix was indeed with Minho. There was a bit of shuffling on the other side of the phone and very faintly Chan could hear Felix mumble something like “leave me alone” and then Minho was giggling and Felix was groaning throwing a muffled ‘I will bite you!’ Minho’s way. “Hey Felix?” Minho asked again after a second, a deep, muffled “umm” coming from the other. “Where are we?” 

**~**

Felix and Minho had asked the driver to make one stop, and one stop only on their way to their destination. They didn’t need to wander around, they knew exactly where they wanted to go, but before going there they needed important supplies. So first, they stopped at an ‘open 24/7’ grocery store, wandering the aisles, giggling and wobbling until their arms were absolutely filled with the things they came to buy. Tons and tons of candies and snacks, that they sprawled on their laps and on the seats of the cab once they were back into it, en route to their final destination.

When they arrived the place was pitch black and empty. Of course it was, since it was nearing four in the morning at this point. Fortunately the lobby was always open and Minho had the keys to go further in. So with their bounty in their arms, they joyfully hopped inside, almost getting lost despite only having to turn a few corners until they found the right door, that Minho opened with his set of keys. 

They had joked around a lot during their trip there, had been in a good mood, almost forgetting why they were even out, in the middle of the night, drunk. But being in the place they set themselves out to go to, suddenly changed the mood. They had accomplished their goal, they had reached what was supposed to be their safe haven for the night, the place that was supposed to exempt them of all worries and bad thoughts. But the dark, silent room didn’t lift the weight from Felix’s shoulders magically as he entered, despite what his drunken mind had imagined. So yes, he was here, like he wanted to be, but he was still haunted by the sad thoughts that he had been trying to escape. And he could see, by the change in Minho's features, that he was feeling the same way Felix did. 

Despite that, they both persisted for a while. Even in their drunken haze they knew dancing was their way of exteriorizing their troubles. That was why they had decided to set out on an adventure to the dance studio in the middle of the night. And that was also why, despite the fact that they could barely stand up on their own without tumbling over, they still blasted out music in the room and tried to dance. Failing miserably. Quickly enough the music became just a sound in the background as they both set themselves on the floor with their candies and snacks, munching in silence, both of them mulling over their issues in their own heads. 

Felix didn’t know how much time had passed since they both lost themselves in their thoughts, but at some point Minho just got up, a frown on his face and wobbled away. There was a large closet at the far end of the room, usually used to store props or clothes for the people using the rooms. This one was fairly empty at the exception of some junk here and there. At least it was empty until Minho entered said closet, closing the door behind him. Felix stared at the door for a good minute, loudly chewing on a piece of candy before he sighed, gathering as many snacks as he could in his little arms, getting up and walking to the closet to join Minho there.

As expected the interior of the closet was filled with darkness once the door was closed. Minho was sitting on the floor, his arms around his legs, his head on his knees, looking like a small ball. Felix let himself slide against the wall until he hit the floor himself, scattering the snacks at his feet messily. He didn’t say anything, simply put his head on Minho’s shoulder in silence. Sadly the effect of the alcohol was slowly starting to wear off, the joy it brought disappearing with it. Felix was sad. Really sad. But he knew Minho was too. And so he sat in silence, waiting for a sign that either Minho wanted to talk, or that he had fallen asleep. 

“He said.. I was wasting his time.” Minho simply whispered after a little while.

“Jisung did?” Felix asked softly, Minho nodding in the darkness.

“He said that if I’m hiding our.. If I’m hiding it..” he corrected himself, probably still not comfortable saying ‘our relationship’ to Felix. “it’s because I don’t really care. That if I can spend time flirting with you then I’ll probably find someone new to play with soon anyway..” he continued, his face still buried in his knees. 

“He didn’t mean it..” Felix breathed, wrapping his arm around Minho’s shoulders, wishing to be an appeasing presence. 

“He never acted like this before..” he sighed deeply. “ I don’t understand what’s gotten over him.. And this idea that he has that I’m flirting with you.. Why doesn’t he see that I..” once more he stopped himself mid sentence, but Felix understood what he was thinking nonetheless. 

“I’m the new guy..” Felix said softly. “It’s been just the seven of you for a while now, and Jisung never had to be jealous of any of the others. Maybe he’s just scared now that you’re meeting someone new that you’re going to want something different..” he continued, trying to be careful with his phrasing, not to trigger Minho by saying things like ‘date someone new’ or anything he wouldn’t feel comfortable expressing around Felix yet. 

“Do you think he’s right? Do you think I’m.. wasting his time?” Minho asked, his voice even quieter than before. Felix could hear the hurt in his tone and it was breaking his heart. 

“I don’t.. know why you do the things you do. I don’t know your past or what you’ve gone through..” Felix simply pointed out. “But.. Jisung knows you. And I think that if he really thought you were wasting his time, he simply would’ve walked out. I think he really.. cares a lot about you. I don’t believe for a second he meant a word of what he said to you tonight.. He was jealous, he was probably a bit angry and very drunk. So was it stupid of him to say those things even though he didn’t mean it? Yes, incredibly so. But in that state people do and say stupid stuff.. I should know.” Felix finished with a sigh, gently stroking Minho’s back with the palm of his small hand.

“What happened?” Minho asked after a second, finally tilting his head to the side, still resting on his knees but now turning towards Felix. “With Jinnie?” 

“The short version?” Felix sighed loudly. “He told me to go fuck Chan, I told him to go fuck Changbin. We agreed and I left.” he shrugged, looking down at his feet and the abandoned candies and snacks resting all over the ground. 

“How did it build up to that? You guys were all over each other in the staircase this morning..” Minho inquired, curious but gentle.

“I..” he started before realizing he really had no idea how things could have gone so out of hand so fast. “ Beats me..” he shrugged again. “He thought I was flirting with you too.. And he’s also really jealous of Chan..” he sighed. “ And he ignored me all night, cozying up with Changbin, so that pissed me off obviously.. And I just.. I get.. insecure, I guess..” he admitted, playing with the fabric of his pants with the tip of his fingers to focus on anything but his feelings. “I know he says he gets insecure too but.. Seriously, look at him and look at me..” he said, letting his own head fall on his knees, just like Minho, tilting his head to face the other boy.

“I don’t think you see what he sees..” Minho simply stated, his voice soft and calm.

“I know what he sees..” Felix sighed for the umpteenth time, sounding defeated. “ A kid with no experience in life or in love. A guy that isn’t nearly attractive enough for someone like him. A man who never had as many.. conquest as he did..” he stopped himself, biting his lower lip, feeling sad, embarrassed and most of all, inadequate.

“That’s not what he sees..” Minho refuted. “And I don’t think Jinnie cares about your conquests or how many life experiences you have under your belt..” he shook his head softly. “He’s.. a sensitive boy. He's a drama queen, a real pain in my ass and he always acts tough around everyone but.. He feels, a lot and deeply.” he said, extending his arm to wrap it around Felix’s shoulders just as Felix had done for him a minute ago. “Do you know.. that his face lights up every time you enter a room?” he asked. “He thinks he’s so smooth, but whenever you’re concerned, his emotions are written all over his face for everyone to see. He’s not like that with Changbin. He’s not like that with anyone. It’s just you.” he shrugged. 

Felix turned his head to bury his face between his knees, feeling foolish and sad and more than anything feeling guilty and awful for the way he acted towards Hyunjin tonight. He had been mean, petty, childish and probably had driven the man he wanted more than anything or anyone in his life, away from him and towards someone else. Hyunjin was probably between Changbin’s arms right this second, taking more pleasure under his hands, under his muscular body than he ever could with Felix, despite what Minho was saying. Imagining Hyunjin moaning in someone else’s arms, not giving him a second thought as he reached his peak, Felix wanted to cry, but he felt like his body didn’t want to offer him even that kind of release. Maybe he didn’t deserve to ease his sufferings by crying. Maybe he needed to bask in his hurt and his sadness as a punishment for probably ruining everything. 

“Why is it so hard?” he asked quietly.

“What is?” Minho asked, even though Felix knew he probably had the same thoughts he did running through his mind.

“I don’t know.. Everything.. Feelings?” 

“I can’t answer that..” Minho sighed silently.

“I’m just.. tired..” Felix’s voice was small and weak.

“Yeah.. Me too..” Minho echoed, not sounding better.

Felix didn’t remember anything after that. The two of them had cuddled together for a while, in silence and then it was complete blackness. The next time Felix opened his eyes was because of Minho’s voice echoing in the small, pitch black room, calling his name. Felix was sore everywhere from falling asleep sitting on the floor, using Minho as a pillow. 

“Leave me alone..” he grumbled, burying his face in Minho’s shoulder some more, not ready in the slightest to face reality yet and feeling like a truck had rolled over him.

By the way he was feeling, he knew he hadn’t slept long and he was definitely experiencing a heavy hangover. His stomach was turning and churning, he was nauseous and his head was aching worse than ever before. His mouth and throat felt like parchment and when he tried to open his eyes, his eyelids were so heavy he decided it was best to simply keep them closed. Minho giggled next to him and started to poke his side, stabbing his finger between Felix’s ribs.

“I will bite you!” he threatened, brushing his hand away with his own.

“Hey Felix?” Minho called out again despite Felix’s warning. Felix hummed in response, simply wanting to pass out so he wouldn’t have to face the day to come, or just so his head would stop pounding like that. “Where are we?” Minho asked.

“Dance studio.” he mumbled, his face burried in Minho’s clothes on his shoulder. “Closet” he added before prying himself from the other boy with difficulty, forcing his arms to move so he could rub his eyes.

“Right..” Minho snapped his fingers like the information just came back to him. Felix glanced towards him, he could barely see him through the darkness but from what he could make out, the boy wasn’t faring any better than he did. He looked sick and tired. “We’re at the dance studio.” he said.

Felix wondered why he was repeating it until he realized that Minho had his phone clutched to his ear. He sighed. Reality was catching back to them quicker than he would’ve wanted it to. It probably was either Jisung, Hyunjin or, maybe worse, Chan calling Minho after realizing they had both disappeared. 

“Okay. Bye.” Minho mumbled at the phone before hanging up, putting the device back in his pocket, his head falling instantly back on his knees like he was ready to fall back asleep right now.

“What did he say?” Felix asked, not even bothering to inquire about who was on the other end of the phone to begin with.

“I have no idea..” was all he said, both of them sighing loudly in unison.


	31. Don't Leave Me

“I’m coming to get you, don’t move!” Chan commanded Minho through the phone, a big part of his anxiety subsiding by knowing that the boys were in a safe environment and together, not roaming the streets, lost. 

On the other hand Minho mumbled “okay, bye” and immediately hung up but Chan didn’t mind too much, all he wanted was to get them back safe and sound and bring them home. Only then would he be able to breath correctly instead of freaking out about his missing kids. 

“Where are they!?” Jisung exclaimed, seeing Chan put his phone back in his pocket.

“Are they okay!?” Hyunjin was panicking at the same time.

Clearly the both of them were as worried as Chan was and Chan couldn’t be angry at them for the whole debacle seeing them squirm like that, wondering if their mistake had caused the two others to get lost or get hurt. He was still angry, mostly because he was still pretty anxious about the whole thing. And one thing was for sure, he was going to ask for explanations once he got back. But right now he didn’t want to fight with the two of them, wanting to get to Felix and Minho as soon as possible. 

“They’re fine.” Chan sighed, relieved, passing a hand through his messy hair. “They’re at the studio,” he explained.

Looking at the two boys on the couch, Chan realized how small and frail they had suddenly looked since they realized Minho and Felix had disappeared, probably crushed under feelings of guilt, worry and all the scenarios that ran through their heads. So the breath of relief they both exhaled at Chan’s announcement was so heavy it was almost heartbreaking. 

“Of course they are..” Jisung sighed, throwing his head back, seeming suddenly more exhausted than ever.

“Those idiots..” Hyunjin whispered, burying his face in his slightly shaky hands. 

It hurt Chan to realize how worried the two others had been. Of course they had, Chan knew how much each member meant to everyone else here, he wasn’t the only one loving them with all his heart, they all loved each other. And he knew how special the situation was between Jisung and Minho. He also suspected things between Hyunjin and Felix were already deeper than he was aware of. He didn’t feel very good about it. Just like he had told Felix, he didn’t want him to get hurt. He hadn’t given the same talk to Hyunjin, but the same applied to him. Chan knew better than anyone else who those two boys were, deep deep down, what their stories were, what they feared, what were their deepest, darkest secrets. Because he knew all that, he couldn’t help but be worried about them forming that kind of bond. 

Felix, despite being so loving, so caring, so sweet with absolutely everyone around him, had never received the same kind of love back. He had been dragged into the mud by his parents for years and years resulting in him believing so little in himself. Felix was starving for love, there was nothing in this world he wanted more than to be loved. But how could he differentiate real genuine love from attraction, from pure curiosity, from deceit, when he had never experienced the real thing before? Chan’s biggest worry was that Felix would, one day, fall head over heels for someone that couldn’t love him the way he deserved to be loved, the way he needed to be loved. Because when Felix loved someone, he loved hard, he loved deep, he loved not with his heart, but with his whole entire soul. Chan knew that better than anyone, he had been at the receiving end of that love for a long time now. But only someone who could love Felix with the same level of passion and commitment could be a good fit for him. 

Hyunjin was more sensitive, more emotional than he ever let on during his day to day life. Just like Felix, he hadn’t received the kind of love he should’ve growing up. What his mother loved was the potential he offered, the money and fame he brought her. What other people loved were his looks and, at some point, the fantasies his pretty face created in their sick, perverted minds. Hyunjin didn’t grow up learning what love was, what it felt like. He thought the only thing he was able to do, the only thing he was good at when it came to relationships was to form fleeting, ephemeral physical connexions. Love was a foreign concept he longed for, for years and years, but that he had buried in a corner of his mind, knowing it wasn’t something someone like him was worthy of. Not something someone like him deserved, or could ever receive. Still Hyunjin loved fiercely, without even knowing what the feeling was. He loved the members, he loved his music, his dancing.. He loved in a way that was inspiring, intense, and sometimes, he loved too deep, he loved so much that the rest of the world would disappear. That was why Chan was always keeping an eye on him or he could spend days without eating properly or sleeping enough, just to work on his choreographies that he loved more than almost anything else in the world. Because of all that, because of his deep need for love, for a stronger bond that he longed for so badly, Hyunjin was bound to get attached so completely that it would be painful, the day he fell in love, Chan was sure of it. And what scared him was that absolute, bone shattering fear Hyunjin had developed of being abandoned, being left alone by the only people who offered him that feeling he craved. Only someone who could always be by his side, never letting him go, could sooth this fear in him, but sometimes things didn’t work out that way and Chan didn’t want to see the aftermath if, one day, Hyunjin fell in love deeply and his partner walked away.

On paper, Chan realized how good those two could be for one another. Felix, with all the love that was packed in his small body, would teach Hyunjin what it felt to be truly loved for who he was, not what he looked like or the way he acted in bed. He would be the softness and the safety Hyunjin needed in his life to allow himself to be his sensitive self without being afraid. Hyunjin would love Felix fiercely, being his biggest fan, giving him the confidence he needed to hold his head high and be his best self. He would offer Felix the safe haven he needed to start believing in himself again, to realize that receiving love wasn’t that twisted thing his parents taught him. And Chan couldn’t imagine somebody better for Felix than Hyunjin just because he knew what a beautiful, genuine soul he was. The same thing could be said for Felix, who would be perfect to make Hyunjin happy. Chan knew all that. But he couldn’t help but be scared, be worried. Because as much as they could be good for one another, Chan was also acutely aware of how bad things could turn out between them, because of both their pasts, their crippling insecurities, their total lack of experience when it came to love and relationships, the jealousy that could easily burn between the two because of the way they both had to love so intensely, without holding back. All those things, that were normal problems for normal couples, could break them totally and irrevocably and, if that ever came to be, Chan wasn’t sure he would even be able to pick up the pieces anymore.

Of course he had no proof things had already escalated between Hyunjin and Felix, but Chan wasn’t a fool, he knew both of them and he could read them like open books. They weren’t as discreet as they thought they were. And maybe it was something he needed to talk to them about, or maybe it was something he should let them handle on their own. Either way now was not the time to talk or think about it, because Chan had bigger things to worry about right now. He had two rogue kids to go pick up. 

“I’m gonna drive down there to pick them up.” Chan announced, already ready to leave the room and do just that.

“I’m coming with!” both Jisung and Hyunjin exclaimed, getting up from the couch.

“I don’t think that’s.. “ Chan started. Knowing the kids had fled the house because of a fight with those two, Chan didn’t think it was very wise to take them along.

“Please..” Hyunjin whispered, tilting his head, a worried pout on his lips.

Chan was simply weak when it came to his kids. How could he say no when Hyunjin was looking at him like that. So he sighed and simply nodded, both Jisung and Hyunjin seemed relieved that he agreed to take them with him.

“We’re leaving right now.” he pointed out, not ready to wait for them to get ready or anything of the sort, too eager to go get Minho and Felix so he could finally feel less anxious.

**~**

Felix probably fell back asleep after that, and so did Minho because when suddenly Felix opened his eyes again, with difficulty, Minho and him were once more against one another, cuddling, sitting against the wall with their knees close to their chests, in the dark closest. And there was a ruckus going on on the other side of the door. Minho moved against him, probably alerted and pulled from dreamland by the sounds like Felix had just been. With a sigh, Felix put his sore, aching body in motion, collecting the snacks he had abandoned on the floor into his arms once more, Minho getting up in silence, looking worse for wear as well. There was no doubt in Felix mind that the noise was Chan coming to pick them up. It was the sort of thing he would do in that situation and Felix was getting ready to open the door and face a worried, probably angry Chan, Minho on his heels. But he stopped, his hand on the handle when he heard voices. Voices he knew and didn’t expect to hear here.

“You said they were here, right?” Jisung’s voice echoed in the empty practice room, on the other side of the closet door. 

“Did they leave already?” Hyunjin’s voice followed, sounding worried.

Felix turned his head, catching Minho’s eye in the darkness. He was as lost as him, just as scared to go out there and face them. But they both knew they had to. They couldn’t stay hidden in a closet for the rest of their lives and, at some point, they would have to see Jisung and Hyunjin. They all lived together after all. But they were still unsure of what was going to happen for their relationships. Felix, for one, didn’t even know why Hyunjin was here instead of laying in Changbin’s arms. He didn’t want to feel the hope rising in his chest, but there was nothing he could do to stop it.

After a small smile from Minho followed by a nod, both of them took a deep breath and Felix opened the door, pushing it with his foot, holding the snacks in his arms. At first his eyes only found Chan, because Felix was looking down and Chan was crouching near the mountain of candies in the practice room that Felix had to leave behind when he joined Minho in the closet. Chan’s features, which were tense, seemed to light up as soon as he laid eyes on Minho and Felix and Felix realized how worried his best friend must have been. It made him feel even more guilty, even more foolish. 

“There you are!” Chan said, his voice soft but exhausted.

As Chan got up, Felix followed him with his eyes, being forced to look up. And soon enough, his brown orbs found their way to Hyunjin. He was so beautiful, even with his messy hair and the tired look on his face. Being face to face with Hyunjin was making his heart ache so incredibly and still, he couldn’t help but feel unaltered joy bubbling in the pit of his stomach just by laying eyes on him. It was as if seeing him reminded Felix that he was real, as if his own body was celebrating Hyunjin’s very existence. And still, his heart was completely and utterly crushed. How could he feel two emotions so diametrically opposed simply by looking at that man? When did he start to hold so much power over him? Felix didn’t know. But what he was sure of was that he was staring, and Hyunjin was staring right back. 

One part of him wanted to rush towards the taller boy, throw himself in his arms, beg for forgiveness and hold him so tight he couldn’t run away, couldn’t refuse to stay by his side. The other part of him wanted to cower, to turn back and close the closet door just so he could escape Hyunjin’s gaze, escape the possibility that this man he desired so ardently might not want to have anything to do with him anymore. He couldn’t guess what was going on in Hyunjin’s mind, he was very still, his eyes scanning Felix’s features, his head tilted in that way that made Felix want to cry. He loved that small habit of his. He had been so mad during their fight and after it, feeling so hurt by the rejection, being so filled with rage at the idea of Hyunjin in Changbin’s arms, in Changbin’s bed, that he never let himself cry. Maybe he should’ve. Maybe then, the tears wouldn’t be dangerously threatening to escape his eyes right here and now, when he was faced with Hyunjin again, his eyes burning more and more each second that his pupils were glued to him. 

Unbeknownst to Felix, whose focus was completely on Hyunjin, Minho wasn’t faring any better next to him, staring at Jisung who was shifting from one foot to the other, nervously, passing a hand through his hair, clearly unsure of the way to go forward from there, with everyone else around. Minho had his arms crossed on his chest and a frown on his face, acting tough, but one close look at him could reveal how hard he was trying not to fall apart too. 

Felix had been battling his tears so hard he hadn’t realized that Hyunjin’s eyes were getting red as well. And suddenly, in front of Felix’s eyes, Hyunjin crouched, his face in his hands, sobbing. It was so sudden, so out of the blue, Felix was taken aback. He had never seen Hyunjin cry and that was certainly not the reaction he expected after everything that had happened. He didn’t know why Hyunjin was crying and more than that he didn’t know if he had any place anymore trying to comfort him but still his body reacted before his mind did. Seeing that man he cared so deeply for like that was more than he could take. Forgetting about the fact that the others were around, forgetting about the fight, forgetting that maybe Hyunjin didn’t want him close to him anymore, Felix’s feet drove him straight to the other boy. He crouched in front of him, his small hand reaching up to touch his shoulder. Still his gestures were unsure, hesitant, he was scared to be pushed away, to be rejected again.

“Hyunjin..?” he very quietly called out.

“I’m so glad you’re okay!” Hyunjin cried behind his hands, his voice shaking. It was like his whole body had been so tense from worry this past hours that the feeling of relief of seeing Felix safe and sound had been too much to handle, all his emotions rushing to the surface violently, his body giving under him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, don’t hate me..” he continued to ramble between his fingers. “I’m sorry, don’t leave me, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Don’t leave.. Don’t leave..” 

The others, even Chan who probably had the urge to intervene, seeing Hyunjin act that way, stayed back, leaving it to Felix to act whatever way he deemed appropriate. Felix had no idea what was going on in the rest of the room. He didn’t see Jisung and Minho inch closer to one another, Jisung softly grabbing Minho’s hand and squeezing it tight in his without saying anything more. He didn’t see the deep, heavy, heartbreaking sigh of relief that Minho exhaled, like he could finally breathe for the first time in hours. He didn’t see Chan hushering them silently towards the door to give Felix and Hyunjin a moment of privacy. Because all he could see was Hyunjin, all he could hear were his cries, his words. All he could comprehend was that Hyunjin was hurting, that Hyunjin still wanted him, that Hyunjin was begging for his forgiveness, when really Felix thought he should be the one being on his knees saying sorry. He couldn’t contain his own tears anymore and they were freely flowing down his cheeks, silently now. He raised his hand to caress Hyunjin’s soft, black hair, the feeling between his fingers making his heart thump in his chest. 

“I’m not going anywhere..” he whispered, his voice breaking in the middle of his sentence, too many emotions building inside him. “I’m here..” he repeated, softly passing his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair in a soothing manner. 

“I didn’t.. I’m not..” Hyunjin tried to formulate words but kept sobbing into his hands, he sounded so distraught but, more than that he sounded scared, absolutely terrified. “ Don’t hate me..” he repeated instead. 

Letting go of the snacks in his free hand, sprawling them on the floor at their feet, Felix raised his second hand, his fingers hooking themselves under Hyunjin’s chin, lifting it up. Hyunjin slowly took his hands away from his face, his red, glossy eyes looking up at Felix’s face, drenched in tears as well. The sight caught Felix’s breath in his throat. Hyunjin, his beautiful, confident, smiling Hyunjin was in shambles in front of him. Felix's heart broke, just there, looking at this man that represented his everything, being so weak and broken down because of him. Very slowly, almost dreading that Hyunjin would pull away, Felix leaned towards him, his lips inching closer to Hyunjin’s, his breath itching every second, scared that he would be rejected.

When his lips touched Hyunjin’s it was like the weight on his heart was finally lifted, a small whine, a sob, escaping his throat as he pressed his mouth against Hyunjin’s just a little more, both his hands sliding on Hyunjin’s drenched cheeks. The kiss was soft, not rushed, both of them simply pressing their lips together, unmoving. It tasted like salt, like tears, regrets and fear. After a long second Felix pulled back, pressing his forehead to Hyunjin’s, his eyes closed for a second more, holding his breath as he was assaulted by too many emotions, before he could open his eyes once more, looking at Hyunjin. With his thumbs he gently brushed the tears away from Hyunjin’s pink cheeks, not caring for a second that his own face was wet, his own eyes red and swollen. 

“I’m sorry too.. “ he whispered. Hyunjin shook his head between Felix’s hands, like he was trying to say Felix had nothing to be sorry about, but he did. “I’m sorry..” he repeated, his voice breaking. “I didn’t mean a word of it. I didn’t want you to go with..” he started.

“I didnt! I would never!” Hyunjin exclaimed before Felix could finish. “I don’t want anyone else but you.. “ he added, sniffling. “I thought.. I thought you went to Chan and I was going crazy..” he continued, more tears falling from his eyes, instantly brushed away by Felix. 

“I should’ve never said that I.. I wanted to make you jealous. I wanted to see you cared. I.. I don’t know what went through my mind..” Felix sighed, holding on to Hyunjin’s face like it was his life line, the most precious, most fragile, most beautiful thing in the world. 

Suddenly, breaking the trance, exploding the little bubble the two of them had formed around themselves, there was a knock at the door. Felix looked up, seeing Chan peak his head through the door. He nodded silently at Chan who disappeared as soon as he had appeared, before looking down at Hyunjin once more.

“Let’s go home.” he said softly, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs. “We can talk more there..” 

Felix knew they had to talk about the whole situation, no matter how much he didn’t want to, how much he simply wanted to hold Hyunjin and forget all about it. He didn’t know much about romantic relationships, but he believed firmly that nothing good could grow out of a situation that wasn’t resolved, a situation where things were left unsaid. That was why Felix was always one to try and communicate his feelings and what was on his mind when it seemed important. And now, it was definitely important. So the conversation wasn’t over. They both had apologized but they needed to talk it over, to explain and to understand why things went that way, why they had said and done those things. Because not everything could be blamed on the alcohol. But first and foremost, they needed to get home. There they could go to their room and pour out their feelings to their heart's content. There, maybe they could settle things and finally lay in their shared bed, in each other’s arms, safe.

“Let’s go home.” Hyunjin agreed.


	32. I Am Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya beautiful people!~ I am so so sorry there wasn't an update yesterday. For those who don't follow me on Twitter, I had a deadline coming up and had to work through the night and until the next morning to finish my work and didn't even find a few hours to write a chapter at all! I fell awful about it though, especially since yesterday was officially the one month anniversary of In Need of Sunshine and I wanted to make it special, to offer you something longer maybe. Instead there was no chapter.. I wanted to write a very long one today to make up for it, but my work was still very crazy yesterday and I didn't have time to write more than what I'm giving you as an update today so I kinda failed at making up for my missed update.. But I'll try harder next time, I promise~ I hope you can understand though and that you weren't too bothered by the lack of update yesterday! I love y'all~ ♥

The drive home was a silent one. Chan sitting in the driver seat probably didn’t want to start yelling or scolding them all in the car, preferring to focus on the road, one hand on the wheel, the other occasionally running through his hair. Like everyone else in the car, he looked exhausted. They all had less than three hours of sleep since the party ended, for those who managed to get any sleep at all. Jisung was sitting next to Chan. Felix wanted to offer to take this spot so Minho and Jisung could be together in the backseat, feeling like those two might need it, but Hyunjin was holding onto him so tightly when they arrived at the car that Felix didn’t have the heart to let go of him, leaving him in the backseat alone. So he was now sitting between Minho and Hyunjin at the back of the car. Hyunjin had his head on Felix’s shoulder, eyes half closed and still puffy from the tears, holding on to Felix’s arms like he was holding onto dear life. Minho had his forehead against the cool glass of the window, looking the cars and houses pass by as they drove, little yawns disturbing his peace every so often. Felix himself had his head tilted to the side, his cheek pressed on the top of Hyunjin’s head, Hyunjin’s black strands tickling his face. One of his hands was softly laying on Minho’s thigh, his fingers squeezing the other’s leg from time to time, just to remind him of his presence in case Minho needed this kind of reassurance or safety. Felix was feeling tired but, more than anything else, he felt sick, from the hangover and from the car sickness that came along with it, and he was taking deep slow breaths through his nose to try and appease his upset stomach during the whole drive home.

Felix felt grateful when the house finally appeared through the windshield. Slowly and carefully Chan manoeuvred to park the car in front of their home and they all got out pretty quickly, probably all more than happy to go back to their beds for a more than deserved nap. The silence between all of them remained as they entered the house, taking off their shoes. All the others were still sleeping and the house was calm, the only light in the entrance coming from the sun that had started his ascension outside. 

Only once everyone was inside, their shoes put to the side, safely back in the warmth of their shared home, did Chan turn towards them all. They all had the same reaction, looking down at their feet. Felix wasn’t the only one knowing that Chan wasn’t happy with them. He was the leader and as much as they teased him about it, he really was some sort of father figure for them all, and he definitely acted the part. He was also someone who would easily worry for the people he loved, and even more so for the people he felt responsible for. So Felix was expecting a scolding for all the problems they created and the intense stress they put him under, at the very least. But Chan simply sighed.

“There’s a lot of things I want to say..” he started. “But we’re all exhausted right now, so just.. go to bed, we’ll talk when everyone is well rested.” he added, softly, his paternal nature showing more than ever. Even when he was displeased with them, he was always prioritizing their well being before anything else. “But we will talk about it, alright?” he finished, putting an emphasis on “will”, probably to make sure they didn’t think they got off easy.

They all nodded in unison, keeping silent and Chan gestured towards the stairs to let them know they were dismissed and could go back to their rooms. They all started to walk away in a neat line, like children, Minho leading the pack, followed by Jisung, Hyunjin and Felix closing the line. Before Felix could walk away though, Chan softly grabbed his wrist. Since Hyunjin was still holding Felix’s hand he was stopped in his movements too, both of them turning to look at Chan.

“ _Don’t worry me like that ever again, alright?_ ” he said to Felix in their native tongue and Felix could see Chan really had worried even more than Felix thought he did and he felt awful for causing him such stress when everything he had now was thanks to his best friend. “I.. If you want to be together I can’t stop you.” he continued, switching to Korean and looking at both Felix and Hyunjin. 

He looked slightly uncomfortable but still as worried as he brought up that subject and Felix felt anxiety rising in the pit of his stomach too. He wasn’t expecting Chan to pick up on their relationship so quickly or even bring it up at all before Felix announced it to him himself. But it was clear Hyunjin and him hadn’t been discreet, especially with this whole debacle so it was inevitable that Chan would find out. Felix just hoped it wouldn’t put a strain on their relationship or create conflict between Chan and Hyunjin. 

“And I’m happy if you’re both happy, I really am.. But.. It’s not going to be easy, I hope you know that..” he continued quietly. “Anyway.. Go get some rest, alright?” he finally added, finishing the whole conversation before either Felix or Hyunjin could even answer him. 

Felix, just like Hyunjin, knew now was not the time to have this conversation and all of them, Chan included, were all too hungover, too tired, too stressed out and too drained by the recent events to put energy into it right now. So they didn’t object once Chan dismissed them, nodding, Felix trying to offer a sorry smile to Chan before Hyunjin led him by the hand into the staircase and up the stairs until they reached their shared room.

Once the door was closed behind them, both Felix and Hyunjin simply stood in the middle of the room, silent and unmoving, Hyunjin’s hand tight around Felix’s fingers, for a few seconds. Felix knew they needed to talk but Hyunjin also looked absolutely exhausted and Felix was torned between letting him rest, waiting a few hours to have their talk, or try to push through their exhaustion so the whole thing would already be behind them by the time they woke up.

“You okay?” Felix quielty asked Hyunjin who finally turned to face him, nodding ever so slightly.

“I just.. I need you in my bed right now..” he muttered, attacking his lower lip nervously.

“Hyunjin it’s not the time for..” Felix started, he didn’t understand how Hyunjin could think that now was the best time to finally decide he wanted to have sex with him when they had plenty of opportunities before when the situation wasn’t as tense as it was now.

“No, not like that..” Hyunjin sighed, shaking his head. 

He took a step towards Felix, raising his hand to brush away pink strands away from his face with the tip of his fingers, his hand finally resting against Felix’s cheek. Felix couldn’t help but lean into the touch, closing his eyes for a second to enjoy the warmth of Hyunjin’s hand against his skin. He had been so scared, sure he had ruined everything, sure he was going to lose Hyunjin before he properly had a chance to call him his to begin with. Having him in front of him right now, touching him so lovingly, looking at him like he was the most important person in the world. He thought this kind of thing wouldn’t happen anymore and the fact that it did was filling his heart with too many emotions for him to even comprehend.

“I.. I just can’t seem to calm myself.. You’re here but I’m still scared you’re going to disappear..” Hyunjin explained, that fear he was talking about clearly shining in his tired eyes. “I just want you in my bed, against me, so I can keep you close.. Holding you always makes my anxiety disappear..” he added more shyly than Felix ever heard him talk before.

At that, Felix simply nodded, a small, quiet “alright” escaping his lips. It was breaking his heart to see Hyunjin still so anxious, so scared that he would disappear as soon as Hyunjin would let go of his hand. He understood now why the other boy had held onto him with such desperation since the very moment they left the dance studio. And all Felix wanted at this moment was to reassure him, to make his fear go away, to prove to him he wasn’t going anywhere, he was never going to abandon him or silently disappear. It might sound silly, after all their fight was something that every couple had to go through in their relationships at some point. But all of that was so new to both of them, every feeling was exacerbated. The anger had been disproportionate when they had fought, the hurt and the pain were out of control while they were apart, wondering if things were ruined and now, during the aftermath, the anxiousness, the fear and the guilt were still lingering in the air. 

This time it was Felix’s turn to take Hyunjin’s hand and to lead the way, walking towards the bed and sitting on the edge of it, waiting for Hyunjin to do the same. Slowly Felix laid down, bringing Hyunjin with him and, naturally, they slid into position, Hyunjin hugging Felix from behind, his body fitting perfectly against Felix’s smaller frame, his face buried into Felix’s hair at the back of his head. Only once he was tightly holding him, inhaling the scent of his hair, did Hyunjin finally let out a breath of relief, his body seeming less tense than it had been for the last few hours. Felix’s fingers found their way to Hyunjin’s forearm that was wrapped around him, caressing his exposed skin with the tip of his small fingers absently, his own body and mind appeased by that contact, by their bodies finally intertwined just as they should be. Being suddenly engulfed in Hyunjin’s scent, the one lingering on his sheets as well as the one coming from him, being so warm and safe into his embrace.. It made Felix want to cry of happiness. The emotions were flooding his body so rapidly he had a hard time catching up and not letting himself get overwhelmed. That was the effect Hyunjin, and Hyunjin only, could have on him. 

“I’m sorry..” Felix breathed and Hyunjin’s grip on him tightened ever so slightly. 

“Don’t.. It was my fault..I fucked up..” Hyunjin said in Felix’s hair, adamant, sounding so guilty it hurt Felix deep inside.

“No, it wasn’t. We were both stupid..” Felix sighed. “And, I guess.. I guess I started it..” he admitted. “Trying to make you jealous like I did.. I just.. I got insecure because you weren’t giving me attention anymore and with the alcohol I just… I acted like a child and it was stupid of me, I don’t know what came over me, I’m sorry..”

“I was ignoring you on purpose..” Hyunjin suddenly announced and Felix’s body tensed in his embrace at this news. Hyunjin must have felt it because he continued his explanation quickly, his head moving slightly so he could bury his face in Felix’s neck instead of his hair, his lips softly brushing against Felix’s skin as he talked. “I wanted to keep.. that…between us.” he said, briefly kissing Felix’s neck as he said ‘that’, like a way to make him understand he was talking about them, their blossoming relationship. “And I.. I knew if I looked at you I wouldn’t be able to hide it, it would be all over my face..” he admitted. “And then.. you cuddled with Chan, you danced with Minho, Jeongin laid his hands on your bare skin and.. I didn’t want to watch. I was crazy jealous, I wanted to grab you, and show everyone you were mine so.. I just tried to ignore you instead..” he finished his explanation with a sigh. “Now that I say it out loud, he doesn’t sound so smart..I was the stupid one..” he sighed again.

It made a lot of sense for Felix now that he had the full explanation and he felt so idiotic for not having figured it out sooner. It was so out of character for Hyunjin to pay so little attention to him, he should’ve picked up on it instead of acting irrationally and making a fuss because he wanted Hyunjin’s attention and the boy wasn’t giving it to him. This whole thing could’ve been avoided if he had simply thought a little harder instead of being an idiot. He had never completely understood what people meant when they said that love makes you do crazy, stupid things, in the past. Now he could say he understood. 

Slowly he turned between Hyunjin’s arms. At first Hyunjin tightened his grip, probably thinking that Felix was trying to escape him, to get away from his arms. But once he understood what Felix actually wanted to do, he eased his grip so Felix could shift his body until he was facing Hyunjin instead of having his back to him. Both their heads were resting on the same pillow, so close that the tip of their noses were almost touching, Hyunjin’s arm still wrapped around Felix’s hips, pulling him ever so slightly closer to him, entangling their legs together on the mattress. 

“I am yours..” Felix simply said, putting an emphasis on the words because he didn’t want Hyunjin to doubt them a single second. 

He didn’t have to prove to anyone that Felix was his, because he was, and as long as it was obvious to the both of them it was all that mattered. But clearly it wasn’t obvious to Hyunjin and that was why Felix felt the need to tell him directly. Those words were embarrassing to utter but still Felix said them confidently because he knew it was important for Hyunjin to hear them. Because he meant them from the bottom of his heart. Never had he wanted his heart and his body to be owned by anyone as much as he wanted it since the very second he had first laid eyes on him. Never had he wanted anything like he wanted this, wanted him. His gorgeous stranger, his person, his everything. His Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin’s breath itched as soon as Felix uttered the words. Despite how tired he was, Felix could clearly see the effect his words had on Hyunjin by looking into his eyes, by feeling him press his body even more firmly against him, by listening to his breathing quickening just the slightest bit. He raised the hand that was resting on Felix’s hip to caress his hair, his face, his fingers tracing the edge of Felix’s jaw, a quiet ‘mine’ escaping his lips, so softly Felix barely heard it at all. He let his fingers slide down the length of Felix’s arm before finishing their path just where they started, on Felix’s hip. All the while, he was taking in Felix’s features, looking at his eyes, his lips, Hyunjin’s eyes shining with so much raw emotions it gave Felix goosebumps throughout his whole body. Hyunjin was intense, as always and still so soft and gentle while he looked at Felix, making him feel like he was the only person in the world that mattered. A feeling Felix had never felt before, a feeling he had yearned for for so long.

“You know I want you, right..?” Hyunjin asked softly. “I mean.. ‘want’ you..” he emphasized and Felix understood what he meant by that. He wasn’t talking about wanting to hug him like he had done when he asked him to get into bed with him this time around. “Earlier you.. You said it didn’t feel like I wanted you that way..That I thought you weren’t hot enough..” he added, his lips forming a little pout.

Felix remembered and his cheeks burned at the thought. He had almost tried to assault Hyunjin, in his drunken rage, trying to pry his belt away, to throw himself at him. And when Hyunjin stopped him, Felix had accused him of not wanting him, of wanting to lay in Changbin’s arms instead. 

“I can’t let you think that..” Hyunjin shook his head against the pillow. “You’re so.. beautiful and innocent and so, so sexy..” he sighed with a little muffled chuckle. “You drive me crazy all day long and everytime you look at me I want to drop everything and take you back to the room to honor you the way you deserve, for hours..” he said with that little seductive but genuine smile of his, Felix’s cheeks burning hotter, the need to hide his face getting stronger by the second. “Baby, there’s not been a single second, since the moment I laid eyes on you, that I didn’t want you under me.” he stated adamantly. 

“I..” Felix stuttered, looking away for a second before lifting his eyes to meet Hyunjin’s, his face red. “I want you too Hyunnie..” he sheepishly admitted, feeling more embarrassed than ever to say those words out loud.

Hyunjin’s breath hitched again, his eyes slowly drifting to Felix’s mouth and back to his eyes, his breathing quickening slightly. He wasn’t expecting Felix to say something like that apparently, but it definitely had an effect on him.

“Fuck, baby, don’t.. “ he sighed, closing his eyes for a second, pressing them shut before finally looking back at Felix, his hand reaching up to cup his face, his tumb finding its way onto Felix’s lower lip, caressing it slowly. “Don’t say things like that so suddenly, my heart can’t take it..” he whispered, his eyes drifting once more towards Felix’s lips.

He bit his lower lip and Felix’s breath got caught in his throat, expectation rising in his chest. Finally, after a second that felt like an eternity, Hyunjin leaned closer, brushing his soft lips against Felix’s pink ones. It was soft, their lips barely touching but the electricity between their bodies was palpable both of them holding their breath and holding onto each other. Felix, surprisingly, was the one who tried to press his lips more firmly against Hyunjin’s, his tiny hands grabbing the fabric of Hyunjin’s shirt as he moved closer still to him, not a single centimeters of their bodies not being in contact with one another at the this point, his lips colliding with Hyunjin’s properly this time. Hyunjin's arm, wrapped around Felix’s hips, tightened substantially once Felix made his move, acting bolder than he usually did. 

The kiss felt more desperate than any other they had shared before, maybe because it felt like both of them needed that kiss to reassure themselves after everything that had happened. Maybe because this kiss was a way for them to let go of all the pent up energy and anxiety that had been running through their bodies. Maybe because that kiss was the best way they had found to say sorry, to show how much they wanted one another, without stumbling on their words or saying the wrong thing. Because sometimes it was easier to communicate through actions than words. And they had spoken, briefly, had explained to one another why things had gone the way they did. But they’re were some things that could be understood, and believed more easily through a simple, feverish kiss, than it could ever be through some well chosen words. 

Hyunjin softly took Felix’s lower lip between his teeth and Felix parted his lips, wanting more, but Hyunjin moved away, his lips quickly finding their way into Felix’s neck before Felix could grunt and show his disappointment from the abrupt end of their kiss. Hyunjin pressed a few kisses on Felix’s skin, starting under his ear and working his way down very softly, Felix’s body covered in goosebumps, his breath hitching every second at the exquisite sensation, his fingers tightly wrapped around the fabric of Hyunjin’s shirt. 

“Your skin is so soft..” he whispered against Felix’s neck between two kisses, his hand sliding up and down Felix’s arm, caressing his skin with the tip of his fingers. “When I finally make you mine, I’m going to touch every inch of it.. Leave my mark everywhere on your body.. I’m going to make you feel so good baby.” he continued, his voice raspy against Felix’s skin.

His kisses continued in his neck, his hand stopping on his hip, just at the exact spot where a little bit of skin was exposed between his shirt and his pants, Hyunjin’s fingers hot against this little patch of naked skin. Felix was holding his breath, his eyes closed, his mind able to focus only on Hyunjin’s lips and his words. His words that had too much effect on him. He knew exactly how good Hyunjin could make him feel even before the boy had ever touched him and he was craving it, he needed it so badly he ached for it, feeling the fire spreading in the lower part of his body. 

“I’ll have you panting under me.. Saying my name..” he continued whispering seductively, his voice so raw Felix knew how badly Hyunjin desired him too right this moment. 

“Hyunjin, please..” Felix almost whined arching his back, wanting to feel Hyunjin touching him, wanting him to do all those things he was promising to him right now, wanting Hyunjin altogether. 

“Fuck..” Hyunjin said, stretching out the word, sounding more like a moan than an actual word in his mouth. “Yeah, just like that..” he breathed against Felix’s neck, his teeth grazing his very sensitive skin.

It was from Felix’s mouth that a soft moan escaped this time, Hyunjin inhaling sharply at the sound. Heaned back slightly, away from Felix’s neck and facing the boy once more. His eyes were dark, full of lust, and Felix knew the look on his own face was probably not any different, he could feel how flushed his cheeks were, how shallow his breathing was, how fast his heart was beating and how hot his whole body felt. 

“You drive me crazy, baby..” Hyunjin whispered, his fingers digging into the naked skin of Felix’s hip possessively, with a certain need. “I won’t be able to resist you much longer if you keep looking at me like that, moaning my name.. You have no idea how turned on I am..” he said, seductively, sensually, his breath as shallow as Felix’s.

Felix was always amazed at how Hyunjin could say this sort of thing with a straight face, sounding so sexy and confident instead of blushing like a schoolgirl, like Felix would if he was in his place. That was extremely attractive to him. 

“Then don’t..” Felix breathed, so softly it was barely audible in the silent room. 

There was a sort of despereation, of unfiltered need in Felix’s voice, in his tense body, in his soul. He needed Hyunjin, he needed to feel that Hyunjin was his just as much as Felix was Hyunjin’s. He needed that touch, the feeling of his skin against his, his lips on his, his hands all over his body. A low breathless chuckle came from Hyunjin’s throat, deep, raspy, sensual.

“So eager..” he almost purred, his fingers drawing invisible circles on the small patch of naked skin on Felix’s hip. “Felix.. Baby.. I will make you mine soon, honor your body again and again and again. I..” he stopped for just a second, inhaling, seeming as desperate and in need, as turned on and filled with desire as Felix was. “Fuck, I’ll take you until your body can’t take it anymore..” he said, each word more sexual and raspy than the last, all of them reverberating in the deepest part of Felix’s body, a soft moan escaping Felix’s lips once more just by listening to him say those things. “But.. not right now.” 

Felix blinked,sure he had heard wrong. After all the teasing, after all the things he said that turned him on so much, after putting Felix in such a state, he was now saying he wouldn’t offer him any release. Surely he was joking. But Hyunjin chuckled, probably seeing Felix’s face morph from pure desire to unaltered deception in the span of a second. He moved, leaning to press his soft lips gently against Felix’s forehead.

“Trust me, I want to.. So badly.. But you’re exhausted, and so am I..” he whispered, leaning back, his hand leaving the naked skin of Felix’s hip to caress his cheek once more. He ran his long fingers in Felix’s pink hair, brushing them back in a soothing motion that had Felix instinctively close his eyes to enjoy it. “Get some rest baby..” Hyunjin said after a few seconds.

No matter how much Felix wanted to argue, how much he wanted to tell Hyunjin not to stop there, he knew the other boy was right. Felix was exhausted, his body felt heavy and sluggish, he was still nauseous, despite having forgotten all about it during his little exchange with Hyunjin, his head was banging and his eyes burned. He needed sleep more than he needed anything else, despite his libido and his hormones telling him something different. And even though Hyunjin was still as gorgeous, as beautiful, as ethereal and perfect as always in Felix’s eyes, there was no mistaking the circles under his eyes and his pale complexion, turning a little gray-ish because of the lack of sleep and probably the other symptoms of the hangover that he was experiencing too. So he simply nodded, opening his eyes for a second to look at Hyunjin.

“Just.. “ Hyunjin quickly added, biting his lower lip sheepishly, seeming a little more shy all of a sudden, which was a big change from the way he acted just a second ago. The duality of Hyunjin would give Felix whiplash one day, of that he was sure. “Can you.. be there when I wake up this time?” he asked with a small voice.

“I will.”. Felix answered. He didn’t want to go anywhere, he just wanted to stay in those arms as long as Hyunjin would let him this time around. Hyunjin smiled softly and finally closed his eyes holding Felix tightly “I promise.” Felix added in a breath, before closing his own eyes, focusing on Hyunjin’s breathing and feeling the world turn to black quicker than he would’ve thought possible.


	33. Is That a Promise?

When Felix finally woke up, it wasn’t because he wanted to. God knows when he realized how horrible he felt, he wished he had stayed asleep for a lot longer, his head was hurting like nothing else before, his nausea hadn’t subsided, if anything it was way worse now that he had time to rest, the inside of his mouth felt like parchment and his whole body was aching, feeling weak, even worse than if he has worked out for hours the day before. What woke him up was Hyunjin’s voice.

Usually when Hyunjin was talking in his sleep, he was doing so very softly and quietly, Felix needing to listen hard to make out the nonsensical little sentences coming out of his mouth. This time around though his voice was clearer. Not loud but definitely noticeable enough for it to pull Felix from sleep. Hyunjin’s hand had slid under Felix’s shirt during the night, his palms pressed to the bare skin on his hip and his back. It seemed like Hyunjin liked the feeling of touching Felix skin against skin and that was a thought that pleased Felix. 

“No.. Don’t touch..” Hyunjin mumbled in his sleep.

Felix looked up at him. Hyunjin’s brows were furrowed slightly and his eyes were twitching behind his eyelids. He wasn’t thrashing around or screaming to the top of his lungs and still there was no doubt he was having a nightmare. His face was laying on the pillow, only centimeters away from Felix’s and his breathing was slow, as it always was when he was sleeping. But after spending a few nights in Hyunjin’s bed, Felix felt pretty confident about his sleeping habits and this was not just a regular dream, he was sure of it. 

“Please..” Hyunjin whined, the frown on his face deepening. 

The little word, paired with Hyunjin’s expression broke Felix’s heart. He didn’t know what Hyunjin was dreaming about, but he knew if it made him have that kind of expression on his face then Felix didn’t want it to continue. He moved one of his hands from Hyunjin’s chest where it rested to grab his shoulder, softly shaking him in hopes that it would wake him up, to no avail. Very gently he slid his hand to caress Hyunjin’s cheek instead, brushing away a few strands falling in front of his eyes, drawing the edge of his jaw with his fingers, stroking his cheek with his thumb.

“Hyunjin..” he called softly. The other boy stirred slightly, not opening his eyes. “ Hyunnie, wake up..” Felix tried again, a little louder.

Suddenly Hyunjin opened his eyes, his pupils darting around for a second, confused, still in his sleeping daze. Felix caressed his black, soft hair, brushing it back, all the while making a quiet shushing sound to appease the other boy.

“It’s okay, you were having a nightmare..” he said gently. 

Once his eyes landed on Felix’s face, finally Hyunjin’s features softened, a little smile appearing on his lips, his eyes shining again, the nightmare all but forgotten already. His grip on Felix tightened ever so slightly as he closed his eyes, enjoying Felix’s fingers in his hair. It was something Felix knew Hyunjin loved, to have him brush his hair with his fingers, grazing his scalp softly with his nails and so he offered him exactly what he wanted, Hyunjin simply melting against him.

“You okay?” he asked quietly after a second, his hand leaving Hyunjin’s hair to go rest on his chest once more.

“I am now..” Hyunjin smiled, his own fingers finding their way to Felix’s face. “I mean.. I feel like I got rolled over by a truck..” he chuckled, the sound raw like his throat was hurting. “But.. you’re here..” he finished, a small smile on the corner of his lips.

Felix felt his cheeks just slightly burning, turning a soft shade of pink. Hyunjin’s words were making him very happy. That soft smile, the look in Hyunjin’s eyes like he was genuinely the happiest man simply because he got to wake up next to Felix, made Felix’s heart skip a beat.

“You want me to get you something to drink? To eat? It might help with the hangover..” Felix said after a few seconds of them simply looking at each other.

Hyunjin did, indeed, look like his hangover was pretty nasty and it made Felix want to take care of him despite the fact that he wasn’t in a better state than him. Hyunjin shook his head, a pout on his full lips, his grip tightening around Felix, pressing himself against him as he buried his face in his neck. 

“No, I wanna stay here all day..” he said with a childish voice that made Felix’s heart flutter.

Hyunjin’s body wasn’t on board with his plans though because as soon as those words came out of his mouth, Hyunjin’s stomach let out a loud grumble. Felix couldn’t help but burst out in a little fit of quiet laughter, caressing Hyunjin’s hair as he groaned against Felix’s neck, unhappy that his body would betray him like that. 

“Come on, let’s get some food into you..” Felix said, still chuckling softly, Hyunjin wrapped around him.

“Fine..” Hyunjin begrudgingly accepted after one more unhappy groan, finally letting go of Felix so he could get up.

Felix shimmied out of Hyunjin’s embrace and finally got out of the bed altogether. Getting upright made the pain in his skill worse, pounding like crazy. With an uncomfortable frown he extended his hand to Hyunjin who took it, letting himself be hoisted out of bed by Felix. Once he got to his feet though, he immediately engulfed Felix in his arms, hugging him tightly, Felix chuckling once more as he stroke Hyunjin’s back with his small hand, endeared by his behavior.

“We’ll come back to bed after eating something, alright?” Felix said gently, like he was talking to a child.

“Is that a promise?” Hyunjin’s voice echoed, suddenly way more flirtatious than before and Felix blushed furiously at the implication behind Hyunjin’s words but still he silently nodded. “Well then.. let’s go.” Hyunjin chuckled, taking a step back and grabbing Felix’s hand to lead him out of the room. 

It was already the middle of the day, which wasn’t surprising knowing how hard they had all partied and how much sleep they all needed. In the living room though, everyone was already gathered except from Hyunjin and Felix. On one side of the couch there was Jisung and Minho, bundled up in a big blanket, Jisung’s head on Minho’s shoulder. He was munching on some fruit in a bowl, occasionally raising the fruit to Minho’s lips instead, silently, the two of them staring blankly at the TV, looking like they were ready to pass out. Clearly things took a turn for the better for them too since this morning. They probably took the time to talk or maybe let their bodies talk, making the tension and anger between them melt away. This was good news for Felix who smiled softly at the sight of them. On the other side of the couch, Jeongin was laying, in a ball, on his side, his head resting on Changbin’s thigh, the older boy stroking his arm gently while Jeongin looked ready to puke any second now. Seungmin was walking around with a trash bag in his hands, cleaning the mess they all had left in the living room during the night and, according to the noises coming from the kitchen, Chan was in there doing the dishes. The two of them seemed less affected than the others, not only because they both had a higher alcohol tolerance apparently, but also because, being the more responsible ones, they had drank less than the others and could therefore handle it better. 

Only Changbin and Seungmin looked up when Felix and Hyunjin entered the room, offering soft smiles in silence. Felix smiled back, putting his hand behind Hyunjin’s back, stroking it gently as he leaned closer to him to talk to him softly.

“Go sit, I’ll bring you something to eat, alright?” he said, getting a nod in response, Hyunjin letting go of his hand with a pout to make his way to the couch.

He went to sit next to Jisung who opened his arm without even looking away from the TV to offer Hyunjin some space under the blanket with them. Hyunjin put his head on Jisung’s shoulder and Jisung raised the piece of apple between his fingers to Hyunjin’s lips in silence, before grabbing a grape and raising it to Minho’s lips, after what he finally too a piece of fruit in his own mouth, staring at the TV. Felix looked at that with an endeared, loving smile for a second before walking away to the kitchen.

When he arrived in the kitchen Seungmin was already there with Chan, drying the dishes while Chan was putting two steaming cups on the table, watching Felix enter the room. The younger boy walked to him and Chan quickly engulfed him in a warm hug as a ‘good morning’. Despite the events earlier, Chan was still affectionate towards Felix, which appeased Felix who had been scared that his best friend would be cold and distant towards him now. 

“ _How do you feel?_ ” Chan asked, taking a step back.

“ _Like shit.._ ” Felix admitted, his voice raw and his head pounding mercilessly “ _I’m never partying again.._ ” he groaned.

“ _Yeah I gotta to agree with you on that.._ ” Chan chuckled softly.

“ _I’m so so sorry for earlier Chris.. I wasn’t in my right mind. I didn’t want to worry you.._ ” Felix said, looking up at Chan before looking down at his feet sheepishly, playing with his fingers nervously. He didn’t want his best friend to be mad at him, he felt awful for the whole ordeal. 

“ _I know.._ ” Chan sighed. “ _It’s alright.._ ” he added with a little reassuring smile, patting Felix’s head with his large hand. “ _We need to talk about it, but it can wait. You should eat something to feel better first._ ” he finished, always stepping in top play the fatherly role. 

Felix nodded obediently, because when Chan was acting like a big brother with him, he was always instinctively acting like the obedient little brother, it was just the side of him that Chan alone could conjure. Chan smiled, seeming pleased and walked to the table gesturing to the two steaming mugs he had laid on it just a second ago.

“ _Green Tea with honey for you and Hyunjin. I know his throat often gets scratchyafter drinking too much, so that’ll be good for him._ ” he smiled lovingly. He really knew them all like the back of his hand, taking care of them even in those small little ways. That warmed Felix’s heart. “ _And there’s a bowl of fresh fruits there._ ” he continued, pointing to the kitchen counter. “ _Eating clean will help your body recuperate quicker, so no brownies today._ ” he chuckled softly. “ _I already told everyone to forget work for today and simply rest, so you and Hyunjin do the same, alright?_ ”.

Felix nodded once more with a little thankful smile. He didn’t know how he would live his life without someone like Chan in it. Everyday he was reminded of how much of an amazing person he was. And it was even more clear to him now that they were reunited, now that they lived under the same roof and now that they worked hand in hand. Chan smiled back as Felix took the mugs, and the bowl of fruits in his hands, ready to get back to Hyunjin.

“Drink plenty of water today, alright? And make sure Hyunjin takes it easy, he has a hard time laying down all day.” Seungmin announced to Felix with a little smile. He too was taking care of them, he was a more subtle presence than Chan but there was no doubt that he cared for them all just as much. “And put your dirty laundry in front of your bedroom door when you can, I’ll put a load on for everyone later.” he added, Felix nodding, as much to say he understood than to thank him silently for everything he was doing for them all, while they were all in a pretty bad state.

When he finally got back to the living room, Jisung had fallen asleep on Minho’s shoulder, the bowl of fruit empty on the table, Minho still watching absently the TV while playing with Jisung’s fingers. Jeongin and Changbin had disappeared but according to how sick Jeongin looked earlier, the best bet was that he had rushed to the bathroom, Changbin following him to take care of him if he needed it. Felix silently sat next to Hyunjin who instantly shifted from having his head on Jisung’s shoulder to press himself against Felix, resting on his shoulder instead. 

“There you go, drink that..” Felix softly said, putting the hot mug between Hyunjin’s long fingers, the bowl of fruit resting on his lap while he wrapped his own two hands around his mug as well. 

“Thank you baby..” he said and his voice was indeed raspy like he had noticed earlier, proving Chan’s point that Hyunjin’s throat usually hurt after drinking too much. 

Felix raised one hand to put it on Hyunjin’s head, slowly and gently stroking his hair, strands passing through his fingers as Hyunjin brought the mug to his lips, blowing on it for a second before taking a small sip, closing his eyes and enjoying the taste, the soothing effect on his throat, and, at the same time, the feeling of Felix’s hand in his hair. Felix took a few sip of his own drink, keeping his eyes on Hyunjin, loving to see him against him like this, feeling soothed and calmed simply by being able to admire him that way. For once he didn’t care what the others would think seeing them pressed together like that. They weren’t doing anything that could give away their relationship anyway, and the only person that wasn’t aware of things between them here was Seungmin, since both Jeongin and Changbin weren’t downstairs with them. But nonetheless Felix didn’t care, he just wanted to enjoy the feeling of Hyunjin against him, purring under his caress in his hair, listen to the little content sigh escaping his lips each time he sipped on his tea and watch his beautiful face being completely relaxed, with his eyes closed and a small smile on his lips. 

After a few minutes, Felix reached into the fruit bowl to take a piece of fruit, bringing it to Hyunjin’s lips. They came down because Hyunjin was hungry after all so Felix wanted to make sure that he would eat enough before they got back upstairs, wanting to take care of him as well as he could. He felt protective over Hyunjin, especially when the other boy was acting so cute and calm in his arms, it always made Felix want to coddle him and give him everything he could. Hyunjin parted his lips slightly, Felix pushing the grape in his mouth. Hyunjin closed his mouth around it, slightly brushing Felix’s finger with his lips, all the while looking up at Felix like he knew exactly what he was doing and it was no random gesture. This made Felix breath hitch slightly, licking his parched lips.

Without breaking eye contact, a little sly smile on the corner of his lips, Hyunjin grabbed a grape in the bowl, bringing it to Felix’s lips just like Felix had done for him a second ago. Felix obediently opened his mouth for Hyunjin who pushed the fruit inside, Felix closing his lips around it and around the tip of Hyunjin’s finger at the same time, since the boy left it against Felix’s mouth on purpose. Hyunjin bit his lower lip, his eyes glued to Felix’s mouth as he took his hand away. Felix too was now staring at Hyunjin’s lips, his heartbeat already quickening by the simple teasing Hyunjin had done, feeling a strong pull to lean and close the distance between them to kiss his plump lips. Of course he resisted his urge, but it was harder than he thought it would be, as Hyunjin slid his tongue excruciatingly slowly along his bottom lip under Felix’s gaze. 

Trying to clear his mind, to stop the inappropriate thoughts from flooding his head once more and remind himself where they were and why, Felix grabbed a piece of apple from the bowl, leading it to Hyunjin’s mouth once more. Hyunjin diligently parted his lips once again, despite his eyes never looking away from Felix. Felix was careful to place the fruit between Hyunjin’s lips all the while keeping his fingers at a safe distance to not get a repeat of what had just happened, already having a hard enough time breathing correctly and not imagining Hyunjin’s lips on other parts of his body. He was about to let out the breath he was holding when Hyunjin closed his lips around the fruit without grazing his fingers while doing so, but once the piece of fruit was in his mouth, Hyunjin grabbed Felix hand, keeping it in place in front of him, using the tip of his tongue to lick the tip of Felix’s fingers, the taste of apple probably lingering on them from holding the fruit a second ago. He was staring into Felix’s eyes while doing so and Felix forgot how to breath completely, his body feeling instantly hot, his thighs pressing against one another as he felt himself getting aroused already by Hyunjin’s teasing and the way he looked at him so hungrily. 

“Can we go back to the room now..?” he asked quietly, for only Felix to hear, letting go of his small hand. His voice was still raspy but Felix suspected his sore throat wasn’t the reason behind it this time around, the sensual undertone of his words making it clear. 

“You need to.. eat..” Felix tried to rationalize, barely managing to get a full sentence out of his mouth as his eyes were drifting toward Hyunjin’s lips every second, his mind already filled with all sorts of inappropriate images of what Hyunjin could mean by ‘going back to the room’. 

“I intend to..” Hyunjin smirked, his voice full of innuendos, making Felix’s cheek instantly turn a brighter shade of pink. “ We can take that with us..” he whispered, taking the bowl of fruit out of Felix’s hands. “Let’s just go..” he added, with that seductive, commanding tone of his that always drove Felix absolutely crazy.

And so, stunned, entranced and already slightly aroused, Felix couldn’t do anything but to nod, gulping as Hyunjin got up, grabbing him by the hand, eager to get him alone once more.


	34. Please, Touch Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little warning for those who don't like smut, this chapter contains a little bit of it~   
> I hope it's still good and that you'll like this chapter as much as the others though! ♥

Hyunjin silently left the living room followed by Felix, entangling their fingers as soon as they arrived in the staircase, where it was just the two of them. They walked up to their room without exchanging a word but it was clear by their quick strides that both of them were eager to be alone as soon as possible, wanting to be in each other's arms in a way that they couldn’t when others were around. Felix didn’t know if Hyunjin was, once more, teasing him and simply wanted some cuddles and alone time under the covers or if, like the look in his eyes and his words earlier suggested, the other boy finally wanted to take their relationship to the next level. But one way or another Felix was okay with it. Being with Hyunjin, laying in his arms was enough for him, no matter how badly he wanted him, more and more as days passed. 

As soon as they made it to the room and the door was closed behind them, Hyunjin got rid of the bowl in his hands by tossing it on the desk closest to the door. Before Felix could even see him move or comprehend what was happening, his back was pressed against the door, Hyunjin’s hands on both his cheeks, his lips firmly pressed against his. It didn’t take his body long to reciprocate though, since he had been waiting for this moment for a while already. His hands went up to Hyunjin’s chest, his fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt. Hyunjin inhaled sharply, leaning back ever so slightly, breaking the kiss way too soon for Felix’s taste.

“I didn’t think I would be able to wait for us to be alone to do that..” Hyunjin chuckled, biting softly his lower lip, his thumb caressing Felix’s cheek.

Felix knew exactly what Hyunjin meant, what he felt, because he felt the same way. The pull he was feeling everytime he laid eyes on Hyunjin was crazy, something he had never felt before. It was a powerful, inescapable need to touch him, to kiss him, to feel him against him at all times. Felix should’ve been scared at how dependent he already was when Hyunjin was concerned, but he couldn’t be worried when it felt so wonderful. Knowing that Hyunjin needed him just as much was the cherry on top that made Felix’s heart skip a beat.

“Me neither..” Felix admitted, pulling slightly on Hyunjin’s shirt and getting on his toes to press his lips against Hyunjin’s again.

Hyunjin was stunned for just a second by Felix taking action, since it was a rare occurrence. His breathing hitched as Felix’s lips collided with his, but he gladly accepted Felix’s affection, moving one of his arms to wrap it firmly around the other boy’s tiny waist, his other hand sliding from Felix’s cheek to the back of his head, entangling his fingers in his soft pink strands. Finally, to Felix's great pleasure, when he parted his lips, Hyunjin’s tongue invaded his mouth, dancing with his own slowly, teasingly. Grabbing his hair gently but firmly, Hyunjin pulled on Felix’s strands, tilting his head back further, making the smaller boy moan quietly in his mouth. At the sound echoing in the silent room, the kiss became more feverish, Hyunjin’s grip tight around Felix, his hand in his hair and the movement of his tongue against his becoming a little rougher, more rushed. 

In one swift motion, Hyunjin lifted Felix slightly in the air with his arm around him, his feet only a few centimeters off the floor. He turned around, walking to the bed, never breaking the kiss between them, not even when he lowered Felix onto the mattress, climbing on top of him. His instincts taking over, Felix spread his legs for Hyunjin to slide between them, pressing his body against his, their tongues passionately intertwined. When Hyunjin closed his teeth gently around Felix’s bottom lip, nibbling it, sucking it in his mouth, Felix hips rolled under him, his body searching for friction, to release the arousal that was slowly but surely building inside him. Hyunjin groaned at the sensation, a primal sound that reverberated through Felix's whole body, finishing its course between his legs. 

Hyunjin pressed himself between Felix’s legs harder, pinning him completely to the bed, one of his hands quickly finding its way under Felix’s shirt to touch his bare skin.His teeth let go of Felix’s lower lip as he crashed their mouths together once more, his tongue exploring every corner eagerly. His fingers rode up Felix's chest, gliding on his skin, making his shirt ride up on his abdomen, letting the skin of his stomach show. As Hyunjin let his fingers make their way down, every so slightly grazing Felix’s bare skin with his nails, he also let go of his lips, angling his face in his neck instead to attack it with kisses.

Felix was already overstimulated, every touch, every brush of Hyunjin’s lips driving him more and more crazy by the second. He could feel himself getting harder, the fabric of his pants getting tighter around him. He wondered for a second if Hyunjin, pressed against him, could feel it too, but his mind was too busy with Hyunjin’s touch to dwell on anything else. The long fingers moved from his chest to his abdomen, tracing a line between his defined abs excruciatingly slowly before landing on his lower abdomen, grazing the edge of his pants over and over again, playing with the waistband, torturing Felix in the most delicious way. After one more kiss in his neck Hyunjin brushed Felix’s skin with his teeth, nibbling on his neck gently, driving Felix over the edge. Biting his lip to try and muffle the moan coming out of his mouth, Felix rolled his hips, rubbing against Hyunjin through their clothes once more, his back arching ever so slightly, his whole body desperate for more. 

With a groan, Hyunjin buried his face in Felix’s neck, his breathing deep and uneven for a second, the tip of his fingers sliding under the waistband, not moving any further, Felix already slightly panting in his ear. Felix could feel Hyunjin trying to restrain himself, trying to stop himself from going any further. He loved the fact that even after all that, even after seeing how aroused Felix was, he still tried to go as slowly as Felix might need. But he couldn’t take it anymore, he couldn’t wait and he didn’t want to, all he wanted was Hyunjin’s hands on him, to get the sweet release he had been so desperate for for days now. 

“Hyunjin..” he breathed in the other boy’s ear, rolling his hips against him once more, this time on purpose.

Hyunjin’s breath hitched as he leaned away from Felix’s neck, facing him, looking him in the eye. His irises were dark, his eyes full of barely refrained need and want, his breathing shallow. He wanted this just as much as Felix, the boy was sure of it. 

“Baby?” he asked, his voice low, raspy. 

He was asking for permission from Felix more than anything else with this word and Felix was aware of it. Hyunjin wanted to take things slow but he was at his breaking point too, wanting to touch Felix and so Felix didn’t want for them to have to wait any longer. He felt like his body would combust if Hyunjin stopped right there.

“Please, Hyunnie..” he almost moaned, looking at the other with a little nod, giving him the permission he was looking for.

With a sharp inhale, Hyunjin pressed his lips against Felix softly, clearly refraining his passion as he slowly slid his fingers under the waistband, his whole hand finally disappearing under the fabric of Felix’s pants. In a second, Hyunjin’s large hand was cupping him through his boxers. The pressure of his hand on his hard member, even with a band of fabric between the two, was exquisite. Felix was arching his back, trying to press himself against Hyunjin’s hand harder without thinking, the only thing on his mind being the sensation of his touch. 

“Fuck..” Hyunjin breathed against Felix’s lips, leaning back to look at him. “You’re already so hard for me baby..” he growled, clearly pleased and aroused by that fact, squeezing his fingers around him through the fabric, just a little bit more.

“Hyunjin..” Felix moaned again, biting his lower lip, his eyes already half closed, the feelings too much for him to handle despite Hyunjin only palming him through his boxers. 

“You want more baby? Tell me..” he whispered, his free hand sliding on Felix’s bottom lip, freeing it from Felix’s teeth, the most sensual, hungry smile on the corner of his mouth. 

“Please.. Please touch me..” Felix begged, his voice low, his cheeks flushed. 

“So eager..” Hyunjin groaned happily, his eyes shining with pure lust. “So pretty..” he whispered. 

His hand moved, his fingers quickly finding the rim of his boxers and sliding under it. Soon he was wrapping his long fingers around him. Felix was fitting perfectly in his warm hand and at the feeling of his skin against his, Felix's breath caught in his throat, as he closed his eyes completely. 

“Look at me.” Hyunjin commended firmly, his fingers grabbing his chin to force Felix to face him.

Felix obeyed instantly, Hyunjin commanding tone simply adding to his arousal. If Felix thought there was no better feeling than having Hyunjin’s hand finally wrapped around him, he changed his mind when Hyunjin actually started to stroke his cock, in slow deliberate movements. Felix hadn’t been touched like that in a long time. He hadn’t even touched himself that way in a while and from the very first stroke his body melted, his eyes searching Hyunjin’s gaze, arching his back to lean into the touch.

The pressure of Hyunjin’s hand around him was perfect, the slow strokes were driving him crazy, his body tingling, pleasure rolling in waves in his belly each time his hand reached the tip of his cock and slid back down. Hyunjin was watching him intensly, holding his breath, his eyes glued to Felix’s face to admire his every reaction. After a few strokes he picked up the pace ever so slightly, his fingers sliding around Felix’s cock quicker, Felix throbbing in his hand, his hips rolling instinctively to the same rhythm. A long moan escaped his lips, not as muffled or discreet as the previous ones and, embarassed by how much he was enjoying himself, he hid his face in his hand, the intensity of Hyunjin’s gaze on him almost as much of a turn on as his caress. 

“I said.. Look at me.” Hyunjin ordered once more, his free hand grabbing Felix’s wrist to pry his fingers away from his face, pinning his hand above his head so he could look at Felix’s flushed face once more and witness the pleasure distorting his features. 

He squeezed Felix cock tighter in his grip, possessively, his strokes becoming faster still, the pleasure building dangerously quickly in Felix’s belly. Hyunjin leaned to eagerly press his lips against Felix’s, his tongue forcing the entrance quickly, all the while keeping his eyes open, enjoying the view of Felix squirming under him. The kiss was sloppy and feverish, but Hyunjin’s caress on Felix’s cock were still strong, fast and precise. More and more Felix was moaning, the sounds lost in Hyunjin’s mouth. He was rolling his hips messily, trying to match the pace, feeling his release coming closer and closer, too quickly.

“Hyunjin, I’m.. Stop, I’m going to..” he tried to formulate against Hyunjin’s lips, between panting and moaning.

“Shhh, baby.. “ Hyunjin whispered. “Let go.. Cum for me..”

Felix didn’t want it to finish so fast, he wanted to touch Hyunjin, he wanted them to become one finally, he wanted it to last forever. But he had been starved for this touch for so long, his body demanded release. Hyunjin’s fast strokes paired with his words that turned Felix on even more, drove him over the edge despite him wanting to hold off. And in a long guttural moan that Hyunjin muffled with his mouth, Felix's body tensed up, the pleasure in his stomach exploding as he came all over Hyunjin’s long fingers, in his boxers, white little stars filling his vision. 

He was vaguely aware, after that, of Hyunjin slowly taking his hand away, bringing it to his lips to lick off the few drops of cum coating his fingers, watching Felix with as much cockyness as endearment in his eyes. In his post orgasm daze, he barely felt Hyunjin grabbing paper towels in his night stand and quickly cleaning him up, pulling his pants off of him in the process, being soft and gentle in every single one of his movements. Finally, Hyunjin leaned back on top of Felix, brushing his lips with his ever so softly.

“Was it good?” he asked quietly.

All Felix could do was to nod, the movement so small it was barely noticeable because his body felt so heavy from the monumental orgasm he just had. Never had he achieved such a powerful orgasm simply by being touched like that. Thinking of it, he wasn’t sure he ever had such an orgasm even during sex altogether. He didn’t have a lot of experience, but he could still remember the few times he had had flings and one night stands, and they couldn’t even compare to what Hyunjin just offered him. He could barely imagine what it would be when they went all the way. Thinking about that made Felix feel guilty for cumming this quickly when he wanted to share the pleasure with Hyunjin, who was now left excited and probably frustrated.

“I wanted to..” Felix pouted, unable to finish his sentence.

“One step at a time baby..” Hyunjin softly breathed, brushing Felix’s hair out of his face. “All I wanted was to make you feel good. I wasn’t waiting for anything from you. I just.. needed to touch you. We have all the time in the world for the rest.” he said so lovingly it made Felix’s heart flutter, as he silently nodded his understanding. “Come on, let’s get you into the shower before you fall asleep, alright?” he softly chuckled, leaning away from Felix and getting up from the bed.

Felix would have prefered going back to sleep indeed, but he knew Hyunjin was right, after that he definitely needed a shower. So even though his body was screaming for him to rest, he sighed, grabbing the hand that Hyunjin was extending to him, letting the other boy hoist him out of bed. He landed between Hyunjin arms and looking up, he caught the boy smiling at him lovingly, his gaze warm and happy. Felix got on his toes, pressing a soft, very quick kiss on Hyunjin’s lips, acting out of instinct.

“Thank you..” he said sheepishly. It was weird to thank someone for something like that, but he felt like he needed to say it for some reason, despite feeling embarrassed by it. Maybe because he still felt guilty that he didn’t offer Hyunjin the same thing.

“Don’t thank me yet.. “ Hyunjin chuckled. “This was just a preview compared to all the things I’m going to do to you baby..” he added, whispering the words before pressing his lips against Felix’s once more, the other boy blushing furiously but secretly wishing the moment where Hyunjin would do those things to him would come sooner rather than later. “You’re so pretty when you cum for me.. I want to see it again and again..” he continued and Felix quickly hid his burning red face, burying it in Hyunjin’s chest who laughed softly, patting his head. “But let’s focus on that shower first, alright?” 

Holding onto him, maybe because he was scared Felix would collapse on his own, Hyunjin led Felix to the bathroom, entering the room with him and finally letting him go to turn on the water, checking the temperature. He was acting so caringly even though he was the one who had pleasured Felix in the first place and had received nothing in exchange, that it simply made Felix feel even more guilty. He really wanted to touch Hyunjin, he wanted to make him feel just as good as he felt a second before. He didn’t have Hyunjin’s experience and he was scared he wasn’t going to be good enough, but what mattered most to him was to at least try. Because if Felix knew one thing it was that he wanted to make Hyunjin his and he wanted to feel him flinch and throb under his hands, hear him moan and call his name. Nothing would make him happier than those things. 

Once he was pleased with the temperature of the water, Hyunjin came back to Felix, silently grabbing the edge of Felix’s shirt and pulling it above his head, leaving the boy in only his boxers, leading him closer to the running shower.

“Alright baby, I’ll be waiting to cuddle you, so don’t take too long.” he said with a little pout, hiding a smile.

But Felix didn’t want him to leave, he had other things in mind. So before Hyunjin could turn away, Felix stopped him by grabbing his hand. His other hand went to the edge of Hyunjin’s pants, his fingers hooking themselves around his belt, already working to undo his belt buckle. He looked up at Hyunjin who was biting his lip, a surprised, but definitely still aroused look in his eyes at Felix’s behavior.

“Stay with me..” Felix pleaded with a small, shy voice, looking up expectantly at Hyunjin.


	35. Take A Shower With Me..

“Baby you..” Hyunjin started, looking at Felix with barely disguised desire but, as always, refraining himself.

He had said to Felix he didn’t expect him to do anything, probably because despite pleasuring him, Hyunjin still wanted to let Felix go slow, go at his own pace. Yes, he had touched him, caressed him until he lost himself between his fingers, but still he didn’t ask, didn’t expect anything in return. Still he didn’t want to pressure Felix or ask anything of him. 

“Just to shower.. Please?” Felix asked innocently, looking up at him with a little shy pout, his fingers making quick work of Hyunjin’s belt buckle.

Once the belt was unbuckled, Felix’s fingers swiftly unbuttoned Hyunjin’s pants, pulling on his shirt to free it from the waistband, his small hands already grabbing onto the rim of it. Hyunjin breathed through his teeth, biting his lower lip but not moving to stop Felix who was feeling more bold because of it. Slowly he started to lift up Hyunjin’s shirt, exposing his skin more and more as seconds went by, his fingers grazing his abdomen on purpose all the while. He could feel Hyunjin tense at the contact, his skin covered in small goosebumps, his eyes already half closed.

“Take a shower with me Hyunnie..” Felix said in his deep voice, sheepish but a little more confident than he usually was, seeing the effect he had on Hyunjin. 

Getting on his toes Felix continued to lift the shirt until it reached the point where he needed Hyunjin to lift his arms so he could get rid of the piece of fabric altogether. He leaned to press his lips ever so softly at the corner of Hyunjin’s mouth, barely touching his lips.

“Please?” he asked once more, almost just a whisper against Hyunjin’s skin before he leaned away.

Gulping quietly, Hyunjin silently nodded, looking at Felix, his irises dark, his lips parted, waiting and observing every one of Felix’s movements, amazed by him taking charge for once. He lifted his arms as a small victorious smile found its place on Felix’s lips and the smaller boy slid the shirt above Hyunjin’s head, throwing it to the side once he finally managed to get it off completely, getting rid of it. He let his hands fall on Hyunjin’s naked chest. It was the first time he was seeing him that way and he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander on his perfect, smooth skin, his finely defined muscles. His hands slowly slid down, his eyes following the same path. Down, down, down, tracing a fine line with the tip of his fingers from Hyunjin’s pecs to his abs, to finally lend on the edge of his pants. It seemed like Hyunjin had stopped breathing altogether, even though his chest was rising and falling quicker than usual. Felix wasn’t even totally aware of it though, entranced and enchanted by the sight Hyunjin was offering him, by the wonderful feeling of his hot, bare skin against his fingertips. 

“Just to shower..” Hyunjin repeated Felix's words, so softly it was barely audible.

Grabbing onto the rim of Hyunjin’s pants, Felix nodded, finally looking up at him while his hands pulled the fabric down, letting it fall around Hyunjin’s legs until it hit the floor around his ankles. Hyunjin quickly stepped out of them, shoving the pants to the side with his foot, his eyes locked on Felix, his hands finally reaching for him, resting on his hips, his fingers playing with the rim of his boxers, sliding under it.

“Let’s get you out of these then..” he whispered, a little smile on the corner of his lips as he pulled the last piece of fabric hiding Felix’s body down without waiting.

Felix’s mouth watered at the idea of pulling down Hyunjin’s boxers as well, to finally discover him completely and fully, to finally see the part of him he had fantasized about for days now. Just like Hyunjin had done, Felix brought his fingers to the edge of his*s boxers, sliding them under the rim of the piece of fabric. He was looking up at Hyunjin’s face though, not wanting to look down just yet, to seem too eager even though he had said to Hyunjin they were only here to take a shower and nothing else. Hyunjin was biting his lower lip once more, periodically letting the tip of his tongue peek out from between his lips, clearly aroused by Felix’s behavior, by him taking off his clothes. Encouraged by the look in Hyunjin’s eyes, Felix finally pulled down the last piece of fabric between them, keeping his eyes up despite how tempting it was to admire Hyunjin’s body instead.

Once they were both naked, Felix took a few steps back, stepping in the shower and letting the hot water hit his body, extending a hand towards Hyunjin, inviting him to join him inside the shower. Hyunjin stayed unmoving for a second, taking in the sight of Felix, dripping wet under the shower head, totally naked and waiting for him. Slowly he walked towards Felix, grabbing his hand and letting the boy pull him closer inside. The shower wasn’t big, there was space for the two of them, but they had to stay pretty close to one another. Not as close as Felix wanted to get though. Letting go of Hyunjin’s hand, he ran his fingers on the skin of Hyunjin’s chest, sliding up to find his shoulders, getting on his toes and leaning to kiss him once more, pulling him closer, under the shower head with him.

Hyunjin naturally responded to the kiss, his hands instantly finding Felix’s cheeks, sliding in his hair. Still he kept the kiss slow and soft, despite Felix trying to part his lips and deepen it. After a second Hyunjin leaned away with a little smile, but his breath was quick and uneven and Felix could feel him against his stomach, getting harder than he already was, aroused by the whole situation. It made Felix feel good inside, feel powerful and bold, to know that seeing him naked and kissing him had this kind of effect on a man as beautiful and perfect as Hyunjin himself.

“Baby..” Hyunjin warned.

Felix nodded silently, obediently, taking a step back and grabbing the bodywash on the side, spurting some liquid in his hand under Hyunjin’s watchful eye. Slowly he placed his hand on Hyunjin’s chest, letting the soap drip on his skin and rubbing it gently against his pecs, on his shoulders and going down on his abdomen. He was being meticulous, cleaning Hyunjin, touching every part of his chest in the process. The water was already washing all the soap away as soon as it touched Hyunjin’s skin, but Felix didn’t care, keeping up with his caress, his hands slowly going further down. 

Hyunjin’s breath hitched as Felix got closer and closer to his goal, but that didn’t stop him, his hand sliding on the smooth skin until his fingers could wrap themselves around Hyunjin’s cock, already hard and ready. Only then did Felix look down, finally admiring Hyunjin’s member in all its glory. He was big, Felix’s small fingers barely able to wrap themselves entirely around him. Still he gave one slow stroke, looking at his hand sliding along the length. Hyunjin quickly but gently grabbed his wrist, Felix taken away from his contemplation to look up at Hyunjin instead.

“Let me..” Felix pleaded, looking at Hyunjin with those innocent eyes of his, still filled with unfiltered desire. 

Hyunjin inhaled through his teeth, looking at Felix. It was clear a battle was raging on in his mind, between letting Felix give him what he very obviously wanted, risking the fact that Felix might be doing it to please him and not because he really wanted it, or stopping him to let him go at his own pace but forcing himself to stay frustrated and hard. But Felix wanted this, he didn’t feel pressured in the slightest, on the contrary, as glad as he was thar Hyunjin was being so considerate, he was getting a little frustrated by how much restraint the other boy was showing when he, himself, could barely contain himself from jumping on him, begging him to take him once and for all. 

“Let me touch you, please..” Felix breathed.

As an incentive, he moved his hand slowly, applying more pressure around Hyunjin’s cock as he gave it a gentle stroke once more, Hyunjin shuddering in his hand, breathing heavily. After a second, he offered Felix a nod, his restraint finally disappearing, only desire and lust shining on his face. Empowered by Hyunjin’s approval, by the pure look of need in his eyes, Felix started to lower his body, carefully putting his knees against the shower floor, his fingers still wrapped around Hyunjin’s cock who was now only a few centimeters away from his face.

“Fuck.. Baby, no, you don’t have to..” Hyunjin quickly swore, a little bit of concern flashing through his eyes, mixed with the clear signs of how aroused seeing Felix on his knees made him.

“I want to..” Felix confronted him, looking up, tilting his head to see Hyunjin’s face from his position.

“Are.. you sure?” Hyunjin asked softly, his hand reaching for Felix’s head, his fingers brushing his wet hair back and out of his face, always making sure Felix was comfortable with the situation despite the fact that Felix could feel him pulse in his hand from anticipation.

As an answer, Felix opened his mouth, looking down, and taking out his tongue to lick the tip of Hyunjin’s cock in front of him, sliding his tongue against his slit very slowly. He heard Hyunjin swear quietly between his teeth again, his hand still softly laying on Felix's head, his fingers intertwined in his pink strands. Felix reproduced the movement, lapping the precum glistening on Hyunjin’s tip. Hearing Hyunjin’s breath hitch and quicken, Felix confidently opened his mouth more, slowly taking the tip of Hyunjin’s cock in his mouth, hollowing his cheeks as he pushed Hyunjin’s member a little further in, not taking all of him just yet. He let his hand stroke the base while his mouth was taking care of the tip, his tongue sliding around Hyunjin avidly. 

Hyunjin monaed, the sound echoing in the room, wonderful music to Felix’s ears, proof that he was doing good. This encouraged him to take Hyunjin’s cock further in his mouth, pushing him inside more and more until his mouth was completely full, the tip of Hyunjin’s dick hitting the back of his throat. One thing Felix had discovered during his few one night stands was that he had no gag reflex, a very handy skill in those situations. When Hyunjin’s cock hit the back of Felix's throat, Hyunjin’s fingers clenched around Felix’s pink strands.

“Fuck..” he moaned, his voice raw. “Baby, you don’t..” he tried to say, probably wanting to tell Felix he didn’t have to do that once again.

But Felix didn’t want to hear it and, to shut him up, he took Hyunjin’s cock almost entirely out of his mouth, just to push it back inside once more in a quick motion, his lips sliding around him, Hyunjin’s hardness once more hitting the back of his throat. The sensation had not only Hyunjin moaning once more but Felix too. This was turning him on, having Hyunjin filling his mouth so completely, moaning and shuddering under his touch. He moaned around Hyunjin’s cock, the vibrations around his member making Hyunjin grab onto Felix’s hair tighter, using his other hand to keep himself upright by leaning against the shower wall behind him.

Felix’s hand, now useless since Felix could fit Hyunjin’s cock entirely in his mouth, slid down between Hyunjin’s legs, cupping his testicles, caressing them and massaging them between his fingers gently and carefully, all the while letting his lips and tongue play with Hyunjin’s dick, going up and down on it. Hyunjin was panting, small moans escaping his lips here and there. With his hands in Felix’s hair he started to unconsciously apply some pressure on Felix’s head, trying to set his own pace. And Felix loved that, loved seeing Hyunjin slowly taking back control. Despite how eager he had been, acting so bold, Felix prefered when Hyunjin was dictating things his way. This was a big turn on for him, being told what to do, being dominated in a way. That was one of the reasons why Chan had called him kinky. And so Felix happily followed Hyunjin’s pace, sucking him quicker and quicker, hollowing his cheeks and sliding his tongue along and around his members with each stroke of his mouth.

“Look at me.” Hyunjin commanded, the words just a groan uttered through his teeth.

And Felix obeyed, looking up, feeling tingles in his stomach, aroused to no end by Hyunjin’s tone, by his habit of commanding him, even in such a situation. Hyunjin was perfectly, beautifully disheveled, his black, wet hair falling in front of his eyes, his lips parted, his chest rising and falling quickly, pleasure and hunger distorting his gorgeous features. 

“Your pretty lips look so good around me baby..” he groaned possessively, leading Felix’s head up and down his length again, his fingers tight in Felix’s hair. “Fuck.. I’m not gonna last if you look at me like that..” he moaned once more, Felix looking at him while his tongue swirled around his tip, sliding along his length, following the rhythm Hyunjin was imposing. “Baby.. Shit, it’s so good..” he swore, throwing his head back with a guttural moan, forcing Felix to pick up the pace once more around his member, his eyes quickly coming back down to look at him.

Hyunjin fucked Felix’s mouth hard and fast for a few seconds, grunting, moaning and never taking his eyes off Felix, staring deep into his eyes, his tongue periodically running on his lower lip, the pleasure more and more clear on his features. Felix could feel him throb and pulse in his mouth, growing bigger and he knew Hyunjin was close. Anticipation started to rise in Felix’s chest, eager to give Hyunjin the release he wanted, to make him feel good.

“I’m so close..” Hyunjin grunted, pulling on Felix's hair, gently but firmly, forcing him to take Hyunjin’s cock fully out of his mouth. “If you don’t want to..” he started. 

Felix knew what he was going to say and, for all answer, he stuck out his tongue, his mouth open, ready to receive what Hyunjin had to give. He wanted to please him until the end, he wanted to feel him crumble under his touch, and he was glad and grateful Hyunjin was making sure he was okay with it, but he had no intention to stop before he was done. 

“Fuck..” he swore for the umpteenth time, the sight of Felix that way was, alone, almost enough to make him cum right them and there.

He pulled Felix’s head closer once more, Felix eagerly taking him in his mouth again, sliding his lips from the tip to the base easily. He pumped in his mouth feverishly, his hips moving more than Felix’s head, properly fucking his mouth roughly, Felix moaning around his cock again and again, loving the feeling of it hiting the back of his throat with each thrust of Hyunjin’s hips. And after a few deep strokes, a long, low, raw moan escaped Hyunjin’s lips and Felix finally felt his hot cum hit his tongue and slide down his throat. He swallowed everything Hyunjin had to offer him, not missing a drop, lapping his slit once more for good measure before Hyunjin leaned back, his tired cock leaving Felix’s mouth for good. 

Felix was about to try and get back onto his feet, his knees hurting, but Hyunjin was the one coming down to his level to meet him, crouching low. He took Felix’s head between his hands, not missing a beat and leaning to press his lips against his. He was suddenly so soft, so gentle that it was a complete turn-around from the way he was roughly taking his mouth just a second ago. Now that he had managed to reciprocate, now that he had made Hyunjin feel good, Felix felt suddenly exhausted. But happier than ever from what he had just accomplished. Still the embarrassment and doubt finally started to hit him and he was getting worried that he had under performed. Hyunjin’s reactions during the whole ordeal should’ve been enough to prove to him how much pleasure he took in it, but his mind couldn’t help but remind him that Hyunjin had experience and probably had had better. After a few slow seconds Hyunjin leaned back, breathless and still panting softly.

“Was.. Was it good?” Felix asked sheepishly, his cheeks burning, biting his lower lip nervously.

“Baby..” Hyunjin chuckled, in disbelief that Felix could even ask this question. “It was perfect.. You’re perfect..” he whispered lovingly, pressing his lips against Felix’s forehead, his thumbs caressing his wet cheeks gently. “Absolutely perfect..” he added, almost like he was talking to himself quietly, looking down at Felix with so much emotion in his eyes, it made Felix's heart swell up. “And such a naughty boy too.. Who would’ve thought?” he teased after a second, chuckling.

“Stop it..” Felix whined, finally hiding his burning red face behind his hands.

Hyunjin laughed softly, caressing Felix’s wet hair in a soothing, comforting motion. After a little while he grabbed both Felix’s hands, getting up and pulling Felix with him, letting the water hit them both as he took the bottle of body wash, putting some liquid in his hand and spreading it on Felix’s torso. 

“Let’s finish this quickly, I think we both deserve a good nap now..” Hyunjin chuckled, focusing on his task with a small, content smile lingering at the corner of his lips.


	36. Tell Me Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heya there! I'm sorry there wasn't an update yesterday, yet again. I'm having kind of a hard time lately, nothing to worry about but it is what it is. So I did have a harder time writing a chapter quickly enough this time around. I'll try not to let that happen too much but I hope you can understand~
> 
> Side note: NOTHING happens in that chapter, but I hope you won't find it too boring nonetheless. I guess I needed to write something calmer for once but it ended up not being very exciting.. Sorry sorry~ ♥

The rest of their shower passed quickly in a tired silence, the two of them washing each other with little smiles, Hyunjin never missing an opportunity to drop a kiss or two on Felix’s face, his shoulders or his head. Once they were done, both wrapped in towels they rushed back to their rooms, each jumping in a clean pair of boxers and, before Felix could put on pyjamas, Hyunjin simply pulled him into bed, throwing the blanket over their bodies and wrapping him tightly in his arms, sharing his warmth.

This position, laying on his side, face to face with Hyunjin, sharing a pillow under their heads while their bodies were intertwined with one another’s, had become natural to Felix already and it made him feel incredibly safe, protected. His eyes were heavy and so was his body. He hadn’t had an orgasm like that in a very long time and they were still both very hungover on top of that, so his body was starting to have some troubles keeping up with the rest. The feeling of his skin directly against Hyunjin’s, the warmth of his body engulfing him was particularly soothing, relaxing and Felix was having a hard time keeping his eyes open.

“... so lucky?” Felix heard Hyunjin’s voice as the other boy was softly stroking his arm up and down with the tip of his fingers. He was already starting to drift off to sleep, not catching his whole sentence. 

“Um?” Felix asked, more a little hum than a word, blinking a few times to try and keep himself awake.

Hyunjin chuckled quietly, his fingers brushing Felix’s hair out of his face before leaning to press the softest kiss on his forehead, his lips lingering there for a long second before leaning away.

“Sleep, baby..” he whispered, still caressing his hair slowly, gently.

“Okay..” Felix mumbled, the only thing he could get past his lips.

He slid his arms around Hyunjin, wrapping himself around him, soaking in his warmth and his reassuring scent that made him feel so safe and calm, settling his head against his chest and nuzzling his nose against his bare skin, closing his eyes. Hyunjin kept passing his fingers through the pink strands while his other hand was resting on Felix’s lower back, drawing little circles on his smooth skin with the tip of his fingers. He rested his chin on the top of the smaller boy’s head, kissing his hair before closing his own eyes, listening to Felix’s breathing. The two of them quickly drifted off into a peaceful, well-needed sleep, holding onto each other more lovingly than ever before. 

The both of them drifted in and out of sleep for the rest of the day and all through the night, probably like the rest of the house which stayed uncharastically quiet throughout the hours. Each time Felix opened his eyes, he would simply watch over Hyunjin for a few moments, admiring him, flawless as always even in his sleep, with his eyelids softly fluttering, his lips ever so slightly parted, quiet sounds and words escaping his mouth and disappearing in the darkness of the room every so often. And then, satisfied with his momentary gazing, he would snuggle against his body again and would fall back asleep with his heart fluttering happily and a soft smile on his lips. What he didn’t know was that when Hyunjin woke up, he would do the same, looking at Felix for an absurdly long time, simply committing every single freckle on his face to memory, caressing his hair, his heart swelling up at each slow, soft breath Felix took, each time afraid to close his eyes to realize, when he would open them again, that it was all a dream. But each time the warmth of Felix against him and that adorable way he had of nuzzling his nose against Hyunjin’s chest in his sleep, unaware of it, would soothe and melt his heart just a bit more, comforting him enough to let him drift back into sleep once more. 

The last time Felix opened his eyes, he knew it was the next morning already. His body was stiff from sleeping so much, and slightly aching from sleeping in an unconventional position, wrapped around Hyunjin. His stomach too was protesting against the amount of time it had been left unattended for. Still all he wanted to do was to stay right there and listen to Hyunjin breath and talk in his sleep. He knew how much Hyunjin loved having him by his side when he woke up. Or, more accurately, he knew how much Hyunjin disliked waking up alone when Felix was supposed to be in his arms. 

So he dragged it out for as long as he could, keeping up with his new found hobby of simply watching Hyunjin. The boy in his arms had nothing special to do for Felix to find him fascinating, a little more every time he laid eyes on him. Hyunjin’s very existence was a blessing in Felix’s eyes. Not only because he had never seen someone so beautiful, ethereal, in his life. Not only because he was one of the most talented men he had ever met, one of the most dedicated and hardworking persons he knew. But also because laying in his arms, he felt like he had met someone he was meant for. Someone that his heart and soul had been searching for tirelessly for years now. It was a weird feeling, a scary one, one that proved him just how much Hyunjin already meant to him, forcing him to face his real feelings for the boy despite him not having put words on it aloud yet. So, it was a blessing, because if there was no Hwang Hyunjin in the universe, maybe Felix would’ve never found that very special person that made him feel that very special way. 

Still, despite how much he wanted to stay there until Hyunjin opened his eyes, he knew the boy was known for being the one sleeping late the most and his whole body was starting to scream at him to move, the grumbling in his tummy joining the chorus. So begrudgingly but very carefully, he wiggled out of Hyunjin’s grasp, leaving the warmth of the blanket and the warmth of his body to tiptoe in the dark room. He fumbled for his backpack, only to find out that he already had used all the clothes he had brought with him, all needing to get washed, all except a pair of black tight jeans. He had left his house with almost nothing, not even a full bag of clothes, so it was bound to happen at some point. Silently fumbling around to Hyunjin’s dresser, he simply picked up, randomly, a crisp white shirt. 

When he finally stepped out of the room, he was still buttoning up the shirt on top of his black jeans, ripped at the knee. The shirt was way too big for him, the sleeves too long, but he couldn’t care less, he usually liked wearing oversized clothing and the fact that this shirt was Hyunjin’s and smelled like him was something that made him just the tiniest bit happier, like he could go anywhere, do anything and still have Hyunjin with him in some way. 

It was a little past 8am when he walked into the kitchen but still nobody was up, probably all wanting to sleep in like Hyunjin had done, despite everyone spending half the day before resting. Felix didn’t mind, he liked the quiet and the calm that filled the house early in the morning when none of the other boys were up. He adored the chaos and how lively they all made the place of course, but there was something soothing and reassuring about being alone with his thoughts just for a few minutes or hours in the day. It was probably what it felt like when you lived with seven other peoples 24/7. Even during the night he wasn’t alone, since he was spending his hours of sleep with Hyunjin. So early the morning was his only little moment of solitude and contemplation and despite the fact that he had only lived here for a few days, he had already learned to love these little moments. 

He spent very little time in the kitchen this time around though, fixing himself a cup of coffee and filling a bowl with random cereals he found in a cupboard before moving on with both those things in his hands. He could’ve baked something like he had done multiple times and that would’ve been a fun little way of passing his free time, but Felix had something else in mind and now seemed like the best time for it. So with his mug and his bowl of dry cereal, he walked to the entrance, opening the door to the recording studio and made his way down the stairs.

It still felt a little bit weird to him to head down alone, like he didn’t belong there if at least one other member wasn’t with him. He had to remind himself that he was part of the band too, that he had as much a right as anyone else to be down there and that it was an important place for his work now and so he was completely authorized to go downstairs on his own whenever he wanted. Still to him it kinda felt like sneaking behind everyone else’s back for some weird reason. 

The first time he had been in the studio, when he had heard the other members sing, when he had recorded his first ever verse for them, Felix had taken an inventory of the room. There were a lot of instruments there, acoustic and electric guitars, bass guitars, a drum set and, what had caught Felix's attention the most at that time, a keyboard, pressed against one of the walls in the back of the room. Learning the piano was the only music-related thing his parents ever authorized him to do. Actually for a while they encouraged it, because it was a skill that was valued, well regarded, that made him appear classy and well-off. 

He didn’t like his lessons, because his professor seemed like he loved music about as much as Felix’s parents did, despite his job, but still at that time he had been glad to be able to have music in his life, even if he wasn’t allowed to play anything other than the classical pieces he was ordered to learn. Of course when his parents had deemed he was “good enough”, they made him quit piano to focus on yet another extra-curricular activity and Felix had had no say in the matter whatsoever. So it had been a while since he actually played anything, but ever since he had seen that keyboard in the studio, he had wanted to try and stretch out his fingers on the black and ivory keys, just to test it out.

So even though he was ill at ease, even though it somewhat felt sacrilegious for him, he sat on the little stool in front of the keyboard, putting his bowl and mug on the flat surface next to it, which resembled a filling cabinet of some sort. At first he simply put his fingers on the keys, unmoving, taking a deep breath. He knew he was still able to play, after many years learning it was a little like riding a bike, his muscle memory would do most of the work. And still it was a little nerve-wracking to have the possibility of creating music just at the tip of his fingers, because he had no idea what he could do with all this freedom and all this power. For years he had yearned to play whatever he wanted but had been confined to the few classical pieces he was authorized to practice and play and now that he finally could play anything, even create a melody if he felt like it, his mind was coming up blank. 

So with a deep inhale, closing his eyes, he simply let his fingers run on the keys, playing the first melody that came to his mind. He didn’t know the proper arrangement for this song but the melody was similar enough with him playing it from memory. It was an old Adele song and he had heard the song so many times, that even though he had never learned how to play it, he could recreate a close enough version of it. The song reminded him of his younger sister. Olivia was obsessed with ice skating, so much so that she would practice for hours and hours each week. Ice skating was, to Olivia, what dancing was to Felix. The only difference was that she was getting recognition for it, competing and winning prizes, explaining why their parents approved of her passion instead of smothering it like they had done for Felix. 

Felix couldn’t lie, he had always been a bit jealous of this freedom she had gained, to perform her art the way she wanted to. Olivia was the treasure of the family, the jewel. And Rachel, his older sister, was the pride and joy of their parents, the one that had followed every rule and was successful in life. And in the middle of all that, Felix had always been the problematic kid, the one who wanted to focus on useless things instead of making his parents proud, the one they simply had to make the most with, without having too high expectations. Felix had lived that way for a long time, it didn’t bother him as much anymore. It was what it was, and he didn’t resent his sisters for it. They both worked hard and were good at what they did and as long as they could be happy, he didn’t really care if it meant living trapped in their shadows. 

Olivia had won her very first Junior Ice Skating Competition on that specific Adele song and so, playing it reminded Felix of the countless time he had accompanied her to practice, the hours she had spent listening to the song over and over again in her room annoying the hell out of him but, most of all, he remembered the way she shined brighter than any star on the ice the night of her performance, the pride he had felt watching her slide and twirl and the unaltered joy on her face when she was handed her medal. Suddenly he missed his baby sister. They were close, as close as they could be despite the fact that they rarely had an occasion to see each other, Olivia spending most of the year in her boarding school. They tended to fight a lot when they were younger, because since she was the youngest, their parents were a lot more lenient with her back then and that used to piss off Felix who craved nothing more than a little bit of freedom. But they both grew up, they both learned to coexist and to understand the other. She was still a massive pain in his ass most of the time, but no matter what, it was his baby sister and he loved her.

As his fingers stopped on the keys, he felt the need to talk to her. He remembered promising her to call her and explain the situation further the last time he facetimed with her. Back then he had been in the car with Hyunjin and Chan, en route to the dance studio for the first time and he had expedited the conversation quickly, not really explaining why he had been thrown out or what his plan was or anything else. Despite how carefree Olivia always seemed, Felix knew deep down she had to be worried about him. So fishing his phone out of his pocket, he dialed her number and positioned the device on the little stand where he would usually put music sheets, waiting for her to pick up the facetime call. 

It was a Saturday and Felix knew that Olivia had probably returned to the boarding school since the last time they spoke. So she should be awake and available, since it was later in the day in Australia than it was in Korea. She might be busy, but knowing her, Felix was pretty certain she wouldn’t be doing anything important right now. And it looked like he was right because after a second or two, the ringtone stopped and the pretty face of his sister appeared on his screen. She wasn’t alone though, in the background behind her Felix could spot her two best friends laying on the bed with her.

“ _So you ARE alive, uh?_ ” Olivia threw his way, a little pout on her lips, a raised eyebrow. Clearly she wasn’t happy that Felix took so long to contact her again.

“ _Is it your brother?_ ” one of her friends asked, to which Olivia nodded.

Both her friends rushed from behind her to come and flank her, each of them getting on one side of Olivia, pressing themselves against her to appear on camera, waving and smiling while Olivia was rolling her eyes with a sigh. Everytime Felix was calling her and she was with her friend, this would happen. Apparently, according to Olivia, Heather and Sloane, her best friends, really liked him, for reasons that Felix was unaware of and that Olivia had never wanted to discuss. 

“ _Hi Felix!_ ” they both exclaimed joyfully.

Felix chuckled and waved back at them with a smile and they both giggled, Olivia rolling her eyes once more with a disgusted expression on her face, like the fact that her friends would be that excited to see her big brother was simply nauseating to her. 

“ _Hello girls._ ” he smiled. “ _Am I interrupting? I can call back later._ ” he then continued, directed to his sister.

“ _No, just a little girl time you know. But I’m starting to rethink if it was such a good idea.._ ” she pouted, Heather poking her in the side with a little laugh, amused. “ _Plus, it might take you a week to call me back again.._ ” she added with a little accusatory tone.

“ _Sorry, sorry.._ ” he said, holding his hands up in front of him. “ _It's been a.. weird and busy couple of days.._ ” he chuckled, realizing how much of an understatement this was.

“ _Yeah, yeah I’m sure._ ” she rolled her eyes again, probably taking that as a bogus excuse. “ _More importantly.. Where’s Chris? And where’s my prince charming?_ ” she then asked, suddenly more excited and this seemed to interest her friends too.

It could come off like Olivia didn’t care about Felix or what was going on with him lately, but Felix knew it was just how Olivia was. She wasn’t one to show her affection easily, especially not to him. She was snarky and was acting tough most of the time, like she didn’t care. But Felix knew her better than that and the fact that she was so upset he hadn’t called sooner told him everything he needed to know. She was worried and she did miss him. But poking at that fact wouldn’t lead anywhere so he simply shrugged with a little endeared chuckle.

“ _Christopher and Hyunjin are sleeping. Everyone is._ ” he explained.

It was still weird having her sister call Hyunjin her ‘prince charming”. She had seen him one time through the phone when they were in the car and had asked him to be her future husband and apparently she hadn’t forgotten about him since. Her, as well as Heather and Sloane seemed a little bummed out at that fact. Felix was sure Olivia had told them about Hyunjin, hyping him up and they all wanted to see him with their own eyes now. He couldn’t blame them, Hyunjin was hypnotizing. He wondered what would be their faces though, if they knew Hyunjin wasn’t available anymore and that Feix was the one sharing his bed. He wasn’t going to point that kind of thing out to his baby sister and her young friends though. 

“ _Everyone..? How many people are you living with exactly? And more importantly, are they all as hot as my husband?_ ” Olivia asked, her eyebrows raised.

Felix wanted to cringe at his little sister calling anyone “hot”. It wasn’t something he was used to hearing from her and it wasn’t something he wanted to get used to either. She wasn’t a baby anymore, she was a teenager and he knew how teenagers were, filled with hormones and fantasies. He had been a teenager before. But when it came to his little sister, he prefered to live in blissful ignorance, thinking she was as pure as snow and was never thinking about anyone as being “hot” or “sexy”. As far as he was concerned, Olivia would never kiss or touch anyone until she was married. Anything going against this reality he created in his mind, he tried to discard. 

“ _Umm.. Seven other dudes and.. yeah, I guess they are..?_ ” he said with a little grimace. 

They were all hot, objectively speaking. Of course nobody could dethrone Hyunjin’s beauty in his mind but he knew all the boys were extremely good looking, all in different ways. He was even amazed, sometimes, when thinking about the fact that seven men as beautiful and talented as them all, could all end up in one place at the same time by pure luck and fate. 

“ _Se..Seven?!_ ” Olivia exclaimed, almost choking on air and coughing for a second before pointing at her camera. “ _Tell me everything!_ ” she ordered, like the gossip-hungry teenager she was.


	37. My Husband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating yesterday, again~ I'll try to get better at keeping up with the daily update, I swear ♥

“ _Well.. What do you wanna know?_ ” Felix laughed softly.

“ _First.. What the fuck happened to you hair?_ ” Olivia asked, gesturing towards her screen with her free hand.

He had completely forgotten he had changed his hair color since the last time she saw him. It was probably one of the few times in her life she saw him with anything else than natural or blond hair. He leaned closer to the screen, showing off his pink strands, passing a hand through it. 

“ _Language!_ he first exclaimed. But he was in no place to scold her for that, especially at her age, so he simply dropped it after she stuck her tongue out at him. “ _Do you like it?_ ” he said, leaning back.

“ _You look like you have cotton candy stuck to your head._ ” his sister retorted with a stubborn pout.

“ _Don’t listen to her, you look great!_ ” Sloane exclaimed, Heather giggling with a nod as Olivia rolled her eyes.

“ _It’s alright.. I guess.._ ” she finally said with that pout of hers.

Felix knew he wasn’t going to get better than that coming from her, but it was typical of her. She rarely complimented him on anything. Not because she didn’t love him but because she was a teenager and she was in that rebellious phase where she wanted everyone to see her as a tough cookie. Gushing over your big brother all the time definitely didn’t look good for her image. 

“ _And so, how did you end up with seven dudes anyway?_ ” she asked quickly, changing the subject.

“ _Well you remember me telling you that Chris was part of a band right? Living with his bandmates here in Korea and everything?”_

Olivia nodded and so did Sloane and Heather, who probably had heard Olivia talk about Chan a million times since they knew one another. Olivia really loved Chan, she had been infatuated with him since she was a little girl. Usually little girls would get into their heads that they wanted to marry their big brother or their father at some point during their childhood. Not Olivia. For Olivia, Chan was the first boy she said she wanted to marry, when she was still just a whiny kid. So, everytime Felix had Chan on the phone or texted with him after he left for Korea, Olivia would ask for news. She also talked a lot with Lucas, Chan’s little brother, so she knew at least as much about Chan’s lifestyle as Felix did before he came to live with him. 

“ _So I live with the whole band. All seven of them._ ” he shrugged with a little smile 

“ _So lucky.._ ” he heard Heather mumble in the background, probably because he was living with those seven “hot” guys. 

“ _Did you hear their music? Are they good?_ ” Olivia asked. “ _I miss hearing Christopher sing.._ ” she added with a little pout, suddenly resembling the little kid he knew so well. 

“ _They are.. phenomenal Liv.._ ” he answered genuinely, a proud, amazed little smile on his lips. Despite the time spent with the boys, he was still shocked by the amount of talent they all possessed and yet he still felt like he had only witnessed the tip of the iceberg. “ _And turns out, they are way more popular than I thought._ ” 

“ _What, like.. They do shows and stuff like that? I always thought Chris was playing in his basement like he did back home.._ she chuckled. 

It amused Felix to hear his sister have the exact same thought process he had had when he first came to live with Chan, before he knew more about Stray Kids, their music and their popularity. So he laughed genuinely, reaching for his mug of coffee, that was almost cold already, sipping a bit of it and shaking his head at the camera. 

“ _More like they’re some sort of.. internet sensation, I guess? With a youtube channel and all that, you know._ ” he explained calmly. 

He had started to get used to that idea after spending hours watching videos after videos on their official channel but the idea that there were so many people online who actually knew who Stray Kids were was still pretty mind blowing to him. He had seen so many people in the comments praise them, saying which member was their favorite and creating fan videos. He couldn’t help but wonder how those people would react if he, too, started to appear in videos. Would he have fans too? Or would they be disappointed by the new addition. Despite the great things he read about his voice in that one song he had sang in, it was still something that terrified him, the idea of being officially introduced to the fans online one day, to appear in videos. Because he wasn’t as good looking as the others, not as funny or talented or entertaining and so he was scared people would just not like him like they loved the others and that it would have a negative impact on the band’s popularity as a whole. But Chan had added him to the group only two days before and so he tried not to think about all that stuff too much just yet. 

“ _What? No, impossible, I never even heard one of their songs.._ ” Olivia said, in disbelief. 

Felix hadn’t heard Chan’s music before coming to Korea either so it wasn’t surprising that Olivia hadn’t. Though she was really close to Lucas so the boy could’ve shown her some but it seemed like it wasn’t a subject they had talked about together. It wasn’t surprising though, Lucas always had the biggest crush on Olivia and everyone knew that except Olivia herself, so everytime Olivia would bring up how much she loved Chan in front of his little brother it would end up in him being mopey and ignoring her. Through the years the young lady probably learned her lesson. Especially since Felix was pretty sure Lucas’s crush was reciprocated, no matter the fact that Olivia was too stubborn to admit it. 

“ _I know, I was in the same boat.._ ” he chuckled softly. " _I’ll send you a link to their music if you really want it but.._ ” he stopped for a second, biting his lower lip with a little smirk. He was excited to make the announcement to his sister but also a little scared that she would have the same things in mind that their parents had, that he wasn’t good enough. He knew his sister wasn’t like that though, so he took a breath and opened his mouth again. “ _Wanna hear something even crazier?_ ” he asked, barely containing his excitement now. 

“ _What..?_ ” she said, raising an eyebrow, clearly intrigued but also a little worried about whatever Felix was about to announce. 

“ _Chan invited me to join them.._ ” he finally said after letting silence hang between them for a suspenseful second. 

“ _You mean..?_ ” she asked, unsure. 

“ _I’m part of the group, yeah!_ ” he exclaimed, the warmest, happiest smile on his lips. 

It was exciting to be able to announce it to someone who wasn’t part of their household, wasn’t part of the band. Someone who was a part of his “old life”, the one in which nobody imagined that he could ever succeed in that path. He knew his sister had always been more or less supportive of his dreams, at least as much as she could be. But for most of her life she had simply known him as everyone else had known him: repressed by his parents, following the rules and constantly smothering his dreams and his talents all the while convincing himself he had none. 

“ _So you’re.. making music again?_ ” she asked softly and even though her face didn’t morph in pure happiness, even though her tone was still pretty unbothered, Felix could swear he saw her eyes light up completely at the news, even through the screen. 

“ _Oh my god, Felix in a boy band, I need to see that!_ ” Sloane squealed, Heather giggling and nodding excitedly. 

“ _Yeah, I am making music again.. Finally.._ ” Felix said with a smile, it was clear in his tone and his expression that he was relieved to be able to do it, because for a long time he thought it was something he would never actually get to do in his life at all. “I’m in the studio actually, I was practicing when I thought about calling you.” he explained, taking his phone to tilt it and show the room behind him as well as the keyboard in front of him before putting the phone back in its initial place. 

“ _Piano?_ ” Olivia asked, and knowing her like he did, he could hear the faint trace of excitement in her voice. 

Olivia loved listening to Felix play the piano when she was younger. Actually, when she was a kid, she used to always sit in the room or even next to him on the stool whenever he would rehearse the classical pieces he had been assigned by his professor. It was one of the only moments, in their younger years, where they would spend quality time together without finding one reason or another to bicker. It was one his fondest memories with his baby sister and apparently it was one she hadn’t forgotten either, despite the number of years it had been since he had actually played any instrument in the house. 

“ _Could you.. I mean.. If you want to play something, that’s cool.._ ” she said, trying to sound as unbothered and uninterested as possible even though it was clear she simply wanted to ask him to play something. 

“ _Oh yes, Felix play something!_ " Sloane said with that whiny voice teenage girls always used when they wanted something. 

“ _Pretty pretty please?_ ” Heather added in the same tone. 

Felix chuckled and nodded softly, looking down at the keyboard. All he knew on the top of his head were classical pieces, nothing that would melt the heart of teenage girls, but he had never learned anything else so there was no helping it. Thinking about it for a second he remembered one piece in particular that Olivia liked when she was a kid, always asking Felix to play this one over the others. And so with a deep inhale, hoping he still remembered it well enough, he put his fingers on the keys and started to play, the melody of Beethoven’s Für Elise filling the room. 

He played for a few minutes, miraculously remembering the whole melody. The girls stayed pretty quiet too and Felix was immersed in the music. He might have hated playing only classical music when he was younger but he could now see the beauty in it. Maybe freedom to play what he wanted had given him this new perspective on it. He had barely hit the last key, getting ready to look up at the screen to get Olivia and her friends' reaction when a voice echoed behind him. 

“So that’s where you were.” the voice he knew so well said. 

Felix turned his head suddenly, surprised, only to find a sleepy Hyunjin, leaning against the wall near the stairs, one hand in his pocket, the other rubbing his sleep filled eyes. He was looking at him with some kind of awe and Felix realized Hyunjin didn’t even know he could play the piano. It was a first for him. He was wearing a pair of grey sweatpants that were hanging dangerously low on his hips and a simple oversize dark grey shirt with a marble effect on it. He looked divine, as always, despite that fact that he seemed to have woken up only minutes earlier. Felix couldn’t help the loving smile from appearing on his lips as he looked at him, so cute and so hot at the same time, the perfect depiction of the person he was. 

“Why are you already up?” he asked softly. 

“I got cold.. Because someone wasn’t in bed anymore..” he pouted childishly. 

Fortunately Olivia didn’t speak Korean, or very little of it. Rachel had been born in Korea before their parents uprooted in Australia and Felix had picked up a little bit of it growing up when his parents still spoke the language at home here and there, and had then taken classes in school because he wanted to know more. His Korean wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough to understand and be understood in the country. Olivia though, had only learned a few words over the years, from hearing Chan and Lucas’s family speaking the language, but not enough to actually form or understand complete sentences. Otherwise she would’ve probably choked right then and there at Hyunjin basically announcing Felix had left him in bed alone. There was still time though, because Hyunjin didn’t seem aware that Felix was on facetime, as he started to make his way towards the other boy. 

“Sorry.. I was hungry. I thought I might be able to come back to bed before you woke up..” Felix said with a soft little guilty pout, acting cute to be forgiven. 

“So cute..” Hyunjin coed, hugging Felix from behind and dropping a kiss on the top of his head before letting himself fall on the stool next to Felix who scooted over to give him some space. 

“Hyunjin I’m..” Felix tried to say to notify Hyunjin of the camera pointed at them before he could do anything more intimate. 

“You know, I had a few things in mind for us if you had stayed in bed this morning..” he purred, leaning towards Felix, getting dangerously close. 

“Hyunjin..” Felix warned 

“ _Prince Charming! Hi!_ ” Olivia exclaimed excitedly from the other side of the phone. 

Hyunjin jumped out of his skin at the sound, turning his head towards the phone and then eyeing Felix from the corner of his eye. Felix chuckled, giving him a little shrug like a silent ‘I tried to warn you’. Both Heather and Sloane were staring at the screen, doe-eyed and mouth agape as Hyunjin looked back at the screen with that bright, charming smile of his, waving his hand at the girls. 

“ _Hello_ ” he said in English, his accent thick. 

It was probably one of the few words he knew in the language but Felix found that infinitely cute that he tried to communicate with Olivia in her language despite not knowing anything about it. He put his palm on Hyunjin’s thigh, out of the camera frame, squeezing it softly with a loving smile. All the girls, Olivia included, giggled at Hyunjin’s voice. It was a miracle that none of them were actually drooling in front of the screen. 

“ _Girls, this is Hyunjin._ ” Felix introduced, gesturing towards Hyunjin. 

“ _My husband!_ ” Olivia clarified. 

“ _Sure, sure.._ ” Felix chuckled, rolling his eyes before turning to Hyunjin who, obviously, was confused but was still smiling brightly at the girls. “Hyunjin, this is Olivia, my baby sister which you already met.” he explained, pointing at Olivia in the middle of the screen. “And this is Heather and Sloane, her friends.” he added. 

Probably recognizing their names, despite not understanding the rest of the sentence, all the girls excitedly waved at the screen and Hyunjin waved once more, resulting in another burst of giggles from the teenagers. Felix could see on Hyunjin’s face, in the little smirk at the corner of his lips, that he knew exactly the kind of effect he had on people, and on those girls in particular. So he couldn’t help but roll his eyes once more when Hyunjin lifted his hand to pass it through his messy hair, licking his lips before looking back at the screen and then at Felix like nothing happened. 

“They’re already in love with you, you don’t have to try so hard..” Felix pointed out with a little pout. 

“Is someone a little jealous?” Hyunjin retorted, his voice teasing, tilting his head to the side as his hand reached for Felix’s fingers on his thigh. “If we go back to the room, I can show you..” he started in a whisper. 

“Hyunnie!” Felix exclaimed, his face already burning. 

Even though his sister and her friends couldn’t understand him, it didn’t make him feel less awkward to have Hyunjin hitting on him and saying things that were so sensual in front of them. Hyunjin seemed unbothered by it, amused even, as he intertwined their fingers on his thigh with his easy going, sly little smirk. 

“ _I wanna hear Prince Charming sing!_ ” Olivia suddenly announced. 

“ _He just woke up, leave him alone Liv.._ ” Felix warned. “ _And he’s not your personal jukebox.._ ” he added. He didn’t want Hyunjin to be forced to do anything to please his little sister. 

“ _You said they were all good, Chris’s bandmates.. I wanna hear.._ ” she pouted, her childish side coming forth, that whiny tone making its appearance in her mouth. 

Hyunjin looked at Felix, questioning. He could clearly sense Olivia was asking for something but obviously couldn’t understand what and so he was waiting for Felix to translate things for him. 

“She wants to hear you sing..” he sighed, looking at Hyunjin. “But I told her no. You just woke up so..” he continued. 

“I don’t mind.” Hyunjin simply smiled, cutting him off. “Tell them I’ll do it. Don’t want to disappoint such pretty ladies after all..” he smiled some more, winking at the camera. 

“I’m not telling them that..” Felix grumbled, more for himself than anything since the girl squealed so hard on the other end of the phone that it would’ve drowned out anything he was saying anyway. 

Letting go of Felix’s hand, he brought his fingers to the keys in front of them. Felix was surprised, he didn’t know Hyunjin could play. With fingers as long and beautiful as his, Felix thought it was fitting, but he was happy and amazed to learn one more thing about him, one more talent he possessed. It felt like Hyunjin could never stop to amaze him. He didn’t make a comment on it though, because already Hyunjin was taking a breath, ready to start playing, to start singing. 

The girls were silent, looking expectantly at the screen and Felix had to admit, he too was excited to hear Hyunjin sing again. The only time he did hear him live, he was rapping and in most of their tracks he had heard online, he was mostly rapping too. Hearing his singing voice was something Felix was really looking forward to. So with one hand on Hyunjin’s thigh and his eyes glued to his side profile, he held his breath, waiting for the melodious sounds to come out of his perfectly shaped lips. 


	38. Pretty Boy

When the melody started, Felix couldn’t help but glance at Hyunjin’s fingers dancing on the keys before coming back to admire his side profile. His long fingers were running on the keyboard effortlessly and for some reason it was a fascinating sight for Felix. Not as hypnotizing as his gorgeous face when he looked down at his fingers, eyes half closed, licked his lips once before finally opening his mouth, letting his voice echo freely in the room. It was even more magical than Felix anticipated and only a few words from him were enough to give him goosebumps on all his body. His singing voice was so soft, so pure and the song he was singing was so beautiful. It was completely different from the tone he was usually setting when he was rapping. Even his face, that was usually very intense during his rap, was now calm and relaxed, a small smile residing at the corner of his lips while he sang like nothing else around mattered. It seemed so easy for him, so effortless and natural that Felix would’ve been jealous of him, if it hadn’t been the most beautiful sight he had beheld in his life. 

“When I look at myself,  
I changed so much after meeting you.  
I began to have dreams,  
and I wanted to make your dreams come true too.”

Felix was so focused on Hyunjin, his voice, his face, his fingers and the music softly resonating in the room, that he forgot all about Olivia and her friends for a second, inching ever so slightly closer to the other boy, his fingers squeezing his thigh gently, his eyes glued to him with that amazed smile Hyunjin always brought out of him. He was so focused he didn’t hear the door open and someone coming down the stairs either. After singing the first verse and the chorus, Hyunjin was getting ready to start the second verse but, instead of his voice, the next words were sung by someone different, another voice echoing from behind them. 

Felix was surprised, his head snapping instantly in the direction of the newcomer, but Hyunjin didn’t seem shocked or thrown off by it. He kept playing, his smile growing slightly amused, like he was used to it. In a house filled with so many talented musicians and singers, Felix imagined this sort of impromptu duets were more common than expected. He was surprised though, when turning his head, to find it was Changbin who was singing along. Just like with Hyunjin, Felix had only heard Changbin rap and his singing voice was surprisingly good. More than good really, it was enchanting. When he had first heard Hyunjin rapping he had an inkling that he would have a pretty singing voice. But with Changbin, the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. He seemed made for rapping, his flow, his swagger and his voice all seemed so perfect for it that Felix hadn’t even envisioned him doing anything else. The discovery of his singing voice amazed Felix even more. Was there anything those boys couldn’t do? 

Walking towards them while singing with an amused smile on his lips, Changbin stopped next to Hyunjin, standing near the keyboard where both him and Felix were seated. He ruffled Felix’s hair slightly with a wink before letting his arm fall on Hyunjin’s shoulder, without disturbing his playing. The both of them launched themselves in a duet, both singing the last verse in unison, harmonizing with one another like it was natural for them. Their voices sounded surprisingly good together and Felix couldn’t help but stare, his mouth half open for the remainder of the song. 

When both of them fell silent and the piano stopped resonating in the room, Felix was still stunned from the performance he witnessed. They both sang for the fun of it, not even putting that much effort in it and still, to Felix, it had been phenomenal. Especially since he got to witness both of their singing voices, which seemed to be rare in their work. 

“It’s rare to hear you practice singing.” Changbin noticed, poking Hyunjin in the shoulder with a teasing smile.

“It’s for the ladies.” Hyunjin stated with a little chuckle.

“The..” Changbin started, a confused frown on his face.

But his question got answered before he could even ask it when all three girls on Felix’s phone started to clap excitedly at their performance, bringing Changbin’s attention to them for the first time. 

“What the.. Are we having a fan meeting or something?” he asked, leaning towards the phone slightly to look at the girls.

“It’s just my sister and her friends, sorry.” Felix laughed softly, finally remembering how to use his voice and his brain. “I was on a call with her when Hyunjin arrived and they wanted to hear him sing..” he explained.

“Oh, your sister?” Changbin raised an eyebrow before turning towards the camera and waving with a smile. “Hello, Felix’s sister!” he said with a voice that was too cute for his intimidating stature. He then leaned back, fishing his phone out of his pocket, his fingers sliding on it with an amused smile.

“ _Who is that?!_ ” Olivia exclaimed, all the while the three of them waved back.

“ _That’s Changbin, one of our bandmates._ ” Felix explained pointing to Changbin. 

“ _So they really are all hot, uh..?_ ” she pointed out with an interested look in her eyes that gave unwanted shivers to Felix.

Suddenly the door up the stairs bursted out open, someone running down the stairs and jumping from the last few steps to get into the room with way too much energy this early in the morning. It was very fitting for Jisung though, who was facing them all, making a silly pose like a superhero showing how cool he was. Hyunjin and Felix bursted out laughing, Felix leaning to the side so the camera would point at Jisung, showing his antics to his sister.

“I heard we’re seducing pretty girls with our talent! I came to show you how it’s done!” he exclaimed and Felix cringed.

“You are NOT seducing my sister!” he quickly said with a disgusted pout, Hyunjin laughing next to him and patting his head, caressing his hair for a second longer than necessary before letting his arm fall around his shoulders. “How did you even know anyway?” he then chuckled.

“Changbin texted me!” he shrugged, gesturing towards Changbin who was silently laughing, sitting on the back of the armchair, watching Jisung. “I want to have fun too!” he pouted like a child. “Are those the pretty ladies in question?” he then quickly asked, noticing the phone and pointing at it, walking towards them to wave at the camera.

“Stop calling them that..” Felix muttered, Hyunjin once more laughing at his disgusted, displeased expression.

“You’re prettier..” he whispered; leaning towards him and pressing his lips to his ear so only Felix would hear. 

This sent shivers throughout Felix’s body, not only because of his body so close and his lips against his skin, but also his low voice in his ear and the way he complimented him out of nowhere. He loved it but felt embarrassed, as always. Hyunjin always knew how to make him feel that way and Felix was starting to suspect that it amused him to no end to do and say things that would get Felix flustered, on purpose.

“Stop it..” Felix mumbled, his voice only a little squeak, as his cheeks burned, softly turning pink. 

“ _Another one?_ ” Olivia asked through the phone.

“ _Wow, this one looks so cool.._ ” Sloane announced, sounding entranced by the sight of Jisung waving at the screen. “ _Who is he?_ ” she asked.

“ _I’m Han, nice to meet you!_ ” Jisung replied, winking at the screen.

The face Sloane made when she realized Jisung could speak English and therefore understand what she was saying was priceless and it threw Felix into a burst of laughter that Hyunjin and Changbin couldn’t completely understand. Still Hyunjin chuckled, looking at Felix with stars in his eyes, like seeing him so happy was enough to make his day, and like hearing his laugh was the best thing that happened to him since he woke up. 

“ _Fuck, sorry I.. Shit, that’s awkward, I wanna disappear.._ ” Sloane cursed, hiding herself behind her hands and inching away to disappear from the screen while Olivia and Heather laughed at her.

“ _Language!_ ” Felix exclaimed, for the second time since their call started. But Olivia simply rolled her eyes at him. 

“ _Do you wanna hear some music?!_ ” Jisung asked after a small chuckle, making finger guns at the camera and hyping them up like they were at a concert and not simply in their recording studio on a Saturday morning, all in their pyjamas.

“ _Yes please!_ ” Heather and Olivia exclaimed, clapping in their hands excitedly.

“ _Alright, let’s rock!_ ” Jisung announced, still way too energetic.

He walked away to go grab an acoustic guitar that was hanging from one of the walls of the studio. Felix didn’t know who could play what instrument in the band but he assumed most of them could play something according to the number of instruments stacked in the room. For some reason it seemed fitting to him that Jisung would be able to play the guitar. It suited him somewhat. 

With his guitar in hand, he went to sit on the couch. Now that Felix was leaning away from his phone’s camera, the girls had a pretty wide view of the room, able to see the couch and both armchairs and all the boys that were already in the room. Jisung settled the guitar on his thigh, his fingers getting into position and quickly he started to hit the strings, forming a melody. It seemed familiar to Felix and before Jisung even opened his mouth, he recognized the song. And when Jisung started to sing, in really good English, Felix’s suspicions were confirmed. 

“ _You’re just too good to be true.  
Can’t take my eyes off of you.  
You’d be like Heaven to touch.  
I wanna hold you so much._”

This song was a classic and Felix loved it, obviously. Jisung’s voice, like Felix had imagined, was really beautiful too. His rap was at his image, with a lot of swagger and an indescribable energy that couldn’t be matched by anyone other than him. But his singing voice seemed to show the other part of him, the calmer, more introverted, soft and sweet part of him. It was really pretty to listen to. Felix couldn’t help but follow the rhythm with his foot on the ground and when the chorus arrived, before he realized it, he joined Jisung, his deep voice mixing with his to sing the lyrics. 

Jisung looked up at him with a little smile, offering him a wink while he kept singing, focusing back on his guitar. Changin was playing a beat with his hands, slapping his thighs to the rhythm and bopping his head side to side. Hyunjin was simply watching Felix, hanging on to his lips, amazed and in awe at his deep voice and the way he could modulate it to sing this way with Jisung. Felix wasn’t as powerful when it came to singing as the rest of them, despite them all being rappers to begin with. His voice was naturally so low that it was hard for him to reach higher notes and to make it sound as good as the others, but even though he would never admit it himself, he was far from bad and he had a lot of untapped potential in that area. But since it was just for the fun of it, between them and because the mood was good, Felix didn’t feel pressured and simply rolled with it, singing without feeling anxious about the end result or without being scared of not being good enough. This kind of experience was freeing for someone like him, who was always second guessing his worth and his talent, afraid of what people thought. 

Once Jisung stopped playing the guitar and the song was over, Felix, Hyunjin and Changbin clapped, quickly followed by the three girls on the phone who cheered loudly through the screen, making Felix chuckle as Jisung got up, guitar in one hand, to bow dramatically. At some point during Felix and Jisung’s duet, Minho had arrived, silently leaning against the wall near the staircase, coffee in one hand and camera in the other. He was probably filming a vlog for the channel but since he had arrived in the room he was pointing the camera at the scene happening in front of him instead, filming Jisung playing the guitar and singing, Felix singing along, Changbin drumming on his thighs and Hyunjin swaying to the beat with his eyes stuck to Felix. And once all that stopped, he turned off the camera and simply walked in to sit next to Jisung like nothing happened. 

“ _Look, look at him Liv, he’s so pretty.._ ” Heather loudly whispered to Olivia, so close to the phone that it was anything but discreet, once more making Felix laugh.

“ _Isn’t he so cute?_ ” Jisung said in a teasing voice, grabbing Minho’s cheek between his fingers to pull on it softly before poking it with his finger. 

Minho slapped Jisung’s hand away with a scowl before bringing his coffee cup to his lips, still frowning, typical Minho behavior. He seemed confused as to where the unknown voice was coming from, probably not having noticed the phone and the facetime going on. 

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“We’re having fun with Felix’s sister!” Hyunjin explained, pointing at the screen.

Minho looked up and, finally realizing he was on camera, he put one hand on his face, hiding himself. He had probably just woken up since his hair was slightly messy and, like everyone else, he was still in his pyjamas. He was filming a vlog just a second ago though so Felix wasn’t sure why, suddenly, his appearance bothered him. But he had to remind himself that Minho wasn’t the tough cookie he was always portraying himself as, and maybe meeting people he didn’t know, in that attire, was making him a little shy.

“ _Felix!_ ” Olivia called out, whispering like she thought it would change anything even though everyone could hear her in the room but nobody except Jisung and Felix himself could understand her. “ _Heather wants to know who’s the pretty boy?_ ” she asked with a secretive tone, Heather nodding and blushing next to her.

Felix snorted at Olivia calling Minho ‘pretty boy’ and he heard, behind him, Jisung having a similar reaction, Minho looking at him from the corner of his eye, questioning. Felix couldn’t help but think about the kind of reaction Minho would have if he could understand his sister. Knowing his personality, he probably wouldn’t like being called a ‘pretty boy’ to his face and would have a snarky response in stock for whoever tried to call him that.

“ _That’s Minho_ ” Felix introduced him. 

“ _Can Minho sing too?_ ” Heather asked excitedly.

“ _He certainly can!_ ” Felix nodded, seeing the girls getting excited even more at that. “ _He probably won’t though.._ ” he laughed as they both pouted at him. “ _Want me to ask_ ” he offered, even though he already knew the outcome. The girls nodded energetically. “Minho, the girls want to know if you’ll sing something for them?”

“If they want to hear music they can buy CDs!” Minho retorted, his face once more buried in his coffee cup.

“You’re such a meanie..” Changbin pouted, acting cutesy for no other reason than because he liked doing it.

“It’s his first cup this morning, that’s why.” Jisung explained, nodding like he was stating very serious scientific facts and not simply explaining that Minho was cranky without caffeine flowing abundantly in his veins. 

“He could drink the whole pot and still be like this though..” Hyunjin pointed out, teasing.

“He could become a coffee bean himself and still be like this!” Changbin retorted and Hyunjin bursted out laughing, Felix and Jisung chuckling along while Minho was giving death glares to everyone from above his half empty mug.

Felix turned to the screen, shaking his head to tell the girls it was a no from Minho. Behind him Jisung and Changbin were still teasing Minho quietly, chuckling at their own jokes while Minho was drinking his coffee, probably plotting some way to assassinate them all, silently in his mind. Hyunjin softly put his hand high on Felix's thigh, giving it a little squeeze and Felix dropped his hand on his, caressing the back of his hand with his thumb absently. He looked at the other boy from the corner of his eye, stealing a glance at his gorgeous face and offering him a soft small smile before focusing back on his screen, on his sister.

But before he could pick up a conversation with her again, the door opened once more and this time all heads turned to find Seungmin and Chan climbing down, followed closely by Jeongin who still looked tired and slightly sick despite all the rest he had gotten since his hangover.

“Oh, you’re all here already!” Seungmin pointed out, surprised.

“Well that’s good.” Chan announced, crossing his arms on his chest with a little smile. He seemed to have something in mind and to be happy about whatever it was that he wanted to announce. “Because we have a lot of work to do!” he simply stated, lookign at them one by one.


	39. Make Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry for the lack of update for two days again!~ But I love y'all tho! ♥

“ _Christopher!_ ” Olivia immediately exclaimed when she heard Chan’s voice through the phone, seeing his frame on the screen.

Jeongin jumped at the sound of the unknown voice and Seungmin looked around, seeming slightly alarmed too. Felix couldn’t blame them, his sister’s voice was loud and resembled a screech more than anything else. Typical reaction on her part whenever Chan was involved. But since neither of them knew what was going on and that Felix’s sister was on Facetime with them, it was comprehensible that they would be startled. Chan raised an eyebrow, looking towards where the sound was coming from and spotting the phone, finally smiling.

“ _Is that little Oli?_ ” he asked walking towards the phone where Olivia was already giggling like the teenager she was. 

“ _Chris!_ ” she exclaimed again, waving energetically at the camera.

“ _Sorry, we were Facetiming with her before you arrived.._ ” Felix explained in a whisper when Chan arrived near the piano where Felix and Hyunjin were seated and where the phone was situated. 

He knew Chan wanted to announce something and Olivia was surely going to want to talk to him as much as she could, slowing things down for everyone and preventing Chan from making his announcement as well as delaying practice for all of them. But Chan lifted his hand, offering Felix a warm pat on the head with a smile, a silent “don’t worry about it” dancing in his eyes before he focused back on the phone, leaning to face the camera as he waved at Olivia and her friends.

“ _How you’re doing missy?_ ” he asked with that cheerful smile that was so natural for him.

“ _Fine, but I miss you Chris.._ ” she said, pouting excessively, like a child.

“ _I miss you too baby girl._ ” he chuckled, shaking his head at her behavior.

To Chan, Olivia was almost as much a sibling as Lucas was. He always treated her like family, like his baby sister. He always babied her, even more than Felix did sometimes. When Felix treated Olivia like a child, the young girl would revolt, saying she was a woman now and to stop acting like she was five. When Chan was doing the same thing though, she strangely found it endearing and lovely and would giggle and basically let him talk to her any way he wanted. So when he called her baby girl, she giggled, hiding her face with her hand, the same pink shade that was always invading Felix’s cheeks now painting her face instead. Felix rolled his eyes for what seemed like the millionth time since the call with his sister started. 

Chan was placed between Hyunjin and Felix, facing the phone and separating the both of them without even realizing it. It didn’t stop Hyunjin from looking at Felix like he always did though. When Felix rolled his eyes, Hyunjin shifted his feet to tap it against Felix’s getting his attention. Felix looked up at Hyunjin who smiled at him before silently mouthing words with his mouth. Felix focused on his lips, trying to read what they said and regretted it when his cheeks started to furiously heat up. Hyunjin was mouthing the words “I wanna kiss you”. 

Fortunately Chan was too focused on the screen to notice and the others were talking between them, explaining the situation to Seungmin and Jeogin and joking around as they always did. Hyunjin silently chuckled at Felix’s reaction, letting the tip of his tongue ride along his bottom lip and then peek out of his mouth, at the corner of his lips. It was distracting and sensual, as always. Felix gave him a little kick in the foot softly, mouthing “stop it!” without making a sound, feeling his face turning more and more pink by the second. Hyunjin’s response was immediate. “Make me” he mouthed silently. Felix almost choked on his own saliva, loudly coughing, his cheeks red. 

“ _You’re alright there mate?_ ” Chan suddenly noticed, putting a hand on Felix’s shoulder, turning his head to look at him. Behind him Hyunjin bursted out in laughter, unable to contain it any longer.

“ _He’s fine, don’t worry about it._ ” Olivia announced through the phone, probably annoyed that her big brother would ruin her time with Chan. 

Chan looked for confirmation from Felix though so Felix lifted a thumb in his direction, showing he was indeed fine, his coughing fit slowly coming to an end. Chan looked at Felix a second more, then at Hyunjin, dying of laughter next to him and raised a suspicious eyebrow before shaking his head with a little sigh, focusing back on the screen as Hyunjin was slowly calming down too. 

“ _Anyway, you need to come back home one of those days!_ ” Olivia said, her childish pout back on her lips. “ _Luc’ is being a real pain in my ass, you know?_ ”

“ _Language, Oli._ ” Chan frowned softly, warning her before Felix could do it for the third time already. 

“ _Sorry.._ ” she said, having the audacity to have a guilty, sheepish look on her face when just moments ago she was flipping Felix off for giving her the same warning. “ _But he’s being a pain in my butt!_ ” she rectified herself.

Next to her Heather and Sloane were softly giggling, exchanging looks between each other. It didn’t take a genius to understand that, them too, knew something was going on between Lucas and Olivia. Something more than a childhood friendship. And definitely more than what Olivia was admitting. 

“ _Oh, is that so?_ Chan chuckled. He knew it too. “ _I’m gonna be busy for a while over here. But I promise to come see you when I can, alright?_ ” he then announced with that warm smile of his.

Hyunjin looked at Felix after his fit of laughter calmed down, while Chan was having his conversation with Olivia. Felix frowned at him with a little pout. He didn’t realize how much he and his sister looked like each other right this second. “I hate you” he mouthed without a sound, still pouting when Hyunjin tilted his head to the side. He didn’t believe a word of it of course and as Hyunjin smiled, amused, it was even hard for him to keep pouting instead of smiling right back at him. The boy’s response was to blow him a kiss and at that Felix rolled his eyes, but an amused smirk crept up at the corner of his lips as he did, shaking his head softly. He gave another little tap to Hyunjin’s foot with his own before finally trying to focus back on Chan’s conversation with his little sister.

Hearing Chan say that he was going to be busy for a while made Felix raise an eyebrow, intrigued. Of course Chan was always busy and there was little chance he would randomly find the time to fly back to Australia on any given day with the lifestyle he was leading right now. He barely found the time to sleep so this wasn’t an option, despite the promise he made to Olivia. But the way he said it made Felix believe that something special was going on, something that would force Chan to be even more busy than he already was. And there was no doubt in Felix’s mind that it had something to do with the announcement Chan wanted to make earlier. Imagining what that announcement could be, running different scenarios in his mind, made Felix even more excited to hear what his best friend had to say.

“ _But in the meantime, I give you permission to kick Lucas’ butt if he’s mean to you!_ ” Chan laughed.

He knew Lucas would never be mean to Olivia. First of all because that boy was the sweetest kid Felix knew, he definitely had more in common with his big brother than their appearance and their last name. But also because it was clear to everyone that Lucas worshipped Olivia. And he had for years now. 

“ _I’ll tell him you said that!_ ” she giggled. “ _Oh, and I need to tell you all about.._ ” she started excitedly.

Like Felix had expected, Olivia was totally ready to start a conversation that would probably last hours. He could understand she was happy to talk to Chan, they barely had any contact with each other ever and she really loved him. More than the crush she had on him since she was a little girl, Chan had been a big part of her life when she was growing up and it was totally fair that she would miss him and would want to take advantage of having him on facetime. But Felix was also aware that Chan, and the band as a whole, had other, more important things to do. And he couldn’t wait much longer to know all about Chan’s announcement too, the curiosity slowly eating at him. So he leaned to the side, pressing himself against Chan to appear on the screen with him too.

“ _Liv, that’s enough. Chris is busy and we all have a lot of work to do today._ ” he warned.

“ _But.._ ” she instantly pouted, seeming more sad than she really needed to be about it.

“ _He’s right.._ ” Chan announced with a little sorry pout for her. “ _Put I promise to call you soon, alright? And you can tell me all about it then, okay baby girl?_ ” he then offered her that smile that could charm anyone. 

“ _Fine.._ ” Olivia reluctantly replied. “ _But you better call me!_ ” she added, pointing at her screen with a frown and that ever so present pout on her lips. 

“ _I promise, I promise._ ” Chan chuckled, lifting his hands in front of him like she was holding him at gunpoint. And knowing Olivia and what she was like, she kinda was. 

“ _You too Lix, you still have a lot of explaining to do!_ ” she added, still pointing her finger. It was almost funny how much she looked like their mom doing that.

“ _Promise._ ” he softly said with a smile. He had called to explain the situation to her but things had taken a turn and he barely got to talk to her at all in the end. “ _Wanna say goodbye to everyone?_ ” he asked, knowing it would cheer her up a little.

She obviously nodded excitedly. Sloane and Heather had stepped away for a while, during her conversation with Chan, probably giving her some time with him while they gossiped and did whatever else teenage girls did in the background. But hearing it was time to say goodbye, they both quickly came back on screen, neither of them wanting to lose an opportunity to get a glance at the boys once more. Felix chuckled and Chan, who hadn’t been present to see the girls’ reactions to meeting Jisung, Minho, Hyunjin and Changbin, laughed when he saw them so excited. Felix took the phone to direct the camera to the rest of the room, showing the boys.

“ _Guys, say goodbye to Olivia and her friends._ ” he called out, getting the attention of the rest of the group. 

They all turned to the screen, waving and saying “bye bye” with genuine smiles on their faces, even Jeongin and Seungmin who arrived too late to properly meet them on video call like the others had. It warmed Felix’s heart to see them being so genuine and excited even though it was only his sister, someone they didn’t know and couldn’t even understand. If Felix needed more proof that all those boys were sweet and had hearts of gold, this was it. Olivia and the girls waved back with giggles, loudly saying goodbye before Felix turned the phone to himself, Chan and Hyunjin once again and the three of them waved too. 

“ _Chris, Prince Charming, I love you!_ ” she exclaimed with a bright smile, waving once more. “ _Felix.. you know._ ” she simply added with a wave of her hand.

He did. It was hard for him to say I love you, to anyone at any time, even his little sister. She, on the other hand, simply seemed to have a hard time saying it to him. But Felix knew, deep down, that it was because her love for him was more deep and genuine than the love she offered to any other people, and so it was okay with him, even if she didn’t say it out loud. So he smiled, simply nodding.

“ _Me too Liv.”_ ” he softly said, waving at her. “ _Bye bye now!_ “ he then announced and after one last wave, he hung up. 

“Your sister sure is energetic..” Changbin laughed once the call had ended.

“She hasn’t changed a bit.” Chan noted with an endeared, amused smile.

“She seems.. Intense.” Hyunjin pointed out, chuckling.

“So sorry about that..” Felix sighed, shaking his head, a little embarrassed that the members had to experience his sister’s antics. 

“Come on, it was fun! And I think we have new fans now..” Jisung smirked and Minho nodded in approval next to him with an amused little smile at the corner of his lips. 

“I always miss the fun..” Jeongin pouted.

He was sitting in the armchair, Seungmin sitting next to him, on the arm, patting his head. He seemed a little better than earlier, but still looked tired and a little sick. He was probably even less accustomed to alcohol than Felix was if he was still in that state after resting for a full day. Felix felt a little bad for him, wanting to take him back to bed and make him some soup and a cake to give him back some energy. But he had to remind himself that there were more important things going on right now and that the quicker they took care of the matter at hand, whatever it was, the faster Jeongin could go back to rest. So he looked up at Chan who walked away to go stand behind the couch instead, everyone turning their heads to look at their leader.

Despite not having listened or understood what Chan said to Olivia earlier, they all seemed to have picked up on the fact that Chan had something important to say. He had simply announced, when he arrived in the room, that they had a lot of work to do. That alone wasn’t something that would point out to the fact that something special was going on, after all from what Felix had seen, living with them all, they always seemed to have a lot of work to do and they were always working, in one way or another, everyday. But Chan’s energy seemed different today, his mood seemed especially bright when he entered the room to announce that to them all. And so everyone had understood that something, no matter what it was, was definitely going on with him. And as they looked up at him, they all seemed pretty curious and definitely excited to hear what this was all about.

“So?” Seungmin asked.

“So?” Chan replied, but he couldn’t hide the little smile that was creeping up on the corner of his lips.

“You dragged I.N and I from the kitchen this morning saying you had news and that we needed to find the others.. Everyone is here so.. What is it?” he asked, as diplomatic as ever, but it was clear he was as curious as everyone else in the room.

“Tell me you didn’t make me miss my morning cereals for nothing Channie..?” Jeongin pouted, crossing his arms on his chest.

“You’re a terrible liar, don’t even try to hide something from us..” Felix teased him. And he was right because the smile was already fully taking its place on Chan’s lips despite him trying to hide it just a second before.

“What’s going on? Come on, I cannot take this tension!” Hyunjin loudly exclaimed, as dramatic as ever. 

“If it’s just to tell us again about that one poll you won on Twitter about who’s the sexiest member, I swear to God..” Minho warned, not finishing his sentence, but it was clear in his eyes it involved murder of some kind. 

“This poll was rigged anyway..” Changbin shook his head with a pout. 

“We are not talking about the poll again!” Seungmin laughed before focusing back on Chan once more. “So?” 

“Spit it out, Leader!” Jisung encouraged him. 

Chan was simply standing there, watching them get riled up and being very amused by it. He had his arms nonchalantly crossed in front of his chest, his head slightly tilted to the side and an amused and excited smile on his lips, looking at his kids being all over the place. He seemed to enjoy it so much that even when the silence took over the room, everyone awaiting his answer, he stayed silent for just a tiny bit longer, just to get on the members’ last nerve. And when he finally felt like they were ready to explode, when he felt like he had dragged out the suspense as much as he could, he finally opened his mouth, everyone hanging to his every single word.

“Well..” he started, shifting on his feet, putting his hands on the back of the couch, still taking his sweet time to make his announcement. “I got a phone call this morning..”


	40. All Work and No Play

“You got a phone call? That’s what you wanted to say?” Jisung asked, raising an eyebrow.

Quickly Minho slapped him behind the head, putting a finger on his own lips with a loud “shhh” in his direction. At Chan’s words, everybody tensed, even Felix. They didn’t need to be geniuses to know that said phone call had to do with the band, otherwise Chan wouldn’t be standing there talking about it. And he seemed so happy that it was evidently good news. Felix had joined the band only a few days ago but for the other members, it had been two years since they started this adventure together. And sure they were pretty popular online, but their success never went farther than that, they never stood on stage, played their music live for fans. They put in all the work but never got the chance to live the real rock star life nonetheless. So obviously, they were all hears, wondering what the phone call was about, all of them holding their breaths, leaning in to listen closer. Hyunjin’s hand even gripped Felix’s tighter on his thigh, nervously. 

“It was a promoter. Seems like he saw our last song online. He agreed to let us perform at his club..” Chan started to explain.

At those words, screams and cheers and simply loud incomprehensible sounds started to erupt all around the room before Chan could even finish his sentence. Jisung and Changbin got up, yelling and hugging each other, Seungmin was clapping with a shocked look on his face, perched on the arm of the chair. Jeongin and Minho were looking at each other in disbelief, frozen in place by the news and Hyunjin had thrown himself on Felix, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him tightly, all the while bouncing up and down on the little stool they were seated on, shaking Felix in his arms with a loud giggle. Felix was staring at Chan, mouth half open, in shock, while his hand was mechanically stroking Hyunjin’s back. He wanted to cry, he really did. Not only was he now part of a band, able to make music like he always dreamed of, but he would also get the chance to go on stage, something he never thought was even possible for him. It was too much, it was too good to be true, and it was all thanks to Chan. 

“Boys!” Chan raised his voice to be heard above the commotion. “Let me finish..” he warned, getting the attention of all the boys, who went very quiet, staring at him. “Like I said, he agreed to let us perform at his club IF we’re able to gain some more popularity and drop some more original songs in the month to come.” he finished his explanation. “So.. We have a lot of work coming our way boys. I’m not going to go easy on you this time around, alright?” 

He looked expectantly at everyone and the silence hung in the air for a second. Until everyone started to cheer again, even Minho, Seungmin and Jeongin getting up and joining in on the hug Changbin and Jisung were having, all of them jumping in the air while loudly cheering. Hyunjin got up, his hands firmly wrapped around Felix’s, dragging him behind to join the chaos too. Chan was watching them from afar, the warmest, happiest smile on his face and, looking at him, Felix could tell that, just like him, he was fighting back tears. It was his dream and he had worked so hard to reach it. To help his kids reach it. 

At some point in the chaos, they all made their way to where Chan was, circling him and jumping around him, hugging him and forcing him to join in, which he happily did after laughing softly for a second. Felix couldn’t help but feel a little bit out of place, being so happy when he had done nothing to help them achieve this point, being the newcomer. But he knew what Chan and the others would say to that, because he knew that they all treated him like a part of the team already and so he simply let himself be happy, be ecstatic, like the rest of them. 

“Okay, okay, enough.” Chan chuckled after a few seconds. 

Slowly but surely the boys calmed down, standing in front of their leader, slightly panting and all with the largest, most genuine smiles on their faces. They were all standing in line, staring at Chan, awaiting his command.

“Let’s get to work!” he exclaimed, clapping in his hands.

A new round of cheers erupted in the room but, this time around, everyone had their game face on. They were ready to put in the hours, ready to work until their throat couldn’t function anymore, until their legs gave out and until there was no more strength in them. Felix, just like the others, had never been so pumped up and determined in his life. They had a lot of work coming their way and they needed to start doing their best right here and right now.

And so they did. Not for hours, but for days. Chan had songs already planned out and even wrote some new ones. They practice, recorded, choreographed, danced and recorded some more. Felix was invited by Hyunjin and Minho to help them choreograph most of the new routines. He made his first appearance on the Youtube channel too, appearing in the vlog Minho had been filming the day of Chan’s announcement first and then even in one of Chan’s famous Vlive where he got to introduce himself properly to the fandom. The videos were still going out as always, the boys finding time to shoot vlogs and little funny videos here and there in their hectic schedule but not saying a word about their goal of being on stage yet, not wanting to jinx it or for the fans to get excited if nothing came out of it. Their reaction to Felix was a very warm, welcoming one, everyone happy to finally put a face on his voice. He tried not to check online too often during his rare free time but what he saw when he did always made him want to work even harder to please the fans that were already giving him so much love despite how new to the band he was. 

A lot of the time during those days, the boys didn’t even have the same schedule, some of them spending their time, in the recording studio, other at the dance studio, others like Chan, Jeongin and Seungmin, working furiously on their computers until into the dead of night, either to promote themselves, to finalize songs or to work on editing videos. Some of them barely had time to see one another some days, despite them all working towards the same goal and living in the same house. Sadly, it was the case of Felix and Hyunjin.

During the last week or so that they all started working like crazy, Felix couldn’t remember a single sweet, calm, private moment they spent together. They barely even managed to sleep in the same bed anymore, Felix getting up way earlier to practice and Hyunjin coming back from the dance studio late into the night. The only moments they spent together were during the hours they would choreograph with Minho, record with everyone in the studio or shoot a dance cover video, for example. But during those times they weren’t alone and were too focused on their task to even think about sneaking away for some quiet time anyway. They hadn’t cuddled in what felt like forever to Felix, they didn’t have sex or anything close to it either, which frustrated him to no end. In fact, they barely even touched at all. 

Felix hadn’t realized how much he loved the random grazing of Hyunjin’s hand against his skin, the simple presence of his head against his shoulder or his arm casually slung around him until none of those things were there anymore. Hyunjin was still around, living in the same house, sleeping in the same room, breathing the same air. But they had interacted so few times and they had so little free time to actually sit next to one another on the couch or in their rooms that those little touches had disappeared too, like the rest. 

Felix was missing him. He was missing him more than he thought was even possible. Of course he was happy working as much as he did, being able to do music and dance for hours on end every single day and only sleep when his body couldn’t follow the rhythm anymore only to start again the next day. It was everything he had wanted in the past and he relished in it. But he missed Hyunjin, his touch, his scent, his taste. And that was taking a toll on him. Not that he would’ve said so to anyone, but it was the case. In the back of his mind, all day long, he couldn’t help but wish he could have just a few seconds alone with him, to give him a warm hug, feel his body and his warmth surround him again. He was aware he had become addicted to it, addicted to him. But he couldn’t help it. The two of them had been non-stop touching and cuddling and being sweet with one another since he arrived at the house and especially since they both admitted that they liked each other. They slept in the same bed every day, kissed every time they had a chance to and, of course, the images of Hyunjin touching him and of him pleasuring Hyunjin in the shower were also dancing in his head on a regular basis. They came so close to ecstasy, so close to finally doing it, so close to what Felix was yearning for. And now they barely could find a second to make eye contact with each other. This was, to Felix, the epitome of frustration. 

Today Felix was supposed to join Changbin and Jeongin in the dance studio to help them with a choreography they were both struggling in. Minho usually was the one taking on this task, but he was supposed to practice his rapping skills with Jisung in the morning and wouldn’t have the time for it, so Felix stepped in. But Felix woke up way earlier than the time they were supposed to meet and he was in a foul mood. Hyunjin barely came home an hour before Felix woke up and had fallen asleep on the couch after eating a quick dinner. Felix couldn’t blame him, the boy had been at the dance studio for more than half the night and, like all of them, he was exhausted but once more Felix was resenting how little time they actually managed to spend together. Never had he been as touched-deprived as he was now. So, to clear his head, he decided that going to the dance studio early to dance his problems away and wait for Changbin and Jeongin there was the way to go. 

After getting dressed, Felix went downstairs, a blanket under his arm. Just like he thought, Hyunjin was sound asleep on the couch, in the dark and silent living room. He looked like a fallen angel as always but Felix could see the bag under his eyes and his complexion that had changed due to the lack of sleep, the exhaustion from pushing his body to its limits and then there’s some every single day for a week straight. With a sigh, he draped the blanket over Hyunjin’s tall body, letting his hand wander to his face for a second, pushing a long black strand away from his face, admiring him. He sighed once more as he took his hand away, forcing himself to take a step back, turning away from the man he was yearning for. 

The light in the kitchen was on, like he knew it would be. As he stepped in, he found Chan filling a cup of coffee, already extending it towards him before Felix even arrived at his level. Felix took the cup in one hand, hugging Chan quickly with his other arm, taking a deep breath against his chest, knowing it would be the only embrace he would have all day. 

“Go to sleep..” he whispered, leaning away and looking up at his best friend. 

Chan was the most exhausted of them all and it showed. He could barely keep his red eyes open, dark circles under them, his hair in a chaotic state that seemed permanent this last few days. He nodded, kissed Felix on the top of the head, scooped up his closed laptop on the table and walked away, probably to get his one or two hours of sleep for the day. 

This had become a routine for them. Felix would enter the kitchen around 5 or 6am to find Chan still working on his computer. Chan would fix him a cup of coffee and offer him a hug and Felix would order him to get some sleep. Rince and repeat, every single day for the last week or so. Felix was worried for Chan, he was working harder and longer than anyone else in the team and he knew his best friend enough to be able to tell that he wouldn’t take it easy unless his body gave out from under him. And even then, he might try to get back to work as soon as his eyes would open. But Felix couldn’t tell him to take a break, it would be useless and none of them had the time or the desire to slow things down because they were all as determined as Felix was to do everything in their power to obtain that live performance on stage. So he knew even if he tried to warn Chan, his friend wouldn’t listen. The best he could do was to remind him to get some sleep every day, when he found him in the kitchen at the break of dawn. 

After that little encounter, Felix made quick work of his coffee, put on his shoes, wrapped himself in a coat and called a cab to get to the dance studio, softly nodding off on the way. He had learned to know the dance studio like the back of his hand during the last few days, spending at least two or three hours in there everyday, often more when he was focusing on choreographies rather than on singing and recording. He had improved a lot in a short time thanks to Minho and Hyunjin and the hours of practicing he did, with the others or on his own. He loved dancing more now than he ever had in the past, learning to control his body like never before and being able to express his emotions every single day through his movements like he always dreamed of. It was work, yes, but it was also the best way he had of clearing his head, if only a little, each day. And today was definitely one of those days where Felix needed to lose himself in the music and in the flow to get rid of all his pent up frustration. 

Felix had no idea how much time had passed since he arrived at the dance studio and he didn’t care. The sun was now up in the sky, the birds singing outside, people driving past the building on their way to work, shops opening their doors to welcome impatient shoppers. All the while, in this little room, Felix hadn’t stopped dancing, lost in his own thoughts. Getting dressed this morning he had unconsciously grabbed one of Hyunjin’s shirt instead of one of his own. It was a deep red, satin shirt and it now had at least three or four buttons open and was clinging to his body, sweat appearing in his neck and slowly sliding down his chest and under the soft fabric. 

He was dancing, playing with the shirt, lifting it to unveil his chiseled abs in the mirror in front of him and moving his body flawlessly, showing a confidence he definitely didn’t have a few weeks ago. When the song finally ended, Felix was out of breath, drenched in sweat and, finally, for the first time in probably a few hours, he decided to take a break, letting himself fall on a chair in the middle of the room. Grabbing his water bottle, he threw his head back, gulping the liquid, half of his chest exposed because of the partially open shirt and his Adam’s apple going up and down his throat with each swallow, his chest rising and falling quickly, his eyes closed. 

He stayed that way, sitting on that chair, head thrown back, eyes closed, for a long moment, simply breathing deeply to calm his beating heart, occasionally running a hand through his hair, damp with sweat, to pull them back and out of his face. When finally his breathing slowed down to a decent level, he lifted his head, already getting back into the mindset of dancing some more, despite knowing he should save some strength for when Changbin and Jeongin would get here. But as his eyes mechanically scanned the room, his gaze was drawn by a figure leaning against the wall next to the door. At first he thought it might have been one of the two boys he was waiting for, but even despite the dim lighting in the room, there was no mistaking the tall figure facing him.

Hyunjin was nonchalantly leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets, his lips slightly parted as he was watching Felix intently, seemingly focused on every single little movement he made. Felix had no idea how long the boy had been standing there, he simply knew he wasn’t supposed to be here since he barely got home a few hours ago and would normally sleep until the middle of the morning before being ready to get back to work. Felix also had no inkling about the way he looked. He could see himself in the mirror but in the eye of someone else, especially Hyunjin, he looked really indecent right this moment. The look in Hyunjin’s eyes was proof of it, as his gaze danced up and down Felix’s frame before finally meeting his eyes, realizing he had been spotted. Only then did he close his mouth, a smile appearing at the corner of his lips instead of that entranced expression he had before. 

“Mind if I join you?” he offered, his voice echoing in the empty room.


	41. Do You Want Me to Fuck You?

“What are you doing here?” Felix asked, still a little breathless, getting up from his chair.

“I woke up to go back to the room but you had already left. I figured you’d be here so..” Hyunjin shrugged, his hands in his pockets as he started to make his way towards the center of the room, towards Felix.

“You should’ve gone back to bed..” Felix said with a worried frown.

He was happy to see Hyunjin, actually even though he didn’t show it, his whole body was screaming for him to hug him, to touch him, to simply be close to him. He didn’t want to show how eager, how desperate he was though, he didn’t want to show how much their distance affected him. Because he knew his reaction was disproportionate. It only had been a week or so and it wasn’t like they had no contact with each other at all. But Felix was addicted, he was dependent already. He knew it. And he didn’t want Hyunjin to know it too. Because it was the kind of thing that could very easily scare people away in those situations. And of course,he was also worried for Hyunjin. The boy had barely had any sleep and had worked all night already. No matter how happy he was to see him, Hyunjin really should have gone back to bed. 

“I didn’t want to.” Hyunjin retorted with a small pout, still walking to him.

“Why not?” Felix raised an eyebrow.

“Because I wanted to see you.” Hyunjin simply stated, stopping only a few centimeters away from Felix, looking at him. He extended his hand to grab Felix’s fingers in his. “I haven’t slept well lately, without you..” he pouted some more, tilting his head, Felix’s heart melting instantly.

“I know.. “ Felix sighed, interlacing their fingers, looking at his feet. “Me neither..” he admitted. 

Hyunjin took one more step forward, his feet appearing in Felix’s vision. His fingers slid under Felix's chin, tilting it up, forcing the smaller boy to look up at his beautiful but tired face. 

“Did you miss me?” he asked.

His voice was teasing, but Felix could read in his eyes a kind of desperation, hope that Felix had indeed missed him. It was as if Hyunjin was scared of the answer. And because of that, Felix understood. He wasn’t the only one missing Hyunjin, not the only one feeling that void in his daily life since he couldn’t hold him or kiss him or just simply spend hours in bed with him. Hyunjin was feeling it too. That was why he was here now, despite the lack of sleep, instead of going back to bed when he realized Felix wasn’t home anymore. This gave Felix the boost of confidence he needed. He raised his hand, brushing away Hyunjin’s messy hair from his face, pulling them back, Hyunjin closing his eyes just for a second at the touch.

“Of course I did..” Felix softly breathed, his hand sliding down from Hyunjin’s hair, caressing his shoulder, the length of his arm to grab his other hand. “You look exhausted, sit down.” he gently said, leading him to the chair he was sitting on a second ago, turning them around so it was now behind Hyunjin, inciting him to sit down with a look. 

Hyunjin complied, sitting down but instinctively pulled on Felix’s hands to bring him closer. Felix was standing between Hyunjin’s spread legs, one of Hyunjin’s hand letting go of his own to come and play with he rim of the shirt Felix had borrowed, a little smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he looked up, tilting his head to the side.

“That’s mine, you know..?” he said playfully, tugging on the fabric softly.

Felix looked down at himself. He finally realized that half the buttons of the shirt were already open, showing way more skin than really was necessary. And any other time he would’ve felt shy, embarrassed and would’ve tried to cover himself up. But not now. He didn’t know if it was the adrenaline of dancing all morning, the confidence that knowing Hyunjin missed him gave him or simply the fact that he was so attention-starved that he felt like being more bold. But one thing was for sure, all he had in mind now was not to cover himself, on the contrary, it was to tease Hyunjin, just like Hyunjin always teased him. 

“I can always take it off if you want it back..” Felix said, his fingers already finding their way to the buttons, but his eyes stuck to Hyunjin’s face, his deep voice sounding confident.

Without waiting for an answer, he already unbuttoned one button, watching intently for Hyunjin’s reaction. His lips were slightly parted and his breath lightly hitched as he looked up at Felix’s face, clearly surprised by his boldness but not displeased by it. Slowly his eyes glanced down, tracing every shape of his half exposed torso and finally watching his hands already at work to take off one more button. His tongue peeked out at the corner of his lips for a second before gliding on his bottom lip; all the while Felix managed to take off that second button, his eyes never drifting away from Hyunjin.

“No I.. I like it..” Hyunjin’s raspy voice echoed in the room when only one more button was holding both sides of the shirt together. 

Nonetheless, Felix unbuttoned the last button, his chest now completely exposed, the shirt resting on his shoulders and freely flowing with each of his movements or each slight breath of air coming his way. 

“Baby..” Hyunjin warned, almost a desperate moan.

It made Felix feel powerful to see the effect he had on the other man, to be the one in charge of the situation for once. Of course he loved when Hyunjin was taking things into his own hands, but right now he was proving to himself that he could be sexy, he could be desirable, he could have the same effect on Hyunjin that Hyunjin had on him. And that felt really good after days of not having his burning gaze on him, days of not feeling his hands touching his skin with barely hidden desire, days of not sharing tantalizing kisses. 

“Um?” Felix simply asked, his hand reaching up, tucking a long black strand behind Hyunjin’s ear like nothing was amiss, refraining a little smug smile at the face Hyunjin was making while looking up at him.

“I won’t be able to dance at all if you keep this up..” he admitted biting his lip as his eyes danced towards Felix’s naked chest once more.

“Well that’s good..” Felix answered, his voice suddenly more teasing, more sensual. A tone he didn’t think he possessed. The smile was now shining at the corner of his lips, sly; almost sexual. “You’re exhausted, you should rest..” he simply explained, his fingers burying themselves in his hair to comb them back now, gently, softly. “So.. you sit right there, and I’ll dance, alright?” he added, teasingly. 

To finish his sentence, he leaned, pressing his lips ever so softly at the corner of Hyunjin’s mouth, not touching his lips and just brushing his skin, before taking a few steps back, already walking to put music on without waiting for a reaction on Hyunjin’s part. He could only imagine the face that Hyunjin was making and that was enough to boost his ego and his self-confidence once more. He knew Hyunjin was turned on by his little act and he wanted to keep it going. He had longed for Hyunjin for a whole week and even before that, the boy had teased him for days, only once offering him release but never giving him what he really wanted. After not being touched at all for a whole week, it was Felix’s turn to be the one torturing Hyunjin instead. It only seemed fair. And it definitely seemed fun.

He didn’t really know where this sudden boldness came from. He just knew that having Hyunjin there, knowing that the boy had longed for him as much as he did during those days apart, was making him feel powerful. And that all this pent up frustration that was bubbling inside him made him feel not only horny, but bold and sexy too. And so as soon as the music started, a sensual, languorous melody echoing in the room, he didn’t hesitate to move alongside it. He was rolling his hips sensually, lifting his arms above his head gracefully, the shirt freely flowing around him, unveiling even more skin than before. 

At first he was facing the mirrors, his back to Hyunjin and still he found his eyes on the reflective surface, holding onto his gaze. He was graceful, every movement slow, controlled, exuding sensuality and desire at the same time. He had never been so sexy, so unapologetically sexual before. But it was all for Hyunjin and so he didn’t feel the slightest bit weird about it. Actually, he quite liked the feeling. As he danced, flowing and swaying to the beat, he turned around, facing Hyunjin, firmly holding his gaze once more. He danced and walked, making his way closer and closer to the chair, Hyunjin’s eyes following him, his lips parted, the look on his face a mix of surprise, pure awe and unfiltered desire that made Felix blood pump way more than the hours of dancing he had done before his arrival. 

He turned around the chair, around Hyunjin, his hands grazing the taller boy's shoulders as he started to sway behind him, watching him through the mirror. He let his hands roam on Hyunjin’s chest as he leaned to touch him more, only to take his hands away, turning the other way around, once more facing Hyunjin. With a teasing, tempting smile hanging at the corner of his lips he slowly leaned, sitting himself on Hyunjin’s lap, still dancing, undulating his body, throwing his head back on Hyunjin’s shoulder as the rest of his body was pressed against him, almost rubbing against every part of him. Soon Hyunjin’s hands, of course, found their way to Felix’s hips, but it was Felix’s game, and he wasn’t ready to let Hyunjin take control of it just yet.

So he got up gracefully, Hyunjin’s hand falling on his now empty lap, his eyes more dark and filled with desire than ever, the frustration readable on his face and the bulge in his pants now unmistakable in that position. But Felix was teasingly smiling as he danced away, moving back to the center of the room, still rolling his hips, each movement more sensual, provocative, beautiful than the next. It might have looked too sensual, too feminine, but he wasn’t one to care about such norms. He felt sexy, he felt powerful, desirable and in control. And that was all that mattered to him at this second. 

He continued like that for a few seconds, until the song was coming to an end and Hyunjin looked like he was ready to jump out of his chair to grab him. Slightly panting from his effort, as the last note hit and the music stopped, Felix combed his hair back with his fingers, turning around to watch Hyunjin, offering him that small little pleased smile of his. Hyunjin wasn’t smiling, he looked intense, disheveled and absolutely turned on to the maximum. Hyunjin stared at him in silence for a second, drinking him in, watching him from head to toe, as droplets of sweat were trickling from Felix’s hair, into his neck, slowly rolling down on the naked skin of his shirt to crash onto the rim of his black pants. 

“Come here..” he said, his voice firm, commanding, as he gestured Felix to come over with two fingers in the air. 

Felix had had his fun and now it was Hyunjin who was back in charge. And they both knew it. So of course, Felix obeyed the command, slowly walking to Hyunjin’s chair, stopping only a few centimeters away from him. Hyunjin looked up at him, his tongue slowly rolling on his bottom lip, his breathing shallow already.

“Sit down.” he ordered.

And Felix did. But instead of sitting on his lap sideways, like he would normally do, he straddled the other boy, putting one leg on each side of him and pressing himself against him and his hardness while doing so. Felix might not be in charge anymore, but he still had a few tricks up his sleeves to drive Hyunjin crazy. It seemed to work, as a muffled groan bubbled in his throat, his large hand falling directly on Felix’s hips. He pressed Felix down further, putting some pressure on his hips, all the while tilting himself up, pinning Felix’s butt against the hard bulge in his pants, the tiniest moan escaping Felix’s lips already. 

“Do you feel how hard you make me baby?” he asked, his voice raw, only a whisper in the empty room. 

Felix nodded, it was all he could do, his breath already stolen away from how hot Hyunjin was and how hard he felt under him. It had been days since he had felt him like that, touched him like that, and it now felt like everything was exacerbated because of it. He could feel himself getting harder too, simply from this situation, from hearing his sensual voice and feeling Hyunjin’s cock, through his clothes, rubbing against him. 

“Good.. Because I can’t take it anymore.” Hyunjin stated, leaning to speak directly next to Felix’s ear in a low tone, shivers running down Felix’s back. 

Softly, he pressed his lips just under Felix’s ear, on his neck, right where he was so sensitive, dragging the tip of his tongue on his skin, dropping kisses here and there, up and down his neck in that way only himself knew how. That, only, was enough to drive Felix crazy, closing his eyes partly to enjoy the feeling, biting his lower lip hard. Suddenly Hyunjin rolled his hips under him, rubbing himself hard against Felix who couldn’t refrain the loud moan that escaped his lips at the sensation, drawing a pleased, smug smile out of Hyunjin. 

“So sensitive..” he purred, leaning back to watch Felix’s face, his hand cupping his cheek, his thumb caressing his bottom lip softly. 

After a second, his thumb pressed against Felix’s closed lips, asking for entrance and Felix eagerly accepted, opening his mouth slightly, Hyunjin sliding his thumb inside. Felix closed his heart-shaped lips around Hyunjin’s finger, instinctively rolling tongue around it, sucking it like it was another part of his body. It made Hyunjin groan once more, his other hand, still on Felix’s hip, gripping him firmly. 

“That pretty mouth of yours will be the end of me..” he murmured, more to himself than anything else, watching Felix’s lips slide around his finger as he slowly took it out of his mouth. “I can’t forget when it was full up with my cum..” he whispered.

The memory made Felix whimper, as he rubbed himself against Hyunjin. He couldn’t forget it either, in fact he thought about it multiple times a day and it had been hard to have those kinds of thoughts without ever being able to get any release from Hyunjin. Because, obviously, despite their load of work, when he thought about those things, his body always reacted in the same way. That was the reason why he was so frustrated now, his body almost aching to finally be touched.

“You liked that too, uh baby?” he asked with a little raspy chuckle. “Such a naughty boy..” he whispered, a sensual smile on his lips as he dragged, once more, his thumb on Felix’s lower lip. “Does it make you hard to think about it?” he asked and Felix nodded, the gesture almost imperceptible. “So tell me baby.. Did you touch yourself this week, when I couldn’t touch you?” he then questioned, raising an eyebrow, taking his hand away to put it back on Felix’s hip. 

Felix had thought about it, more than a couple of times. When he was alone for a few minutes in the shower, or during those nights when Hyunjin was stuck at the dance studio. He had almost offered himself release after replaying their time in the shower in his head and getting hard from the memories. But he hadn’t. And he sometimes wished he had, because the tension in his body every time he was getting aroused was now getting harder and harder to bear. But for some reason, he didn’t want to, he only wanted Hyunjin’s hand to be the one giving him that kind of pleasure. So as softly as before, he shook his head at Hyunjin’s question. This made Hyunjin smile hungrily.

“Good boy..” he praised, and it could’ve sounded condescending or weird, but Felix actually loved it, his whole body tingling at Hyunjin approving tone. That sort of power dynamic had always been something that turned him on after all. “Only I can touch you there, alright?” he said, one of his hands sliding on Felix’s lap and pressing itself against the bulge that was forming in his pants, Felix once more moaning at the contact, despite the clothes between their skins. 

“Yes..” he agreed eagerly, with a small, breathless voice. 

As quickly as he had pressed his hands against Felix, he took it away, putting it back on his hip. Felix couldn’t help but pout slightly, unsatisfied, Hyunjin chuckling at his behavior. Suddenly he got up from the chair, his arms firmly keeping Felix upright, taking him with him. Felix wrapped his arms around Hyunjin’s neck to hold his own weight but Hyunjin simply took a few steps away from the chair before leaning down, getting on his knees and softly, gently, laying Felix on the wooden floor, towering over him. The open shirt slid down on each side of Felix’s chest, exposing it entirely to Hyunjin’s eyes now and, watching Hyunjin biting his lips as he looked him up and down, he seemed to like what he was seeing.

“Do you want me to touch you, Felix?” he asked, his voice raw, his fingers grazing the naked skin of Felix’s chest and slowly going down, barely touching him. 

“Yes..” Felix said, his voice almost just a soft eager whimper as he was laying there, under Hyunjin, completely at his mercy, his body already begging to be ravaged.

“Do you want me to fuck you, right there on the floor?” Hyunjin asked again. It was clear in his eyes, in his voice, that him too, was eager and losing patience. 

Still he was playing the game and as always, he was so good at it that it was turning Felix on without him even needing to touch him. Felix was hard in his pants now, the fabric tense and tight around him, his dick pulsing and aching with need. He nodded at Hyunjin’s question, his lips parted, his breathing quick and shallow, his eyes pleading. 

“Ask me then..” Hyunjin whispered leaning above Felix, one hand on each side of him so he could lean on top of him without crushing him. “Say it..”

“Please, Hyunjin..” Felix whimpered.

“Say it in English..” Hyunjin asked again.

“ _Hyunjin, fuck me, please.._ ” Felix obliged.

He didn’t know why Hyunjin was asking that, knowing he could barely understand English, but seeing the look on his face, hearing his breathing hitch at the words, he could tell this turned him on. Hyunjin had mentioned he liked hearing Felix speak English before, that his voice was somewhat deeper when he switched languages. But he had never realized that it was something that could turn him on that way. He made a mental note to remember that. 

Taking in a deep breath, Hyunjin looked at Felix for a second more, simply admiring him, biting his lower lip, his eyes dark and filled with unfiltered desire, his breathing quick. The tension between the two of them was thick and Felix could barely take it anymore. He was about to beg once more, forgetting all pride and shyness, when finally Hyunjin opened his mouth again.

“As you wish, baby.” he said, leaning down to finally press his lips against Felix’s for the first time in days.


	42. Use Those Pretty Lips..

When Hyunjin’s lips finally touched Felix’s, the boy could feel the electricity between them. Hyunjin was trying to be soft at first, but that didn’t last long, the two of them wanting to devour each other. Felix quickly brought his arms around Hyunjin’s neck, burying his hands in his black hair, opening his mouth to let his tongue dance with Hyunjin’s a muffled whimper escaping his lips at the wonderful feeling of that long awaited kiss. Hyunjin held his breath, pressing his body harder against Felix, pinning him to the floor, eagerly exploring Felix’s mouth with his tongue, all traces of softness already lost, replaced by a carnal hunger, a need to possess Felix completely. That week of not touching each other, not kissing each other, had brought them both to their limit. 

Kissing him feverishly, Hyunjin’s hand made its way down Felix’s chest, between both their bodies, caressing his chest, his abs, his nails softly grazing his skin on its way down. Felix shivered under his touch, his fingers softly tugging on Hyunjin’s black strands, losing himself in his kiss. Too soon, too suddenly, Hyunjin leaned away, their lips separating, both of them panting. 

“Fuck, I missed that mouth of yours..” he groaned, his free hand coming to cup Felix’s face, brushing his thumb on his lower lip like he had done multiple times already. “I want to hear all the sounds you’re going to make for me baby..” he sensually announced.

Felix felt his cheeks burn but he didn’t have time to process Hyunjin’s words or feel shy about them, because already Hyunjin was unbuttoning Felix’s pants, sliding an eager hand inside. He didn’t wait, didn’t tease him like he usually would have. He couldn’t wait anymore it seemed like. So quickly his hand slid inside, bypassing Felix’s underwear to find his cock, wrapping his fingers firmly, possessively around his length. 

“Hyunjin..” Felix moaned, arching his back, the feeling already too much for him to take.

“You’re already so hard baby..” Hyunjin noted, clearly pleased, tightening his grip around him and giving his cock a slow stroke up and down, making Felix whimper once more. “I’m gonna make you feel so good..” he promised, leaning to press his lips against Felix’s again.

Crashing their mouths together, invading Felix’s mouth with his tongue, he started to stroke his length slowly, teasing Felix who just wanted him to go hard on him, to simply give him what he needed right then and there. Rolling his hips, arching his back, Felix was moaning in Hyunjin’s mouth, wanting always more. He extended his arms, tugging on Hyunjin’s shirt with one hand, trying to reach the rim of his pants with the other, wanting to touch him too. Hyunjin softly chuckled against his mouth before leaning back again, his hand still firmly wrapped around his hardness, but unmoving.

“What do you want baby? Say it..” Hyunjin teased, tilting his head.

“I want to touch you..” Felix sheepishly said, biting his lower lip, his cheeks burning. “ _Please.._ ” he added in English, his voice deep and raw.

“Is that so..” Hyunjin groaned, his eyes dark with hunger, his hand once more stroking Felix, more rapidly, more firmly this time, Felix biting his lip to muffle moans coming out of his mouth, arching his whole body under Hyunjin’s touch. “In that case..” he whispered and suddenly took his hand away, leaving Felix panting and whimpering, unsatisfied.

He got up under Felix’s incredulous gaze, leaving him alone on the ground, the bulge in his pants worse than before, his cock pulsating and aching, his whole body needing more. He walked back towards the chair only a few steps away, sitting down on it, legs spread. His eyes fixed on Felix, he pulled down on the rim of his own pants ever so slightly, just enough so he could reach inside, taking out his dick for Felix to see. He gave himself a few, slow strokes, watching for Felix’s reaction. Felix's mouth watered as soon as he saw Hyunjin’s hardness, leaning back up from the floor to watch the other boy pleasure himself. He bit his lower lip furiously, watching the long fingers go up and down Hyunjin’s length.

“Come here.” Hyunjin commanded, his voice firm and hungry. 

Felix got up, shakily, walking in Hyunjin’s direction, stopping in front of him like he was awaiting his orders. Hyunjin simply gestured for him to get on his knees, between his thighs and Felix was happy to do so, putting a hand on each of Hyunjin’s thighs as he lowered himself to the ground once more, getting on his knees like the other boy wanted. Hyunjin was still stroking himself softly, while his other hand quickly found its way behind Felix’s head, his fingers entangling themselves in his pink hair. 

“You want it?” Hyunjin asked, seeing Felix looking down at him, at his hand working on the length of his cock. And Felix simply nodded, licking his lips in expectation. “Want to use those pretty lips?”

Firmly Hyunjin guided Felix face towards his crotch until his eyes were at the same level as Hyunjin cock. He was a little rough but it only turned Felix on even more. Hyunjin pressed the tip of his dick against Felix’s mouth, rubbing it on his lips softly, precum coating them. 

“Stick you tongue out for me baby.” Quickly, eagerly, Felix parted his lips, sticking his tongue out just like he was asked, Hyunjin directly rubbing the tip of his cock on his tongue now with a little satisfied moan. “Good boy..” he purred.

Hungry and eager to please Hyunjin, Felix flicked his tongue, lapping the precum from his slit before rolling his tongue around the tip of his cock. This must have broken the last restraint Hyunjin had because, grabbing Felix’s hair in his hand, he roughly pushed his head down, forcing his cock into his mouth, sliding himself in until he hit the back of Felix’s throat in one go, his mouth completely full with all of Hyunjin’s length. 

“Fuck!” Hyunjin loudly moaned, drawing out the word as he threw his head back, breathless. “Don’t move..” he then breathed, holding Felix’s head in place, his cock pulsing in the other boy's mouth. “Look at me..” he ordered quickly, Felix obeying, lifting his eyes, his mouth full, to meet Hyunjin’s feverish gaze. “Fuck, you look so good with my cock in your mouth baby..” he groaned. 

Felix was beside himself with desire hearing those words, he wanted to touch himself, to get some release because having his mouth full with Hyunjin’s dick, feeling it against the back of his throat, his fingers firmly maintaining him in place.. It was everything he loved and he was turned on more than he ever had been before. The idea of Hyunjin using his mouth like he wanted, fucking it roughly like he had done in the shower, was sending him over the edge already. He knew he couldn’t touch himself right then and there though, Hyunjin had been clear before that he wanted to be the only one touching Felix. So he simply held his burning gaze, waiting for Hyunjin to give him permission to suck him like he wanted to, to give him some well deserved pleasure.

After a second of simply watching Felix, Hyunjin finally tugged on his hair gently, but firmly, silently gesturing to him to start moving on his length. And Felix, once more, was more than happy to oblige, hollowing his cheeks as Hyunjin led him up his cock and then back down again with a bestial grunt. He let his tongue freely roam around the member while going up and down, the slow rhythm set by Hyunjin who wasn’t letting go of his hair, wasn’t letting go of the power he had to tell Felix exactly what to do. 

“You love sucking my cock, don’t you?” he purred, his teeth slightly clenched, making Felix’s head go up and down slowly along his length, his breathing quick and shallow. “I’m gonna fill you up up real good later baby..” he promised, panting. 

With those words, he suddenly pushed his hips up, hitting roughly the back of Felix’s throat again, cursing under his breath. Felix moaned around him, keeping his balance by holding onto Hyunjin’s thighs, his eyes still looking up at him, his eyelids fluttering. Slowly Hyunjin brought his hips down, leading Felix’s head up, taking his cock out of his mouth only to rub the tip against his lips again.

“I could fuck your mouth for hours..” he whispered, almost to himself, his tip coating Felix’s lips with the saliva that was on it. “But I..” he continued.

When suddenly he stopped, both of them freezing at the sounds of footsteps in the corridor behind the door of the studio. It could be people going to use another room but both of them knew it probably wasn’t the case. And it was proven when a voice echoed from outside, sounding closer and closer to the door by the second.

“Channie said he would already be here..” Jeongin’s voice resonated.

In a rush, Felix quickly got up, taking a few steps away, closing the button of his pants while Hyunjin pulled his pants back up, hiding his erection under the fabric, just in time for them to hear the door open, Jeongin and Changbin bursting inside. Felix had completely forgotten, for a second, that he was waiting for those two and now he was cursing himself as much as he was cursing them. Both Hyunjin and Felix looked flushed, their breathing quick, Felix’s lips were glistening with saliva and precum, his shirt still wide open, his hands in front of him to hide his crotch, his hair a complete mess. Hyunjin was sitting with his hands on his lap, hiding his erection too, his chest rising up and down too quickly to be natural.

“Hey Felix you’re.. Oh, Jinnie, what are you still doing here?” Changbin asked, raising an eyebrow when he noticed Hyunjin, before looking between the two of them suspiciously. 

“He was about to leave, right?” Felix exclaimed, a little too hastily, looking at Hyunjin with pleading eyes. 

“Right.” Hyunjin agreed, glancing at Felix but seeming very displeased by the whole situation, slowly getting up from his chair.

“Right..” Changbin repeated slowly, dubitative, with a little frown. 

Hyunjin started walking towards the exit straight away, keeping his hands in front of him, hiding the bulge in his pants, but definitely not hiding the displeased expression on his face.

“You look dead, are you okay?” Jeongin asked, worried. After all Hyunjin had almost had no sleep before he came to see Felix, and he did look tired, but that wasn’t the issue right now and Felix knew it.

“I’m fine.” Hyunjin answered, a little harshly before leaving the room without a word more, Jeongin and Changbin stunned, looking at him go.

Felix chuckled softly with a little pout. He was as frustrated as Hyunjin was to be cut off like that, so he could understand his reaction, but he prefered to laugh about it because there was nothing he could do anyway. 

“He’s just exhausted, don’t worry..” Felix softly smiled to explain Hyunjin’s behavior. “I’m gonna make sure he gets a cab and then we’ll start. Stretch for a bit, alright?” he then said, making his way to the exit, following on Hyunjin’s footsteps quickly under their gaze. 

Jogging out, Felix found Hyunjin a little further in the corridor, stopping when he heard the footsteps behind him and turning his head towards Felix, frowning, with a displeased pout on his lips. Felix couldn’t help but chuckle a little bit when he arrived close to him but offered him a little sorry smile nonetheless. There was nothing he wanted more but to be back in that room, Hyunjin’s cock in his mouth, to continue what they were doing, but he couldn’t back out of his priorities and Hyunjin knew it as well as he did. So he sighed, looking down, passing a furious hand through his hair.

“Try to get some sleep when you get back home, alright?” Felix softly said, reaching for his hand to take it in his. 

“I don’t want to sleep though..” he groaned, unhappy, taking a step to get as close to Felix as he could. He raised his hand, grabbing Felix’s chin between his fingers firmly, tilting his head up. “ I want to fuck you.” he stated, intensly looking in his eyes, using his thumb to wipe away the saliva and precum glinting on Felix’s bottom lip.

Suddenly Felix felt Hyunjin’s free end cupping his hard cock through his pants. Fortunately, nobody was in the corridor, but Felix didn’t even think about it, his breath hitching in his throat as he bit his lip not to moan at the contact. Hyunjin leaned, his face only a few centimetres away from Felix’s, his hot breath hitting his skin.

“I want to bend you over, right here, in this corridor..” he whispered, his voice still as raw and sensual as before, Felix melting in his arms once more. 

He crashed his lips against Felix’s without any gentleness, biting his lower lip and invading his mouth with his tongue, Felix barely able to keep upright, his head spinning. But he quickly leaned away.

“Hyunjin..” Felix warned, even though by the sound of his voice, hoarse and needy, he wasn’t very convincing.

“I know. I know..” Hyunjin sighed, taking his hands away, and, instead, bringing them up in front of Felix, grabbing the sides of his shirt and slowly starting to button it up, looking at his hands working on the buttons. “I just really want you, that’s all..” he said weakly. 

Felix knew for Hyunjin, just like for him, it wasn’t only about the sex, it was also about the fact that they had been so distant from one another for a week that they wanted a kind of reassurance that it didn’t change anything between them. And the sex was the best way to show one another that they wanted each other, owned each other. And even without that, they had been extremely turned on just a second ago and being abruptly stopped like that obviously didn’t make either of them feel very good. But it couldn’t be helped, sadly. The only thing that really bothered Felix was to not know when another occasion like that, to spend time alone with Hyunjin, would present himself. But he wasn’t going to burden the other boy with these kinds of thoughts. 

“Hey..” Felix said, his voice soothing, waiting for Hyunjin to look back up at him. “I want you too.” he said, looking straight into his eyes, making sure Hyunjin understood how true that was. “We’ll find some time later, I promise..” he softly said, even though he didn’t know if that was true and that pained him. “So go home and get some sleep, alright?” he finished, caressing Hyunjin’s cheek, tucking a strand behind his ear.

“Okay, I guess..” Hyunjin finally answered with an unhappy pout after a few seconds of silence during which he finished to button up Felix’s shirt. “You’re going to be okay?” he then asked, so sweetly, so softly, that it melted Felix’s heart. 

The duality Hyunjin was showing between the moments where he was dominating him, ordering him around, touching him like he owned his body, and the moments where he was so soft with him, so gentle, like he was scared to see him break at any moment, was something Felix loved about him. It was sometimes hard to wrap his head around how different Hyunjin could act from one moment to the next, but that was what made him unique and, frankly, perfect for him. 

“I’ll be..” Felix looked down at himself, at the bulge in his pants, slowly decreasing but still ever-present. “.. fine” he chuckled, shaking his head, looking back up at Hyunjin.

“Don’t work too much, alright?” the other boy said, with a little worried frown. 

“You’re one to talk..” Felix laughed.

“Yeah.. Touché..” he tilted his head with a little loving smile. “Seriously though.. Come home soon, you’re always working too hard this past few days.” he added more seriously and Felix knew the concern he had for him was genuine. 

“I promise.” he smiled, soothingly and Hyunjin nodded with a little pout. 

After that Felix simply accompanied Hyunjin outside the building, waiting for him to be able to get a cab. Only once Hyunjin was sitting in the car, driving away to get back home, did Felix walk back inside, making his way to the dance studio, knowing he would spend the next few hours there with Changbin and Jeongin. 

He loved spending time with them and helping them with the choreography was more fun than it seemed, despite it being work. But Felix was preoccupied, worried that he might not get another chance to spend quality time with Hyunjin once he would be back at the house, the two of them having to fall back into their busy routines. After the moment they almost had, it was even more frustrating than before to think about going days without being close to him once more. Even if they made an effort, they were both swamped with work lately, between recordings, making videos, practicing both singing and dancing. And there was still a few weeks to go like that before the end of their deadline, before knowing whether or not they were granted that live performance they were all after. And Felix knew he couldn’t take weeks without being intimate with Hyunjin when only a single week had driven him insane like that. He just hoped they would find a way but he couldn’t help but being pessimistic about it, maybe because his mood was so bad after being interrupted in the middle of their love session. But whether or not Felix was preoccupied, one thing was for sure, he still had work to do.

So, with these heavy thoughts swirling in his head, he went into the room, hoping that dancing some more and spending time with his bandmates would help him relieve his anxiety. And praying that neither Jeongin nor Changbin would ask questions.


	43. I Know Babe.. I Know.

Time went by quickly in the dance studio, the three of them working non-stop, Changbin and Jeongin catching on quickly to whatever Felix was trying to teach them. Despite the minutes that flew by, despite his head being totally focused on the task at hand, Felix was still longing for Hyunjin, his optimism about spending time with him when he came home dwindling more and more each second. 

He tried not to think about it while he was dancing, looking in the mirror to see if Changbin and Jeongin were making mistakes or not. But it was hard for him to think about anything else than that, as soon as his thoughts wandered, even for a second, away from work. After the moment they had a few hours ago, all he wanted was to be back in his arms. Of course he wanted to finish what they had started, a part of him still insanely turned on just thinking about it. But it went beyond the sex and beyond his primal needs. All he wanted was time with him, against him. Nothing more, nothing less. But he knew, deep inside, no matter how hard he tried to stay optimistic, that he wouldn’t get what he wanted once he got home, and probably not in the few days or weeks to come either. That was the trade they had to make if they wanted this live performance after all. 

The trio stayed at the studio for a little under three hours before they were all satisfied with the results and decided to call it a day. Felix, who had been there, dancing, hours before Changbin and Jeongin even arrived, was exhausted, his body running on auto-pilot. Even though he wanted nothing more than to go home, take a shower and, hopefully, at least get a glimpse of his lover to soothe his mind, his bandmates weren’t as rushed as he was. They were starving, begging Felix to go to a restaurant nearby for a quick meal before driving home. Changbin was the one with the car keys and the licence so Felix couldn’t really refuse. He could’ve taken a cab home, but it felt rude to do so. He loved spending time with the both of them and he didn’t want to make them feel otherwise. So he accepted, dragging his feet behind them. 

The “quick” meal Changbin had promised turned into an hour and a half stop, all of them chatting happily and joking around, occasionally digging into their plates. Felix should’ve seen it coming. Changbin and Jeongin, just like the rest of them, had been working non-stop for over a week and neither of them had had a chance to relax like that since then so, of course, they took that chance and rolled with it, taking their sweet time. Felix didn’t complain, he had fun talking with them, getting to know them more every time they spoke about something new. But Hyunjin was still ever-present in the back of his mind, his worried smile when he told him to not come home too late. And so he couldn’t help but be relieved when Changbin finally asked for the bill and, after some arguing about who would pay for the meal, they made their way to the car, ready to drive home, where more work awaited them. 

Sadly, like Felix had anticipated, Hyunjin was nowhere to be found when he arrived home. Actually nobody was in the living room or the kitchen except Seungmin who was diligently working on his computer, lifting his head to smile and greet them back home before going back to whatever work he was doing. Felix tried not to look as disappointed as he actually was not to be able to lay eyes on Hyunjin, deciding he couldn’t let himself dwell on something so small when so much still needed to be done.

Already Jeongin and Changbin both decided to annoy Seungmin for a bit so Felix took it as a sign that he could use the shower first, chuckling softly at their behavior and at Seungmin exasperated face before leaving the room and jogging up the stairs, wondering where the others were. They probably were all working in the recording studio with Chan, this was, after all, the other place they all spent most of their time other than the dance studio lately. Felix sighed, remembering he hadn’t had a chance to hear Hyunjin perform in the last few days either, their schedule always being different. When Hyunjin was recording or practicing downstairs, Felix was at the dance studio and vice versa most of the time. That was just one more thing he missed about him, listening to his smooth voice. 

With what seemed to be the umpteenth sigh since he came home, Felix walked towards the room he shared with Hyunjin to grab some clean clothes to put on after his shower. As he extended his hand to grab the doorknob though, the door suddenly opened, Hyunjin filling Felix’s vision as he looked up, surprised. He seemed a little better than before, his complexion looking more healthy, his eyes less tired, proof that he had indeed managed to get a few hours of sleep after coming home. One way or another though, he still looked as perfect as ever to Felix, whose worries instantly melted away as soon as he laid eyes on him.

The two of them stared at one another in silence for a long second, probably taken aback to suddenly run into one another in front of the door. But quickly enough Hyunjin grabbed Felix’s wrist, suddenly pulling him back inside the room, closing the door behind them and swiftly pinning him against the door. His hands were on Felix’s cheeks, his lips against his before Felix could even comprehend what was going on. And, in an instant, Felix was reciprocating, his tiny fingers gripping the fabric of Hyunjin’s shirt, parting his lips to offer his tongue entrance to his mouth, deeply inhaling Hyunjin’s scent all around him like it was a drug he had been deprived of for month, despite having seen the boy only a few hours before.

“You just came back?” Hyunjin asked between two kisses;

Felix simply managed to nod before leaning to crash his lips against Hyunjin’s once more with a little impatient whimper, unable to control himself because he knew those moments were not going to last long. 

“Did you sleep?” Felix questioned during the little second where their lips separated.

“Yeah” Hyunjin breathed, his lips finding Felix’s once again, one of his hands slipping in his pink strands while the other was roaming down the length of his arm to grip his hip tightly. “I missed you..” he whispered, sounding desperate against Felix’s mouth, his eyes half closed, his breathing shallow.

“I missed you too Hyunnie..” Felix murmured back, raising his arms to wrap them around Hyunjin’s neck, dropping a soft peck on his lips once more, hungry for any kind of touch or contact the man would offer him at this point, his body begging for the attention.

The little nickname pleased Hyunjin, as it always did, the boy wrapping his arms around Felix’s waist, Felix arching his back away from the door to press himself closer to him, their bodies fitting so perfectly together that it made Felix’s heart flutter at the thought. Hyunjin quickly leaned, burying his face in Felix’s neck, deeply inhaling his scent while pressing his lips just under his ear, shivers running down Felix’s body.

“Sorry, I haven’t showered yet, I’m disgusting right now..” Felix chuckled sheepishly, feeling a bit embarrassed that Hyunjin had to witness his sweaty state but still closing his eyes to enjoy his touch nonetheless.

“I don’t care..” Hyunjin groaned in his neck, his lips brushing his skin, making him weak in the knees. “You smell amazing..” he added, his voice more raw, needy. “I want to..” he started

Suddenly there was a loud bang at the door, the wood vibrating again Felix’s back as the sound echoed in the room.

“Jinnie, you’re ready?! I’m not gonna wait all day!” Minho loudly announced from behind the door, banging against the wood once more for good measure.

Hyunjin groaned unhappily in Felix’s neck, his grip on him tightening like he wasn’t ready to let him go. Felix refrained himself from sighing, not wanting to show to Hyunjin how bothered he was that once more their time was cut short. Hyunjin raised his head after a second, staring at the door, shooting daggers at Minho with his gaze, through the thick wooden plank. 

“I’ll be there in a sec!” he called, sounding more annoyed than anything else.

A second later Minho’s footsteps could be heard walking away from the door and quickly jogging down the stairs, two by two. Only then did Hyunjin tear his gaze away from the door to lay his eyes on Felix’s face again, a sad pout already taking its place on those full lips that Felix wanted to spend hours kissing. Despite how sad and bothered Felix felt inside, he simply offered Hyunjin a small, reassuring smile. He didn’t want to be that guy, the one that showed his weakness and made Hyunjin worry, the one that complained even though everything he dreamed of was being handed to him. So even if he had to deal with his feelings of missing Hyunjin and being scared about their blossoming relationship being ruined by the distance on his own, he would do it, just so he wouldn’t put even more stress on the other boy’s shoulders.

“Sorry..” Hyunjin said weakly, biting his lower lip like he felt guilty, looking down at Felix with his puppy eyes. “We’ve been practicing and recording all morning so now we need to get to the dance studio..” he explained, even though Felix had already guessed it was the case.

“ _It’s okay.._ ” Felix whispered in English, is voice low and soothing as he raised a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind Hyunjin’s ear, lingering there to caress his cheek. “Work comes first.” he smiled reassuringly.

“You should come first..” Hyunjin groaned with a frown, definitely displeased by the whole situation. 

The words made Felix want to cry. It was already hard for him to deal with all those feelings, this frustration and the hole in his soul from the distance between Hyunjin and him this past few days. Inside, he was an emotional mess. So having Hyunjin say something so sweet, so meaningful, while looking at him like he held the world in his hands.. It was hard not to give in and start to sob in his arms right then and there. Felix took a deep, quiet breath to steady himself, wanting to be the pillar Hyunjin could lean against, the strong one who could support him for once. 

“We have all the time in the world for that.” he smiled softly, Hyunjin tilting his head to press his cheek against Felix’s palm, looking at him, this sad pout still glued to his perfect lips. “I’m still going to be here in a week, two weeks, a month..” he announced, gently caressing his cheek with his thumb. “So let’s do our best to get Stray Kids on stage, and then we’ll be able to celebrate together.” he said, taking his hand away to slide it down Hyunjin’s arm, grabbing one of his hands. “ _Alright?_ ”

Hyunjin stood there, staring at Felix for a second before letting out a loud sigh, nodding at Felix’s words even though it was clear, looking in his eyes, that it pained him to do so.

“I hate this..” he announced childishly, with this pout of his.

“I know babe..” Felix breathed, squeezing his hand. “I know..”

Hyunjin’s eyes grew wide at that. Felix realized it was the first time he ever used a pet name with him and his mouth dropped open too, unable to say anything, his cheeks burning at the realization of what came out of his mouth. It sounded weird for him to say such things. Hyunjin was always calling him “baby” or “darling”, endearing titles like those, but it sounded good because Hyunjin had the confidence for it. Felix, on the other hand, had never used pet names for anyone in his life before, especially not a lover. But as weird as it sounded to him, it came out naturally in the moment and, looking up at Hyunjin’s face, Felix suddenly saw stars dancing in his eyes, a little smile appearing on his lips. He liked that. 

“Anyway!” Felix quickly exclaimed, his cheeks a bright shade of pink, looking away for a second, still embarrassed, despite feeling weirdly happy that Hyunjin liked his little pet name. “You should go before Minho tries to tear down the door to get you..” 

“Yeah, probably..” Hyunjin chuckled softly, finally taking a step away from Felix whose body instantly felt cold without Hyunjin’s warmth surrounding him. “You’re gonna be okay baby?” he asked, tilting his head to the side with a little worried frown.

Felix was overwhelmed by emotions. Hyunjin seemed to always ask him if he was going to be okay. There was no reason he wouldn’t be fine, he was home, nothing dangerous could happen to him. And still Hyunjin asked. For some reason it meant a lot to Felix, like Hyunjin was worried about him constantly, always wanting to make sure he was okay, he was comfortable, he was happy. It was one more reason why Felix didn’t want to show how bothered he was by not being able to spend quality time with him. If Hyunjin was already worried about him when nothing was wrong, he didn’t want to imagine how the boy would feel if Felix suddenly dumped all his insecurities on him. So he smiled softly.

“Don’t worry, I’m just gonna practice for the rest of the day, maybe go live at some point, people have been asking for it. I don’t know.” he said with a little shrug, like it was no big deal.

“Don’t work too much..” Hyunjin said, his hand going up to pat Felix on the head. “I’ll try and come home early, okay?” he tilted his head with a gentle smile.

Felix knew it wasn’t true. Hyunjin might “try” but he wouldn’t succeed, he would spend the afternoon, the evening and half the night at the studio, just like he had done every other day this past week. Felix couldn’t blame him for that, he understood, but he couldn’t spend the rest of the day hoping for Hyunjin to come home either when he knew he was going to go to bed alone once more when the night came. But still he nodded with a soft smile because what else could he do? 

Hyunjin leaned to press his lips on Felix’s forehead, lingering there longer than was necessary, probably battling with his need to stay here and hold him instead of leaving him. But after a few seconds he pushed himself away and with that sad little pout he waved his hand at him, sighed, and left the room. Only when Hyunjin wasn’t in the same space as him anymore did Felix drop his smile, sighing deeply, falling on his unused bed while furiously running a hand through his hair, feeling the weight of Hyunjin’s absence already hitting him.

The day after that went pretty much like Felix had imagined it. Jisung and Chan left with Minho and Hyunjin to practice at the dance studio. after taking a quick shower, Felix practiced his rapping with Changbin for a while, switching to practicing his singing with Seungmin after an hour. Jeongin was furiously working on his computer to get the editing ready for a few videos they wanted to put out the next week. Chan and Jisung both came back after a few hours and Felix and Jeongin did some recording with Chan for a while, while Jisung was filming a vlog with Changbin in the living room. Minho came back home two hours after Chan and Jisung, going straight to shower and then invading the kitchen to cook something for himself and the rest of the members. Hyunjin, obviously, was still at the dance studio and, according to Minho, wasn't showing signs that he was planning on coming back any time soon. He had to film a solo dance cover and was still working on it when Minho left the studio. 

Despite the meal being ready, none of them actually managed to eat together. Minho dug in first, famished by his practice. Changbin took a plate and went downstairs to the studio to talk with Chan about some arrangements for the new song while munching on his food. Jisung and Seungmin both managed to sit down for a few minutes, together, long enough to share the meal. Jeongin was so engrossed in his editing work that Seungmin had to bring a plate for him on the couch to make sure he wouldn’t forget to eat altogether. Felix came back up from the recording session after everyone else had already eaten, sitting in the empty kitchen with his plate of food just long enough to eat it, not lingering there when he had nobody to share the meal with, especially since his thoughts kept drifting to Hyunjin, wondering how hungry he was. 

By that point Changbin had left Chan alone downstairs, going back up to take a shower, Minho, Jisung and SeungMin were in their room, ready for a good night’s sleep and Jeongin was still typing and clicking away on his laptop, unaware of anything around him. Felix knew for a fact Chan was going to be in the studio until the next morning, forgetting to even take a break to eat. So he filled a plate and brought it to him, spending a few minutes simply sitting next to his best friend, watching him work and take a bite of his food here and there, with his head on his shoulder. In the midst of all the work, he didn’t find time to go on Vlive like he said he would. But it was too late for that, so he prefered to take those few simple minutes to spend time with Chan, trying to get as much comfort from it as he could. But soon enough he, too, was too tired to stay up, and so he left Chan at his work to go back to his room, alone, once again.

As Felix laid down in the bed he shared with Hyunjin, he couldn’t help but feel his heart ache. He wrapped himself in their blanket, pressing his face into their shared pillow, Hyunjin’s wonderful scent surrounding him fully. He wanted to cry, but he was too tired to let go and he knew how pitiful it was to feel so helpless and worried simply because he couldn’t spend his time with Hyunjin. Still he couldn’t help it. Maybe it was because of how new he was to the whole relationship thing. Maybe it was because of how powerful and overwhelming his feelings for Hyunjin already were. Or maybe it simply was because he was still scared that he wasn’t enough, and that by spending so much time apart, Hyunjin would finally come to realize it. No matter what the reason was, Felix was anxious, lonely and more than a little sad. And as he closed his eyes, his body heavy and aching, all he could think about was Hyunjin’s arms around him.


	44. Just a Nightmare..

“Why?” Felix's weak voice resonated in the darkness.

There was nothing around, Felix thought they were in their room but he couldn’t even see the bed or the desk through the blackness. Maybe it was because of the tears in his eyes, maybe his world was too upside down right now to see clearly. Maybe his heart was broken beyond repair, throwing him into eternal darkness. Because Hyunjin, his Hyunjin, was walking away from him.

“Why are you leaving me? You said you wouldn’t leave me..” he whimpered.

“I lied. You’re nothing to me.. You’ve never been anything to me..” Hyunjin spit out, disgusted.

“But.. I thought… I thought you..” Felix tried to say, tears clouding his vision, having a hard time breathing, feeling his heart breaking a little more with each breath he took.

“That I what? That I loved you?” Hyunjin scoffed at the idea before looking at Felix’s face for a second and bursting into a fit of mean, ugly laughter, his features almost distorted by it as he threw his head back. “You really did, uh?” he managed to say between two laughs. It took a second for him to calm down enough to look at Felix again, disgust and contempt clear in his eyes. “Come on Felix.. Who could ever love you?” 

At those words Felix’s heart shattered for good and the darkness engulfed Hyunjin just like it had engulfed everything else before him, leaving Felix alone in the black abyss, forever. He closed his eyes, tears running down his face, ready to accept his fate and disappear into the darkness too.

Suddenly Felix opened his eyes, feeling his body being shaken, his name being called. Tears were still coating his cheeks, but he wasn’t standing in darkness like he remembered. He was laying on the bed, the blanket entangled in his legs. The room was back to normal and Hyunjin was crouching next to the bed, a worried expression stuck on his face, shaking Felix’s shoulder with one of his hands. 

A dream. It was all a very bad dream.

Felix had always been a light sleeper and would usually wake up every time Hyunjin entered the room, no matter how late in the night it was and how careful Hyunjin was trying to be. But not this time. It seemed no matter how hard Felix tried to run away from his insecurities and his fears, no matter how much he bottled up his feelings, they still managed to haunt him during his sleep. So much so that he was crying against the pillow while sleeping, the whole thing having too much of an impact on him. 

Under Hyunjin's worried gaze, Felix sighed, sitting up in the bed, using the back of his hands to rub his sleep-filled eyes and wipe away the tears on his cheeks at the same time.

“What time is it?” he asked, his voice raw from just waking up, acting like nothing happened because he still wasn’t ready to admit his mental state to Hyunjin.

“3am..” Hyunjin muttered quickly, tilting his head, still looking as worried as when Felix first opened his eyes. “ Are you okay?” he then asked, extending one of his hands to caress Felix’s cheek, wiping a single tear that was still rolling down on his skin.

The simple contact of Hyunjin’s skin against his made him want to break down again, the words he heard in his dream dancing in his mind. He really thought, for a second, that he had lost Hyunjin, that everything the boy was saying was true. He didn’t feel like he was in a dream. But now, with Hyunjin there, taking care of him, it did feel like a dream and that was what scared him the most. Because he knew how easily he could go from one to the next, how quickly he could lose that touch he loved so much. And more than that, he knew that what the Hyunjin in his dreams thought, that he was unlovable, that Hyunjin would never be able to fall in love with him.. All that was a real possibility. One that scared him more than anything else in the world. Because he had never wanted to be loved by anyone as much as he wanted to gain Hyunjin’s love. 

“Just a nightmare, I’m fine..” he smiled softly, not wanting him to worry anymore. 

That frown on his pretty face made him sad, he prefered to see him smile. To know that smile was for him and him alone. Because he didn’t know how much longer he would be able to enjoy seeing that smile directed to him and he wanted to take advantage of it as much as he could now, in case any time could be the last. 

Hyunjin climbed on the bed, his little frown not disappearing like Felix wanted it to, and in an instant his arms were around Felix, hugging him tightly against his chest, one hand stroking his hair while the other caressed his back gently. It was very hard for Felix not to burst into tears once again. He wrapped his arms around Hyunjin, grabbing the fabric on his shirt on his back with his tiny fingers, burying his face in his neck, biting the inside of his cheeks not to give into his emotions.

“It must have been pretty bad..” Hyunjin pointed out softly. “But you’re okay now..” he breathed, stroking Felix’s back in a soothing motion, his voice calm, low and reassuring. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier..” he added weakly, pressing a kiss on the top of Felix’s head.

Felix hugged him more tightly, shaking his head in his neck. He didn’t want Hyunjin to feel guilty for not spending time with him. He was busy, working like crazy for hours on end every single day, just like the rest of them. Sometimes he was even working way too much, because of how much he loved and cared for his art. He had nothing to be sorry about. It wasn’t his fault Felix was so clingy and it definitely wasn’t his fault Felix was filled to the brim with insecurities, his own mind torturing him endlessly with thoughts of Hyunjin leaving him or getting bored of him. 

“I said I would come home early but..” Hyunjin continued to apologize. 

Felix leaned away from him, still shaking his head and lifted a hand to pat Hyunjin’s head with his fingers, stroking his hair out of his face with a gentle smile.

“Don’t apologize..” he murmured. “You worked hard today, good job.” he added genuinely, because he really was proud of how hardworking Hyunjin was, despite all the negative emotions the distance between them due to said work incited in him. 

Hyunjin stared at Felix for a second, barely blinking before deeply sighing, suddenly letting his head fall, his forehead resting on Felix’s shoulder. Felix’s hand naturally came to caress his hair in the back on his head gently.

“What did I do to deserve you..?” he asked in a whisper, almost like he was talking to himself. 

Felix chuckled softly at the question but deep down he knew it was the other way around. Hyunjin deserved the world. He deserved everything and then there’s some. It was Felix, who couldn’t understand what he did to deserve Hyunjin, who couldn’t even imagine what a person as beautiful, as sweet and compassionate, as perfect as him, could see in someone so inadequate and unimportant as him. 

“I’m tired..” he complained in a small voice, his whole body slumped, his forehead still on Felix’s shoulder.

“You should go to sleep..” Felix softly advised but Hyunjin shook his head and even though Felix couldn’t see him, he could very clearly picture the stubborn pout on his lips.

“I don’t want to..” he said childishly. 

“What do you want then?” Felix asked with a little smile, his worries eased for just a minute because he now felt like he was dealing with a little child and it was too cute for him to not feel his heart melt instantly.

Hyunjin seemed to seriously think about this question, staying silent for a second before finally raising his head from Felix’s shoulder to look at the other boy. His eyes were once more bloodshot and he, indeed, looked very tired. It didn’t sit well with Felix to see him in that state and not force him immediately to go to sleep, but he was selfish and wanted just a little bit more time with him, so he didn’t say anything, simply waiting for Hyunjin to make his demands.

“Teach me something.” he simply said.

“Teach you?” Felix asked, raising an eyebrow, confused.

“In English. You said you’d teach me so.. Teach me.” Hyunjin shrugged with a little excited smile at the idea, despite the tiredness clear in his eyes.

“At three in the morning..?” 

Hyunjin simply looked at him with this little pout and his puppy eyes and Felix couldn’t resist. He could never say no when it came to Hyunjin after all, not when he was looking at him this way, not when he was so close to him, surrounding him with his scent that made Felix feel safe and calm for the first time in hours. So he sighed, shaking his head with a little amused but resigned smile. He moved on the mattress to lay his back against the pillow, and gave the mattress a little pat next to him.

“Fine, come here..” he said to Hyunjin who didn’t wait long to oblige.

With a little smile, Hyunjin sat next to Felix, extending his long legs on the bed. Felix's arm came instinctively to rest around Hyunjin’s shoulder just as Hyunjin's head fell down on Felix’s chest. They were almost laying down completely, like they were ready to sleep and, in that position, Felix felt like the roles were reversed for a bit, like he was the one taking care of Hyunjin for once. With his hand, he started to absently play with the small strands of black hair falling in Hyunjin’s neck while he rubbed his eyes with his free fingers. Hyunjin’s hand rested gently on Felix’s stomach, his ear pressed against his chest like he was listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat. 

“Okay, what do you want to know?” he asked gently.

“Something.. Anything..” Hyunjin vaguely answered, his voice already sounding like he was ready to fall asleep at any moment. “How do you say ‘I miss you’?”

The question broke Felix’s heart a little bit. He missed Hyunjin, so badly. But it was something else to hear Hyunjin say, in one way or another, that he missed him too, because he easily forgot it. In his mind, he was the one pining and longing for some moments with Hyunjin when, in fact, Hyunjin kept showing him that him too wanted, needed time with him. It eased his mind, just a little bit, every time the other boy showed just how much he hated spending so much time apart. 

“ _I miss you.. _” Felix said in English, is low voice echoing in the dark room.__

__“Why do you always sound so good..?” Hyunjin asked with a little chuckle, a pout on his lips. “If I wasn’t so tired, I swear..” he started._ _

__“Yeah, I know, I know..” Felix laughed softly, shaking his head, caressing Hyunjin’s hair gently. The boy clearly was too exhausted for anything at this point._ _

__“Teach me something else..” Hyunjin demanded after a few seconds of silence, yawning as soon as the words were out of his mouth._ _

__“How about I tell you a story instead?” Felix offered, knowing that despite the fact that he wanted to spend time with Hyunjin, it was better for him to fall asleep as soon as possible. He felt Hyunjin slowly nod his head against his chest. “ _Once Upon A Time.._ ”_ _

__

__For a little while Felix simply told an old children’s story, in English, his low and quiet voice filling the silence in the room, reverberating between the four walls with nothing to disturb it but Hyunjin’s soft breathing against his chest. His hand was softly caressing the other boys’ hair, passing strands through his small fingers with the softest touch. It didn’t take long for Felix to feel Hyunjin’s body become heavier against him, his breathing slow and regular. He had fallen asleep in a few minutes only, proof of how exhausted he was despite saying he didn’t want to go to sleep. Felix knew he should’ve gone back to sleep for a few hours too, since he would have to wake up in two or three hours to start his day. But he couldn’t bring himself to do so, spending his time listening to Hyunjin’s quiet breathing, to the small words escaping his lips here and there, his hand entangled in his soft locks._ _

__It was so peaceful, so soothing for Felix to simply have the other boy asleep in his arm, so defenceless with him, trusting him that way, that he didn’t even see the time fly by. Before he knew it, 5:30am arrived and it was time for him to get up, remind Chan to get some sleep and start his day. He wanted more than anything else to stay there, unmoving, to wrap himself around Hyunjin and never let go. But the sad reality was that it was impossible and Felix was painfully aware of it. So as carefully and softly as possible, he wiggled out from under Hyunjin, lowering his head gently on the pillow before leaving the bed and, soon, the room, to go back to work._ _

__

__The next day was more of the same, all of them working, preparing to drop a new song during the week to come, practicing, recording.. Doing everything that needed to be done and barely getting any rest, let alone some quality time with one another outside of work. Felix and Hyunjin barely even managed to see each other’s face, to give each other a little smile here and there during the day. And the day after too. And the one after that. And before Felix knew it, two whole weeks had passed, three new songs had been added to their discography, they had filmed a complete MV that had been uploaded only a few days earlier and was already blowing up online, multiple dance and music covers had also been added to the channel and their number of subscribers seemed to have skyrocketed just like they wanted it to. But the more time passed, the more conflicted Felix felt, battling between feeling proud and overjoyed for their success and because of how happy making music made him, and feeling sad, lonely, scared and anxious from how little time he had managed to spend with Hyunjin in such a span of time._ _

__They tried, every night, to have at least a few minutes together, Felix getting up earlier and Hyunjin going to bed later. But it often ended up just being very brief each time, Felix teaching Hyunjin a new word in English before the boy would fall asleep, exhausted, and Felix had to get up to start his own day. So their intimacy had been at an all-time low this past few weeks, both too tired and too busy to initiate anything and, not even having enough time alone together to hug each other properly, let alone go further than that. And of course, it panicked Felix. There wasn’t a day where he didn’t think about it, not a day where he wasn’t anxious, awaiting the moment Hyunjin would tell him he had enough of him._ _

__Today Felix was more anxious than ever. It had to do with Hyunjin, but not only. Because today was the last day of their deadline, the day they were supposed to get the phone call announcing them whether they would be granted a live performance or not. Everyone had been frantic all day and now that they all stopped working and sat around in the living room, all present in the same room for the first time in weeks, the stress was at its peak for everyone._ _

__“It should ring any time now..” Chan said, staring at his phone on the table, anxiously shaking his leg, hitting the ground with his foot._ _

__“We’ve almost doubled our subscriber count, there’s no way we’re not getting it!” Jisung exclaimed._ _

__“Don’t jinx it!” Jeongin yelled at him, nudging him with his foot, looking stressed out and exhausted._ _

__Felix was sitting between Chan and Hyunjin, Hyunjin’s large hand pressed behind his back, stroking it soothingly and that alone was helping Felix. But the level of anxiety he was feeling right now was out of this world. They, indeed, had worked extremely hard for this and it meant a lot to all of them, so obviously Felix wanted the answer to be positive. But on top of that, he was still anxious about his whole relationship with Hyunjin. What if, now that things were going to slow down for a little bit, he wouldn’t want to spend time with him? What if, as soon as they managed to have some alone time, to be intimate, he decided he wasn’t interested anymore? They had spent so much time apart lately that it was a possibility Felix couldn’t overlook, and it scared him. He continuously had nightmares about this whole situation since that first night too, which didn’t help to appease his mind. Felix was afraid because all he wanted, on his part, was to finally be able to hold Hyunjin for more than a few minutes, to kiss him, to become one with him. Damn, he even wanted to take him on a real, proper date.. And he hoped with all his heart that Hyunjin hadn’t changed his mind about him because it would hurt more than anything else, more than not to get the live performance, more than not to be able to make music anymore._ _

__“Any time now..” Chan repeated again, like a mantra, staring at his phone like he could mentally force the device to ring._ _

__“Maybe he’s busy? Maybe he’ll call tomorrow?” Seungmin rationalized._ _

__“He said he would be in touch at the end of the week. It’s the end of the week.” Changbin pointed out, more nervous than Felix had ever seen him but still trying to play it cool._ _

__“It’s getting late though..” Minho announced and he was a stone faced as ever, but Felix knew him well enough now to see the apprehension in his eyes._ _

__“Maybe it’s..” Chan started._ _

__But he cut himself short, all of them suddenly holding their breath. Because, on the table, the phone started to ring._ _


End file.
